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Speaking Your Truth with Confidence

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Mom-entum Podcast, the personal development podcast specifically for Moms in the thick! We at The Mom-entum Podcast are dedicated to inspiring, uplifting, and empowering women on their journey through motherhood. I’m your host, Tanya Valentine, and I’m so glad you’re here!

 

Today’s episode is extra special. Have you ever wished you had the courage to speak your truth, advocate for yourself or your kids, or just improve communication with your partner? Maybe you want to handle conflicts better or have tough conversations with more ease. Well, you're in luck! Today, I’m chatting with Erin Roberts, a fabulous vocal coach whose passion and expertise shine through in every word.

 

Erin is the creator of the VOCALLY EMPOWERED™ method and has over 20 years of experience helping singers, actors, speakers, and everyday conversationalists express themselves confidently and powerfully. She's a singer, actress, teacher, mother, and spirit goddess on a mission to elevate women's voices worldwide.

 

In this episode, Erin shares her story and how she got into vocal coaching. She’s truly inspiring and has so much wisdom to offer.

- Why Confident Communication Matters: Erin explains why it’s crucial to speak confidently, whether you're negotiating a raise, advocating for your kids, or improving your relationship with your partner.

 

Erin emphasizes:

  - Advocating for Your Children: Learn to communicate effectively with teachers, coaches, and other authority figures to ensure your kids get the support they need.

  - Setting an Example for Your Kids: Show your children the importance of self-expression and assertiveness so they can communicate their needs and stand up for themselves and others.

  - Improving Relationships: Discover how clear, confident communication can enhance your interactions with everyone in your life.

4-Step Guide to Speaking with Confidence: Erin breaks down her method into easy, actionable steps:

  1. Beliefs:

Start by examining your beliefs about your voice. Are they helping you or holding you back? Changing negative beliefs can remove roadblocks.

  2. Skills:

Focus on key communication skills. Pay attention to your voice’s pitch, volume, and speed. Use body language intentionally—your gestures should match your message and setting.  For example: do you want to exude openness, warmth and compassion?  Then avoid crossing your arms which is the kind of body language you would want to use to communicate setting a boundary.

  3. Preparation:

Erin introduces the Exposure Ladder, a fantastic tool for managing anxiety. Start by practicing in front of a mirror, then record yourself, and gradually work up to speaking in front of others. Planning and rehearsing can make a huge difference.

  4. Reflection:

After each speaking opportunity, reflect on what went well and what could be improved. This helps you track progress and keep skills fresh.

- The Exposure Ladder in Detail: This step-by-step approach helps you build confidence by gradually increasing the challenge level. It’s a great way to practice and reduce anxiety.

- Practical Tips for Everyday Life: Erin shares tips for applying these skills in real-life scenarios—whether you’re asking for a raise, having a difficult conversation with your partner, or setting boundaries with your kids.

 

My Favorite Quotes from the Show:

- "If you want to feel confident, you have to create it yourself."

- "The voice is a power source; it helps you manifest your desires and create a life you love."- Erin Roberts

 

Connect with Me:

- Share your thoughts on today’s episode and how you’re putting what you’ve learned into action on fb @tanyavalentinecoaching or on IG @tanyavalentinecoaching.

- Connect with Erin Roberts on Instagram @erinroberts.co

Thank you so much for tuning in today! I hope you found this episode as enlightening and empowering as I did. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, leave a rating and review, and share it with someone who might need a confidence boost. Until next week, stay positive and remember, you are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for! Have an amazing week!

FREE RESOURCES
  • Episode Links: Erin’s YouTube video on the 4-Step Guide to Speaking with Confidence: [Watch Here]

  • CONNECT WITH ERIN:

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  • Want to kickstart your weight loss journey? Click here for my 6 step guide to give you a boost today! 

  • Are you sick and tired of feeling out of control with your eating habits?  Do you feel like sometimes you are eating against your will?  Find out how to improve your health, your relationship with food, and transform your body in the process by joining my 6-week Slim Down course today! Choose from 3 options tailored to fit your needs, including Course Only or One-on-One Coaching with a Customized Weight Loss Plan (available for purchase as a one-time or 3-month payment plan). Rewrite your relationship with food and achieve sustainable weight loss with ease. Worried about finding the time? This course, designed by a busy mom who gets it, includes audio content for on-the-go learning. Enjoy lifetime access and future updates—sign up now, I guarantee you will get results and I got you! Click here and sign up today! 

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TRANSCRIPT

Tanya: Alright, alright! Welcome to the show, Erin. Thank you so much for being here.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, thank you so much for having me, Tony. It's an honor.

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Tanya: Oh, my God! Well, it's my pleasure to have you on the momentum. Podcast. And I'm so grateful for the opportunity for myself and for our listeners to get to learn from you today? So to start, can you introduce yourself to the audience by sharing your story and what it is that you do.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. So thanks for having me. My name is Erin Roberts, and I am the creator of the vocally empowered method, which is a program that helps women step into their greatest power, their biggest, fullest, wildest selves, by learning how to use their voice, learning how to use their voice to communicate who they are, what their needs are, and get get real results in their life.

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Erin Roberts: And I created this method about a year ago, kind of as a culmination of

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Erin Roberts: a couple of decades of working in vocal education. I've been a voice coach. I've been an acting coach. I've been a a teacher in many capacities, public schools, community organizations, working behind the scenes in higher education and bringing all that experience together,

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Erin Roberts: and kind of realizing that the voice really is. It's fun to use for singing, and it's fun to use for public speaking, but it's more than fun. It is a power source and going through my own transformation with that becoming a mom, really stepping into some of my own power, I started realizing that the voice is is such an important tool.

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Erin Roberts: and it's a tool for helping us manifest our desires. It's a tool for helping us. Create the life that we love. And it's really the part of our body that brings ideas out of our mind and heart and brings them out into reality. It helps us to to manifest what we are trying to create. And so that's really where the idea for vocally empower was born from.

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Erin Roberts: And

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Erin Roberts: it's been just a joy working, working with clients and watching them transform, watching them, you know, go from passive reactive communicators. Feeling like their message just isn't landing. Their message just isn't getting heard. Maybe. You know, something I see really commonly is keeping ideas in keeping ideas to themselves and watching those women transform into powerful, clear, precise

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Erin Roberts: communicators, who are able to say out loud what they want, and get those results, and advocate for themselves. And as mother is also advocating for our children, which is something we can talk a little bit about. But yeah, in a nutshell, that's what I do. I love this work I've been. I've been doing it a long time, and vocally empowered is kind of the most recent version of

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Erin Roberts: of me, using the voice as that power tool.

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Tanya: I love it.

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Tanya: And

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Tanya: I wanna just let you know. And

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Tanya: I'm sure you already know this but maybe just a reminder that you have a very confident, clear, speaking voice.

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Erin Roberts: Oh, thank you!

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Tanya: That you're a vocal coach. You're in the right career path.

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Erin Roberts: Thank you. Thank you.

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Tanya: Yeah. So I just feel like you're the best walking advertisement for yourself. But I'm curious. Were you always this way? And if not, how did you get to where you are now?

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, great question. Thank you for that compliment. I love to hear that, because no, I have not always spoken

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Erin Roberts: with such confidence. No, I have not always felt so sure of myself when speaking up. And no, I have not always felt so sure of myself. Really, in any capacity. You know the voice is a reflection of what's going on in our inner selves. And I've I've been on a very long journey to to create that confidence for myself, so I'd I'd love to share a little bit about that. No, I I grew up as a really shy kid, just kind of a naturally very sensitive

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Erin Roberts: very sensitive kid with a lot going on in my inner world. And you know, a lot of big emotions and you know, kind of fear around boundaries with other people. I was always one of those

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Erin Roberts: cautious kids who I had a couple of friends. But I didn't make friends easily. I wasn't that like extroverted kid that was running around with a million friends. I struggled. Yeah, I struggled to connect, and I think through my journey as a musician. Really, I've I've been a musician my whole life. I was a piano player, and then I transitioned into to learning about the voice when I was a teenager.

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Erin Roberts: And then eventually, that's what I ended up getting my bachelors in. But

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Erin Roberts: through that journey of musicianship, I think, is where I first started exploring with

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Erin Roberts: this need to kind of present myself out. You know. A big part of musicianship is.

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Erin Roberts: There's always a end of the year recital. There's always like a you know, there's public performance is a big part of that and that was just excruciatingly difficult for me. I had horrible panic attacks. Horrible performance, anxiety as a really skilled musician. But when it came time to to do that in front of other people. I really struggled

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Erin Roberts: on the more you know. Personal side of my story. No, I I wasn't. I wasn't a confident, a confident kid, a confident teenager. When.

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Erin Roberts: soon after I graduated college and I I moved out here to San Diego, which is where I I've lived ever since. I got into a relationship. I was I was married previously to my my current husband, and I was I was really insecure during that time in my life my early twenties. I was not able to speak up my needs in that relationship. I was not able to

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Erin Roberts: communicate clearly. You know what I wanted or I was kind of. Let's go with the flow is is that was sort of my mantra, for how I was managing.

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Erin Roberts: managing myself through the world, you know, just trying to be easy going, and you know, don't rock the boat, you know. If I had a an opinion that was maybe disagreeable, or an unpopular opinion like, oh, let's not. Let's not share that. Let's not rock the boat.

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Erin Roberts: I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be liked so much

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Erin Roberts: that I was willing to sacrifice my own opinions and my own needs in order to seek that approval from external sources from other people. Because I thought, that's where confidence came from. I thought that if other people liked me and other people approved of me, that would make me feel confident.

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Erin Roberts: And unfortunately I learned, you know, kind of the hard way that that's not really how confidence works. Confidence needs to start from within, and then it exudes out to others.

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Erin Roberts: but yeah, fast forward. A few years into my later twenties I was really hitting an an emotional rock bottom.

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Erin Roberts: I was it was the, you know, the end of of that relationship that I was in kind of unraveled. Eventually I was newly divorced. I was in a job that I absolutely hated.

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Erin Roberts: I was bankrupt. As a as a result of of my divorce process I was financially struggling and couch surfing, and I was drinking a lot because I was so unhappy and I had so many big feelings. So I was in a really tough place.

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Erin Roberts: and I started realizing that

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Erin Roberts: you know I was taking responsibility for how did I get there? You know, I really, I saw myself as a dynamic woman. Someone with a lot to offer, you know, smart and engaging and interesting. And I was like, how did how did I get to this place, this low place where it felt like my life was just falling apart.

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Erin Roberts: and I realized that I had created that place

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Erin Roberts: because I wasn't being authentic.

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Erin Roberts: I was not speaking up who I really was. I was not speaking out my real ideas. I was not asking for what I really needed.

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Erin Roberts: And that's what has had resulted in me

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Erin Roberts: being in the wrong relationships, having the wrong career moves, spending time with the wrong friends and being really unfulfilled inside. And then that agitation. You know that that lack of fulfillment inside is really what created me. You know, starting to need to take Xanax for anxiety and starting to drink a lot on the weekends, and really just kind of numb that feeling of agitation

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Erin Roberts: because I wasn't wasn't being myself

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Erin Roberts: so that I think that turning point is really

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Erin Roberts: where I started to realize that if I wanted to feel confident, if I wanted to feel good about myself, I was gonna have to create it myself. I wasn't going to be able to get it from other people.

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Erin Roberts: so it really, you know, like, like a lot of people's stories. It it took a full breakdown for me to be ready to change.

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Erin Roberts: you know, for me to be ready to look at myself and examine myself and say, Hey, like we can't stay here. We can't stay in this bad place. Something's gotta change

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Erin Roberts: So

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Erin Roberts: through that process I was able to to look at, you know. Hey? If I have an unpopular opinion.

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Erin Roberts: is it going to be worse for me

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Erin Roberts: to keep that opinion to myself and let this inner agitation grow.

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Erin Roberts: or would I rather try something new? And let's speak that unpopular opinion out. Let's speak it out and see what happens, cause I don't really have anything else to lose. At this point I was so unhappy right kind of getting to that that place of not having anything to lose, and being ready to try some new things with my communication.

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Erin Roberts: So

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Erin Roberts: I started. I started doing that, you know. I started being a little bit more assertive with you know, sharing my thoughts in work meetings

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Erin Roberts: and telling my family, my my parents, my siblings, you know, in my relationships, telling them what I really thought, and asking for the things that I really needed.

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Erin Roberts: and learning how to say no, and learning how to face. You know, confrontation in a way that

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Erin Roberts: you know conflict is not bad. It's just how you deal with it right?

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Erin Roberts: And through that process is really where I learned the principles that I teach. Now in my vocally empowered mastermind. I tried them on myself. First. I I learned through trial and error. I made a made a lot of mistakes, but I learned those principles, and for me this was my pathway out of that dark emotional place. I ended up meeting my second husband, my my now husband, who's an amazing person, who I?

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Erin Roberts: From the beginning, you know, we created an authentic relationship because

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Erin Roberts: I was ready to

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Erin Roberts: speak who I was when I met him, and so he's always known me for exactly who I am, and he liked. He liked me for who I was. So that connection was built on authenticity.

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Erin Roberts: Versus kind of how my first marriage was built on basically a fake version of myself.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: yeah. So you long, long answer to a short question. But.

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Tanya: No, I love, I love it. I love hearing the story, and I there's so there were so many. I'm like writing about all these, else there were so many little lessons in there.

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Tanya: yeah, like

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Tanya: when you

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Tanya: so I was just thinking about your. The name of your company is aligned voice right.

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Erin Roberts: Great.

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Tanya: So. Yeah. And I was just thinking, like you were at that time when you were

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Tanya: at your what you would call like your rock bottom like you were just so misaligned. It sounds like from the person that you really are deep down, and this mask that you were wearing essentially.

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Tanya: And now it's just how beautiful, how you've evolved to like. I mean, that is your company like you're aligned now, and

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Tanya: you have this, have your own business, and you're teaching what you learned to others, and you have a beautiful relationship with your husband and a son. And now another a baby girl on the way. I think it's just.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: Wonderful. And I heard something else. I was talk. We were talking before we recorded this podcast about a, podcast. That I was listening to with in he it's called Know thyself! And he was interviewing Jim quick. But Jim Quick said something that I was like, Oh, my God, that this is what it is

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Tanya: you just. You needed a storm in your life to help clear the path.

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Erin Roberts: Yes.

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Tanya: Help put you back on that. Then we, I think most of us especially I, feel like those who are like listening to podcast. And like self help, like we've all been through that dark night of the soul. Or I mean, I've not like

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Tanya: who has, I mean, we all like that's life, like we all go through tough times like you're not gonna

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Tanya: go through this life and be able to escape

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Tanya: adversity. You know.

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Erin Roberts: Right.

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Tanya: But yeah. And then also the people pleasing part like you spoke about how you were like the people pleaser. And

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Tanya: it just made me think about the lesson, like.

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Tanya: you know.

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Tanya: when we

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Tanya: diminish ourselves, and when we don't speak up for what we believe in.

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Tanya: or if we're just.

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Tanya: you know, saying yes to things that we really don't want to

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Tanya: work because we're worried about disappoint disappointing others. But then we end up disappointing ourselves.

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Erin Roberts: Yep, 100%. I love that you said that, and that's been one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. Mo, probably one of the most painful lessons. But one of the most effective lessons I've ever learned about speaking up for myself is, I realized

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Erin Roberts: that

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Erin Roberts: I had a choice, a choice point anytime that there was something coming up that I was feeling like. Oh, if I say this, it might cause tension, or it might cause a little bit of conflict. I realized I was going to choose

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Erin Roberts: my happiness.

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Erin Roberts: or I was going to choose the other person's happiness.

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Erin Roberts: And although it feels noble to choose the other person's happiness, it's kind of that martyrdom.

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Erin Roberts: Archetype, you know. It's kind of that martyrdom simps syndrome, which I think Mom's stereotypically get into a little bit because we want our people around us to be happy. We love our people.

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Tanya: Of course. Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: Want them to be happy. And we're, you know, that's a big part of being a mom is nurturing all of the people around us. So.

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Erin Roberts: realizing that

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Erin Roberts: if I'm going to keep someone else's piece.

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Erin Roberts: but at the expense of me being angry inside.

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Erin Roberts: then I'm actually not keeping peace at all

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Erin Roberts: I'm not keeping. I'm not keeping my own piece.

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Erin Roberts: and really I'm responsible for myself first, because if I don't keep my own piece.

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Erin Roberts: if I don't keep my own content

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Erin Roberts: and my own mental and emotional state peaceful.

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Erin Roberts: then I cannot serve as a mom. I can't serve my kids, and I can't serve my husband.

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Tanya: Spring.

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Erin Roberts: I can't serve my family, my colleagues, my my parents, my relationships.

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Erin Roberts: If I'm not filling up my cup first.

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Erin Roberts: and the voice is one of the ways that we do that. You know, we hear, I think we hear a lot about, you know, moms and self care moms. And like, Oh, yeah.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: Yourself. Make sure you're you're exercising, and you're taking time for yourself and all the things which is so true. And

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Erin Roberts: communication is also a way that we can do self care because.

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Erin Roberts: If we're if we're people pleasing.

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Erin Roberts: we're not gonna be keeping our. We're not keeping our own content. We're not taking care of ourselves. And that's been an interesting experiment for me, you know, with with my own husband a lot of the, I think, like many course creators, a lot of the the principles that I've put into my program are things I've learned from my real life, and some of those things have been experiments with my husband. But

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Erin Roberts: you know, he and I really realized when we became parents, that

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Erin Roberts: you know.

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Erin Roberts: if we, if we truly put ourselves first, it will actually benefit our partner

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Erin Roberts: in ways that we could have never imagined, you know, just as an example like when my son was younger and he was still

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Erin Roberts: he was. We were still sleep training him, and it was hard like that was, Oh, my God! That was a hard phase, and it took months right? And we realized.

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Erin Roberts: you know, kind of when we first started that process. We would. We would. We would try to kind of sacrifice

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Erin Roberts: our own time to like support my husband like. Oh, honey, you sleep in today. I I'll be on the shift. I'll I'll do the sleep stuff, or whatever. And he would, you know, try to do the same for me. And we realized over time that we were both becoming so resentful.

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Erin Roberts: I'm like so angry because we weren't getting to go to that Yoga class we wanted to go to or we weren't getting an hour in the morning of silence to ourselves. And you know we realized that once we started holding

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Erin Roberts: a little bit better boundaries with each other and just saying, Hey, honey, you know what it's your night you're gonna you're gonna take him. And I'm gonna go do whatever. And it felt really uncomfortable at first. But the more we did it.

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Erin Roberts: we realized we were like, Oh, we're so much we're both so much more happy. We're both so much more balanced.

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Erin Roberts: and we're both enjoying each other more. So when we do have that time together as a family we're like, we're connecting more. And it was very counterintuitive.

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Erin Roberts: but being able to speak up and use our empowered voice and say.

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Erin Roberts: Yup, it's your night. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go to that yoga class. See you later and doing that.

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Erin Roberts: It really over time created a new dynamic for us. Where we are happier we are healthier, we are more content, we are more connected, and that's the gift of of using the voice.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Tanya: absolutely. Yeah. And I mean, yeah, think about if you feel better.

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Tanya: how do you act?

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, could.

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Tanya: Just yeah, you can. You're just gonna act in a way that you feel better about. I mean when I'm sick or when I I mean, I used to be a nurse. And yeah, like, when people are in pain, they are not nice.

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Erin Roberts: Yup! You.

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Tanya: Yeah, and that's and that's not who we want to be. I think we all, deep down at our core want to be kind to one another and consider it. And the best way we can get there is doing the things that we know that we need to do and like using our voice to communicate that.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: Yeah, in order to, so that we can feel at our best, or at least close as close to our best as as we can.

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Tanya: Oh, well, that's awesome so I want to. Then go on. I mean, we kind of like went into this. But I wanna talk more about, you know we I think we all on some level, want more confidence. I know I do. I'm always striving for more confidence.

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Tanya: First thing, you know it's so many different things. But what comes to mind? And I'm like, okay, I I think I need to talk about this because it's just coming to my mind is like, okay being a mom. And I don't know if you can relate to this Erin. But like meeting new friends like Mom, like when your kids are like at daycare

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Tanya: school.

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Erin Roberts: You're like Mike.

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Tanya: Kids are now in soccer, and it's just so

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Tanya: awkward. Why is it like.

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Tanya: for example, conversation? Somebody can come up to me and start a conversation, and I am more like I, you know, like I love it, and I will thrive in that. But for me to be the person to initiate that conversation is so hard.

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Tanya: So, anyway. So that's just an example I think of. Why, speaking confidently, you know why it matters. But can you you speak to? Why, you think it's important for us to learn to use our voice confidently. Communicate clearly. Like, how can we?

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Tanya: How can this help us in our everyday lives like, can you give specific scenarios?

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Tanya: Home can relate to.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. Yeah. Great question. Yes. Just just a very, very quickly touch on the example that you that you brought up. Yes, initiating can be hard. And even, for you know, even for people like us like, you know, you speak now as a part of your profession. You have a podcast. It's a, you know, it's part of what you do. And even for me, I I'm a vocal coach. And I still struggle sometimes in those small talk situations.

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Erin Roberts: And I have. I have a strategy for that. We'll we'll save that for later. We'll talk about some strategies.

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Erin Roberts: Okay.

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Tanya: Awesome.

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Erin Roberts: But yes, like, okay. So let's let's look at some examples. We've talked a lot in the in the first few minutes of this podcast we've talked a lot about like conflict, resolution and conflict management. And that is a big part of my program is, you know, teaching the teaching, the speaking skills for what to do in those higher stakes, moments where there might be a conflict or a disagreement. I think that those are some of the moments when

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Erin Roberts: it's the hardest to speak up for yourself, cause there's a lot on the line emotionally.

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Tanya: Oh, yeah.

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Erin Roberts: But.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: Let's also look at

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Erin Roberts: like you said the more everyday examples of why is it important to learn effective communication and learn about your voice as a tool, and that so we've got as moms, we're, you know, we're on a mom. Podcast so let's, let's think about situations that moms are in. I think one of one of the biggest ones for me is being an example for my son.

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Tanya: I.

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Erin Roberts: Know.

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Tanya: That.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, I know how much I struggled as a little kid.

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Erin Roberts: you know, like I said, at the beginning of the podcast. I was really shy, was really introverted, and I I craved connection in friendships. But I didn't. I didn't know how to successfully create that necessarily, my my parents are amazing people. But that setting that example wasn't a part of their parenting. So it's just not something we really learned how to do. Naturally, as kids in my family. So as a mom, I love

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Erin Roberts: watching my son watch me.

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Erin Roberts: and knowing like, oh, this is so cool! These are the micro moments when he's learning what it means to speak out. He's learning what it means to be a communicator in the world, and I would love to watch him.

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Erin Roberts: you know, watch my husband and I use these skills and kind of naturally be able to emulate them in his own life, being ex being an example for our kids. And I think it's like it's in those tiny moments like, for example, when we're at Mcdonald's and

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Erin Roberts: our our food order comes out, and there's maybe something missing, or there's maybe the wrong sandwich like, sure

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Erin Roberts: I could avoid the awkward moment, and I could just be like, Oh, it's fine. We'll just keep the sandwich we have. Let's go eat our food. But I'm like, you know what? No, this is a great example, and this is a time for my son to watch me and to learn what it means to advocate for himself. So I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna take the extra 2 min, and I'm gonna say to the Mcdonald's person, hey? We ordered a different sandwich. Would you be able to get that for us? You know, it's those little moments like that.

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Erin Roberts: so letting our kids see us as a model.

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Erin Roberts: I think I think.

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Erin Roberts: is so important.

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Erin Roberts: And then, beyond the micro moments, I think we can take that a step further as moms. And we can notice that there's there's times when we actually do have to formally advocate for our kids.

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Erin Roberts: And those are times when speaking skills are so important. For example, like

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Erin Roberts: at school

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Erin Roberts: or my my son is not school age yet. He's in daycare, but at his daycare there are times when

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Erin Roberts: I have to kind of you know. Speak up a little extra with his daycare teachers and just say, Hey, it's really important to our family that this

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Erin Roberts: is done this way. Can you guys please do that? You know whether it's maybe like a meal time, thing or a nap, a nap time thing, or whatever it might be.

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Erin Roberts: I talked to moms who do have kids in in elementary school or middle school, or whatever, and there's things that come up where they might need to meet with a vice principal, or someone at the school and say, Hey.

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Erin Roberts: my child, is not being supported in this way. What can we do? What are some options?

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Erin Roberts: I'm I work in public education. So these these examples are kind of top and top of mind for me. But, like students who are on individualized learning plans.

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Erin Roberts: Those parents.

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Erin Roberts: God bless them. They need to go into those meetings with a lot of communication skills to be able to say, Okay, these are the things that my child really needs at school. How can we build those things into the plan.

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Tanya: Halon.

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Erin Roberts: same same thing in like medical situations.
Tanya: Oh, yeah, huge.
Erin Roberts: Yeah, from working in the medical profession as a parent, you know, on the other side of it. I've never worked in the in the medical industry. But

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Erin Roberts: you know, when I go in to see the doctor with my son, we are given very little time with the doctor.

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Tanya: Oh, yeah, isn't a shame.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. And and and that's that's how it is. And I get it. You know, everyone's doing the best they can. But in those short 10 min that I have with that doctor. I'm like, I'm gonna go in there with a list, right? And yeah, this is one of the things that I teach in my program is really being thoughtful and scripting out like, if you're going into a moment like that, and something's really important to you, write it down like don't.

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Erin Roberts: Great to take in a notepad. Yeah.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: And and and really, you know, realize that you might have to interrupt that doctor, if if you know you have like. 2 min left on the clock, and there's something really important. You might have to interrupt them and say, Hey, thank you, you know, for what we're talking about. But I really wanna ask about this other thing instead, you know, like that can be uncomfortable to.

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Erin Roberts: you know. Feel like you kinda have to step in and maybe push a topic or guide a conversation a little more. That's a skill, you know, and they can be uncomfortable at first.

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Tanya: Yeah, well, thank you for saying that. Cause I think, yeah, that is hugely

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Tanya: important. And I feel like, Yeah, if you don't go into a doctor's office for your kids, or for yourself, for Eve, or if it's like an agent, whoever

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Tanya: it's so important to

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Tanya: what you said like, go in prepared. Think of ahead of time, like questions that you want to ask, or things that you want to be addressed because you're right like it. It they are in and out so quickly because they have such a huge patient load lots of times, and they are stretched so thin, especially these pediatricians. I think

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: But also, this is your in your child's life. So yeah, it's important in in when you're in that appointment, like lots of times your mind just goes blank.

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Erin Roberts: Yup, that. Yeah.

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Tanya: That's happened to me. Yeah. So be prepared. What you said.

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Tanya: There was something else that came to mind, but I I lost it so.

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Tanya: anyway, go ahead. So W. Was there anything else you wanted to touch on about like? Why, this matters? I think so far. What you said.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: I mean, like conflict, resolution, advocacy.

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Erin Roberts: Yup every day. Situations, you know. Talking with babysitters, you.

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Tanya: You know, like

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Tanya: that's a big.

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Erin Roberts: One, yeah.

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Tanya: Expectations. Yes, that is yes, thank you for bringing that up.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, talking with, you know, for for us, for my husband and I. We're really lucky we we do work with some babysitters, but we also have 2 2 sets of parents that live locally in town. We're very lucky.

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Tanya: So nice.

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Erin Roberts: So we most. Our parents are mostly our babysitters, which is such a blessing. And and it's an extra layer of communication that's can sometimes be so hard because they are our parents like we're navigating boundaries. We're navigating

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Erin Roberts: you know their version of the way that they raised us and how they think, you know, that those principles are now going to reflect in the same way onto our children. It's a it's like a minefield. It's been beautiful for us. But yeah, babysitters, parents.

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Erin Roberts: you know. Yeah, th, those are kind of some of the key examples that come come to mind for for being a mom and parenting. I think.

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Tanya: That's so good. Okay? So now we know the why, why this matters.

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Tanya: why, it's important for us to improve our communication skills. But now, I want to get into the how

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Tanya: like, how can we put this into action? Can you give us like a mini master class today on how we can use our voices more confidently and communicate our needs

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Tanya: clearly.

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Erin Roberts: Yep, yep, let's do it. So in my program I have a method that I break it down into 4 steps. It's my, it's my 4 step process to speaking up with confidence. So that process is step one is your belief.

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Erin Roberts: So we examine belief systems.

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Erin Roberts: And that part is really looking at.

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Erin Roberts: What do you believe about your voice?

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Erin Roberts: What do you believe about yourself as a speaker?

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Erin Roberts: Have those beliefs served you? Are they creating roadblocks for you.

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Erin Roberts: What beliefs do you want to have, or need to change in order to become a more confident speaker?

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Erin Roberts: So really, looking at that, and I have some, some really amazing exercises that we do.

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Erin Roberts: you know. We'll we'll I'll have clients like record a 30 s snippet of their own voice like on their phone or something, and we'll listen to it back and we'll break down like, Okay, what do you hear? What do you like about what you hear. What do you not like about what you hear? And and really kind of parsing out? The belief systems around that

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Erin Roberts: it can be vulnerable to listen to your own voice on a recording. I'm sure you've experienced this.

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Tanya: It's getting better. We're on episode 36. It's getting better. But at the beginning I was like, cringe, yeah, like.

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Erin Roberts: Yes, I know, I know, listening to your voice on a podcast. Yeah, it's it's becoming. It's becoming comfortable with that process. Step 2, after we, we look at some beliefs as we go into the skills. What are the skills that you need to to use with your voice in order to meet your goals.

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Erin Roberts: Every client comes into my program with a different goal. They might be wanting to ask for a raise with their boss. That might be a goal. They might be just wanting to speak up with their partner a little more, you know, be able to communicate their feelings better. That could be a goal they could be wanting to start a podcast

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Erin Roberts: and being terrified of listening to their own voice. That could be a goal. Right. So every client has a different goal. What skills do they need to reach that goal? And that's where we look at things like,

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Erin Roberts: the the high, the range of your voice, the high and low

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Erin Roberts: we look at the volume of your voice. How loud or how quiet are you speaking? Is it matching the space that you're in. We look at pronunciation. We look at the speed of how slow or fast you might be speaking. We look at some of those hard skills.

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Erin Roberts: And I have

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Erin Roberts: tons of exercises that we do. You know, we look at. We also look at body language posture.

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Erin Roberts: facial expressions, eye contact, gestures with your hands. I you'll you've, I'm sure, seen I I tend to be very, very handy. Lots of hand hand.

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Tanya: Well, it's

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Tanya: it's more

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Tanya: entertaining to watch with the hand gestures right.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, I'm a I'm a jazzy person. So it comes naturally today.

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Tanya: Kevin.

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Erin Roberts: Exactly. Exactly. We look at that. And we say, Okay, are those hand movements reflecting the energy that you want to be putting out? Or are they kind of like just an automatic habit that maybe you're not as aware of? Could what can we do to become more aware

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Erin Roberts: of how much hand movement you're using? And does the amount of hand movement match the scenario

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Erin Roberts: right?

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Erin Roberts: Because

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Erin Roberts: there are times when hand movements add to the moment, and there are times when hand movements take away from the moment.

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Tanya: That makes sense.

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Erin Roberts: Right. It depends on the setting, like.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: Is it? Is it like a fun setting? Is it a

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Erin Roberts: where are you? Are you at a party? Are you at a I don't know. Are you at like a really serious compliance work meeting?

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Tanya: Yeah, like, hey?

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Erin Roberts: It. So it depends. Are you at church? It depends on the moment. So it's like looking at those things and

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Erin Roberts: breaking down the skills that are needed in order to

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Erin Roberts: convey your message to others in a way that they will perceive you as confident.

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Erin Roberts: I have a quick.

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Tanya: Question, or we can, we can put a PIN in it. So how do you know like, could you just give a couple of examples of like hand gestures like when it would be like how they would match a setting.

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Erin Roberts: Sure. Okay, that's yeah. That's a great question. So

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Erin Roberts: let's say, I think what it I think, what it really comes down to is awareness.

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Erin Roberts: Is the speaker aware of the hand movement they're making.

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Erin Roberts: or is it something they're doing? Kind of as a nervous habit and anxious habit? I've noticed that for myself sometimes when I'm nervous, or a little like, you know, doing something that's a little bit out of the box for me. I move my hands more. And it's not because I want to be moving my hands more. It's because I'm a little nervous.

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Tanya: Okay, so then.

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Erin Roberts: So.

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Tanya: Intentional

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Tanya: versus. Is it a nervous habit? Okay.

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Erin Roberts: Yup, and there's and there's that intentional. That's the piece

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Erin Roberts: that really we look at with all the skills. The hand, you know, the hand movements is just an example of it. But, like

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Erin Roberts: body language, are you intentionally choosing your body language, or are you kind of letting it happen, and not really quite being aware of. Are you crossing your arms? Are you aware that you're crossing your arms? And that's fine? There are. There are a time and a place where you might want to cross your arms and kind of show a little bit of a boundary. But

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Erin Roberts: if you're doing it automatically, and you're not even noticing it.

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Erin Roberts: I would, I would, you know, encourage exploration of that, and say, why are you crossing your arms so often? Are you feeling?

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Erin Roberts: Are you feeling tension inside? Are you feeling disconnected like? What is the reason that you are doing that? And can we become more aware of it?

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Erin Roberts: when we're talking about volume

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Erin Roberts: a lot of times.

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Erin Roberts: people when when they're feeling like they're speaking under pressure, they'll tend to speak louder.

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Erin Roberts: So if you think about like.

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Erin Roberts: you know, I'm thinking about myself here, like

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Erin Roberts: in past jobs pro, you know, professional situations where I felt

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Erin Roberts: I felt

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Erin Roberts: like I needed to kind of push an agenda

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Erin Roberts: like, maybe, like.

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Erin Roberts: I don't think these people are really gonna hear me. I don't know if they really respect me. I'm gonna have to, really, you know, push this point with them. So I would end up speaking a little bit more loudly.

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Erin Roberts: But I wasn't doing it intentionally. I was doing it as a as a result of like a subconscious emotional need that

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Erin Roberts: I was worried. My need wouldn't get met. I was worried that I wouldn't be heard. And so I was like over speaking.

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Erin Roberts: being a little bit too loud, and people pick up on those nuances they might not know.

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Erin Roberts: It all happens at a subconscious level. It all happens at a very instinctual level. They're not, you know, the people listening to me in that work meeting. They're not gonna say to themselves, oh, you know what she's doing. She's speaking a little too loud, and and that's why.

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Tanya: Right? Weird.

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Erin Roberts: Right.

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Tanya: They're just gonna be like, something's off right.

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Erin Roberts: Exactly. They're gonna say, oh, something's a little off about her energy. She she seems tense. I don't know. I don't know if I should fully absorb what she's saying. I'm a little distracted now, because something seems off about her. So that's why we dive into the skills in that second part of my program, because we want your listener to be able to be completely present with you and absorbing fully what you're saying.

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Erin Roberts: And if there are these little things that are distracting them away. They're going to perceive you as not confident they're gonna perceive you as energetically. Something's a little off about this person.

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Tanya: Yeah, and like not trustworthy. Right?

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Erin Roberts: Yes, yes, exactly.

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Erin Roberts: exactly. And if we think about the root of the word confidence

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Erin Roberts: I I don't recall. I don't recall the exact root of the word, but confidence. The root of that comes from trust.

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Tanya: All.

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Erin Roberts: Trust, and they come from the same stem.

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Tanya: Yeah, I-

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Tanya: cause confidence. You're essentially as you're trusting yourself right?

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Erin Roberts: Trusting yourself. Yep. And if you say Oh, I I have full confidence that he's gonna do that thing.

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Erin Roberts: What you're really saying is, I fully trust in him that he's gonna follow through.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. So a lot of it does come down to self trust. And then trusting each other. Briefly, part 3 of my program after we look at all of those technical skills.

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Erin Roberts: Part 3 is, I call that the preparation phase. And that's where we look at things like the planning like when we talked about going into the doctor, we, we decide. Is this a time when a script might be appropriate.

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Erin Roberts: making a list preparing what I'm going to say, do I want to even rehearse it, maybe.

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Erin Roberts: And it depends on the situation, you know. If you're like, let's say you're asking for a raise. I 100 would recommend rehearsing that conversation right? That's a high stakes moment there's a lot on the line there. Let's let's plan it. Let's practice it. And I have templates for how I suggest the practice process goes so that we build people up to that bigger moment. We build them in small little

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Erin Roberts: ways. We don't go from 0

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Erin Roberts: to asking for a raise tomorrow.

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Erin Roberts: There's too much of a gap there.

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Erin Roberts: right? We go from 0 to

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Erin Roberts: talking to yourself in the mirror

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Erin Roberts: and then

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Erin Roberts: recording it on your your phone and listening to it by yourself in private, and then we go to practicing in front of your husband, or a friend, or your cat, or whoever will listen, and then we go. You know we build those steps.

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Erin Roberts: so that when you get to the moment of. I'm gonna go into the boss's office and ask for the raise. The gap is not that big between what you've already mastered to what you're going to master next.

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Erin Roberts: So we take little tiny pieces.

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Erin Roberts: and that part of the program. Also, I I cover some information about specific anxiety, prevention techniques, anxiety, management, prevention and management are different. So we talk about like things you can do on the day to day to prevent anxiety, and then we also talk about. If anxiety does show up while you're speaking.

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Erin Roberts: what can you do in that moment

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Erin Roberts: to to kind of manage it? And sometimes that management could be leaving the conversation and coming back later. Sometimes that management could just be deep breaths. It depends it. It totally depends on the situation. Right?

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Erin Roberts: so the and then after the third phase, the final phase of my program is what I call reflection. And that's really it's conclusion. It's summary. It's bringing together everything we've learned.

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Erin Roberts: It's looking at. What is the goal you set for yourself when we started the program and looking at? Have we met that goal? What progress have we made towards that goal? What did we learn along the way that maybe we wanted to change about the goal

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Erin Roberts: and then integrating tiny steps that my clients can take every single day or every single week

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Erin Roberts: on a small basis.

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Erin Roberts: so that they're keeping these skills fresh. One of the things that I'm really passionate about is is making sure that people get a return on their investment. So when our 12 weeks are over.

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Erin Roberts: their their learning is not done right. They're able to continue.

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Erin Roberts: Even if my live support isn't there anymore, they're able to to have a plan for themselves to continue to use those skills often enough that they stay fresh

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Erin Roberts: because we've all been in that situation where we've invested in a course or a program or something, and it was awesome. But then, when it ended.

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Erin Roberts: we kind of forgot about it.

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Tanya: Yeah, it's that if you don't use it, you lose it. Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. And it's totally it's totally natural.

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Tanya: Yeah, it happens to everybody happens to me.

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Erin Roberts: We're busy. We have kids, we have lives, we have things going on. And so

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Erin Roberts: putting in place a routine

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Erin Roberts: ahead of time and saying, okay, for example, I don't know. Let's say someone's goal was

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Erin Roberts: speaking up with their kids. Let you know that can also be stressful. It can be.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: Can make.

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Erin Roberts: There's depending on how old your kids are and what the what the situation is. But let's say for me, my my son is 2 and a half. So we're doing a lot of we're doing a lot of redirecting and power struggle management.

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Tanya: Yeah, different things.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. So let's say, I'm gonna make a plan that once a day

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Erin Roberts: I'm going to

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Erin Roberts: I'm going to practice saying no to my son

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Erin Roberts: when he asks for something that's outrageous, and I'm gonna say, no, I'm gonna practice that at least once a day, and I'm gonna use a script that I wrote during the program. You know, that would be an example of like, here's a way to integrate

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Erin Roberts: what you invested in when you bought the vocally empowered program. Here's a way for you to take something you learned and make a promise to yourself once a day. I'm gonna try this with my son.

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Erin Roberts: or once a week I'm going to commit to

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Erin Roberts: speaking up in a work meeting that I normally would just be silent in.

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Erin Roberts: You know.

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Tanya: Love that I love the scripts

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Tanya: and writing it ahead of time when you're not so emotionally charged. And you're not in that red zone that like fight or flight response, because in that fight or flight response you cannot think

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Tanya: logically. And I love the idea of doing it. When

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Tanya: you know you're using that higher part of your brain, that prefrontal cortex, and just having a script available

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Tanya: so that you don't even have to think you just read off of that script or key, and then you keep practicing it right? So that you just get better and better. And then it becomes second nature. I love that.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Erin Roberts: I you know, I get that feedback a lot. I feel like that's one of the parts of the program that people just love the most, and it's

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Erin Roberts: it's simple, but it's not easy, right.

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Tanya: Not when you're in the moment, and you're so angry. No.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: But if you have a script like, keep it on your phone right? And like your notes app.

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Tanya: and just.

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Erin Roberts: Yup, yeah.

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Tanya: Pause of like.

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Tanya: take a deep breath and go to that spot in your phone where you know you have this script that you prepared ahead of time. I love that.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, you know, I'll share just kind of from my perspective. It using scripts

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Erin Roberts: was uncomfortable for me for a long time, because I felt.

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Erin Roberts: I don't know. I felt like high maintenance or something. I felt like extra like like what I'm you know. If if I felt

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Erin Roberts: I guess self-conscious about like walking into a conversation with a script when no one else really does it. As a normal practice.

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Tanya: That's so funny that you say that, though, because you know what Erin like, I

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Tanya: used to do this same thing like, and I would second guess myself like, do like nobody, I would think like nobody else does this like it just comes naturally to people. But when you said in your that you're on your Youtube channel. I'm like, so people

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Tanya: do this, they actually

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Tanya: like it gave me permission to. Okay. It's okay that you're writing a script. And actually, I have heard like, listen that, like I listen to so many podcasts and actually a lot of successful people like, what do you think speakers do. They don't just go off the cough. They write a script.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: Oops!

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Erin Roberts: Yeah, exactly.

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Tanya: Yeah, like.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. And and eventually that that's exactly. That's exactly the point is, eventually you find the script falling away. You find that you don't need it as much. Those amazing public speakers, some of them over years and years. They they do stop using scripts because they just they know they're they know what they're gonna say. They've done it a million times. It's second nature. They don't need a script.

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Erin Roberts: Great. But

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Erin Roberts: why not set us our ourselves up for success. Why not make it easier on ourselves in the beginning? Use that script.

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Erin Roberts: get comfortable, gain the confidence, gain the skills, and then eventually, later, if the script falls away. Great. But why make it harder for ourselves? And that's what I realized, you know again for me is, I think, coming to those rock bottom moments, or those like emotionally charged moments where I was like, okay.

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Erin Roberts: I can either bring in a script and feel

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Erin Roberts: like a fool and feel awkward.

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Erin Roberts: or

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Erin Roberts: and I can. I can do that, and I can have a successful conversation, and I can get the result I want.

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Erin Roberts: or I can

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Erin Roberts: look cool, or look a certain way, and not bring my script, and then I can not execute my conversation, and not get my result, which would I rather have.

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Tanya: Yeah.

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Tanya: yeah, yeah.

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Erin Roberts: That's.

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Tanya: So good. So just to summarize. Your 4 step process. One is beliefs, you said. Examine your belief systems. Asking yourself questions. What do you believe about your voice?

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Tanya: How do these beliefs serve you? And are thinking about? Are they creating any roadblocks in your life? And then I and then creating your own beliefs like intentional beliefs.

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Tanya: And then second, step is skills. So what skills thinking about what skills do you need to reach your goals thinking about your range? How high or low you speak, and the volume and your pronunciation and speed, even thinking about your body language. Then number 3 is preparation. And that's just planning kind of like what we were just talking about again. Like

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Tanya: thinking about is a script appropriate, and maybe even rehearsing it. So you feel more confic, more confident, more confident in the execution of it. And then the last part is reflection, and it's just thinking about what your what was your goal when you started? And where are you at now? And how have you progressed.

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Tanya: And maybe do you need to modify the goal at this point?

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Tanya: is that a good summary? Do you think, Erin, or do you have anything else.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah. Thanks.

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Tanya: And add to that.

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Erin Roberts: That's exactly it. That's a excuse. Me, that's a perfect summary. Yeah, that's that's the basic method. That's what I have found through my own years of trial and error, was successful for me. That's what I have found with working with clients for for many years is

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Erin Roberts: breaking that method down.

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Erin Roberts: there's, you know, there's parts of the method that are very linear like that. There's, you know, there's sections, and there's there's parts, and there's planning. There's also the parts of the program that are that are nonlinear, abstract, more kind of that right brain side where, speaking as an art, you know, it's the science of speaking. It's also the art of speaking and bringing.

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Erin Roberts: You know that spontaneous, that spark, that charisma that grows over time bringing those parts together, and I find that the 4 part structure helps us get a starting point where we can kind of tackle

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Erin Roberts: this big thing and say, Hey, it's not a big mystery. It's not a big, scary monster. We can break it down.

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Erin Roberts: and then, as we grow, we can start to bring in the magic and the nonlinear parts of it that are a little bit more abstract.

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Tanya: Okay, I love that.

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Tanya: And just so, you all know I will link that

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Tanya: class that you get your Youtube channel in the show notes.

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Erin Roberts: Amazing.

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Tanya: And I wanna just thank you again so much, Erin, for being here for taking the time to come on the show where you are 35 weeks pregnant.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: Isn't it.

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Erin Roberts: Thank you. It's it's been a lot of fun talking to you.

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Tanya: Oh, my gosh, same here it was so much fun and can you just share with everybody listening where they can find you? And any special offers you have going on.

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Erin Roberts: Yep, yep, I am on the web. My site is Aaron roberts.co. My Instagram handle. That is my main social social outlet, and that handle is also Aaron roberts.co find me there. I am on Youtube. My channel is fairly new. I'm I'm adding content as I go. That handle is at vocally empowered.

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Erin Roberts: And thank you for linking that. I would love to share that little mini master class that I created on the Youtube channel there.

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Erin Roberts: yeah, like you said, I'm I'm gonna be. I'm going into this final final stage of waiting for baby to come. So I will be kind of. I will be a little bit low key here for a few weeks, but after the summer hitting the ground, running again, and hopefully, some of your listeners will be joining me in my mastermind. I would love to see them there.

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Tanya: Yes, that'd be amazing. I highly recommend it. That was so great. I know I learned so much today, and I know this is going to help

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Tanya: so many people in every aspect of their lives, from

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Tanya: how they maybe perform at their jobs, to communicating with their friends, their significant others, family members, children.

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Tanya: and I know it will help people confidently work through the inevitable conflicts that are bound to arise in a way that they can feel good about. So thank you so much, Erin, again for taking the time to come on. Congratulations on the new baby, and we're.

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Erin Roberts: Yeah.

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Tanya: You're welcome. I'm wishing you a safe and healthy labor and delivery, and I can't wait to see pictures of your baby girl. I hope you're gonna share them.

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Erin Roberts: Finally.

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Tanya: Yes, please do.

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Erin Roberts: Umly.

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Tanya: And to everyone at home. Thank you so much for taking the time to tune in today I appreciate every single one of you.

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Tanya: and it's my hope that you learned something today that motivated, inspired, and gave you the tools that will help to improve your life in some way.

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Tanya: And I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's episode and see how you're putting what you've learned here into action and hear about the difference it's making in your life, so be sure to share with me on social media at Tanya Valentine coaching, and I'm sure Erin would love to hear from you as well@erinroberts.ceo, right?

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Tanya: And if you found value in today's episode, please consider sharing it with someone who needs a little boost today. And if you are loving this, podcast be sure to subscribe. So you never miss an episode.

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Tanya: and I would so appreciate it. If you wouldn't mind taking 2 min to leave a rating and review. As this helps more mommas like you find the show.

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Tanya: Well, that's a wrap, friends until next week. Stay positive and know that you are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. I know you are. Have an amazing week. Bye.

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