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Tanya: All right, hey, Carolyn, welcome back to the momentum. Podcast. Thank you. So much for being here.

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carolyndeck: Thank you, Tanya. Lovely to be here again.

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Tanya: I'm so happy to have you back.

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Tanya: And before we get into what we're going to be talking about today, would you mind just introducing yourself to the audience for those who might not be familiar with you. Just tell them a little bit about yourself and your background, and what it is that you do.

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carolyndeck: Sure. Thank you. So yes, Carolyn Deck, as you can tell, I'm not from here. I'm from New Zealand. Haven't actually lived there for 30 years happily married with 5 children, 5 beautiful adult children, and a new daughter in law.

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carolyndeck: And we've just found out we're going to be 1st time grandparents. So that's so exciting. We're so excited. Yeah. Our 3rd son, Harry.

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carolyndeck: Presently we live in Chicago, my husband and I our daughter's here. Our son and his wife were here. They've just moved to Michigan.

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carolyndeck: To be around her family. I have a son in Charlotte and a son, who is in Amsterdam right now, but he's relocating to Melbourne, Australia.

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carolyndeck: And then my eldest son lives in South Australia, in Adelaide. So yes, we're quite global.

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Tanya: Wow!

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carolyndeck: Yes, and that all started. Actually, this whole transition of move, you know, this is the theme of my life. Actually, when I paused and and looked back for a bit.

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carolyndeck: yes, I was an exchange student in Kansas in the year 81. That's how old I am. That's when I graduated. So that's very cool. And then I returned to New Zealand and got into the travel industry.

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carolyndeck: where?

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carolyndeck: Yeah, it was amazing.

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carolyndeck: I was in travel as an agent for

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carolyndeck: something like 12 years.

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carolyndeck: I got engaged in Cape Town

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carolyndeck: to my

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carolyndeck: fairly long standing boyfriend and then, we started having children. We had 4 children pretty quickly. Actually, I'm just like Whoa, what happened? I'm 30 now. I'm 35, with 4 kids. It's like.

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carolyndeck: had it never been

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carolyndeck: at Brendan's 1 of 5. He's there's 4 boys and a girl in his family, and 4 boys and a girl and mine and bought in ours. So funny. Yeah, and then we relocate to Australia. Had 15 years there raising our kids. Oh, and then we had one more.

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carolyndeck: Cheeky, William.

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carolyndeck: Adorable. Yeah, just incredible, incredibly blessed, amazing kids. Just love them to bits. We then moved after about 13 years. I think it was to another city in Australia.

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carolyndeck: had 3 years there, and then moved to Chicago, and this is our 10th year.

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Tanya: Well.

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carolyndeck: Yeah. And actually, as we speak,

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carolyndeck: my husband's coming into retirement from his role up here, which was supposed to be 3 years, and ended up nearly 10. His term finishes at the end of this month, and at the end of the year we relocate back to Australia.

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carolyndeck: So it's.

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Tanya: Lots of moving around.

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carolyndeck: Challenged. Yeah?

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Tanya: And.

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carolyndeck: Turbulent times, plenty of change.

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carolyndeck: plenty of challenge.

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carolyndeck: but I just embrace it all. I love it. I've traveled so much since being here. I'm just so grateful for

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carolyndeck: fertile.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Tanya: Oh, yeah, that is not like the ordinary, the average person's life, all that traveling around. But I'm sure you've

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Tanya: seen so much and just been exposed to just a lot of different

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Tanya: things like different cultures. And I mean, you're so brave, for I think.

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Tanya: Living somewhere other than the country that you were born in. I think that.

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carolyndeck: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: Oh, well, thank you. Yeah. I mean, there's a back story to that which I think you do know about. Just having a dysfunctional childhood. Actually. And I I was

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carolyndeck: that theme of movement happened before I was an exchange student.

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carolyndeck: and then years on

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carolyndeck: you know, getting to America and

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carolyndeck: relocating back here.

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carolyndeck: God just had me on this path that

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carolyndeck: has been quite

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carolyndeck: miraculous. I'll say I'll say it's all his doing. It really is

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carolyndeck: And he brought me

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carolyndeck: to this place where I needed some of this healing done from my childhood, and and with my parents, and and seeing as a generational pain that continues and what he did he took me to a place of having now become an author, which I can't even imagine how I got there. But this is my book. And the Lord just

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carolyndeck: walked me through all this because I had no idea what I was doing, and I actually had a little argument with him going. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard like me, and write a story right? Be an author. You you got the wrong sister. I just say I just put it out there like my sister's so smart educated, you know. I went through high school, and that was it, as far as my formative training. And he goes, really.

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carolyndeck: Not so. I've selected you purposefully because you don't know what you're doing.

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carolyndeck: I'm like, oh.

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carolyndeck: yeah, kind of know the Bible stories pretty well. Yeah. You usually choose people that aren't that burst. And and what you're calling them to do, because for those who called you provide. And I'm like, Oh, yeah, I knew that. And then I said, Oh, my story is nothing. No one's going to read that, and he goes. Excuse me wrong.

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carolyndeck: History

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carolyndeck: is his story.

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Tanya: Hmm.

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carolyndeck: And it's not actually about you. It's this time in history.

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carolyndeck: and what I've done in your life.

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carolyndeck: and I want you to share that as

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carolyndeck: a light in the darkness of the world right now. Because let's face it. It's pretty messed up place, and I think people are really

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carolyndeck: really open to hearing

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carolyndeck: something inspirational, encouraging, and being given hope.

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carolyndeck: And and that's what it's about. Yeah.

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Tanya: Definitely.

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Tanya: I love that.

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Tanya: And can you, too, say cause for the people at home that aren't watching and aren't able to see your book? Can you.

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carolyndeck: Sure.

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Tanya: Say the title of your book.

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carolyndeck: Okay? Sure. So you can find it on Amazon or type my name in. But it's above the turbulence, your ticket out of pain to purpose.

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Tanya: Awesome.

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carolyndeck: So it's a really basic easy read. And it's as if you've come into my travel office. I write it as a travel agent. So I give you advice on, on, in the beginning of your journey, what you need to prepare for your journey, how to pack

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carolyndeck: the perils of travel

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carolyndeck: modes of travel, destinations.

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carolyndeck: and then returning home. And so each little story, each chapter rather, is a little short story, usually about 4 or 5 pages long.

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carolyndeck: but at the end of each chapter.

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carolyndeck: I have a reflection question, because.

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carolyndeck: My experience has been that unless we stop and pause

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carolyndeck: like, you can have a good read. But it's not going to amount to much if it doesn't move the dial.

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Tanya: Yeah, like, you got.

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carolyndeck: Amazing.

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Tanya: Practice, like Apply.

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carolyndeck: Yeah, well.

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Tanya: This is a way of applying.

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carolyndeck: Who's the name?

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Tanya: Like right.

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carolyndeck: Yeah, yeah, so I asked very pertinent questions.

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carolyndeck: Pretty prickly, some of them. I'll I'll just tell you and actually, in my introduction. It basically says, I'm I'm pretty blunt. I'm like, if you're not prepared to be honest with yourself

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carolyndeck: and asking some of these questions.

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carolyndeck: then this book probably isn't for you.

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Tanya: Yeah, because you.

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carolyndeck: I want.

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carolyndeck: Yeah, I I want to guide and lead people into having a hope filled

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carolyndeck: awesome life.

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Tanya: Hmm.

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carolyndeck: Right, irrespective of the past, it has shaped us, but I actually use it as your fuel

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carolyndeck: for your future. And so it is. It is pretty powerful, and it's just what God has done in me and showing me. It's not about me.

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carolyndeck: but it is incredible. And where he's taken this little book that breached lives that there's no way I would have reached, you know, people in jail.

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carolyndeck: youth, detention centres

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carolyndeck: and even yes, Africa and so I'll just might as well tell you. Now all proceeds of my book. Go to faces with names. Which is

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carolyndeck: a foundation. My writing friend started nearly 10 years ago, and I think we talked about this

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carolyndeck: for the show. There'll be a Youtube clip that you can watch that you'll be so encouraged by to see these kids, that orphans and widows in Uganda.

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carolyndeck: and what

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carolyndeck: work has been done for these kids, these kids that maybe forgotten or

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carolyndeck: looked upon as hopeless. I tell you what, that is not the case, and that's not the case for any of us, irrespective of our stories.

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Tanya: I love that. Yeah. And yeah, I'll be sure to link that in the show notes.

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carolyndeck: Yeah.

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Tanya: All who want to watch it.

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Tanya: well, I am so excited to have you back on today, and just to give everyone context for what we're going to be talking about. You and I have stayed in touch since the last interview.

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Tanya: and you're always sending me encouraging messages.

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Tanya: and I thank you so much for that, and it seems like they always come

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Tanya: in a time when I need them the most.

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Tanya: But it's been a few times now. In our exchanges. You mentioned how God wants us to well, put him first, st but then our husband.

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Tanya: and just recently it was, I think it was last week you reminded me of this.

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Tanya: and

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Tanya: I thought this would be an excellent topic for a podcast. Episode, and who better to come on and talk about it than you.

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Tanya: Yes, so how many years and how many years have you and Brendan been married for.

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carolyndeck: 34.

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Tanya: 30 for 4 years, that.

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carolyndeck: Yes, amazing.

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carolyndeck: And we were together. We broke up at 1 point because I didn't want to change him.

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carolyndeck: And I'm like, you know what you do you?

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carolyndeck: Right now, this is bad timing. This is not my season to be a lame duck following you so. Yeah, I what did I do what I do? I love to travel, and I quit my job, and I traveled for 6 months.

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carolyndeck: and I just gave him that space.

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carolyndeck: he was so he he jokes about this. But this is kind of funny. I love Rugby, and and my dad raised me as a boy, and that's probably why I love Rugby. But he played so much Rugby, and he was so

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carolyndeck: focused on his Rugby and his mates that he said that he woke up 6 months later and was like, Oh.

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carolyndeck: where's Carolyn actually?

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carolyndeck: Oh, my God!

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Tanya: I'm not.

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carolyndeck: Where'd chicken.

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Tanya: Oh!

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carolyndeck: You go. So that's kind of funny. We joke about that. But I really believe for me and for the 2 of us

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carolyndeck: that. You know, if anyone's even single and and looking at being a mom. Because I know this is for mom's momentum, this amazing podcast but you know, ladies, we we don't want to force our men into change right.

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Tanya: Hmm.

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carolyndeck: And

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carolyndeck: that just doesn't really work.

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Tanya: And.

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carolyndeck: Does is bring tension and conflict. So we need to work on ourselves. Yeah. And so what I found for me

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carolyndeck: I don't know. I I just feel like the Lord just was speaking to me even when I didn't know it going. Don't you think you're gonna change him? Don't force him into a corner to change just because you need this or that. No, no, you work on you. And so that was part of me leaving. I'm not suggesting in your marriage lately. But no, but for me in this point in time

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carolyndeck: I did, and I gave him that space, and I worked on me, and I worked on what I was thinking and my expectations of him. And you know I did end up in Africa interestingly and round a campfire, and I wrote this little note to myself of these expectations and things that I was looking for and wanting, and and quite honestly, you know.

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carolyndeck: as a now mature, more mature person. Let's say I'm still learning. But, the Lord just says you know what

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carolyndeck: you are trying to get your husband to fill a hole that only I can fill.

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Tanya: Hmm.

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carolyndeck: Only God can fill.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: So back off.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: Back off on being so demanding of your man.

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carolyndeck: you know. Come to me if you're thirsty and you're tired, come to me, he says.

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carolyndeck: and I will give you best, and I will fill the desires of your heart, you know. Work on yourself, because really, at the end of the day

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carolyndeck: you'll either drive that person away or you'll draw them in, and I just love the triangle, and I've I've worked on this in our marriage that God's at the top. Right his order.

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carolyndeck: And the closer I get to being with him

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carolyndeck: and my husband. Guess what? Look at the triangle the closer then we get to being together.

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carolyndeck: So if I could be a beacon of light

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carolyndeck: to my husband.

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carolyndeck: in trial, and

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carolyndeck: in raising our children, and in our challenges and choices and decision making.

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carolyndeck: and say, Well, what does God say about that? You know we don't know these things.

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carolyndeck: What does he say?

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carolyndeck: And

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carolyndeck: that's when we

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carolyndeck: have you heard? I heard it once. I'm just thinking that that a rope entwined is strong right when there's 2, not one you entwine it, but you put through the center of that the golden rope

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carolyndeck: from heaven

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carolyndeck: that, I tell you

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carolyndeck: is your strength. That's your anchor.

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carolyndeck: And when I'm feeling a bit, Nancy, you know, and cranky about cranky pants, about something he hasn't done, or or you know, it's usually actually I can stop and pause and go. Actually, it's actually about me.

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Tanya: Hmm.

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carolyndeck: What? What

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carolyndeck: unfair expectation is there, or what haven't I voiced that I should have? I mean, he can't read my mind one of these things. Yeah.

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Tanya: Say those again, cause I feel like those are good questions like, I feel like, this is like a teachable moment, like when cause don't we all? Doesn't this happen in marriage where you yeah, your spouse does something to like annoy you? Or you might be feeling a little bit. And so maybe in those times like pause and ask those 2 questions. Can you say those again?

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carolyndeck: Oh, can I remember?

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Tanya: I know. I know I'm gonna have to like re-listen to this one was

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Tanya: my expectations.

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carolyndeck: They should.

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Tanya: Or what are my.

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carolyndeck: Yes. Yeah.

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Tanya: Expectations. And, oh, God! What was the other thing? It was so good.

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carolyndeck: We'll have to play it back. I'll have to.

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Tanya: I'll play. I'll play it back, and then I'll just make sure I put it in the show notes.

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carolyndeck: I miss.

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Tanya: Sorry. Go up my.

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carolyndeck: Usually is. It's just a reflection of like ourselves, really.

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carolyndeck: As to what we're wanting.

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carolyndeck: You know, it's this, this just ease in our own space that we're actually putting on our partner to

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carolyndeck: to change that dis-ease when actually

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carolyndeck: most times, it's

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carolyndeck: kind of unfair.

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carolyndeck: and it, yeah, that expectation

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carolyndeck: usually also doesn't consider them. It's selfish.

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Tanya: It's in.

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carolyndeck: Incredibly selfish. Usually, you know, it's you know

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carolyndeck: my husband has in these last years run a very big business, a lot of people. He's traveled. The pressure on him is enormous.

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carolyndeck: and then he comes home, and you know

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carolyndeck: it's supposed to be all hashtag, all about me and my and the poor man just needs to chill out and relax a bit. And you know, and

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carolyndeck: yeah, there's some things that would just take me off.

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carolyndeck: You know, you haven't noticed this, or you haven't asked about my day. Well, he's still trying to unload and process his day, you know.

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Tanya: Yeah, yeah, like, what's going on for him? Yeah.

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carolyndeck: Yes, that is always helpful to actually pause and think. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on!

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Tanya: Let's put myself in his shoes.

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carolyndeck: Just for a minute. Yeah.

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Tanya: Yeah, yeah.

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Tanya: yeah, it can be hard to do. But.

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carolyndeck: I know absolutely. I mean, like, you know, I raised 5 kids and I say, I I feel like it was just me you know, because again he had a a business that he was running for all of Australasia, Australia, and New Zealand, and he traveled even more then, and I have 5 kids. I'm like.

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carolyndeck: You know you come home, and you know. Come.

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Tanya: Like you said.

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carolyndeck: This needs doing, or you know, I get cranky. And what really helped me, I would have to say back then was having getting my head space right. And I talk about that in my book.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: And having. What am I listening to? Am I listening to other moms? Just

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carolyndeck: excuse the language, bitch and moan about their husbands?

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Tanya: That's it. Yeah, that is it.

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carolyndeck: Not hopeful right? And who am I listening to? What am I filling my thoughts with and my heart? And is that turning into resentment. Because, you know, I can tell. You know how you can tell out of the heart the mouth speaks.

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carolyndeck: So what's my conversation to my girlfriends? What's my conversation to my husband when he gets home?

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carolyndeck: So I just listened to an amazing Podcast this week, Dr. Joe Dispenza.

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Tanya: Oh, yeah.

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carolyndeck: I didn't even know I didn't even know how famous he was. But here's the thing

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carolyndeck: that he talked about

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carolyndeck: the link between the mind and the heart

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carolyndeck: right, and I kind of knew about it, but I didn't realise it so succinctly

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carolyndeck: that if

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carolyndeck: if we can have our heart filled of love.

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carolyndeck: But and when we're Christians who lives in our heart, we know the Holy Spirit lives there, but that's what he says. And so, if we can draw from our heart.

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carolyndeck: and then have that infuse our thinking. Guess what

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carolyndeck: what comes at our mouth is going to be very different.

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Tanya: Hmm, totally. Yeah.

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carolyndeck: And then the outcomes are going to be so different.

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carolyndeck: So

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carolyndeck: it is a lot, and it takes practice.

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carolyndeck: It takes so much practice.

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carolyndeck: and patience with yourself and with your man, especially when you got kids running around their toys everywhere. You've just burnt dinner, or you haven't started dinner. I get it? Yeah,

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carolyndeck: but just be really mindful of your own thoughts.

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carolyndeck: and then be mindful of what's feeding those thoughts.

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carolyndeck: Right, and then

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carolyndeck: make a conscious decision

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carolyndeck: to allow in there

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carolyndeck: something that's going to be uplifting and helpful and

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carolyndeck: change channel or switch off

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carolyndeck: that which isn't, and.

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carolyndeck: you know, complaining and moaning and

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carolyndeck: gossiping doesn't help.

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Tanya: No, it just makes.

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carolyndeck: Because you now.

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Tanya: Oh!

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carolyndeck: Just amazing.

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Tanya: Worth.

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carolyndeck: It does.

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Tanya: That snowball effect just compounds the problem and.

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carolyndeck: As.

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Tanya: It makes me think about that acronym think which they teach my daughter in elementary school that think before you speak so I think he is well, so before you speak. Have you heard of this.

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carolyndeck: No, I haven't.

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Tanya: So the.

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carolyndeck: I love acronyms.

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Tanya: Yeah. So the teeth stands. So you're supposed to think before you speak. And.

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carolyndeck: Yes.

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Tanya: The T. Stands for, is it?

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Tanya: Oh, is it?

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Tanya: What does it? Oh, is it true? Is it true?

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carolyndeck: Yes.

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Tanya: Then the H. Is it helpful.

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Tanya: and the eye? Is it inspiring?

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carolyndeck: Okay.

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Tanya: And the N. Is it necessary?

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Tanya: And then that K. Is, is it kind.

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carolyndeck: Of that is.

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Tanya: So we.

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carolyndeck: And take.

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Tanya: The moment

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Tanya: before we.

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carolyndeck: True.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: Yes, I I love it. Okay, because

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carolyndeck: what I've also learned is

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carolyndeck: about what is it true? That question? Is it.

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Tanya: Oh, I love that from a

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Tanya: what's her name?

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Tanya: is it, Joyce? Myers? No begins with a B does it?

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Tanya: Oh, my goodness

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carolyndeck: Okay. Well, while you're thinking.

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Tanya: Yeah. Here's the.

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carolyndeck: Be careful what you believe.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: Belief, BE. Capital, L. Capital, i. Capital E.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: wow!

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carolyndeck: So is it true? Is what you believe? Is there a hidden lie

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carolyndeck: that you've been telling yourself

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carolyndeck: that you've heard from somebody

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carolyndeck: that's just not true.

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carolyndeck: And when we believe Andy Stanley, I did a whole course on this. Andy Stanley says what you believe you act on.

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carolyndeck: and that gives your outcome.

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carolyndeck: So most people don't even consciously

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carolyndeck: know they're unconscious of what they believe. If that makes.

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Tanya: Right.

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carolyndeck: Just.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: Right, your unconscious belief

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carolyndeck: that you're not even conscious or aware of you. Act on that, and that's your outcome. And so, if you keep acting outcome, acting outcome. And it doesn't change. Well, that's the full right expecting a change. It's not going to change

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carolyndeck: right? So we need to shake the tree, I say, is, of what do we believe? What do we really believe? And it doesn't matter what it's about. It can be about parenting, or or Finance, or you pick up.

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Tanya: Or how should how should what should a marriage look like like, what does a good wife? Yeah.

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Tanya: Yeah. And that's part of what you're you do in your book. Those little reflections at the end of each chapter are.

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Tanya: Getting down to like. What are your beliefs and.

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carolyndeck: Yes.

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Tanya: Yeah, cause.

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carolyndeck: Are they true to your point?

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Tanya: Yeah.

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carolyndeck: Are they really true?

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Tanya: Is this what you want like? And this is the outcome you're getting when this is what you

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Tanya: choose to believe, and so are you liking the outcome like maybe.

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carolyndeck: Need to.

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Tanya: Question, these things.

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carolyndeck: Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I love that. I need to write that. Think down.

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Tanya: Yes, I will.

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carolyndeck: Love!

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Tanya: I can message you. Yeah, I'll put it in there.

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carolyndeck: And the notes.

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Tanya: What's.

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carolyndeck: Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Thank you. You just fed me. Now.

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Tanya: Good. I love it. So today, you know, we're talking about putting our spouses first.st

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Tanya: And I just like before the kids. And I just want to say that when I was talking to Chris about this last week and telling him about the topic of our conversation day, he was very pleased, and I think.

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Tanya: Marilyn, he even joked as he was like walking out the door. Remember, husband first, st

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Tanya: I love it.

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carolyndeck: Yeah, that's gorgeous. So that reminded me. When I was living in Adelaide with my 5 little ones, husband travelling.

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carolyndeck: And this is

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carolyndeck: again to my point before.

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carolyndeck: What are you feeding your mind? I was invited to a Bible study Bsf Bible study fellowship, and I've done it now for over 20 years. And I thought to myself.

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carolyndeck: and I believed I was too busy.

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carolyndeck: And I'm like, Yeah.

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carolyndeck: you have no idea. I've got 5 kids. I've got to do the washing, the cleaning, the pick them up, I'm dress, you know, like that's I haven't got time for this right, and I've got time to study, and I've got. I've I've got time to say prayers, and then I fall asleep, you know, like you've got to be kidding so anyway, fast forward.

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carolyndeck: I started. And then I realized

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carolyndeck: I actually

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carolyndeck: couldn't live without this

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carolyndeck: because I was studying that

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carolyndeck: basic instruction before leaving Earth. There's a good acronym.

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Tanya: I love that.

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carolyndeck: Your Bible, and I met this dear old lady. There's a notice up. An announcement made anybody able to pick up Mavis.

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carolyndeck: She's 87,

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carolyndeck: and she lives where she lived, and she needs a ride to and from study. And I'm like, Oh.

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carolyndeck: yeah, I could do that. I could so do that, you know.

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Tanya: Oh, that's so nice!

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carolyndeck: Dear, sweet Mavis.

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carolyndeck: I knew her this long. She I got to her 100th birthday.

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carolyndeck: It was a.

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Tanya: Oh, my gosh! Oh! That was a hundredthth birthday you went.

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carolyndeck: Well.

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Tanya: To.

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carolyndeck: Well years later, but we were such good friends for that 13 years. Right, anyway, she would always say that to me.

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carolyndeck: and this is.

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carolyndeck: This is what she would say, she said. I've outlived 2 husbands.

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carolyndeck: and I can tell you I am going to ask you every week. How's Brendan?

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carolyndeck: Forget the kids. They'll walk out the door one day, and if you're not caring for him he will, too. So how is Brendan?

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carolyndeck: So.

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carolyndeck: Actually got that from my dear.

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carolyndeck: sweet old lady, Mavis.

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Tanya: I love that. Yeah.

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Tanya: Oh, cause I would. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure a lot of the husbands out there, including mine, might feel like they come last, or at least like second to the kids, you know, certain seasons of like, or you know.

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Tanya: and for some people, even a whole, their whole lives, even their.

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carolyndeck: And they have adult.

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Tanya: Kids.

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carolyndeck: Yes.

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Tanya: And I'm sure that there are going to be some women who are listening.

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Tanya: and they might disagree with this concept.

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Tanya: or maybe they just have, like a skewed sense of what we mean when we say spells first.st So maybe you could start by 1st clarifying what.

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carolyndeck: So.

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Tanya: Teens to put ourselves first.st

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carolyndeck: First.st

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Tanya: And what it looks like, and then 2.

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carolyndeck: Sure.

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Tanya: Why is it important? And why does it matter which you kind of alluded to?

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carolyndeck: Yeah, sure.

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Tanya: You know, and sure what what Mavis said.

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carolyndeck: Okay? So

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carolyndeck: again, you had to go back

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carolyndeck: to fundamental belief.

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carolyndeck: What is marriage? Define marriage?

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carolyndeck: What does it look like?

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carolyndeck: Well.

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carolyndeck: go to the one who created it. It's like anything created. It comes with a handbook right.

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carolyndeck: So what does God say? Marriage looks like?

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carolyndeck: And actually, in a book, I co-authored Christian marriage.

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carolyndeck: I think you've got a copy there, haven't you?

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Tanya: Christian marriage devotionals from both perspectives.

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carolyndeck: Both. Yes, so the piece that I wrote on was specifically on this.

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carolyndeck: What does it look like for the man?

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carolyndeck: And what does it look like for the woman.

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carolyndeck: and I would encourage you all, ladies, to to explore this.

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carolyndeck: See what God actually says.

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carolyndeck: A woman A woman in marriage

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carolyndeck: to her husband looks like.

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carolyndeck: and

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carolyndeck: again,

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carolyndeck: It brings to mind

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carolyndeck: a speaking engagement I went to and save the children. I think it was.

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carolyndeck: whoever he is, the head of global save the children, was doing a tour, and his wife happened to be in. Adelaide.

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carolyndeck: and I went to listen to her speak.

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carolyndeck: and that really changed the dial for me as to what this whole

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carolyndeck: but has been 1st sort of

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carolyndeck: role looks like.

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carolyndeck: And so

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carolyndeck: I teamed that up with what God is saying.

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carolyndeck: And so marriage.

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carolyndeck: it said actually that God provided Adam

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carolyndeck: a helper.

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carolyndeck: Now, before you will get angry about that word helper.

406
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carolyndeck: This would help, and I I guess it's the Hebrew or the Greek.

407
00:31:44.410 --> 00:31:46.389
carolyndeck: The 1st writings of the Bible.

408
00:31:47.390 --> 00:31:50.969
carolyndeck: It is only ever used.

409
00:31:51.490 --> 00:31:55.690
carolyndeck: That word was only ever used when talking about

410
00:31:56.250 --> 00:31:57.770
carolyndeck: the Holy Spirit.

411
00:31:58.920 --> 00:32:02.269
carolyndeck: So think about that for a minute. What did Jesus say?

412
00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:03.610
carolyndeck: He said.

413
00:32:03.650 --> 00:32:05.480
carolyndeck: I'll have to leave.

414
00:32:05.850 --> 00:32:07.900
carolyndeck: I've come from God

415
00:32:08.630 --> 00:32:09.520
carolyndeck: right

416
00:32:09.710 --> 00:32:12.379
carolyndeck: to heaven! To earth, to be with you!

417
00:32:12.610 --> 00:32:21.670
carolyndeck: But don't be dismayed or upset. I have to leave because I have to leave, so that then I can provide you the helper.

418
00:32:22.860 --> 00:32:23.260
Tanya: Hmm.

419
00:32:23.260 --> 00:32:26.010
carolyndeck: The helper, that when you say yes to him

420
00:32:26.130 --> 00:32:33.409
carolyndeck: he will internally live in your heart, and he will be your helper. He will be your guide. Well, I can assure you now

421
00:32:33.570 --> 00:32:39.250
carolyndeck: the Holy Spirit is not subservient to God, the Father, or God the Son.

422
00:32:40.420 --> 00:32:42.909
carolyndeck: They are on the same level

423
00:32:45.770 --> 00:32:46.610
carolyndeck: right.

424
00:32:46.740 --> 00:32:50.840
carolyndeck: But that was beautiful, that God

425
00:32:51.480 --> 00:32:54.920
carolyndeck: had my husband and I come in unity.

426
00:32:55.840 --> 00:33:02.949
carolyndeck: and I was his godly helper. I thought that was that almost puts me on the throne right.

427
00:33:03.370 --> 00:33:16.800
carolyndeck: I kind of thought which was kind of funny. And so what does it say when you know when it says, Submit to your husband's. It doesn't mean be a doormat. It means this, this Holy Spirit helper.

428
00:33:17.870 --> 00:33:23.880
carolyndeck: The Holy Spirit's not a doormat to Jesus or to the Father. They have this beautiful

429
00:33:24.350 --> 00:33:25.680
carolyndeck: unity.

430
00:33:26.680 --> 00:33:28.320
carolyndeck: Blend of

431
00:33:31.940 --> 00:33:34.329
carolyndeck: yeah, communication in unity.

432
00:33:34.440 --> 00:33:36.719
carolyndeck: So that got me thinking.

433
00:33:36.740 --> 00:33:42.829
carolyndeck: how did that then look? If I'm to be this godly helper to my husband.

434
00:33:43.830 --> 00:33:53.079
carolyndeck: and it tells you very clearly in the Bible how we're to do that, and we do things that are honoring to him that are respectful to Him.

435
00:33:53.850 --> 00:34:00.640
carolyndeck: Right? Just as the Holy Spirit is honoring and respectful to the Lord and the Father.

436
00:34:02.810 --> 00:34:10.979
carolyndeck: and and all things. You do it out of this unity, which is what love. Well, didn't you get married in the 1st place, because you're in love.

437
00:34:11.239 --> 00:34:11.714
Tanya: Yeah.

438
00:34:12.340 --> 00:34:17.170
carolyndeck: Right. And so this Doctor Joe again, if your heart

439
00:34:17.380 --> 00:34:19.609
carolyndeck: it's heart filled with love.

440
00:34:19.969 --> 00:34:22.459
carolyndeck: and you draw from that. Well.

441
00:34:23.139 --> 00:34:24.990
carolyndeck: then, you're thinking.

442
00:34:25.699 --> 00:34:28.779
carolyndeck: can be this Holy Spirit helper as a wife.

443
00:34:30.100 --> 00:34:42.910
carolyndeck: Not this cranky. He doesn't do anything for me. He never helps with the kids. Why can't he do the dishes or hang out the washing, you know, it just really changes the dial of your thinking.

444
00:34:44.310 --> 00:34:47.230
carolyndeck: And when we start to do that.

445
00:34:48.020 --> 00:34:49.070
carolyndeck: your

446
00:34:49.090 --> 00:34:50.699
carolyndeck: actions catch up

447
00:34:51.530 --> 00:34:55.469
carolyndeck: right, and then slowly but surely, actually

448
00:34:56.219 --> 00:35:00.050
carolyndeck: so too, does your mind start to change.

449
00:35:00.530 --> 00:35:01.980
carolyndeck: and so

450
00:35:02.240 --> 00:35:05.959
carolyndeck: I turned the table on my

451
00:35:07.270 --> 00:35:12.680
carolyndeck: at times anger and resentment, with all his travelling and everything to be.

452
00:35:12.910 --> 00:35:14.740
carolyndeck: How can I

453
00:35:15.650 --> 00:35:17.549
carolyndeck: possibly have it.

454
00:35:17.630 --> 00:35:22.169
carolyndeck: so that when my husband walks in the door he feels joy.

455
00:35:23.010 --> 00:35:23.620
Tanya: Hmm.

456
00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:27.610
carolyndeck: Because he wants to be at home with his wife and children. He really does.

457
00:35:28.180 --> 00:35:40.129
carolyndeck: Or not. I mean, if if we're sowing the seeds of resentment and anger, they're going to grow up to be these big, ugly, just weeds in our house. Right? So I'm like.

458
00:35:40.130 --> 00:35:40.870
Tanya: Yeah.

459
00:35:40.870 --> 00:35:43.029
carolyndeck: I so then, who would want to come?

460
00:35:43.030 --> 00:35:44.610
Tanya: Home to that too.

461
00:35:44.610 --> 00:35:56.850
carolyndeck: Exactly. Exactly so. We don't want that. So do the question back to your heart. What does my heart really want? I want to be loved and cherished.

462
00:35:57.300 --> 00:36:03.930
carolyndeck: And this is what God tells the man to do to treat his wife like a precious jewel.

463
00:36:04.500 --> 00:36:04.820
Tanya: Thomas.

464
00:36:04.820 --> 00:36:10.569
carolyndeck: Right as Christ loves the Church. Well, Christ died for the Church.

465
00:36:11.060 --> 00:36:15.260
carolyndeck: So how is that going to look so? Yes, so it got me thinking.

466
00:36:15.680 --> 00:36:18.529
carolyndeck: how is it I'm going to make this home

467
00:36:19.020 --> 00:36:26.159
carolyndeck: so welcoming and full of love and peace and joy, so that when my husband walks through the door.

468
00:36:26.750 --> 00:36:28.159
carolyndeck: He's going. Oh.

469
00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:30.170
carolyndeck: thank goodness.

470
00:36:30.570 --> 00:36:32.679
carolyndeck: you know. Thank goodness I'm home.

471
00:36:33.010 --> 00:36:33.500
Tanya: Yeah.

472
00:36:33.990 --> 00:36:34.920
carolyndeck: It's very

473
00:36:35.170 --> 00:36:44.520
carolyndeck: my sanctuary. So I started that really did fire me up to go right? I I do want this

474
00:36:44.870 --> 00:36:46.969
carolyndeck: place an order.

475
00:36:47.150 --> 00:36:49.879
carolyndeck: Okay, a few toys over there. Fine!

476
00:36:50.428 --> 00:37:18.471
carolyndeck: But I do want him to come home to. Yes, love still is in the valley. The way to a man's heart is through cooking and food, and I think I sent you a photo, didn't I? Last week? I'm like, call me old fashioned, but and it was my dinner that I would cook for my husband. And he just come home from wherever you'd been on. Sometimes I forget. I don't know if he's in Mexico, Canada, or just, you know, down the road?

477
00:37:18.810 --> 00:37:20.390
carolyndeck: So I'm just

478
00:37:20.470 --> 00:37:24.190
carolyndeck: planting a few seeds, girls, that you can actually

479
00:37:24.770 --> 00:37:28.209
carolyndeck: use the energy that you're wasting

480
00:37:28.640 --> 00:37:35.470
carolyndeck: because it's exhausting, being angry. Actually, it's really exhausting when you're frustrated and

481
00:37:35.540 --> 00:37:39.729
carolyndeck: so use that energy and go when you're vacuuming.