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 Welcome to another episode of the momentum, podcast the show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting and empowering women on their journey through motherhood. I'm your host, Tanya Valentine. And in today's episode we're diving deep into the topic of how to improve your energy.

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: But first, before we do that, let me just take a moment while I'm thinking about it to offer a

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: apology, because on last week's podcast I interviewed Karen Sallade, and I mispronounced her name, and I called her Karen Salad, and I am so sorry, Karen. Normally I should have thought ahead of time to make sure that I was pronouncing her name correctly, and I did not. I'm sorry I made a mistake. I'm human, but I'm so sorry. And please.

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I would just like to encourage any of you

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: to make sure that you tell somebody when they've mispronounced your name. Because I feel horrible. I wish I didn't do that. But anyway, her name is, pronounced Karen Saladay. Not Karen salad.

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: So, but back into the topic of today, which is all about improving your energy. We all know that low energy can affect our daily lives, making it difficult to accomplish things that we want to do. So let's explore how to boost our energy and transform our life

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: and the energy improving strategies I'm teaching here in today's episode are probably not what you'd expect

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when you think of increasing your energy. You're probably thinking more in terms of actions like getting more sleep.

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: exercise, eating a nutritious diet, and yes, all those things will help improve your energy, of course, but the key is, how can you get yourself to do all of those things?

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: The key is what I'm going to be talking about today, and that is the power of your emotions. Let's start by discussing what drains our energy

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: emotions play a significant role in our energy levels.

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: Emotions are energy in motion, and they can either be high or low in vibration.

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: And when I say vibration, I'm essentially talking about the energy frequency. And frequency is just a term for how we measure energy. Okay? So the higher your energy's frequency.

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: the lighter you will feel physically, emotionally, and mentally, you experience personal power, clarity, peace, love, and joy, while discomfort and pain in your physical body are reduced.

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: But low vibration. Emotions like fear, doubt.

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: worry, stress, and more can deplete your energy.

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: So it's crucial to understand that emotions are the result of your thoughts.

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: not the result of external circumstances. Because what you think is the problem is your spouse. You think the problem is, your kid's not listening, the house being disheveled, the number in your bank account.

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: But it is, in fact, your thoughts about those things. That is the problem. So if you're feeling a low, vibrational emotion, it's always caused by a thought.

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: The good news is, you can change your thoughts through a process called reframing

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: and cognitive reframing is a psychological technique that involves identifying and changing the way you view situations, experiences, thoughts and emotions. And this is exactly what we do in coaching.

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: It's incredibly powerful to have a trained coach help you see the impact of your thoughts on your life.

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: I encourage you to take advantage of the free 30 min Mini coaching sessions I am offering now

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: so that you can experience this for yourself if you feel stuck. frustrated.

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: or there is an area in your life that you want to change, and maybe you've tried different things in the past to make a change. But nothing really sticks, and ultimately you end up falling back into your usual habits. If this is you, then I encourage you to schedule a call. I can get you some good help even in just 30 min.

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: and if you don't think you have 30 min in your day to devote to making a change, then there's your thought error. Right there. You've got to try something new in order to get a different result.

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: I am going to repeat one of my all-time favorite quotes by Albert Einstein, and that is the definition of insanity

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: is doing the same thing over and over, and hoping for a different result.

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: And maybe what's holding you back from booking a coaching call is this worry or concern that you might be judged. But please don't do that. Coaching is about holding space for you to explore your thoughts and beliefs and identify the patterns as well as the cause of the patterns you have been stuck in, so that

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: you can make the transformations you desire in your life.

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: and holding space means providing a non-judgmental space where you can feel comfortable, unloading and speaking your truth without the fear of being judged, and trust me between all of my careers as a hairstylist to my 10 years as a nurse. And now life coaching. There really isn't much that you could say that would surprise me.

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: and there is something so powerful about speaking our absolute truths when we know we are not being judged.

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: We all need and deserve a safe space to speak. So let me do that for you.

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: I promise you will feel like the weight has been lifted off your shoulders simply through the process of getting your thoughts out of your brain and speaking truthfully about your thoughts and feelings to a person who is trained and who is a neutral party.

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: So take the first step.

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: Schedule a call. I'm not going to always offer these free sessions, so I encourage you to take advantage of this. Now, what have you got to lose? And even better think of what you will gain. It's a win win for you.

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: So during coaching, it's fascinating how your perspective can change. Let me provide an example. Imagine you ask your child to pick up their toys, and they're not doing it. Your initial thought might be I can't control him. Leading to frustration

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: from the frustration. The actions you take are yelling, threatening, bribing. Maybe you judge yourself. You beat yourself up in your head, you tell yourself you don't know what to do. You don't give yourself or your child compassion, and ultimately the result you end up creating for yourself is that you lose control of yourself.

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: So just to highlight the power of your thoughts? Using this example.

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thought was, I can't control him.

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: And the result of this thought is, you lose control of yourself.

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: Do you see how the result is a direct reflection of the thought. Now, how else could you choose to think about this situation to create a different result, a more intentional result?

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: Well, first. I want to emphasize that

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: when you are in the heat of the moment you will most likely react the way you usually do. And this is okay. It's important to understand. Your brain likes familiarity, and it likes to be efficient.

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: and you are very practiced at having this reaction to a mess in your home. I'm guessing. It can be very triggering for people, and if you are not someone who gets triggered by mess, then first of all, let me say good for you, you must live a very peaceful, happy life.

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: but also then just take this example, and think about whatever it is that would trigger you. We all have triggers. If you're a human being in this world, you have triggers.

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: triggers are things that activate our nervous system and put us into this fight or flight response. You know how this feels right? It's that knee-jerk reaction we have.   Your muscles tense up, your shoulders feel like they're up in your ears, your pulse quickens, your body may shake, and your whole body feels hot.

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: So what I'm trying to say is that if you can't relate to this example of the toys being on the floor and your kid refusing to pick them up. Then just insert whatever it is that does put you into a heightened state.

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: But back to what I was saying about the brain, liking familiarity and efficiency.

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: If you have gotten practice at snapping at your kids when the house is a mess, and they refuse to clean up after themselves. Then it's become sort of a habit.

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: According to the dictionary. A habit is a settled or regular tendency or practice.

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: especially one that is hard to give up. and the reason it is hard to give up is that our brain is wired for survival.

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: and part of what keeps us alive is being able to conserve energy.

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: So how our brain conserves energy is by sticking with things that are familiar and being efficient.

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: So you are going up against this primitive brain when you're trying to rewire this habit of yelling at your kids. But it is possible to break a habit.

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: How

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: like anything else that we learn with practice and repetition also let me preface this by saying that it is important to know it's about progress, not

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perfection.

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: Any progress you can make towards your goal is worth celebrating and celebrating helps to reinforce the new habit you are trying to create. So make sure you take the time to acknowledge yourself for the baby steps you take.

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: So maybe you did yell at your kid. but then afterwards you took a moment to process your feelings, apologize to your kids, and then engage in conversation with them about what just happened.

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: That is something worth celebrating, and it will help foster greater connection, because in all of the research I've done, I've learned that connection is strengthened

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: in the repair process.

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: Give yourself some grace. Remind yourself that this is a habit that is hard wired.

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: but it is possible to break, or at the very least improve upon.

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: But it is going to require some effort, and you have to be willing and committed to doing what is necessary to make the change. So say you snap on your kids. That's okay.

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: Recognize when you lost control.

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: Remind yourself that this happened because of the way you were thinking.

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: And you just apologize and talk it out with your kids. You could even tell them. You know

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: I'm not proud of the way I reacted. I can do better. But mommy isn't perfect, and I make mistakes, too, but I want you to know that I am trying to be better.

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: You could even involve your kid in the process, and this would be great to teach them how to better regulate their emotions. And you could say, What what do you think mommy should do when she gets angry? Besides, yell.

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: how can mommy find calm

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: this way? It is teaching your child that the circumstance does not have to change in order for your feelings to change?

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: And this is very empowering for both you and your child.

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: teaching them that they don't have to. Nor is it possible to control the world outside of them.

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: But this does not mean they can't produce a feeling of peace within. It teaches them

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: they are able to access these more positive feelings of love, calm peace, joy, despite any chaos that is going on around them.

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: This is the most powerful teaching of all.

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: because then it doesn't matter what is going on in the world. There's nothing that we can't handle.

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: So step one in breaking a habit is awareness.

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: become aware of what is happening and the cause of what is happening. So you are reacting in a way that you don't want to. You are yelling at your kids and threatening them when they don't comply with your request to pick up toys.

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: ask yourself questions. What am I feeling?

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: What is the thought causing that feeling leading to this result of me snapping on my kids.

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: Now, in the moment you will probably react the way you always have.

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: So step 2 is when you're not in a heightened emotional state.

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: Think about how you want to show up. Perhaps you want to remain calm and in control despite the mess.

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: Okay, great. So then step 3 is identifying how you would have to behave

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: in order to remain calm and not lose control.

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: Well, you don't yell, you take pause. you take some deep breaths. You can question why this mess is upsetting to you.

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: You can remind yourself that your kid is not a bad kid, and you are not a bad parent, just because he or she isn't listening and picking up the toys. You remind yourself that your kid is just being a kid. Remind yourself that this is actually pretty normal for children to make messes, and of course they don't want to clean up. You don't even want to clean up.

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: You show your child by example, and you start putting away the toys. And you think creatively are ways you can turn cleaning up into a game and make it fun.

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: So those are all examples of things you can do in order to create a result of you being calm and not losing control.

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: Step 4 is asking yourself, what emotion must you generate in order to perform those actions?

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: Emotions like empowerment, curiosity, creativity, and compassion can be key?

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: Step 5 is identifying. What would you have to think and believe in order to generate that emotion.

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: Remember, emotions are caused by our thoughts, and this is the reframing that I'm talking about.

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: So you could think. Of course, of course they're not going to want to stop what they're doing to clean up a mess. Do you like it when someone interrupts you when you are in the middle of a project. No, I know. I sure don't.

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: Also, of course, they aren't going to want to clean up who likes to clean up a big mess. Not me.

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: I mean, that's what's so triggering. Triggering about it right? So of course, that is going to be the Kid's natural reaction to fight you on this request. You can't blame them.

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: You could say, of course, this is going to happen. It happens almost every time I ask him or her to clean up, why would I expect anything different

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: also? This is a normal way for a child to behave. Most children are not jumping at the opportunity to pick up their toys. So there is nothing wrong with my child

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: also, just because my kid is not picking up her toys, doesn't reflect on whether or not I am a good parent. just because she has not mastered the skill of picking up as she goes doesn't mean I am doing anything wrong.

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: Also, you might remind yourself, what is more important to you, the fact that the house is clean.

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: or your relationship with your child. and if you wanted to generate a feeling of curiosity, you might think something like.

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: I wonder what would make cleaning up fun for them.

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: and you could turn cleaning up into a fun game. I remember I once heard on an episode of 3 and 30 Rachel Nielsen. She mentioned this game called finding the special item.

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: and essentially what you do. As the mom is, you choose one toy that needs to be picked up, and you don't tell your child which toy you have in mind, and as they're cleaning whoever guesses and puts away this special item

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: wins, and this works especially well when you have more than one child, because they naturally want to compete with one another on who will find the special item first.

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: I remember when I first heard this idea. I thought it was genius, and I have used it with my children, and I will say it works wonders. They're not always down for it, but still it's a nice fun way to help motivate them to want to clean up.

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: Now understand that breaking old habits takes practice.

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: Your brain prefers familiarity and efficiency which makes changing habits challenging. But it is possible with effort and commitment.

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: Give yourself grace in those moments when you react as you always have recognize when you lose control and understand that it happened because of your thoughts. Apologize, talk it out with your child, and involve them in the process of finding better ways to handle emotions and challenges.

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: This work is essential because your thoughts shape your life.

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: If you're unhappy, and in any area of your life, it's likely due to thoughts that aren't serving you

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: according to research. We think approximately 60,000 thoughts a day.

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: most of them most likely you're not even aware of. As they say. You can't see the picture when you are in the frame. A coach can help you uncover these thoughts and beliefs, making it possible to decide whether you want to change them.

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: As Eckhart Tolle says, awareness is the greatest agent for change. You simply cannot change something you are not aware of.

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: It's like you have abdominal pain, and you are unaware of what is causing it.

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: The doctor then orders imaging to find out where the pain could be coming from. The doctor, then sees your appendix is inflamed. Well, now we have brought the source of the pain into awareness, and can take care of the pain for good, rather than keep giving you pain. Medication to numb the pain.

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: The pain. Med may take care of the pain temporarily. but the pain is always going to come back because you have this appendix that's about to burst and needs to be removed.

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: and once it's removed, you've taken care of the pain for good. Likewise, once you have uncovered the source of your pain, which are your subconscious thoughts and beliefs, you can then begin to take the necessary steps

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: to making a permanent, lasting change

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: moving on. Let's define energy

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: according to the dictionary. Energy is the strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity. When our energy is low, we feel tired, and struggle with tasks like exercise, spending time with our kids, or even maintaining our homes.

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: Low energy impairs our ability to solve problems and handle conflicts effectively, often leading to regret shame and guilt. to combat low vibrational emotions.

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: avoid relying on external sources, like food, alcohol, or social media for temporary release.

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: At the life coach school, I learned. These are called buffering techniques.

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: They may numb the pain temporarily, but they lead to net negative effects in the long run, like being overweight hangovers and wasted time scrolling on social media when and you could be doing things that really matter to you.

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: Instead.

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start by acknowledging your emotions and their messages.

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: What you need to know is that your emotions are there to deliver a message, and it's important for you to listen rather than numb and suppress the emotion with buffering activities such as food drugs, alcohol, shopping, and social media scrolling

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: also repressed emotions, drain our energy and can lead to illness.

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: Now, often people confuse, suppressed with repressed emotions. I know I often use these words interchangeably, so I looked up. The difference.

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: and the difference is that with suppression you are intentionally avoiding the emotion, whereas with with repression you are avoiding the emotion involuntarily or subconsciously

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: so with suppression. This could look like your kid having a temper tantrum at the grocery store. You intentionally suppress your anger and frustration, so you don't look like a psycho in front of a bunch of people.

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: and suppression can be beneficial as a short term resolution. As long as you return to what you are avoiding as soon as possible.

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: and when you do deal with it you maybe get in the car. You take some deep breaths. You acknowledge what is going on in your body. You say to yourself, this is frustration.

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: You ask yourself, what does frustration feel like in my body?

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: I know for me. It feels like months muscle tension. My shoulders are tight, I have a lump in my throat.

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: I feel the pressure on my chest and my arms tingle. Another thing you do is you give yourself compassion for feeling this way.

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: This is a part of the human experience

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: I am supposed to experience frustration. Sometimes it's a part of living a full emotional life.

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: You can't be a human and not experience frustration. It's just a part of the deal.

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: And when both you and your child are out of the Red Zone, meaning you are in a more calm state. You've given yourself some time and space to get to get out of that knee-jerk reaction, that

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: fight-or-flight response.

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: Now, both you and your child's rational brain can come back online and be more receptive to learning and feedback. And now you can talk about what just happened.

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: You might ask your child. what were you feeling? What what was going on for you in there. Were you angry, sad, disappointed. And can you think of other ways? You can express that emotion

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: this helps them, acknowledge, recognize their feelings, and give their feelings with a name, so they can better understand them.

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: Then they know that all emotions are okay. getting them into the habit of not

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: repressing their emotions. And this is also giving them autonomy. And it helps with problem solving and will help them in their interpersonal relationships because they get to reflect on what just happened. And then brainstorm different, maybe more appropriate ways of processing and regulating their emotions.

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: Now, even if your kids are too young to really understand this, you can still get into the habit of talking about emotions like this with them, so that it then becomes like second nature to both you and them.

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: So now the difference is that repressed emotions are never processed, never dealt with.

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: Research has linked a connection between repressed emotion and decreased immunity. When your immune system isn't functioning properly. You get sick easier, and when you do get sick it may take you longer to recover.

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: Holding our emotions inside for too long can lead to irrational, unhealthy, and explosive behavior. Repressed emotions have been linked to mental disorders like anxiety and depression

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: and process. Anger in particular, has been linked to hypertension, digestive problems and cardiovascular disease.

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: So now you should have a better understanding of why it is important to process your emotions, not only for your physical and mental health and your energy, but also the effect it has on your relationships with others.

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: Start naming your emotions and explore what they're trying to tell you

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: in future episodes, I'll dive deeper into the concept of buffering and explore how to avoid these harmful behaviors. But for now remember that true transformation begins with understanding your thoughts and emotions.

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: Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the momentum, podcast I encourage you to take advantage of the free 30 min Mini coaching session that I'm offering.

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It's time to take control of your thoughts, raise your vibration and unlock the limitless possibilities in your life.

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And if you found this show valuable, I would so appreciate it if you would subscribe rate and review it. This helps more people find the show. So I can help more amazing moms, just like you

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: have a wonderful week with your family, and I will talk to you next week, bye.