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Hello and welcome to another episode of The Mom-entum Podcast.  The show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood.  I’m your host, Tanya Valentine, and I want to thank you so much for taking the time to tune in today.

 

So first off, I just want to share that yesterday I went for a massage for the first time in years, and it was amazing! Shout out to Skin Day spa in Crown Point, IN and Annalyse who gave me the most relaxing massage.  She started out working on my psoas muscle, which is essentially your hip flexor, but anyway, when she was working on this muscle, it kind of hurt, but it was like a good hurt. And when she was through I felt like a release, like an opening.  And then the whole experience was just so nice and calming, and I walked away feeling light and airy and I have to say it gave me more energy, like at night after dinner I usually feel so exhausted, but last night I didn’t.  I still felt good.  And I really feel this was all attributed to the massage.  And you better believe I got there early to sit in the sauna!  And I couldn’t believe it, there were other people there, but I was the only one using the sauna!  Who wouldn’t want to sit in a sauna when the temperatures are in the single digits?!  Which, by the way, the other day, as I was driving Lucia to school we were all in awe watching the temperature gauge drop in the car.  We literally watched as it dropped from single digits all the way down to -6! It’s cold guys! And if you perhaps live somewhere in a warmer climate, enjoy it, appreciate it and I’m jealous!

 

So the massage was great, I was able to use a gift card that I had received as a gift from Chris years ago, and it was nice to treat myself and use the time for me rather than to work or clean the house or catch up with something.  I highly recommend you do this for yourself.  Let go of the guilt, let go of all of the things you think you “should” be doing, and take care of yourself.  Because the truth is, there really are not that many things you really HAVE to be doing.  Take an hour or 2 and take care of yourself, and this will even give you the energy and stamina to be more effective and more efficient in the things that you think need to get done, right? And hey, if you are in the Northwest Indiana area, go check out Skin Day spa, and tell them I sent you!  You will be so glad you did!

 

Ok so onto today’s episode.  So I’ve been reading this book that I’ve been wanting to read for a while now called “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose” by Eckhart Tolle.  And I am loving it!  And I really feel like it resonates with everything that I believe to be true, that our thoughts create our reality, but this book really provides a deeper understanding.

 

And Eckhart Tolle totally changed my life when I first heard his quote “Worry pretends to be necessary.” Take a minute to let that sink in.  Worry pretends to be necessary.  When you really reflect on that statement there, think about how true it is.  It will change your life, too.  

 

Really think about it, what good does worrying do?  Worrying doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t solve anything, and I would argue that it actually worsens a situation and your state of being.  You can actually worry yourself sick.  

A couple of years ago Chris broke his leg in 2 places at work.  When I got the news I dropped what I was doing, took the kids to my mother in laws, and raced to the hospital where he was because it was a compound fracture which means that the broken bones actually broke through the skin and he needed surgery.  

 

So when the Surgeon came to see him in the holding area where they prepped him for surgery to explain what he was going to be doing, he said that there might be a chance he would not be able to mend the broken bones internally, and there was a possibility he would need external fixation.  And external fixation is when the hardware that stabilizes and supports the broken bone is located outside of the skin, but its connected to the bone through the skin.  So its metal rods or pins that are surgically inserted into the bone through the skin that are connected to an external frame.  

 

And this type of treatment not only makes it more difficult to move around and sleep comfortably, because you’ve got this piece of hardware connected to your leg, but it also increases the risk for infection.  

 

So needless to say, even though I was so grateful that Chris was ok, I mean he had a broken leg, but at least nothing worse happened, I mean he didn’t hit his head, he didn’t break all of the bones in his body, and he was alive. But anyway, I was really hoping that the surgeon would be able to fix it internally versus with external fixation.  

 

But the surgeon said he really wouldn’t know what was needed until he got in there.  So I decided then in there, ok I’m not going to worry about it.  Worrying about it will not solve this.  Worrying about it will not magically enable him to fix Chris’ broken leg the way I want it to be fixed.  I’m just going to decide right now to be at peace with the fact that this is what it is.  It’s not useful for me to worry about it, and it will only create more stress in me, and right now the situation is calling for me to be a calm, stable presence not only for Chris but for myself.  

 

So at the end of the day, the surgeon was able to fix Chris’ leg internally.  So Chris got the pins and rods secured in his bones and then he was able to suture his wounds closed.  I was so grateful.  But you know, it would have done me no good to worry.  And I’m not sure if I would have been so at peace with the situation if it had not been for this quote that I learned from Eckhart Tolle that worry pretends to be necessary.  It really opened my eyes to just how useless worry is and in fact how destructive it can be as well because of the unnecessary stress it causes. 

 

So if you consider yourself to be a worryer, then I encourage you to try incorporating this quote into your daily life.  Make it your mantra.  When you notice worry start to show up, just say to yourself over and over again either in your head or out loud “worry pretends to be necessary”. Write it on a post it note and stick it where you will see it often, like on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, on the dashboard of your car, maybe even make it the wallpaper on your phone.  I promise, try this for a week and see if it changes your life.

 

So onto his book that I’m reading “A New Earth”, I wanted to share with you what I am learning because one, I believe everyone could benefit from understanding this stuff.  

 

And 2, if you are interested in living a more peaceful life, I believe this book has the power to help you attain that.  And if you are not a reader because maybe you don’t have the time, or you can't keep your eyes open long enough at the end of the day, or whatever the reason is, then get the audiobook.  That’s how I get any reading done these days. And it’s so nice I can just listen in the car, or when I’m doing dishes or folding laundry.  So get the audiobook.

 

The impact this book is having on my life is really, I would say, transformative. It is helping me to be less reactive and be a calm peaceful presence for my kids. It’s helping me show up consciously, the way I want to for them. Helping me be more present. And I actually feel better. Less tense, and like I have more energy.  And this is why I want to pass this on to you guys.  I really do believe, if you open your mind and your heart, this book has the power to change your life.

 

Now some of you might think this is too woo-woo for you.  But like I said, open your mind and your heart.  When the blinds are closed, you cannot let light in. 

 

If you are not happy, if you are dissatisfied with your life, if you walk around with a mild feeling of discontent, if you are stressed out, if you want to be more present with your loved ones, if you are looking for some peace in your life, then you will never find it if you are in a state of contraction.  If you are closed-minded to all of the possibilities that are right in front of your face.  You must be open minded to find answers, to find peace.  This is one thing I know for sure.

 

So with that being said, take a deep breath, get present, and lets talk about “A New Earth”.  I’m going to share with you some of the quotes from the book and I really think if you’re anything like me that it will really resonate with you.  It will feel like truth, and help shift your perspective on life. So I’ll share some of the quotes that really hit home for me, that were really ah-hah moments. 

 

And I think first I should explain that in this book he talks a lot about the ego and consciousness.  And in case you are not familiar with theses terms, let me give a description. 

 

So first, the ego.  All of us humans have this thing called an ego.  And how Eckhart describes it, it’s like the source of all human dysfunction in the world.  Who we are, at our core, our essence is consciousness.  We all have a soul which is eternal, and our soul, or what Eckhart calls the consciousness, is inhabiting our bodies,for a short period of time, and once our bodies die, our consciousness still exists.  But while consciousness is in a formed state, that is in our bodies, we also have this entity called the ego.

 

 Eckhart  describes the ego as the false self, a mental construct made up of thoughts, beliefs, and identifications. It’s driven by the need to feel separate, special, or superior, often leading to feelings of lack or dissatisfaction.

• The ego thrives on attachments to roles, labels, possessions, or external validation and can cause suffering because it disconnects us from the present moment and our true nature.

My interpretation of the ego?  I like to think of it as the devil on your shoulder.  You remember those old cartoons where the character would suddenly have the devil and angel appear on their shoulders?  That’s how I conceptualize the ego.  It is the cause of all human dysfunction and suffering.

 

Now I like to think of consciousness as the angel on your shoulder. Eckhart describes consciousness as our essential being, the formless awareness that exists beyond thoughts, emotions, and the egoic mind. Here are some key aspects of how Tolle explains consciousness:

1. The Present Moment Awareness

• Consciousness is deeply tied to living in the present moment. According to Tolle, when we are fully present, we transcend the mental chatter of the ego and connect to a state of pure awareness.

• He often calls this the “Now” or “Presence”, emphasizing that true consciousness exists only in the present moment, not in the past or future, which are constructs of the mind.

2. The Observer or Witness

• Consciousness is the ability to step back and observe your thoughts, emotions, and experiences without identifying with them. Tolle describes it as the witnessing presence behind your mental and emotional states.

• For example, instead of saying, “I am angry,” consciousness allows you to recognize, “I am aware that anger is arising.”

3. Beyond the Ego

• Tolle views consciousness as the opposite of the ego. While the ego identifies with thoughts, labels, and external forms, consciousness is formless and timeless. It is your true self, beyond mental and social constructs.

• The shift from identifying with the ego to recognizing consciousness is what Tolle calls a “spiritual awakening.”

4. The Source of Stillness and Peace

• Consciousness is the quiet, unchanging presence that underlies all experiences. Tolle often refers to it as a state of deep inner peace, stillness, and connectedness with life itself.

• By accessing this state, we transcend suffering, which Tolle says arises from resisting the present moment or being caught in unconscious thought patterns.

5. Universal and Interconnected

• Consciousness is not limited to the individual; it is the universal essence of all life. Tolle suggests that consciousness is the unifying force that connects everything in existence.

• When we become conscious, we recognize the interconnectedness of all beings and move beyond separateness.

In summary, Eckhart Tolle describes consciousness as our true nature—the timeless, formless awareness beyond the thinking mind. By accessing consciousness, we experience inner peace, presence, and freedom from the ego’s limitations.

 

So now here are some of the quotes I pulled from the book that I wanted to share with you all:

 

Eckhart says…

 

“Seeking is the antithesis of happiness” 

 

So he is saying seeking or looking for happiness is the direct opposite of happiness.  In other words, as long as it is something you have to look for, then that means it’s something that you do not have already.  But that is not true.  Happiness is always available to you.  But as long as you are making your happiness dependent on something outside of you, you want your spouse to change, your children to change, the circumstances in your life to be different.  You will never be happy.  Because even if or when things change to your liking, what will happen is your thoughts will change which will then cause your feelings to change.  

 

Because our thoughts cause our feelings not our circumstances.  For instance.  Maybe your husband doesn’t respond to your texts.  And you make that mean, or your thought about that is, “im not a priority” or “he doesn’t care about me” or “a good husband would respond to his wife’s texts” and those thoughts might make you feel unhappy.  But if he suddenly changed and began promptly responding to your texts you might think “he is a good husband” “he does care about me” and those thoughts make you feel happy.  But the truth is you could just believe this now, without him even having to change.  You could ask yourself what else could be true?  Why did I draw this conclusion that he doesn’t care about me because he didn’t respond to my text.  What are the facts here?  The fact is, I sent him a text and I didnt get a response.  The story I made up was that he doesn’t care about me.  Is that true?  What else could be true?  Maybe he is busy working.  Maybe he is driving.  I don’t know.  But if you knew that was the case, then would you believe he doesn’t care about you?  It’s all just a story you are making up in your head.  You could even communicate this to your spouse and say hey, you know when I sent you that text earlier and you didn’t respond, the story that I’m telling myself about that is that you don’t care about me.  Is that true?  But then the truth is, that even when things do change, when we get what we want, we are not satisfied for the long term are we?  No, because of this ego, we are always searching for something else to make us happy.  Eckhart explains that the ego thrives by wanting even more than having.  So even when you get what you want, you might experience a feeling of satisfaction for some amount of time, but eventually you will revert back to dissatisfaction because the ego is strengthened by wanting. Which brings me to these next quotes, and listen to these, ugh they are so good…

 

“Most egos have conflicting wants. They want different things at different times. Or they may not even know what they want except that they do not want what is. The present moment. Unease, restlessness, boredom, anxiety, dissatisfaction are the result of unfulfilled wanting. Wanting is structural so no amount of content can provide lasting fulfillment as long as that mental structure remains in place.”

 

I can so relate to that, like not knowing what I want except that I don’t want what is…. I loved how he articulates that, and its nice to have an explanation to why this happens and know that ok there’s not something wrong with me, this is actually a thing, it’s my ego.  Ok next he says…

 

“The thought forms of me and mine, of more than, of I want, I need, I must have, and not enough,pertain not to content but to the structure of the ego. The content is interchangeable. As long as you don’t recognize those thought forms within yourself, as long as they remain unconscious, you will believe what they say. You will be condemned to acting out those unconscious thoughts, condemned to seeking and not finding. because when those thought forms operate, no possession, Place, person, or condition will ever satisfy you. No content will satisfy you as long as the egoic  structure remains in place. No matter what you have or get, you will not be happy. you will always be looking for something else that promises greater fulfillment. That promises to make your incomplete sense of self complete. And fill that sense of lack you feel within.”

 

OK now this is why my mentor, Brooke Castillo, always says that before you leave someone, learn to love them first, before you leave them.  I know this might not make sense, but look at that through the lens of the quote I just read to you.  Now, a little side note here, this does not pertain to you if you are in an abusive relationship.  And if you are by any chance in an abusive relationship, leave, find the help that you need.  But in most cases,find what is coming in between you loving this other person,  what are your thoughts about them, what are your beliefs about what a good relationship will look like, and perhaps the most important question to ask yourself is what is my relationship like with myself?  What are my thoughts about myself? Because what happens is we project our beliefs about ourself onto other people.  The way Eckhart puts it is, “External reality always reflects back to you your inner state”

 

Which is why Brooke says to clean up your thoughts, learn to love yourself and that other person before leaving them, because if not, then you are just going to take this into your next relationship.  Don’t you know someone who seems to go from one bad relationship to another? This is why that is.  Because they are reliving the same thoughts and feelings they had in the relationship, it is just now taking a different form.

 

Ok so the next quote I highlighted is…

 

“If you are unhappy, instead of saying I am unhappy, say there is unhappiness in me”. 

 

The ego needs to have an identity.  When you say “I am unhappy”  you are labeling yourself,  you are identifying yourself as an unhappy person.  And then the ego will then search for things in your life, look for evidence in your life, even create circumstances in your life that will strengthen this identity, this role, of an unhappy person.  So you say you are unhappy.  The ego says ok we are playing the role of unhappy person, so it says ok here are all of all the reasons for you to feel unhappy, you woke up this morning to a screaming, crying toddler, your home is a mess, the ego will even go as far as to create stories to strengthen this identity or role of unhappy person.  It will curate thoughts like, your spouse doesn’t respect you, your kids don’t respect you, no one appreciates you, your not smart enough, pretty enough, good enough. Whatever. Words are powerful things.  And your thoughts are just words that are not expressed. They create our perception of the world around us and therefore what we experience.  So say there is unhappiness in me.  Because yes, what is true maybe in this moment is that you are feeling a sense of unhappiness.  So you say there is unhappiness in me rather than giving yourself the label and therefore identity of “i am unhappy”.  You are not the unhappiness.  You are you.  The unhappiness is just a feeling, and feelings and thoughts are fleeting, they come and go, but you will always exist.  It’s like they say, think of your thoughts and feelings as the clouds which come and go, and then you are the sky which is ever present in the background.

 

OK I think that is going to be it for today.  Honestly, there is so much more goodness I want to discuss from this book, so I’m going to hit the pause button for today and say to be continued.  

 

In the next episode, I want to talk more about this and maybe even the next 2 episodes honestly.  I’m excited to share with you what Eckhart has to say about conscious parenting that I really think you will love. So stay tuned for that.  And I want to hear what your thoughts are about this.  I would love for you to read this book and hear your takeaways.  

 

I think It would be really cool to start a little book club, and have discussions on these philosophical things.  I don’t know about you, but I have a desire in my soul to have deep, meaningful conversations, I get so tired of the small talk. If you feel the same way, I’m your girl, reach out anytime! Our souls were meant to connect!  

 

Alright, friends!  Thank you so much for taking the time again to tune in today!  I so appreciate you, I really do!  And if you liked what you heard today, would you mind doing me a favor?  Could you take a moment to leave a rating or review, or even subscribe to this podcast?  Doing this helps more people find the show, so the Momentum Podcast can continue to grow!  And I would love to hear your thoughts from today’s show!  Post a screenshot with your takeaways and tag me at tanyavalentinecoaching! Alright friends, that’s a wrap. Until next time, know you are worthy, you are enough, and you are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for!  Bye!