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One Year In – How to Stop Avoiding and Start Taking Action

Hello, friends! 🎉 Can you believe it? We’re celebrating the 1-year anniversary of The Mom-entum Podcast! It feels like just yesterday I was nervous about hitting the “publish” button for the first time. Today, we’re reflecting on this amazing journey and diving into a topic that’s near and dear to my heart: buffering.

 

If you’re not familiar with the term, buffering is something we all do without realizing it. It’s when we avoid uncomfortable emotions or tasks by distracting ourselves with other activities—whether it’s binge-watching a show, scrolling through social media, or even doing “productive” things like cleaning (hello, laundry pile!). But the truth is, we’re often just avoiding what really needs to be done.

 

In this episode, we talk about:

 

• 🎉 A year of growth: How this podcast started, my reflections on the past year, and a big thank you to all of you for being here!

• 🧠 What is buffering? How to identify when you’re buffering and the surprising ways it shows up in your life (even in “good” habits!).

• 💡 Why we buffer: Spoiler alert: It’s our brain’s way of avoiding discomfort. But there’s a way to work through it!

• 💪 Taking action: Tips on how to stop avoiding the hard stuff, embrace those uncomfortable feelings, and take small steps toward your goals.

• ❤️ Compassion: Why it’s SO important to meet yourself with kindness when you catch yourself buffering. You’re not alone!

 

Listen now and discover how to overcome those sneaky avoidance habits that hold you back from reaching your full potential. Trust me, you’ve got so much more in you than you realize!

 

Resources Mentioned:

 

•  Episode 6 of the 3 in 30 Podcast with Rachel Nielson: Three Messages of Hope for the Darkest Times

Brooke Castillo and The Life Coach School Podcast

 

Let’s Connect!

 

• Have a story to share or a question? Let’s chat! Follow me and send me a message on Instagram or Facebook.

 

Thank you for celebrating with me and for being a part of this journey. Remember, you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for, mama! Let’s keep that momentum going strong. 💕

 

Until next time,

Tanya

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TRANSCRIPT

Hello and welcome to episode 56 of the Mom-entum Podcast! The show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood.  I’m your host, Tanya Valentine, and I’m so excited you are here with me today as I celebrate the 1 year anniversary of this podcast!

 

It is unbelievable when I think that a whole year has gone by since the day I clicked that publish button.  

 

It’s crazy to think about the woman I was 4 years ago.  4 years ago I had never listened to a podcast in my life.  Then when I found out I was pregnant in february 2021 with what would have been my 3rd baby, and Lucia and Rocco were only 1 and 3 at the time, I was in a tizzy. 

 

 I can remember feeling like I was in way over my head, and how overwhelmed I felt with the 2 children I had, I was not sure how I was gonna handle another one added to the mix.  So I thought to myself, I need to get organized. So, naturally, I went to the one place where any millennial mom in crisis turns for wisdom and solutions…Pinterest! 

 

And it was there that I found and signed up for my very first online course, which was an organization master class taught by Mika Perry.  And through her, I learned about Rachel Nielson and the 3 in 30 podcast for Moms which I became obsessed with. 

 

 It was the one place where I felt that I could go to feel understood.  When I would listen to her podcast, I would first off, learn so much, but also, it was like I didn’t feel like the worst mom in the world anymore, because I realized that there wasn’t anything wrong with me.  A lot of the struggles that I was going through, there were other Moms going through the same thing. 

 

 And I really do feel like listening to her podcast helped prepare me for what would be one of the scariest, most gut-wrenching, pivotal moment of my life.  When I went through a life-threatening miscarriage.  

 

By her talking about and being open about her faith, and sharing about a tragic, unexpected loss that she went through, what she said in this one podcast episode I listened to was what I needed to hear to get me through. 

 

 She shared the verse in the Bible about how God turns ashes to beauty.  Essentially that God takes the bad that happens in our lives and turns it into something good.  This world that we live in, this Earth school, we are all being refined here.  And the struggles and challenges, the tragedies that we face, there is something good that will come out of it.  We might not see it in the moment, but maybe years later, when we look back, we can find something, whether it be a lesson we had to learn or a new opportunity that it presented us with, or a push in a different direction that we would’ve never taken had it not been for this unfavorable situation that forced us into it.

 

Anyway, I know I’m going off on a tangent, but I just have to pay respect to Rachel Nielson and her podcast, because it really helped me through the ups and downs of motherhood, and life, And it introduced me to new perspectives that I would not have been exposed to otherwise.  

 

And it was where I first learned of life coaching.  The 3 in 30 podcast was like the gateway drug of podcasts for me, and since I’ve found so many that I listen to and love. 

 

I can remember my husband Chris saying to me back then that I should have my own podcast, and I was like, “no way……I could never!”

 

  First of all, I’m so bad with technology and wouldn’t even know the first place to start, and I don’t have a lot to say, I am the type of person who prefers to listen.  

 

And here we are today! It just goes to show, you just never know what’s possible, what you are capable of, until you try.  And I know there is so much more untapped potential in me that I am not accessing, because of this human brain that I have, out of fear, all of the excuses I come up with.  And I believe the same is true for you.  And I don’t say this to make you feel guilty or shame at all, please do not misinterpret what I’m saying here.  The goal is to motivate you, and to tell you, in case you didn’t know, in case you weren’t aware, you are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for.  I just felt called to share that for anyone who needs to hear it today.

 

  Now onto today’s episode. So today we are talking about something that we all do, and many times this is something that we do and we are not even consciously aware that we are doing it.  And this thing I am speaking of is buffering.  And if you are not familiar with this term, I do believe it was a term my teacher, Brooke Castillo, first came up with. 

 

But essentially what buffering is, it’s anything that you do, a behavior that you have to avoid feeling an emotion.  And these behaviors then have a net negative effect.

 

So with that said, buffering isn’t just the activities you do that you might consider “negative” or unhealthy like eating when you’re not hungry, drinking alcohol or doing drugs, scrolling social media.  It can also be things that one might consider healthy or positive.  It’s anything that you over-do…anything that you do in order to avoid doing something that you really need to do.

 

It all comes down to, you are avoiding doing this thing, because you don’t want to experience this uncomfortable emotion that would come from doing that thing.  

 

Take for example, a presentation you need to create for work and instead of doing the things you need to do to work on this project, you check your emails, or maybe you clean your house, or do laundry.  Seems productive, right? I mean these things have to be done.  Yes.  But why are you doing them?  Because they are menial, mindless tasks that don’t require any of your brain power to perform.  Your brain is always looking for the path of least resistance.  Remember, our brains are wired for survival.  And we constantly have to overcome this survival brain, that is always seeking pleasure, looking to avoid pain and conserve energy.  And it takes a lot of your brain power to put together this presentation.  But if you go over here and do the laundry, that doesn’t require any thought at all, and look you can even do it while you watch tv or listen to a podcast, and you even get that feeling of accomplishment because you got something done, how amazing!

 

  But the reason why it is buffering, is that you are doing it INSTEAD of doing this thing that you know you need to do, that you know is more important, but you are avoiding doing because you want to avoid this feeling of frustration, confusion, inadequacy, overwhelmed, daunted, intimidated, or whatever it is for you when you do something that stretches you.

 

It is essential that when we recognize and become aware of when we are buffering, that we meet ourselves with compassion.  Because there is a reason we are buffering.  our brain is only trying to protect us.  And when we fight it or judge these urges that we get to buffer, it only makes this urge for this buffering behavior stronger.  So meet it with compassion, get curious and ask yourself these questions:

 

  1. What am I trying to avoid?  Is it a project?  Is it a difficult conversation that I need to have with someone?  A phone call I need to make? An email or text I need to respond to? 

 

  1. What is the benefit of avoiding this thing?  For example: the benefit is that you conserve physical and mental energy, or that you don’t have to feel an undesirable emotion like confusion, or maybe its like embarrassment or rejection.  Like, I know that’s one for me, and I find myself feeling a little embarrassed saying this, but I know talking to other moms at the park for instance. Instead of sparking up a conversation and having a moment of connection, I will avoid doing this many times, because it’s like this fear I think of rejection, or I don’t want to be weird or creepy or say something that will embarrass myself, so then I just won’t say anything at all, and that will keep me safe, but then I miss out on that moment of connection with someone that, who knows, could have been a new friend, or it could be a moment of connection that ,maybe that other woman really needs right now, because you just never know what another person is going through, right?

 

So now that you understand what it is that you are avoiding and why.  Now, the way forward is to just go ahead and do that thing that you are avoiding.  Tell yourself “can I just do this one thing to get started?  Make it so easy for yourself to get started because, its like I always say, the hardest part is just getting started, but the starting will give you the momentum to do a little bit more, and then a little bit more, and before you know it you have so much momentum that one of your kids comes in threatening to interrupt you and your like “Go away, I’m in the flow!”

 

So another option to think about is, once you have identified the emotion you are trying to avoid by buffering.  Go ahead and allow that emotion and process it.  Understand that what you are trying to avoid is an emotion, they are the reason we do or don’t do anything.  The reason we plan vacations, for instance, is because how we imagine it will make us feel, happy, relaxed, calm. And the reason we avoid doing things like cleaning out the closet is to avoid feeling overwhelmed.  So when you’ve identified this emotion you are avoiding, just name it.  Say to yourself, ok overwhelm, it makes sense that you are here, I know that you are just trying to protect me, I know you are just trying to conserve energy. But the truth is, I’ve got this.  And the thing is, the more I keep putting this thing off, the more overwhelming it gets.  And I know once I get going with it, and I complete this project, that feeling of completion and accomplishment is actually going to GIVE me energy, rather than deplete my energy which is what happen when we procrastinate.

 

And processing the emotion is just taking deep breaths, and locating where do you feel that emotion in your body.  Is it in your chest? Your stomach? Your head?  Then you describe it.  What color is it? What does it look like?  Does it have a shape?  Is it moving?  If so, is it fast or slow?  Hot or cold?  And the whole time you are describing it you are just taking deep breaths and notice that the feeling starts to dissipate.  Rather than suppressing, numbing or resisting it, which can make it stronger and create this stuck energy in our bodies.  You have now processed it and allowed it to flow through you, and now it doesn’t have such a hold on you and it’s not as scary. You gotta feel it to heal it! Promise me you will try this, for me this practice of processing emotions is such a game changer, and works especially well during those mommy moments that are particularly challenging like those meltdowns in the car.

 

Alright ladies, I hope this conversation on buffering has shed some light on those moments when you find yourself avoiding what truly needs to be done. Remember, we all buffer from time to time, and that’s okay. The key is bringing awareness and compassion to ourselves in those moments, recognizing the emotions we’re avoiding, and then gently guiding ourselves to take action, even if it’s just one small step.

 

Like I said earlier, the hardest part is getting started, but once you do, that momentum will carry you forward. And trust me, there’s nothing like the feeling of accomplishment when you finally complete that project you’ve been putting off. It’s a reminder that, yes, I really do got this!

 

So, as you go about your week, pay attention to those little moments when you catch yourself buffering and ask yourself, ‘What am I really trying to avoid?’ Then, go ahead and tackle it, one step at a time.

 

Thank you so much for joining me today and for celebrating the 1-year anniversary of The Mom-entum Podcast with me. I appreciate each and every one of you for being on this journey with me. Remember, you’re capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. I believe in you, and I hope you start believing in yourself too.

 

Until next time, talk to you soon! Bye!

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