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Tanya: welcome to another episode of the momentum, podcast the show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting, and empowering women on their journey through motherhood.

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Tanya: I'm your host, Tanya Valentine, and to day I'm talking to an extraordinary and inspiring mom, Eileen Mcdonell.

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Tanya: Eileen is an intuitive breakthrough and results. Coach international bestselling author. and she is the host of the one breakthrough away. Podcast

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Tanya: she identifies the blind spots that hold her clients back and guides them to manifesting the success they want in their businesses and their lives. She works with clients who want to play full out, who want to create impact and who are ready to move the needle and get results.

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Tanya: Eileen is a certified Napoleon Hill instructor and certified Tony Robbins coach

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Tanya: as a survivor of child abuse, thriving through the daily challenges of a rare illness.

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Tanya: and the wife of a first responder. With Ptsd. She takes her own growth and transformation very seriously. She is always working with the coach herself, and is deeply humbled every time she gets to witness her clients. Transformational journeys.

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Tanya: She lives in Ontario, Canada, with her husband, Jeff, and their 3 energetic kids.

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Tanya: Eileen. Thank you so much for being here today and gifting us with your time and wisdom.

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Tanya: I am so grateful to be here, Tanya. Thank you. Thank you. Well, we're gonna jump right in. And, Eileen, can you start by introducing yourself to the audience and telling us your story? Give us a little bit of your background and tell us what led you down the path of becoming a coach author and podcast host

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Tanya: host and I'd love to know if you started this journey before or after having kids.

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Eileen MacDonell: Oh, what a great question! Okay, so a bit about me. The reason why I got into the personal development and coaching space was because I grew up in a violent alcoholic home, and I knew that my thinking wasn't healthy. I had a whole bunch of behaviors that didn't serve me anymore. I was in a cycle of self sabotage and

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Eileen MacDonell: every single self help book that I sought out. I would read the first 2 or 3 chapters, and I didn't identify with those things, and it was only when I figured out that my behaviors came from being raised in an alcoholic home that I was like.

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Eileen MacDonell: Oh! And so, as I dug deeper and deeper, I learned so much more about myself, and then it was almost this

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Eileen MacDonell: obsession with personal development, and it was craving to keep feeling more. Keep

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Eileen MacDonell: up leveling. How I thought, what I did, who I hung around what I contributed to. So that's what led me down to be the you know, the path to being a coach and a trainer. And I started this actually, my son was.

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Eileen MacDonell: He had just turned 2 when I started my business, and he's almost 14 now.

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Eileen MacDonell: and I've been. I've been so blessed to have an entrepreneurial career. It's been rocky as anything.

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Eileen MacDonell: But it's been the best journey ever just being able to witness people's transformations and

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Eileen MacDonell: being up close for those moments and witnessing humanity in that way is quite humbling.

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Tanya: Oh, that's so awesome.

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Tanya: And I wanted to talk about too, the name of your podcast is one breakthrough away. And can you talk about why you chose that name? And what does one breakthrough away mean to you?

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Eileen MacDonell: So for me one breakthrough away

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Eileen MacDonell: every single breakthrough that I've had. I mean, people think sometimes that they need to be this

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seismic shifts that just knocks them right into the other stratosphere, and sometimes a breakthrough is just subtle.

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Eileen MacDonell: I don't know if you've ever noticed that sometimes you'll have a thought, and it's an unhealthy thought. and so you work on not thinking that anymore.

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Eileen MacDonell: And then one day the thought pops into your head, and you're like, Wow!

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Eileen MacDonell: I don't remember the last time I had that thought like to me. That's a breakthrough of

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Eileen MacDonell: seeing how far you've come, even if it's so subtle it could just be this little thing like

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Eileen MacDonell: oh, I feel so much better drinking more water.

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Eileen MacDonell: or oh, I get to walk or run, or lift weights every day, or maybe it's a breakthrough into urgency that you gotta step up and start changing the world, because eventually, like nobody gets out of this live. So it's all these little breakthroughs that propel us to that next level, even if that next level is only like a millimeter away.

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Tanya: Yeah, I love that like, it's just a mill. It could just be a millimeter away. Yeah. And actually, Tony, yeah, Tony Robbins, he was the first person I think, that I heard talk about that you it really is just that small shift that can make a world of difference. I think he compares it to like

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Tanya: playing golf right?

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Tanya:  How he he talked about how he was getting some coaching with

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Tanya: with his golf game and the coach had mentioned. He just needed to shift

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Tanya: the way that he was holding the club or his position like just a millineter, and how that just

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Tanya: propelled the ball like

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Tanya: so much further away, or in the closer to the direction of where he wanted to go.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah, it just changes the whole trajectory. It's that 2 degree shift right? And as soon as you change that 2 degrees. The ball is going in a completely different direction, and it just gets more and more expansive

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Tanya: as, and and right now nobody could see it. But I'm motioning my hands further and further away.

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Tanya: I know it's weird with the podcast you don't get to see. But

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Tanya: anyway. So my next question is you've overcome. I know some significant challenges in your life from surviving the child abuse to managing a rare illness, and now supporting a spouse with Ptsd.

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Tanya: And I wonder, how have these experiences shaped your perspective and approach to life and coaching?

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Eileen MacDonell: Hmm!

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Eileen MacDonell: What a great question! And the first word that comes to me is gratitude. And because and again it was Tony Robbins that said this. He says, you know you want to blame somebody for all the shit. You have to blame them for all the good, too. Yes, and so

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Eileen MacDonell: it was

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7 years. It's about 7 and a half years ago. It was April of 2017, when I felt true gratitude for my mother

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Eileen MacDonell: and my mother was the one that was violent and was an alcoholic, so

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Eileen MacDonell: I was celebrating something so incredible that morning.

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Eileen MacDonell: and I was, you know, woo wooing in the car, and I'm like, Oh, my God! Such good news! Woo! Hoo! And something came over me. It was so bizarre I just got really quiet, and it didn't even feel like these words were my own. But I heard myself saying, Thank you, mom.

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Eileen MacDonell: And she had been passed for she. She died in 2011, and so, getting to that space of feeling, genuine gratitude for a woman that I braced against and resisted was quite incredible, and everything that we face

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Eileen MacDonell: as human beings is an opportunity and an invitation to grow.

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Eileen MacDonell: And I was talking to a client this morning, and I said, You know, it's okay for us to feel dark sometimes

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as long as we're looking at it through the lens of our light.

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Eileen MacDonell: So instead of that poor me, the victim, the why can't it be easier? Why can't I have this? How am I ever going to.

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Eileen MacDonell: whatever it's. Isn't this interesting?

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Tanya: What do I get to learn from this? How do I get to grow?

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Eileen MacDonell: What am I pretending not to see. who do I get to be on the other side of this?

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So it's not resisting your feelings. It's actually leaning into them.

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Tanya: but in a really healthy, expansive way.

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Tanya: So that's how I allow it to influence my coaching

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Eileen MacDonell: is allowing people

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Eileen MacDonell: to feel and expand, because everything is an everything is an invitation to be better.

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Tanya: Yeah, well, that's so true. Yeah. And embracing the dark side, too, embracing the dark moments and

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Tanya: those feelings. They're there for a reason. There's always something to learn. I love that. And that was your breakthrough. That was a breakthrough for you with your mom.

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Eileen MacDonell: Absolutely.

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Tanya: That's so amazing. absolutely

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Tanya: alright. And then can you share some key insights or strategies? You've learned from being a certified Napoleon Hill instructor and a certified Tony Robbins coach that can benefit overwhelmed moms in their daily lives.

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Eileen MacDonell: Oh, yes, okay. So the first one that comes to mind is strategic laziness.

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Eileen MacDonell: Explain that right? So we as overwhelming moms, I totally get it because we look at a list.

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Eileen MacDonell: And can I share a really short story, please? The first coach that I ever worked with? This was 12 years ago.

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Eileen MacDonell: She asked me to write down everything I wanted to get done in a week for my business.

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Eileen MacDonell: and I said, Okay, and I wrote everything down, and she says, now tell me how much time you think it takes to get these things done. Well, I had about 142 h of stuff to do

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Eileen MacDonell: within one week, and that's why I continuously felt overwhelmed, and I would shut down. I wouldn't be as productive as I wanted to II was avoiding I was in resistance. I was in scarcity. It was awful. And so when I really got a handle on first of all, figuring out what was really a priority. And if I was living in line with my values, that was really important.

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Eileen MacDonell: So my 3 top values are freedom, integrity and love. So if I'm living in my values, that means that I'm not spending a hundred 42 HA week trying to figure stuff out.

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Eileen MacDonell: I am making. Do it all. No, we can't, we can't. And so and we shouldn't. We're not designed to.

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Tanya: So it's super important for us to number one, identify what our values are.

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Eileen MacDonell: and you can find values exercises all day long on the Internet. So identify what your values are. And then ask yourself? Am I living in alignment with those values?

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Eileen MacDonell: And if I'm not, what do I get to say? Yes. To what do I get to say? No to.

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Eileen MacDonell: and part of that is being strategically lazy.

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Letting yourself

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Eileen MacDonell: sit on the couch and watch TV, whether by yourself, with your kids whatever, or just sit down and stare out a window for 10 min or 2 h. However, time you need but schedule in strategic laziness, because once you say, listen, it's really important, actually for our brains to back off and take a rest.

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Tanya: And

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Eileen MacDonell: it's not about filling it with social media and stuff that makes us feel like poop. That's not what this is about. It's about giving ourselves the space to have a breath.

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Eileen MacDonell: do something that we enjoy

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Tanya: without feeling guilty about it. Oh, that is so good. That is, gonna be a quote that I highlight. I love that strategic laziness. Yeah. And like our our nervous systems need a break. They need a break from all of the

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Tanya: the stimulus that's we're constantly being bombarded with whether it's

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Tanya:  social media or TV, or just our Ca, I mean our kids like the cause that the noise? Yeah. And I love your message to

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Tanya: not feel guilty about it, too. That's huge.

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Eileen MacDonell: right? And then the second thing that came to mind was pay attention to what we're thinking about.

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Tanya: because if you're not paying attention to what you're thinking about, the old patterns that have been running in the background, you know, like apps on your phone that just run on the background and in the background and suck your battery. It's doing the same thing in our minds and in our lives. So unless you are aware of what you think and you're choosing to reframe the thoughts that don't serve you. You're gonna get depleted a lot faster.

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Tanya: You're not going to be headed in the direction that you want to go. You're going to continue and overwhelm.

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Eileen MacDonell: So instead, if you take a moment and become aware. then you're able to shift

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Eileen MacDonell: reframe that perspective. So this way you are headed in the direction of what you want, instead of perpetuating more of what you don't. Which is that overwhelm procrastination, perfectionism, doubt, sabotage, all those.

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Tanya: Yeah, yeah, that's so good.

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Tanya: Now, your work involves helping clients identify blind spots and achieve breakthroughs.

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Tanya: What are some common blind spots that moms with little ones might face? And how can they start addressing them?

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Eileen MacDonell: Wow, where do I start? Okay.

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Eileen MacDonell: I know there's a ton. But maybe like

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Eileen MacDonell: 3 or something, 2 or 3, right? Right? And the reason why I say, like, Wow, where do I start is because these things are so big. And if we literally just shifted perspective and reframed, everything would be so much easier. So the first thing is.

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Eileen MacDonell: look around in your life because see how we do. One thing is how we do everything. So if we doubt ourselves in one area, we're doubting ourselves in all areas.

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Eileen MacDonell: So paying attention to

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Eileen MacDonell: how we show up in the different areas of our life. So, for instance, when we're parenting, when we're going to the grocery store, I know that something that moms really struggle with is self judgment

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Tanya: and

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Eileen MacDonell: worried about what other people think. And then so, for instance, and it's these little thoughts that come in and they seep in, and they're so insidious you hardly even notice them, but even getting out of the car and making sure that your jacket is tucked down so nobody can

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see that your jeans are a little too tight, or that, you know you're kind of out of shape, or you know you have a a muffin top, or whatever, or making sure that your hair's fixed, or making sure that there's makeup on before you go to a store. All these little things, because we're judging ourselves, we're judging ourselves that we're not enough

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Eileen MacDonell: that you know. Oh, my God! This is my body! Now, how did I let it get this way when when the hell did this happen? And I've had those thoughts as well. And the thing is is that

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Eileen MacDonell: we rob ourselves of being

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Eileen MacDonell: authentically who we are. We stop giving ourselves permission to just walk into the grocery store without adjusting our shorts or whatever we're we're not. We're not allowing ourselves to just be and celebrate

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Eileen MacDonell: who we've become. We are moms, we are women, we are powerful individuals.

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Eileen MacDonell: that we are here to make a difference. And when we worry about the small things, because really, what's it going to matter? Somebody told me once they said, You know what? One day I'm going to die. And so is the guy judging me.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Eileen MacDonell: so what does it matter?

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Eileen MacDonell: So releasing that doubt, that sabotage, that self judgment

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Eileen MacDonell: by working on our own self acceptance. And sometimes the self acceptance is looking in the mirror, and you know, even topless or completely nude, and looking at ourselves

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Eileen MacDonell: and saying, Oh, my God!

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Tanya: I love you! Yes.

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Eileen MacDonell: I love you, you know you carried my children, you fed my children, you held my children like love ourselves, for who we are in this moment.

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Eileen MacDonell: because the longer that we resist embrace against it.

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Eileen MacDonell: The more number one we're showing our children that you're not valuable either.

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Tanya: You should question yourselves, too. You got to judge yourself, too. You're not enough. It's it's

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Eileen MacDonell: it's this insidious thing that we pass on to our children.

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Tanya: Oh, yeah, and I know it's a furthest thing from what anybody wants to do here. Yeah, we have to be the example, because I know I don't want.

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Tanya: I don't want my kids to change to be anything else other than what they are.

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Tanya: You know

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Tanya: you have to be uniquely you, and love and embrace that.

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Tanya: And 2, we project how we feel about ourselves onto others.

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Tanya: So if you want to love

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Tanya: all the people in your life well, it starts with you.

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Eileen MacDonell: It really does. And it's funny. I was telling my daughter this the other day.

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Eileen MacDonell: I said, you know. Let it begin with me.

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Tanya: Hmm!

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Eileen MacDonell: And II wrote that out for her, and she says it. Let it begin with me that when you want kindness, let it begin with me. When you want generosity, let it begin with me

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Eileen MacDonell: because we attract what and who we are.

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Tanya: Yes.

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Tanya: I love that. Let it begin with me. I'm gonna adopt that one, too. Let it begin with me. I have a feeling that's gonna come back around at the end of this episode. But we'll get there with me.

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Tanya: Okay. So my next question is, as a mother of 3 energetic kids. What are some practical tips or techniques you've found helpful for balancing personal growth in self care while juggling the responsibilities of motherhood?

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Choose something to suck at.

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Eileen MacDonell: and I know that that that sounds kind of counter intuitive. But there was John Akuff. He wrote a book called Finish.

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Eileen MacDonell: and I had the privilege of being in a room with him when he was doing ace. It was a very small, intimate speaking engagement. It was really cool. I should say it was a zoom room. That's what I mean. It was a, you know, in on the call with him.

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Tanya: and he said that was one of the things in his books, was it? And that is one of the strategies to make sure that you finish, because, as Mom's, how many things do we have on the go that we that we haven't, that we've started and we haven't finished. Right? He said. Right? So he said, choose something to suck at, and I was like, you know, what windows

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Eileen MacDonell: housework like. And so what I've done is I've allowed myself

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Eileen MacDonell: to release the perfectionism, and there was a woman that I was speaking to. She's so wise, she said. When you're looking at a painting, if there's a little smudge in the corner.

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Eileen MacDonell: does it totally erase the beauty? Does it? Does it alter the beauty of the rest of the painting? And I said, No, it's beautiful, of course, and she says, yeah. So look at the things in your life. Look at your spouse.

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Eileen MacDonell: look at your home, look at your children, look at your job, look at your career.

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Eileen MacDonell: You don't just discount something because of a smudge. The same thing goes with housework.

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Eileen MacDonell: So if somebody comes into my house and things aren't perfect, you know I don't know if you've ever walked into a house, and you saw that sign like, Oh, the you know the house was clean yesterday. Sorry, right. And and that's what I tell people as a joke, and guess what it's. It's that judgment piece that we get to let go of. It's the shame of keeping up with other people, and how we can't do it. And other people have really nice things. And why can't we and Da

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Eileen MacDonell: and all of these stories, so I would say, choose something to suck at

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Tanya: if it's washing your floor every 2 weeks instead of every week or every month, every you know, whatever whatever it is that suits you and your family and the lifestyle that you want to have.

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Eileen MacDonell: Do it. Yeah, give yourself permission to do it.

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Eileen MacDonell: except who you are, where you are, and work with what you have.

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Tanya: That is so valuable. I love it.

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Tanya: I love it.

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Tanya: and I want my next question was. I know many moms struggle with

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Tanya: not being able to play full out, due to the demands of motherhood.

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Tanya: so how can they begin to shift their mindset and take steps towards creating impact and achieving their goals.

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Eileen MacDonell: Change the way you think.

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Eileen MacDonell: honestly change the way you think, because even if

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Eileen MacDonell: I know that as moms.

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Eileen MacDonell: we have goals, we have these dreams, wishes. We want to make sure that everything's great for our kids, for our family, for ourselves, for our home, for our extended family, for our friends, and we're busy trying to figure out how to make it all happen again. It comes back to being in alignment with your values and deciding like, Okay.

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Eileen MacDonell: how much am I saying? Yes to everybody else? And I'm saying no to me.

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Tanya: yeah.

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Eileen MacDonell: I gotta say yes to myself more often if I want to make a difference.

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Tanya: So if somebody says, Hey, do you want to go out for coffee?

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Eileen MacDonell: You know what I've reserved this time to working on my purpose, or I've reserved this time to writing my book, or I've reserved this time to whatever to you know, going out on a date with my partner, or I've spent whatever it is.

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Eileen MacDonell: but creating those those boundaries to protect and honor yourself.

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Eileen MacDonell: And that is so important because it's only when you stop

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Eileen MacDonell: and you allow yourself a beat to be like, okay.

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Eileen MacDonell: what is it that I truly want? What is it that makes me happy, and guess what most of us aren't even sure

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Tanya: most of us aren't even sure. So it's so. It's about getting connected to

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Eileen MacDonell: who we are. and that starts with self intimacy and really understanding like. how am I thinking, how am I really feeling like when somebody passes you in a hallway. They're like, How are you? Do you just say good? You

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Eileen MacDonell: like, stop asking me who I am? Hold on a second. Let me check in.

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Eileen MacDonell: And when do we ever do that? Yeah. right? So I never say I'm good. You I always say.

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Eileen MacDonell: oh, I'm fantastic. I'm awesome.

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Eileen MacDonell: I'm feeling a little nervous. I'm excited. How are you like? And people are always taken aback by my different answers because they're like, Wow! That's a great answer. I said, well, you asked me how I was, so I might as well answer it honestly.

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Tanya: I love that.

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Eileen MacDonell: So yeah. Checking in with what we want is really the first step in figuring out where we get to go. But then we need a plan.

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Eileen MacDonell: because things don't happen just because you wish them and dream them.

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Eileen MacDonell: You do have to have a plan, and you do have to start taking action.

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Eileen MacDonell: And even if

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Eileen MacDonell: it's 5 min a day, 15 min a day, finding away 30 min a day, enrolling your partner to help you, or enrolling a friend to help you with the kids while you're doing something or bartering for childcare for something else like. Just so this way you get to feel like you are plugged in to your purpose.

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Eileen MacDonell: because there's so many women that I talk to that. Say, I wanna do more.

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Eileen MacDonell: I don't know how it feels like I don't have enough time.

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Eileen MacDonell: But then, when they're when they're actually looking at how they're investing their time?

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Eileen MacDonell: Are they investing it like on a bad stock? Or are they investing it on something that's gonna give them great return? So, you know, moving our thumbs there where we're scrolling on something.

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Eileen MacDonell: We could lose 20 min like that in a blink of an eye. We lose 20 min. So how can we adjust some of our behaviors

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Eileen MacDonell: to match the values that we say are important to us, the values that we want to model for our children. It's critical, because what and like you said, we gotta be the model. We gotta be the example.

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Eileen MacDonell: So how are we showing up? And how are we playing full out to allow them to see us and say, Oh, my gosh! This is who my mom was, and I want to follow in the footsteps of being brave.

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Eileen MacDonell: of living fully instead of, you know, heading into your grave at 70, 80, 90 years old, saying, Shh! Where'd all that time go

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Tanya: right. I know it's just so easy to get caught up in just the busyness

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Tanya: of life. And you really just gotta

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Tanya: wake up and just take the time to like you said. Think about what you're thinking.

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Tanya: and take that pause and find. Ask yourself and force yourself to answer. Don't go. I don't know like, what is it that I really want? And what are my values like? How many people can really like? If I asked you right now, like in a rapid fire around, like how many people could

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Tanya: answer that.

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Tanya: you know, within 5 s, like, I think it'd be hard for a lot of people

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Tanya: well, and I think the permanency of it, too. When you ask somebody, what do you want? They're afraid of getting the wrong answer, because what if I change my mind. Yes. Oh, that's good, too afraid of giving the wrong answer. I think that's another big thing, too, like that limits people and holds them back is like, I think.

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Tanya: being afraid of. Yeah.

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Eileen MacDonell: yeah, it's it's it's the wrong answer. It's the well, what if I say this? But I don't get it, and I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid to set that goal.

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Eileen MacDonell: And here's the thing. Goals can be fluid.

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Eileen MacDonell: What I wanted 5 years ago isn't necessarily the exact picture that I have to day, because I've evolved as a woman and a human being and as a mom and as a wife and as a business owner.

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Eileen MacDonell: So things have changed, my desires have changed. So I have new goals. And isn't it fun? But

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Eileen MacDonell: I mean, at least we are walking towards something something bigger than we thought 5 min ago that we couldn't do. and that lights us up. That's how you create change in the world.

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Hmm!

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Tanya: I love that.

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Tanya: And you mentioned you work with a coach yourself.

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Tanya: and I am just curious. How has this ongoing commitment to personal growth and transformation influence your ability to guide others on their journeys.

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Eileen MacDonell: Hmm, so

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Eileen MacDonell: that's a really good question. And that's something that a lot of people don't pay attention to like when choosing a coach? Do they have a coach like? How much have they invested in time, money resources, whatever sacrifice

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Eileen MacDonell: to be able to grow themselves so personally, I've invested

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Eileen MacDonell: almost 6 figures into yeah. And that doesn't include the time. That is just pure dollar amount.

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Eileen MacDonell: I'm up around the $86,000 mark that I've invested in my own personal development.

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Eileen MacDonell: plus the time that it takes to attend.

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Eileen MacDonell: you know, courses and whatever and

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Eileen MacDonell: what that has given me.

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Eileen MacDonell: So I've worked with quite a few coaches.

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Eileen MacDonell: and I've been inside quite a few programs.

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Eileen MacDonell: And what that gate and big names to big like household name programs that if I'm like, Oh, yeah, I worked with this person that you'd be like, Oh, okay, yeah, I know them. I've heard of them. I've seen them. Yeah, I follow. I follow them.

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Eileen MacDonell: And I've seen their program. And I always ask, What do I want as a client?

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Eileen MacDonell: What do I want? And I always it comes down on the same thing. I always want more time with my coach.

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I always want to know that they've actually achieved what I want.

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Eileen MacDonell: because if I can't follow you, if you haven't created those results in your life.

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Tanya: if you can't prove that, you know, then

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Eileen MacDonell: it doesn't matter. It's it's it's a nonstarter.

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Tanya: So it's really influenced the way that I operate.

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Eileen MacDonell: and how I am always in integrity with my business and with clients.

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Eileen MacDonell: and how I create clients and how

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Eileen MacDonell:  the transformations that they experience

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Eileen MacDonell: because of how I want to say the word sensitive

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Eileen MacDonell: of how empathetic I am because I've been there.

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Tanya: Yeah, I've been there.

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Tanya: And so

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Eileen MacDonell: yeah, so I'm just a few steps ahead.

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Eileen MacDonell: Maybe I'm 2 steps ahead. Maybe I'm 20 steps ahead, either way, it doesn't matter. I remember exactly what it felt like to be there.

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Tanya: And so it's

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Eileen MacDonell: It's really given me an incredible toolbox.

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Eileen MacDonell: like all of my investments have given me an incredible tool box to pull from of. I tried this, and it worked for me.

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Eileen MacDonell: I tried this, and it worked for me, and I'm able to

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Eileen MacDonell: to really dig deep and dive in.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Tanya: And can you offer some advice or overwhelm moms who might be hesitant to seek help or coaching, or they feel like they don't have enough time for personal development.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah. So

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Eileen MacDonell: I remember wave with my again with my first coach. It was a financial commitment

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Eileen MacDonell: that was big for me.

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I was like, you know.

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Eileen MacDonell: I'll find the time.

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Eileen MacDonell: but because I know what coaching can do. But I need that financial guarantee that what I'm going to do works.

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Eileen MacDonell: And I'm going to tell you

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Eileen MacDonell: there is not a program in the world that is going to work

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Eileen MacDonell: unless you are willing to be completely coachable.

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Tanya: Yeah, and explain what that means for the people who don't. Really, you know, they're this is new to them the world of coaching.

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Eileen MacDonell: So a client of mine. She called me a velvet hammer.

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Eileen MacDonell: she said. You create like this incredible, safe space for me that I can explore who I am, what I do. Da. But you won't

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Eileen MacDonell: cosign any of my BS.

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Eileen MacDonell: And you tell me exactly what I need to hear, and even though I don't like it, I know I need to hear it.

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Eileen MacDonell: and

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Eileen MacDonell: that's the kind of coach that I know I want. So that's the kind of coach that I am for other people.

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Eileen MacDonell: And so I think it's really important that when you are looking for a coach you find someone that you are aligned with, that holds your vision as high as you hold your own.

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Eileen MacDonell: because if they're not holding your vision, that's not the right coach for you.

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Eileen MacDonell: You gotta find someone that's like, Oh, my gosh! You know what, Tanya, I know you got this. I do believe in you 100%

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that's really important.

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Eileen MacDonell: And that coach ability piece is even doing the things that your coach suggests.

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Eileen MacDonell: like doing the homework and being able to communicate with the coach and be like, you know what this week you're giving me, you know, 15 min of of homework. I don't know where I'm gonna fit it in

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and having that conversation

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Eileen MacDonell: to say, Okay, 15 min. Isn't it interesting? So you say that you don't have 15 min? Let's look at your day.

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Eileen MacDonell: Let's look at what this 15 min could mean for you, and how will, how it'll impact you next week. Once you break through this homework. So it's the ability to have that conversation with somebody that you trust on a completely different level, because coaches the good coaches.

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Eileen MacDonell: They are coming from a place of observation. Nothing is right, wrong, good or bad.

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Eileen MacDonell: there is no judgment, there is no, you know. Yes, you're a good girl. No, you're a bad girl, there's none of that. It's all I am standing for you. I am holding your vision, and I am loving you through this process by providing you

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Eileen MacDonell: an incredibly safe and nurturing space.

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Eileen MacDonell: but it's an honest space where you can face what you get to go through in order for you to break through.

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Tanya: Hmm!

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That's so good. And finally, could you share a message of hope and inspiration for overall moms who may be listening to this? Podcast

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Eileen MacDonell: yeah. really, if

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Eileen MacDonell: when you start listening to the way that you think.

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Eileen MacDonell: you literally change everything in your world.

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Eileen MacDonell: So you can choose to. People think that the that what they're thinking is out of their control. and it really isn't all it is is a pattern.

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Eileen MacDonell: So if you interrupt that pattern and you choose another thought.

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Eileen MacDonell: I promise you, and this is something that you could do while you're changing diapers while you're out shopping while you're just relaxing while you're at work on the drive home whatever it is. Stay at home. Moms work at home, moms working moms, whatever

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Eileen MacDonell: you can choose to think a different thought any time that so from me.

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Eileen MacDonell: coming from a place where I was neglected and abused from infancy, and until I was 16, and then now to day, I am madly in love with my husband. I have a coaching, a successful coaching business.

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Eileen MacDonell: I have 3 incredible children. I've accomplished a several lifelong dreams. and I'm living a life that I love. I love being in my skin. I love living my life.

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Eileen MacDonell: and it was all because and I need you to hear this. It was all because I changed the way I thought

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Eileen MacDonell: I changed what

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Eileen MacDonell: love meant to me. I actually listened to what I wanted from love

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Eileen MacDonell: and my relationships and my life.

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Eileen MacDonell: And once I was aware of my thoughts.

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Eileen MacDonell: everything opened up. You just have to be willing to be aware.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Tanya: just pay attention to the sentences in your brain right. and choose them on purpose

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Tanya: awesome. That was so valuable, Eileen. Thank you so much. And lastly, I recently introduced a new segment to the show rapid fire round. So I'm just gonna ask you 5 questions.

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Tanya: and you answer with whatever immediately comes to mind, it's just a fun way to get to know you a little better. So you ready you up for it? Yeah, this sounds so fun. Okay, go ahead. I'm ready. Okay, here we go. So first question is, what self care? Activity is something you absolutely prioritize and consider non-negotiable. My hot tub.

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Tanya: no joke I like. That's like a place where I go to meditate, to just hang out, to be by myself, to relax. I listen to the the leaves and the birds flying by. Yeah, it's great.

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Eileen MacDonell: Oh, that's so nice. I bet it feels so good this time of year. It must be getting really cold in Ontario.

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Awesome. And is there someone in your life whom you consider a role model and who inspires you.

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Eileen MacDonell: my son?

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Tanya: Oh, I love that. Yeah, my son.

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Eileen MacDonell: He's a he's incredibly curious. I mean, all my kids are

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Eileen MacDonell:  and they each inspire me in different ways.

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Eileen MacDonell: But I'm going to say I'm going to stick with my answer of my son because

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Eileen MacDonell: he has a a lightness to him of his sense of humor. He's so clever and

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Eileen MacDonell: his wit is so sharp. and I just.

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Eileen MacDonell: He keeps trying new things and being optimistic, and that's really inspiring to me.

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Tanya: That's awesome.

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Tanya: And what's the best advice you've ever gotten.

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Eileen MacDonell:  oof best advice I've ever gotten.  have have a one-liner

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Tanya: have a one liner. So so this was because I did extended breastfeeding. I mean, I breastfed my kids until they were just over 2.

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Eileen MacDonell: I did baby wearing, I did extended rear, facing in the car. Co sleeping, and I so I always had a one liner like Thank you for your concern when somebody would say like, Oh, well, one of the how much longer they gonna be breastfed.

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Eileen MacDonell: Not sure but thank you for your concern, and or I would say, like.

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Eileen MacDonell: Don't worry. You know they won't be on the breast when they're walking down the aisle. So you know. Thank you for your concern and it allowed me to release that judgment, especially in early years of motherhood.

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Eileen MacDonell: And just to yeah, and and actually to pair with. That

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Eileen MacDonell: was that even when you're pregnant for the first time, or even when you know, or if you're expecting a child from your partner, or whatever you know, your maternal instinct is always there

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Eileen MacDonell: and listen to it because it is accurate.

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Tanya: Oh, I can really appreciate that, because I'm still nursing my daughter, and she's 16 months old, and

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Tanya: I've got a couple of comments as well. And I'm gonna use that one. Thank you for your concern. Okay. Next question, what's the worst advice you've ever got in?

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Eileen MacDonell: Oh, worst advice I ever got.

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Eileen MacDonell: Give them another chance.

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Tanya: We'll give them another chance.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah. Because when when somebody shows you who they are, the first time, my aunt, my Angelou, said this, when somebody shows you who they are the first time believe them.

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Tanya: Hmm.

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Tanya: okay, I've not heard that quote before.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah. yeah.

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Eileen MacDonell: So it's and recently we had a situation where and and if I could explain this super quickly.

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Eileen MacDonell: so it's it's interesting with a relationship dynamic, whether it be family friends, whatever. And let's say they do something, and you feel angry about it.

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Eileen MacDonell: Right? So you look at them. And you're like, Oh, my, okay. So I'm looking at you. And I see that you're a raccoon.

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Eileen MacDonell: but I'm expecting you to act like a bunny.

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Eileen MacDonell: and I'm mad because you didn't act like a bunny. You acted like a raccoon.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Eileen MacDonell: So when I look at them, and I'm like, Oh, my gosh! You're actually just a raccoon. I'm expecting you to be half bunny, because I'm Bunny, and you're not.

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Eileen MacDonell: And so, as soon as we let go of our expectations of how they should think, react in a situation, what they should do or say in a situation

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Eileen MacDonell: that makes us have an agenda about the situation.

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Eileen MacDonell: Once we release the agenda and we see them for the raccoon they are, then we can log them as a raccoon over there, you know Tupac over there. Yeah, Tupac, Shakur said. I think that's how you pronounce his name, he said. Just because you lost me as a friend doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I still want you to eat just not at my table.

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Tanya: That's so good. And so that's also some of the best advice I've ever gone.

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Tanya: Yeah, I like that. I actually talk about that, my first podcast. Episode to just like loving. I can love you from over here. Yeah. okay. And then the last question is, do you have a favorite quote or mantra that helps get you through hard things.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah, be messy.

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Tanya: Dee massey.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah. Be messy, because when you know little Patty, the perfectionist in my head comes in.

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Eileen MacDonell: she stops me from really going for it.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah. So limiting, right? So get to be messy.

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Eileen MacDonell: It doesn't need to be perfect. It's actually better if it's not. So recently, I started taking private art lessons

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Eileen MacDonell: because I wanted to experience that intimacy and vulnerability with self. I wanted to hear the thoughts that were still coming up in my head that are running on loop when I'm doing something that I'm not good at.

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Eileen MacDonell: something that I'm not sure about, something that I'm not used to.

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Eileen MacDonell: and so by doing that I get to be messy, and I get to be messy on purpose, so I could take what I'm learning, there being messy on purpose, and take it in my business, take it to even going on a basketball tournament this weekend with my son, and

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Eileen MacDonell: figuring that out for the very first time. Where do the parents go? What do I wear? What do I bring? Where do we park? Where are we going to go eat like, and it doesn't matter. I could just be where my feet are

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Eileen MacDonell: and be messy. And it's okay.

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Tanya: Gosh, I just love your all your metaphors and analogies like, I really think it's gonna help. So many

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Tanya: people just like shift their thinking and just be more compassionate with themselves. And

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Tanya: yeah, just giving them the permission to like you, said, be messy. and when you are, I mean, the possibilities of your life are going to open up.

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Eileen MacDonell: Yeah. You know we noticed that when we stopped trying to control everything, and so if if you were to hold out your hand

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Eileen MacDonell: and you have it out flat.

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Eileen MacDonell: you can hold a lot more in your hand like this than you can if you close your fist.

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Tanya: Oh.

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Eileen MacDonell: so when you let go.

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Eileen MacDonell: everything can happen. everything is possible all the time.

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Tanya: Oh, my gosh, this is so good! I love all your one liners. Awesome as we bring this episode to a close. I wanna express gratitude to you, Eileen, for sharing your inspiring journey and your invaluable insights, your story of resilience, growth, and the power of transformation is a beacon of hope for all.

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Tanya: Would you like to share with the listeners how they can connect with you?

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Eileen MacDonell: Oh, absolutely. So. You can find me on Facebook.

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Eileen Mcdonell. And also you could go to my website. It's one breakthrough away.com.

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Eileen MacDonell: And I absolutely love to hear from people, especially if you have any feedback you know about the show, or if something worked for you and just sharing wins. I'm always happy to help and serve

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Tanya: awesome. And then, too, do you have a freebie, too, on your website that you want to talk about? I do so I, and specifically because of this topic, I want to offer your listeners your audience, the change, your thoughts, change your world workbook and course.

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Eileen MacDonell: So this course brings you through the 4 easy steps to be aware of your thoughts.

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Eileen MacDonell: how to reframe your thoughts and build thoughts that serve you and your vision, and then how to program them into your subconscious mind. So they happen on autopilot.

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Eileen MacDonell: So it's such a juicy, valuable course. And I'd like to offer that totally free.

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Tanya: Oh, my gosh. that's amazing.

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Tanya: Okay. And then they can access that by going on your website. And also and also I'm gonna have the link. I'm gonna have the link on in the show notes. So just anybody who's listening just go to the show notes and yeah, the link will be right there. That's fine.

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Tanya: so generous and kind of you, Eileen.

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Tanya: to offer that to our listeners. So everyone. Eileen's message reminds us that no matter the challenges we face, we have the capacity to rise above.

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Tanya: embrace personal growth, and manifest the success we desire in our lives.

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Tanya: Her journey from surviving child abuse to thriving through illness and supporting her spouse with Ptsd is a testament to the strength of the human spirit.

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Tanya: I hope that Eileen's words have resonated with you, and that you're leaving this episode feeling uplifted, inspired, and filled with hope. Remember you have the power to create positive changes in your life, no matter how overwhelming it may seem at times.

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Tanya: If you found value in today's episode, please consider sharing it with fellow moms who may benefit from Eileen's wisdom and encouragement.

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Tanya: and if you haven't already be sure to subscribe to this, podcast to stay inspired with more empowering stories and insights. And if I could kindly ask for a favor, I would greatly appreciate it. If you could take a moment to leave a rating and review for the momentum, podcast

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Tanya: your support means the world to me as it plays a crucial role in helping more moms like you and me discover the show.

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Tanya: I understand that the journey of raising children can be incredibly challenging, and many of Us. Feel isolated in this journey. My goal is to remind these mothers that they are never alone in this tough gig of motherhood.

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Tanya: This podcast is all about introducing fresh perspectives and effective strategies to help you navigate the challenges of motherhood. It's about delivering messages of hope and inspiration so that you can be the best mom you aspire to be.

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Tanya: I know that fulfilling this role as a mom and guiding your children through life is important to so many of us. Your ratings and reviews will assist in spreading this message and providing support to more moms who could benefit from it.

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Tanya: Thank you for joining me on this journey of growth and transformation, I look forward to continuing this uplifting and inspiring journey with you until next time. Take care, stay positive, and keep believing the power of your own potential.

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Tanya: bye.