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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Mom-entum podcast. I’m so grateful to get to spend this time with you today! And I’m going to kick this episode off with a question for you… Have you ever started something with tons of excitement — a new routine, a goal, a resolution — only to fizzle out a few weeks later?

I know I have!  I know last year I was reading this book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham.  And as I was reading it, I was super motivated to stop yelling at my kids.  I remember sharing with my daughter that I was reading this book to help me yell less, and I shared with her some ideas I got from the book, which a year later sadly I cannot share with you because I have forgotten.  And why have I forgotten, because I did not make it a consistent, dedicated practice.  I started out strong, but what I lacked was this one quality, this one emotion that I’m going to talk about today, that would keep me committed to my desire to stop yelling at my kids, even when it was challenging.

This one emotion will take you through to the finish line, or in some cases where there is no finish line, like in the case of building and maintaining healthy habits, it will keep you consistently showing up for yourself.
 

We often think motivation is the key, but the truth is, motivation isn’t enough. There’s another quality you need — one that’s even more powerful. And today, I’m going to tell you what it is and how to build it.
 

 

 

OK so the emotion we need in order to achieve our goals, in order for us to do the things that we may not want to do in the moment, but later we are so proud of ourselves for doing is Resolve.
 

Resolve is that inner determination that keeps you going even when it’s hard, even when you don’t feel like it. Resolve is making a decision and committing to it no matter what.
 

In contrast, we all think motivation is what we need.  But motivation is fleeting.  It fades.  And we can’t wait for the motivation to come in order to get started.  It may never come.  There are many times when the motivation will come after you make the decision just to get started.
 

Resolve is a decision you stand by, no matter how you feel in the moment.
 

 

Let me give you an example of resolve in action.  Last year my family was hit hard with the stomach flu.  It began in the middle of the night.  My oldest daughter came into our bedroom and said that she wasn’t feeling good.  She laid down in bed next to me and next thing I knew she was telling me she had to throw up.  I slipped my arms underneath her body, lifted her up and jumped out of bed in a desperate attempt to make it to the bathroom in time.  

Unfortunately, I was not quick enough.  I ran from our bed to the bathroom, with vomit trailing behind me.  

When we made it to the bathroom, she continued to throw up into the toilet, and as I rubbed her back and pulled her hair back I realized I was covered in vomit.  It was in my hair, on my pajamas, on my socks.  It was disgusting.  When she was done, or so we thought, I got myself and her cleaned up, scrubbed the carpet, and changed the bedding.  

Then, when we finally got settled back in bed, she sat up, “Mom, I gotta throw up again!” Luckily this time I had a bucket ready to go.  But still I had to get up, wash this one, replace it with a new one.  Then once we were settled again, now here comes my son, Rocco.  He walks into the bedroom, I see him at the foot of my bed, he stops short, he leans over and vomits all over the carpet.  So again I am cleaning him up, scrubbing the carpet, getting him a bucket, getting him settled in bed with us.  Now this went on practically every half hour until about 4am. It. Was. Awful.  

But here’s where resolve comes into the story.  I have made a decision that I want to get up at 5am before my kids get up, so that I can have that time to myself, that quiet time, so that I can make sure I get my exercise in.  Moving my body and exercising everyday is so important to me, I am so committed to doing it that I am going to do it no matter what.  No matter what challenge comes up, I will find a way around it.  I will figure out some way to get exercise in no matter what.  

So even though I maybe got 3 hours of sleep that night, I still got up at 5 am and I worked out.  And you know what, when my alarm went off, did I want to get out of bed? No.  Was I tired? Yes, I was exhausted.  But I knew that the feeling I would experience if I didn’t get up and work out would be much worse than the feeling I would have if I just got up and did it.  And I was right.  I got up, I did a peloton work out, and you know what, once I got started, that feeling of being tired, it faded, and it was replaced with energy.  And at the end of the work out that feeling of accomplishment, knowing that I just did that even though I was tired, even though I didn’t feel like it, that was a moment of true power.  It was a moment of satisfaction, one that lasted so much that I am sharing this story with you today.  

Now, I’m not suggesting that you do this every day, push yourself to the point of exhaustion, no that just isn’t healthy. But just to show you the power resolve has in your life.  When you can cultivate resolve with a goal or with a habit you are working on, you will be successful at it.  You will do the things necessary in order to be successful even when you don’t feel like it.  And in doing so, you will feel so much better.  You will build a relationship of trust with yourself.  You are building your character to be the person that does what she says she is going to do.  And when you trust yourself, that’s everything.  That’s when you stop second guessing yourself.  When you put something on your calendar you know that it is as good as done because you are the type of person that does what she says she is going to do.

You might be saying to yourself, that sounds nice and all, but how does one even go about cultivating resolve. I’m going to give you 5 steps right now of how you can create resolve in your life so that you can have more success with your goals and habits.

So step 1,to start, you need to prove to your brain that it’s actually possible for you. I’m going to call this first step “gathering evidence”.

Your brain is going to offer you thoughts, lots of thoughts.  You will experience doubt.  It will say to you things like “this isn’t possible”, or “this just isn’t who I am” “I’m not the type of person who…”, or “I don’t know how” or “this is too hard”. And you can’t let these thoughts go unchecked, because those thoughts will cause you to feel doubtful, and do you want to take action from a place of doubt? No.  What action do you take when you are feeling doubtful? None, right?  You take no action or you quit.

 It’s important to understand at this moment, your brain is just trying to protect you.  It’s job is to keep you alive.  And there’s this thing that I’ve talked about before on the podcast called the motivational triad, and this is running our brain.  The motivational triad are the 3 things our brains are motivated by to keep us alive. And these three things are: seeking pleasure, avoiding pain and conserving energy, which are all of the things that our ancestors needed to do in order to survive.  But the problem with this motivational triad is that nowadays, it prevents us from doing the things that are actually good for us.  

We are in a different place than our ancestors.  We are surrounded by an abundance of pleasures.  And nowadays we all know that too much pleasure does not serve us.  We eat too much, we feel sick, it has a negative impact on our health, we gain weight.  We binge watch netflix, we feel sluggish, lazy, we lose motivation and drive, we don’t do the things that we really need and want to do, things that are good for us like exercise.

So to overcome the motivational triad and the negative self talk, you must gather evidence.  You must gather evidence to prove that it is possible for you to have resolve.  And how you do that is by making a conscious effort to look at all of the areas in your life where you do have resolve.  So do this now.  Take stock of the areas in your life where you do have resolve.  I promise that you can find something.  And don’t dismiss the small stuff, either, it matters.  For example, I bet you have a resolve to brush your teeth every day.  I bet that no matter what, you make sure you brush your teeth everyday.  I’m sure that even if you’re running late, you make sure you brush your teeth.  Even when your kids are sick, you still brush your teeth, right?  Even when you’ve had a “bad day” you brush your teeth.  

Why this matters, is that you are pointing out to your brain that it is possible for you to have resolve because you have resolve in this area of your life.  Which means that you have it in you, and then it is possible that that same resolve could be applied to other areas of your life.  How?  With consistent practice. 

 Thats how you have resolved to brush your teeth every day right?  I mean, I’m sure you don’t remember, at least I don’t, but when you first learned to brush your teeth, it was hard.  You didn’t want to do it.  You needed constant reminders from your parents, I’m sure there was a lot of resistance, lots of arguing back and forth between you and your parents.  But everyday, your parents persisted, and you continued to brush your teeth every day, even though you didn’t want to.  Until, eventually, you developed your own resolve to brush your teeth, no matter what, even without the motivation and persistence from your parents.

Ok, so onto step 2.  Step 2 is to pick one thing to work on right now.  What is one goal or habit that you want to succeed in?  And focus on cultivating a feeling of resolve towards this goal.  Make sure you are focused on just one thing.  You will notice that once you develop resolve in one area it naturally starts to spill over to other areas of your life.  But right now, just focus on one thing to work on so that you don’t get overwhelmed. 

 And be honest with yourself.  What’s an area in your life that you are really struggling with, and once you get a handle on it, would make a significant difference in your life, and by resolving this issue, it would actually improve other areas of your life, as well.  

For example, making sure you get enough sleep.  Now I understand, sleep can be a tricky one, especially with moms, we’ve got newborns waking us up every 2 hours, or little ones that like to sneak into our beds in the middle of the night, or maybe you're in perimenopause and waking up with hot flashes.  But there are things that are within your control.  Like making sure you get to bed by a certain time every night. Sleeping without the tv on.  Avoiding caffeine after 1pm. Dimming the lights at night, not looking at your phone before bed, not eating 2 hours before going to sleep. But if you do the things that are within your control, you will notice an improvement in your sleep.  And if you get enough sleep, you will be more patient with your kids.  You will be more focused on that project your working on.  You will have more energy to work out.  See what I’m saying? So just pick one thing, one goal, one habit and work on developing resolve, remember that’s commitment to doing it no matter what, and when challenges come up, you are figuring out ways around it.

Ok now step 3 is to make the decision.  Now this goes hand in hand with step number 2, but I want you to declare it.  Write it down, say it out loud.  I am making the decision right now that I will be in bed by 9 pm every night no matter what.  That means, if the house is a mess, we leave it a mess.  We figure out a way to be in bed by 9 every night.  I am working on developing my resolve.  How I do one thing is how I do everything.  And if I can stick to this, if I can hone my resolve in this area, I know it will have positive improvements in other areas of my life, which will lead to an overall improvement in my life.

Alright, moving onto step 4 is to speak kindly to yourself.  Now I don’t know where you are on your journey and how self aware you are of your thoughts.  But make an effort to notice how you feel as you are working towards your goal.  Or notice when you are about to make a decision that goes against your goal.  

Like for example, with the goal to be in bed every night by 9pm.  Maybe there’s a night where it’s just been a day, and you fell asleep in your kids bed when you were putting them to sleep and you wake up at 9 and whoops, the kitchen isn’t picked up from dinner.  Notice the chatter in your head.  Notice what you are saying to yourself, maybe it’s something like “I can’t fall asleep when I know there are dishes sitting in the sink”, or “just this once won’t matter, I know I can get this kitchen cleaned up and be in bed by 9:30”.

Notice these thoughts, and kindly redirect them.  Say to yourself, brain, your opinion is noted, I know you are trying to protect me, probably trying to protect me from the negative self talk of tomorrow morning, things I might say to myself tomorrow like “you’re so lazy”, “this kitchen is a mess”, “you are such a mess”, “you should have planned your day better yesterday”.  

In these moments, answer your brain.  Make a decision ahead of time that you are not going to do that to yourself, you are not going to beat up on yourself.  Say I made this decision that this was important to me, and I’m working on cultivating resolve, in sticking to this no matter what.  And if that means that the kitchen is a mess tomorrow morning, it’s fine.  It’s not the end of the world.  No one is going to be harmed because some dishes were left in the sink.  It will get done, and I will figure it out.

Its important to speak kindly to yourself because this dialog you have with yourself are just thoughts.  Remember, thoughts cause feelings, which drive our actions which then create the results in our lives.  The negative chatter is going to prevent you from doing the things you need to do in order to stick with your goal.  So answer back, give yourself the coaching you need in order to overcome the resistance, and feel resolved to follow through with your goal.

Lastly, we have step 5 which is practice.  Just keep doing it.  Again and again and again until it becomes like second nature.

Now look, is it going to be easier to apply resolve in one area of your life than others? Probably.  I know that is true for me, at least.  And that’s ok.  It doesn’t mean it’s impossible.  Give yourself grace. Speak kindly to yourself.Because here’s the thing — none of this happens overnight.
Just like any skill, resolve is something you strengthen through repetition. Tony Robbins says, “Repetition is the mother of skill.” And it’s true — the more you practice, the better you get at showing up for yourself.

Every time you follow through on something you said you would do — no matter how small — you’re training your brain to trust you. You’re teaching yourself: I can rely on me.

That’s what practicing resolve looks like in real life.
It’s brushing your teeth when you don’t feel like it.
It’s choosing to pause before yelling.
It’s showing up for your workout even when you’re tired.
It’s closing your eyes at night and saying, “I did what I said I would do today.”

And over time, those tiny moments stack up.
They become your identity.
You’re no longer someone who’s trying to be disciplined — you are a woman with resolve.

So here’s a quick recap of how to build it:
1️⃣ Gather evidence — remind yourself where you already show resolve.
2️⃣ Pick one focus — one habit or goal that really matters.
3️⃣ Make the decision — commit and declare it.
4️⃣ Speak kindly to yourself — notice and redirect the inner chatter.
5️⃣ Practice daily — repetition, repetition, repetition.

That’s how you create real change — not overnight, but over time.

And if you want to practice this and make it stick, you’ve got to track it. Because when you see your progress, you’re more likely to keep going.
So if you haven’t already, download my free Habit Tracker — it’s your simple tool to help you build momentum and strengthen your resolve one checkmark at a time.

And I want to share something new that I’m really excited about — I’m now offering free email coaching.
Here’s why: I know how busy mom life can be. Finding an hour for a call isn’t always realistic — and sometimes, even asking for help can feel uncomfortable or overwhelming. So I wanted to make getting guidance simpler and more accessible.

Here’s how it works: you sign up, you’ll get a personal email from me, and you can reply anytime with what you’re struggling with — whether it’s yelling less at your kids, finding time for yourself, building routines, or anything else on your heart.
Then I’ll personally write back with guidance, encouragement, and strategies just for you.

No scheduling. No pressure. Just support when you need it — in a way that fits your life.

Because sometimes the hardest part isn’t knowing what to do — it’s believing you have the time, energy, or permission to start. This takes that barrier away.

So if that sounds like something your heart needs right now, the link to sign up is in the show notes.

Remember: motivation may get you started, but resolve — and support — will carry you through.

Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I hope this episode inspired you to see yourself as capable of so much more than you’ve given yourself credit for.

If you loved this episode, please take a moment to rate and review the podcast — it really helps me reach more moms just like you who are ready to grow. And if there’s someone in your life who could use this message today, share it with them — because we rise higher when we grow together.

Until next time, keep showing up with love, grace, and of course… resolve.