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Hello and welcome to another episode of The Mom-Entum podcast, the show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood. I’m your host Tanya Valentine, and I’m so glad you're here with me today.

 

Today I want to talk about something that I feel so strongly about because I believe in its power, and that is gratitude. The power of gratitude.  And at the time of this recording it is November, so it is the month of gratitude, so what better time to have a conversation about gratitude than now?

 

I believe that gratitude can be used as a tool. A tool to get us out of a hole, to pick us up when we are down, to make us stronger, to help us feel better, to heal ourselves, to better our relationships and to create true abundance in our lives.

 

And this is what I found when I looked up the definition of gratitude on Google:

 

Gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness and appreciation for the good things in life, such as people, events, or circumstances.  And it said some of the benefits of practicing gratitude include: Experiencing more positive emotions, Improving physical health, Building stronger relationships, Better dealing with adversity, and Healing troubling memories. 

For me, a huge benefit of gratitude I’ve experienced is improved worry and anxiety.  It does this by helping you get perspective in times when you're overly worried about something. Maybe you are, for example, ruminating over what someone said or some drama that’s going on at work. When you focus on gratitude, you might realize that thing you are worried about, like in the scheme of things it really doesn’t even matter, and you might realize it’s not worth your attention to even think about.

Gratitude can be used to help mitigate a mommy meltdown by shifting your state and enabling you to choose a better response. For example, today my kids spilled goldfish all over the car- there were goldfish and goldfish crumbs all over the car seats,and scattered on the floor.  My initial reaction was to want to blow up at them and say, “See, this is why I can’t let you have snacks in the car!” But instead,  I turned my attention to gratitude.  I decided to be grateful I had a vacuum in the car, how convenient. And there are many who don’t have this convenience.   Or how about how grateful I am to even have a car that takes us places we need and want to go anytime we want.  There are many in this world who do not have that privilege.  And then how about those who are disabled and for whatever reason are physically unable to operate a car.  These people are completely dependent on others for transportation.  Like how lucky are we that we have the option to pick up and go on a whim if we should so desire.  When I focus on all those things, suddenly it’s like, a little goldfish crumbs on the floor is nothing.  Small, tiny, miniscule matter, not worth it to get upset over.  And then I’m able to keep my cool and be an example to my kids how not to sweat the small stuff.

I know for me that gratitude saved my life. And it continues to. 

 

I know that I’ve talked about this before on the podcast but almost 3 years ago, when I went through that miscarriage, I lost so much blood, I literally was fearing for my life, I felt like my life was slipping away from me.  My husband found me on the floor in the bathroom guys.  We had to call an ambulance.  I remember being on the phone with the 911 dispatcher and just hanging on her every word, just like grasping for hope and encouragement in her words, something to let me know that I was going to be ok.

 

  We live in a rural area and we are about 30 minutes away from the closest hospital.  And it felt like forever for that ambulance to arrive and I just remember praying, pleading to God that I would make it to the hospital.  Then the crazy thing was, once they believed I was “stable” they released me to go home.  And then when I got home, I literally couldn’t even make it inside my house.  I literally passed out, I honestly don’t remember if Chris or my mother in law caught me, all I remember is waking up, Chris was behind me, holding me, we were sitting on the stairs that connect my garage to my house, and my mother in law was slapping me in the face trying to wake me up.  

 

When the ambulance returned to bring me back to the hospital, I remember thinking out loud and asking the paramedics, “Am I going to be ok?” We live far enough away from the hospital that I was so grateful to get there the first time, but now we had to do this again? Would I make it?  I just remember talking to God and talking to the paramedic who was taking care of me and trying to stay present, trying my hardest to stay with it.  I remember the bright lights in the back of the ambulance as I laid on that gurney.  I remember looking to my right and watching my vitals appear on a screen.  I remember the man starting another IV, since the one he had started earlier had to be removed before I was discharged from the hospital. I don’t know if I have ever prayed as hard in my life as I did that night.  And fortunately, I made it to the hospital, I was blessed to have received 2 units of blood, although that was a very weird experience to think about someone else’s blood circulating around in my body.  But I’m so grateful for the person or people who donated the blood I received that night.  

I did end up going through surgery and everything turned out ok.  And I was so emotional once it was all over but what always stands out and shines through for me was this feeling of true, overwhelming gratitude that I was overcome with.  I was so grateful to get another shot at life.  This experience truly disrupted my life, and it was such a wake up call.  This experience changed me forever.  It broke me open and it was the catalyst for this transformational journey I have been on ever since.  

 

For me, this was a very traumatic event, and the fear of death was really real.  It especially hit me knowing that I had a 3 and 1 year old at home who I did not want to leave without their mother.

 

I was so fortunate that everything turned out well.  I’m so fortunate that I was able to make it to the hospital, receive the blood and have the surgery that I believe helped save my life.  I only needed to spend 1 night in the hospital.  I have so much to be grateful for from the event, from the paramedics, to my husband making it home just in time, to all of the staff at the hospital, my amazing nurses, and for my mom who stopped her life to fly from Boston to Indiana to help me.

 

And I share this story as we are talking about gratitude today because this was the event in my life that opened me up to gratitude.  I had never in my life felt gratitude so strongly as I did when I realized my life was spared, when I got a second chance at life.

 

And it continues.  Sure I have plenty of hard days, I experience days when I am being pretty negative, I complain, I feel sorry for myself, I experience sadness and anger just as strongly as the next person.  However, I can always come back to this gratitude.  And this strong appreciation for life.  This precious thing that I think we all take for granted sometimes.  Just how truly blessed we are to be alive.

 

Life can be so hard. Yes, this is true.  But do not forget all of the good, all there is to be grateful for in this life.  I’ve heard Oprah say it before to be grateful that your lungs are breathing for you without a machine, and if by chance you do require a machine to help you breathe then you can be grateful for this machine breathing life into you.  We all can find something to be grateful for, it’s true.

 

And I don’t mean to sound dismissive if you are going through something really hard right now, the loss of a loved one, financial hardship, a debilitating illness.  I am so, so sorry if you are.  But what’s the downside in looking for something in your life to be grateful for?  I can’t think of a single one.  How about your friends, your family, the healthcare workers, whoever it is in your life that is there supporting you through this?  How about all of the years you have had the privilege of living on this Earth up until now?  How about the fact that you are always taken care of, you always have enough, because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be here today listening to this podcast right now.

 

When we do this, when we practice gratitude and focus on the things that we are grateful for, we are not denying the hard things in our life.  We are just choosing to make a shift in our consciousness.

 

Because does it serve you to sit there and wallow in self-pity?  It absolutely does not.  Does it serve you to complain, whether you are complaining to someone else, or just in your head.  It does not.  These things lower your vibration and alter your outlook on life.  I think we’ve all heard the saying, where focus goes energy flows, and whatever you focus on you create more of.  So what do you want to create more of in your life?  Do you want to create more negativity or positivity?  The choice is really up to you.

 

And this is not toxic positivity.  This is getting yourself out of a low vibrational state where you can’t do anything except to feel sorry for yourself, compare yourself to others, give yourself reasons why other people have it so much easier than you, and complain. Like this is not a state that is conducive for problem solving friends.

 

Gratitude raises your vibration, as you focus on what is good in your life, what you appreciate, you attract more of those things.  You expand your consciousness and create room for more of those things to come into your life.  It lightens your mood and takes you from a place of scarcity and lack to one of joy and abundance.

 

According to Brené Brown, gratitude is the key to experiencing joy.  She says that practicing gratitude actively cultivates joy in our lives, and that people who regularly practice gratitude are more likely to feel deep and genuine joy; essentially, gratitude comes before joy, not the other way around. 

• And gratitude is a practice, not just an attitude:

• Brene emphasizes that actively engaging in gratitude practices, like journaling or verbally expressing thanks, is essential to reaping the benefits of joy. And don’t we all want to experience more joy in our lives?  She says that this is a spiritual practice for her, and this truly resonates with me.  When you can practice being grateful for even the simplest of things, waking up in the morning, your breath, the ability to use your senses, a sunrise, a sunset, the warm embrace of a loved one.  She says “it means not living in the fear of what we could lose, but softening into the moments we have”.  Did you hear that?  Let me say that again because I want you to hear the truth in that and let it really sink in. “Joy means not living in the fear of what we could lose (and I’m gonna add or what we do not have), but softening into the moments we have”.  That is so good!

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       I also learned from Brene Brown the connection between gratitude and resilience.

       By consistently practicing gratitude, you can build a reservoir of positive emotions that         can help you cope with challenges and bounce back from setbacks. I feel like this               perfectly sums up what happened to me.  It wasn’t even anything that I had to work             on, though, it came so automatically after the miscarriage.  

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Because I was so overwhelmingly grateful for my life, I was able to bounce back faster and with more ease.  And I was genuinely joyful.  I appreciated the small moments with my kids more.  I wanted to get down on the floor and play with them.  I was much more comfortable sitting down with them essentially doing nothing, whether it was playing with them, or snuggling with them on the couch watching a movie.  I was not worried about the laundry, not worried about all of the “to-do’s”, I was like let the house be messy, I’m going to thoroughly enjoy this time I GET with my kids. 

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I will admit that as time has passed, this peace that I had with just “being” has faded.  However, I can access it when I choose to practice this gratitude.  And I do.  I’m not perfect at it, I’m not as consistent as I would like to be with it, but I will say that when I do it and I do it consistently, I notice the difference in my life.  I notice a difference in how I feel and how I interact with others.  I’m definitely more calm, more patient, and more joyful.

So if you want to start practicing gratitude for yourself, and uplevel the joy in your life, I’m going to share with you a few things you can start doing today.  You can either pick one to focus on or decide to implement all ______.  Either way, I know whatever you decide to do, it will bless your life.

1.Reflect on the good: Take a moment to think about how lucky you are when something good happens, whether it's big or small. For example, this morning you got a good parking spot at the gym.  Take a moment and be like wow I’m so lucky.  Or you can even turn that around and maybe you had to park your car so far away, you got like the furthest spot from the entrance possible, you could be like, wow I’m so grateful I get the extra steps in today!

2. Focus on different aspects of things that you appreciate: If you do something every day, try to focus on different aspects that you appreciate. For example, if you walk in the park, you could focus on the sounds of nature one day and the sights the next.

3.  Use meditation to tap into gratitude: this could look like finding a comfortable position, taking a few deep breaths to settle in, and then mentally scanning through your day, actively identifying and focusing on specific moments, people, or experiences you feel grateful for, savoring the positive emotions associated with each one while maintaining awareness of your breath as an anchor throughout the practice. 

So step-by-step, this is what it looks like.  And maybe, if it’s safe to do so you want to try this out right now as I’m guiding you. 

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So find a comfortable seated position, with your spine straight but relaxed. And I like to sit somewhere with a wall behind me for support, otherwise I have the tendency to slouch and it feels like I have to try too hard to sit up straight and then it's hard for me to relax.

 

​​Ok so you're sitting comfortably, now close your eyes and take a few deep, slow breaths, noticing the sensation of each inhale and exhale in your body. ​

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• Now, bring your attention to the present moment, acknowledging any thoughts or feelings without judgment. 

  • Gently guide your focus to your breath, noticing the rise and fall of your chest with each inhale and exhale. ​

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  • As you recall each event, actively search for something small or large that you can feel grateful for, whether it's a simple moment of beauty, a kind gesture from someone, or a personal accomplishment. 

  • Next, begin mentally scanning through your day, starting from the morning. 

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  • When you identify something to be grateful for, pause and fully immerse yourself in the positive feeling associated with it. 

  • Visualize the experience, recall the details, and let yourself feel the warmth of appreciation in your body. 

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  • After a few moments of focusing on your gratitude, gently return your attention to your breath, using it as a guide to stay present. 

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  • Continue this process of scanning your day, identifying moments of gratitude, and dwelling on the positive feelings, moving through different parts of your day. 

  • You can also choose to focus on specific categories of gratitude, like your health, loved ones, nature, or personal strengths. 

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  • To close out this practice, take a few final deep breaths, allowing yourself to feel the overall sense of appreciation and well-being.

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  • If you took the time to do this, notice how you feel.  Do you feel a little lighter?  More open? More relaxed?  I want to hear about your experience with this.  So whether you tried this out as you were listening or some other time it’s convenient for you, let me know, send me a DM or share on social the things you are grateful for with a #gratitude and tag me @tanyavalentinecoaching.  I would love to see what everyone is grateful for!

  • Here are some Key points to remember when you’re doing your gratitude meditation: 

• 1.Be specific:

• When focusing on gratitude, try to identify specific details about the experience to enhance the positive feeling. 

• 2.Don't judge:

• If your mind wanders to negative thoughts, gently bring your attention back to your breath and the practice of gratitude without judgment. 

• 3.Make it a regular practice:

• Aim to practice this meditation regularly for the most benefit, even if it's just a few minutes each day. 

4. Now one more thing I want to add that I do as my gratitude practice, is that I write it down.  I just set a timer for 5 minutes and I write down as many things as I can think of that I can be grateful for, and it ends up being a lot.  This is such an easy and quick practice.  I mean, who doesn’t have 5 minutes?  And what I like about writing it down is that it keeps my focus.  There’s something about the act of writing that keeps my attention and prevents my mind from wandering like it does when I’m just thinking about the things I’m grateful for.  Another thing is that it’s a visual reminder of the many wonderful things there are to be grateful for in my life.  I can actually see this long list in front of me, and I can be like, wow I guess I really do have a lot to be grateful for, as opposed to keeping it all in my head, then it’s harder to gauge just how much there is.

As we wrap up today’s episode, I hope you’ve been inspired to embrace gratitude as a powerful tool in your life. It’s not about denying the hard things we face, but about choosing to focus on the good, no matter how small it may seem. Gratitude has the power to shift our perspective, raise our vibration, and bring more joy and abundance into our lives.

So, whether it’s journaling, reflecting on simple moments, or finding the silver lining in a frustrating situation, I encourage you to start practicing gratitude today. Remember, as Brené Brown says, joy comes after gratitude.

Know there is someone out there who would love to trade places with you. Who would love to live your life.  Of course we all want better.  There is some aspect in all of our lives that we could improve.  This is the human condition. Life is constant, never-ending improvement.  And this is great.  It’s great to have a goal, it’s a beautiful thing to want a better life for yourself, your family and your community because hopefully this drives you to go out in the world and create value.  But along the way, don’t forget to pause and be grateful for the life you already have.  Because we all have something to be grateful for, and if we don't take the time to acknowledge those things, to immerse ourselves in those moments, then we are sadly missing out on our lives.

So I hope I’ve inspired you to start a gratitude practice.  I really do believe in its power to improve and transform your life.  Friend, if you enjoyed today’s episode, would you do me a favor and either subscribe, rate or review it?  This greatly helps the show grow and reach more women who could benefit from the content shared here.  

And if you can think of someone in your life who would benefit from learning more about gratitude, please share this with them.  I know I listen to so many different podcasts and love sharing things that I’ve learned with friends and family.  And even better, I love when someone shares a good one with me!  I’m always grateful for another inspiring podcast I can learn from and be inspired by!  Alright my friends, that’s it for today’s show.  Thank you so, so much for listening!  You all are blessing my life and I want you to know that I am especially grateful for you!  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your support!  Now go out there and find something to be grateful for!  And Happy Thanksgiving!  Talk to you in a couple weeks! Bye!