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"How We Respond is Key-  It Determines Our Destiny"

Welcome back to another episode of the Mom-entum podcast.  In this episode I am interviewing Carolyn Deck, the author of “Above The Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose”.  


Carolyn is a mom of 5 adult children, and originally from New Zealand, she raised her children in a foreign country, often finding herself on her own as her husband frequently travelled for work.  If you are a mom, you can imagine the challenges this posed: 


1. The challenge of raising 1 kid is challenging enough, but 5 is just whole ‘nother level exhausting!


2. Raising kids in a foreign country, away from family/friends/support.


3. Spouse travels for work frequently leaving Mom alone with all of the responsibilities of being a parent.


And yet she got through it, she was able to raise 5 thriving adults, and she even found herself along the way, healing wounds from her childhood trauma. What got her through? Her unrelenting faith.


Carolyn talks about a pivotal moment when she finally accepted a friend's invitation to attend a bible study. She had long told herself “I just don’t have the time.” And how many of us have done this and then we miss out on opportunities and experiences because of this lie we are choosing to believe? Which brings me to the teaching Carolyn often punctuates... 


She says, “How do you spell believe?” And she points out that the word “LIE” is in the middle. This is just another way of saying to question your beliefs. Set aside time to really think about and journal what are your beliefs? Question whether or not they are true. Evaluate the effect these beliefs have had on your life. For example, what are your beliefs about money? Do you believe there is never enough of it? This belief might have you holding on very tightly to your money. You don’t donate to charities, you don’t invest in yourself in ways that would improve and 10x your life, you don’t invest money in things that could grow your wealth exponentially. Then the result is you stay stuck in this scarcity mindset and you do not grow yourself or your wealth.


Another thing that I want to highlight that stuck out to me is how she talks about the power of choices.  She says that even if someone has made a choice for you, you still have the choice of how you are going to respond.  She says, "How we respond is key-it determines our destiny”-let that one sink in!


I love the helpful tip she throws in for moms at about the 30 minute mark. She talks about how as moms we can be so cruel to ourselves-can you relate? She gives this metaphor of being the air traffic controller of your thoughts (lots of traveling metaphors in this book as Carolyn used to be a travel agent and she very cleverly uses travel metaphors for life). Anyway, so she says as the air traffic controller, you get to choose your thoughts and send the "crappy thoughts" away. She talks about getting rid of the rubbish in your head. She suggests that when you travel you should have a good playlist to listen to.  She compares this “good playlist” to being the positive thoughts you choose to believe in place of the “rubbish” ones. She says you should fill yourself everyday with positivity and take the time to pause and connect with God.


This woman is such a wise, kind soul with a HUGE, CARING, GENEROUS HEART. She drops so many knowledge bombs throughout this episode as well as in her book “Above the Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose.” I hope you will have a listen and highly suggest you grab a copy of her book, it will change your life!


All of the proceeds of her book go to this amazing charity called "Faces With Names" -whose mission it is to help orphans & widows in Uganda move beyond a life of survival, and thrive, to fulfill their God given purpose. I ask that you please consider offering a donation or at least learning more about this charity and how you can help by clicking here. Don't forget, one way you can make a donation is by simply purchasing a copy of Carolyn's book, "Above The Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose" and this way you also get a little gift out of it, a new personal development book that could be the catalyst of your  total transformation in 2024! It's a win-win!  Grab a copy for you and for a friend by clicking here.

Resources Mentioned In Show
  • Would you like to connect with Carolyn? She would love to connect with you!  Reach out to her on FB @CarolynDeck or IG @CarolynDeck.

  • Purchase her book, "Above the Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose" by clicking here.

  • Learn more about Faces With Names and make a donation by clicking here.

  • Carolyn will be traveling to Uganda in March to help Faces With Names on its mission to provide a medical clinic, teach English, offer Vocational Bible Studies, acquire land for a secondary school, build soccer fields, and enlarge the existing cropping land that provides sustainable food for the community. Carolyn is currently in the process of raising money to help fund this mission- any amount big or small will make a difference- click here to make your impact now.

  • Carolyn talks about the Enneagram in this episode and she suggests the book, "The Road Back to You" by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile.  Click here to snag your copy, learn more about the enneagram and yourself!

  • Need help organizing your time?  A great way to start is by doing a time audit.  Don't know where to start?  I've got you covered! For access to my FREE TIME AUDIT TOOL click here.

  • Click here for your FREE DECLUTTERING CHECKLIST.

  • Click here to join The Mom-entum Podcast Private Facebook Community

  • Please subscribe, rate and review the show to help me reach and support more amazing moms just like you! Click here to learn how.


Tanya: hello and welcome to the momentum, podcast. The show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting, and empowering women on their journey through motherhood. And today I have the honor and privilege of speaking with Carolyn Deck, the author of Above the Turbulence, your ticket out of pain to purpose.



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Tanya: Carolyn, is also a devoted mother of 5, who was born and raised in New Zealand, but has raised her family for the most part away from her home, which is something that I can definitely relate to. So Carolyn, welcome to the show, and thank you so much for being here.



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carolyndeck: Well, thank you so much for having me. It really is a privilege. And yeah, I'm excited for our conversation.



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Tanya: Me I am, too. And first I just wanna talk about how we found each other.



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carolyndeck: It was the title of my first podcast. Right, turning pain into pur purpose that caught your eye as it is part of the title of your book, and



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Tanya: I really do feel like it. I was thinking about this, and I don't think that it was a coincidence like I really do believe. Well, I don't really believe in coincidences, anyway, but



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carolyndeck: I just feel like it was just meant to be that our



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Tanya: paths would cross at this point in time, because, like, I was listening to one of the podcasts you were on. And I heard you say that you've been writing this book for 6 years, right? Yes.



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Tanya: which is wow, like, let me just bow down to you, because that is



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Tanya: determination.



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Tanya:  But yeah, and just. But you just launched it. And I now, I'm just launching my podcast.



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Tanya: And I'm just like so grateful, really to have met you.



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Tanya: And I just feel like you're such a blessing and a role model. And I have so much to learn from you. And I know for listeners today they're going to be blessed



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Tanya: with the wisdom that you have to share and



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Tanya: So then you reached out and we connected, and I immediately fell in love with you. And I just wanna say, like I just I feel so comfortable talking with you, and you just have this way about you. It you're just so warm and welcoming, and everything that you say. I'm like hanging onto your every word. And I just you're the type of person that I could just sit and listen to for hours.



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carolyndeck: First of all, there's your accent that it's just so endearing. But it's also like your gift with words and the stories you tell.



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Tanya: and how you explain these con concepts in a way that makes me like stop and think, and it makes it easier to understand. Like for me, I'm I would consider myself a religious person like I was raised Catholic. But, to be honest, like I haven't.



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Tanya: I have not gone to church in years, I I mean, I'd have a few years ago, like right before I had a life threatening miscarriage, I started reading the Bible again. But



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Tanya: hmm! For me, it's really difficult to understand the Bible. And you just like quote these verses like I, you just is so impressive to me. And then, just the way that you UN like that, you explain it.



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Tanya: It's just really it makes it easy for me to. And I would assume others to understand something that's so. Can be so.



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Tanya: I guess. Difficult to understand.



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carolyndeck: Sure, I guess the the difference for me is that my faith is based on a relationship, not a religion



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carolyndeck: that's a fundamental mindset change and reframe



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carolyndeck: when you reframe it, and understand that God's heart for us



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carolyndeck: it it just is mind blowing. He loves us, whereas in religion



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carolyndeck: well. the philosophies of man.



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carolyndeck: all of them.



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carolyndeck: and they were all dead.



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carolyndeck: There's nothing living about it. And this is what when I challenged God over my trials, and and questioned and asked Jesus like He is truly my friend.



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carolyndeck: It's like



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carolyndeck: it's just a mind shift and walking with him as a friend rather than a religion. That's why it's so



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carolyndeck: so incredible. And I was just reading this morning, you know, as I as I thought about Hope, and I was posting something about Hope and the Christmas season, and and I'm sitting. I'm very fortunate to look out the window looking out over Lake Michigan, and here comes the sun just peeping above the you know the the horizon, and there's only a little bit of sun coming up. And then all of a sudden there were these rays.



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carolyndeck: and I'm like.



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carolyndeck: And to me that was rays of hope, and then I'm like spell raise RAIS. E son SON.



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carolyndeck: Jesus came to earth, cause he loved us so much. He was raised up on a cross. He died, but he was raised up again to life.



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carolyndeck: and that's the difference between having a religion and having a relationship. And and and then I was thinking about this. Christmas isn't easy for everybody, and I was led to this passage, and Matthew 2638. And this is Jesus speaking



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carolyndeck: my soul, O



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carolyndeck: my soul! Is so overwhelmed with sorrow to the part of death. Stay here and keep watch with me. Is that not just precious? This is



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carolyndeck: this is what I so love about him as the man he can relate to my every trial.



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carolyndeck: He has experienced grief beyond what I would ever imagine or experience.



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carolyndeck: and he even knew that his friends that he had gathered didn't have enough stamina to even stay awake with him. and his most sorrowful time of his life.



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carolyndeck: and his friends weren't there for him.



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carolyndeck: But you know what in the story? I know. 24, 7. He's there for me.



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carolyndeck: and that's the difference. It's a game changer, let me tell you.



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carolyndeck: Hmm! So precious.



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Tanya: Oh, I love it.



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Tanya: And then



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Tanya: II want you to talk about because we haven't even really gotten into. Can you tell the listeners more about yourself and just introduce your history and you to writing this amazing book above the Turbi turbulence your ticket out of pain to purpose.



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carolyndeck: Well, yes, I grew up in New Zealand. I've got a amazing big sister, Debbie and she, you know she's 3 years older than me, and you know she was always caring for me and looking out for me.



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carolyndeck: And I might. My story started with love in my family. But then, sadly, as it so happens in the world to day. Love walked in one door and out the other.



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carolyndeck: and as I reflected in writing my book. I looked back, and instead of asking why.



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carolyndeck: like, there's some really challenging, hurtful moments. And I do write about them.



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carolyndeck: And instead of asking, why



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carolyndeck: did this happen, and why me and



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carolyndeck: why this or that I ask. Now I rephrase this, and rethink.



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carolyndeck: and requested what was happening back then.



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carolyndeck: that I didn't know about. What have I carried with me in my life that I believed that actually is not true.



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carolyndeck: How do we spell? Believe BELI, EVE.


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carolyndeck: Sometimes



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carolyndeck: we're carrying these beliefs with us in our life that actually have hidden lies that really aren't true. And and so when I started asking the question about what what was happening to Dad.



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carolyndeck: What was the reason, possibly for him? Not wanting to be my dad



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carolyndeck: and being responsible? What was happening to mum with her drinking and her alcoholism



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carolyndeck: and what what drove them apart.



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carolyndeck: So that's what happened. My turbulence as a child. And then my dear big sister rescued me out of that



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carolyndeck: family scenario, and I lived with her for a year, and then I was given an opportunity to apply for American field scholarship. And frankly in my head, I'm not good enough.



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carolyndeck: Yeah, I don't have the smarts for this. I just mean you know what you know, what I've been given a chance here. I'm going for it, and guess what I got it, and I found myself in Kansas. I lived there for a year with the most adorable family, and I write about them. Oh, my goodness! You know they just



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carolyndeck: God was so precious! He put me into a family where they they talked



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carolyndeck: and they acted, and they acted out what love looked like. The love that I



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carolyndeck: mist, I guess, through this dysfunction and turbulence of my own family. And I was just like, wow! So this is what love looks like in action and in words. So fast forward, I go back to New Zealand. I become a travel agent.



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carolyndeck: and hence the subtitle of my book, Your ticket out of pain to purpose



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and, as you, as you know, from reading a little bit of it. I write it as a travel agent as if you're coming to my office, and you're looking at journeying somewhere



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carolyndeck: but I just use that really for tuning life.



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carolyndeck: And what what do we need to prepare for our journey? What do we need to pack with us? You know. What do we need to leave behind. What are the perils of this travel experience? What are some of the destinations we're going to end up on, etc., etc. What modes of travel are we going to take?



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carolyndeck: But it's all really little tiny stories, and they are. They're like 4 pages, 5 pages long, with a bunch of questions for you at the end for you to examine and go. Hmm! What can I learn or take out of this?



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Tanya: I love that. By the way, I love your



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carolyndeck: the questions at the end of every chapter. Yeah, you know what? Speaking of what?



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carolyndeck: I can't take credit for that. Many years ago, when I was raising my 5 kids in Australia. And honestly, I was pulling my hair out. And just how on earth am I gonna be doing this. My husband travels so much. You know that all very sporty. We love our sport. How can I possibly do you know that I said, okay, kids, you can only choose 2 sports. Now, I know you wanna do 5. But you can only choose 2, because I just can't possibly run you around



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carolyndeck: all these places. I just can't do it.



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carolyndeck: And then this lady she's South African, came up to me, and she goes, Carolyn, I watch you, and you know I'd love to be friends, but you always on the go, and you never sit still. And I said, Well, Lily, if you try running 5 kids.



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carolyndeck: Yeah, because I'm in a foreign country. At this point I didn't really know anybody didn't really have too many friends.



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carolyndeck: And she said, You know, I have something that you may want to really consider. And it's a Bible study.



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carolyndeck: And truthfully, I mean, you kidding. I haven't got time for this. Yeah, I really don't have time for this. And she just kept persisting over 12 months.



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carolyndeck: She chased me down. And then finally I went, okay, okay, okay, I'll come along to your Bible study.



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carolyndeck: And really. that's



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carolyndeck: when things changed. because what I chose to do. And I talk about this a lot in my book.



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carolyndeck: just I'll stop and pause there. We all have choices, people, we all have choices, even when choices have been made for us.



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carolyndeck: and even when those choices



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carolyndeck: have us in such disarray, in dysfunction and turbulence we still have a choice.



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carolyndeck: because you know why



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carolyndeck: we need to respond to what's happening, and there's our choice. Yes, so that time of my life, I decided. Well.



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carolyndeck: you know this is chaos, and if it's half of what she says



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carolyndeck: the study will do for me.



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carolyndeck: I'm going to give it at least a try.



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carolyndeck: and so I drag my 2 year old son along with me.



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carolyndeck: I think I'd throw him in. There's



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carolyndeck: this little group, and and honestly oh, my gosh! I am so glad I chose to to just crack open my heart just a little bit to just get a little taste of what this Bible stuff was all about.



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carolyndeck: And what I discovered was just it really was life changing. And it just, I'm like II actually can't live without it now.



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carolyndeck: And that's what I discovered that for me.



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carolyndeck: If I could just get up half an hour before all the kids started racing around screaming. Or, you know, in the morning, if I could just do that that became my power source



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carolyndeck:  and I talk about that



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carolyndeck: that when we travel, you know we need our adapters.



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carolyndeck: We need our our, those adapters to plug into the source of that new country because it doesn't. Their plug doesn't look like ours when you go.



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carolyndeck: Yes, when you said adapters I was like, Oh, now I know what you're talking about. Yes. And then I realized that His His power, his omnisciences, which is His all, knowing, all power.



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carolyndeck:  When I tapped into that.



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carolyndeck: he knew what was going to happen in my day. He knew the trials I was going to have before I even had them.



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carolyndeck: but I had. I had sourced up more power, sourced up with the truth of what he had for me that day. Who I was. I was good enough. He sees me. He knows what's happening. He's capable of helping me. I'm just like, Oh, boy, I can't go out the door without you. So that's what I started to do. I started to



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carolyndeck: fact, to him into my life. And honestly, I've never looked back, and it's never been so powerful.



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Tanya: Hmm.



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Tanya: yeah, it's so nice to have that.



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Tanya: because, no matter what happens in your life.



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Tanya: no matter, like all of the



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carolyndeck: tangible things, the material things, they can just be gone in an instant. But you



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carolyndeck: yeah. And that was part of my process. Like, Who am I? Am I the wife of a general manager? Am I the mother of 5? Am I the person that lives at this address. This is my postcode. Oh, that's me, you know. Look at me sort of thing, am I? How I appear? But you strip all that down.



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carolyndeck: And then what are you? What do you have? You know, these are these work questions. yeah. And that's when I realized what I was.



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carolyndeck: I was intentionally made. I was thought of even before the world began. This is what Jesus tells us.



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carolyndeck: I am so greatly loved that God looked at the world and thought, you know what I need to come as a person so they can relate to me.



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carolyndeck: So I'm going to send my son Jesus, and then, hopefully, they'll relate to me hopefully they'll see him. But what happened to him? He was rejected to the point of death.



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carolyndeck: It was so anytime. I feel rejected, overlooked. I'm picking up nappies, or I'm cleaning this, or I'm doing the grocery shopping again, and then, oh, my gosh! 5 bits! 6. How many bits am I making now? You know all of this? It's like I'm just exhausted.



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carolyndeck: But when I realised that I am his child he came for me. He wants to help me. He has unlimited resources for me. He's available 24, 7, and he has a purpose for me.



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carolyndeck: Then I realized



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carolyndeck: that was transformative it really really was. And then I could speak into and start showing my kids what that looked like. Not a religion, but my friend Jesus, that I would take and pray to, and then my my son would say, Well, mummy, you know he's 2 now he's speaking, and he's been there for a year goes. I stayed on by the way, I was going to try it for 2 months, and then



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carolyndeck: it got me. He got me. He goes. Well, mummy. I want a Bible.



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carolyndeck: I want to read what you're reading.



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carolyndeck: Yeah. Cause that's what happens. Right? They see. That's how they learn is mirror us. Yeah, the one I was worrying quite frankly was horrendous.



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carolyndeck: Oh, I didn't have that fruit of the spirit, you know, which God talks about. What is the fruit of his spirit. His spirit that lives in me was, you know, love, patience, kindness.



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carolyndeck: pace, joy.



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carolyndeck: gentleness.



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carolyndeck: all these things I'm like. Huh!



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carolyndeck: I don't even know if I possess any of those. I'm this grumpy, tired, cranky mother, that screaming, give him that! Hurry up! Get your school back! Where's your lunch now, you know.



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carolyndeck: I was not marrying a very nice person, actually, in all honesty. And it was just



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carolyndeck: this, okay. take away the performance. Be still.



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carolyndeck: Just know that I love you, despite all of that.



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carolyndeck: and I'm going to be your friend. I'm going to carry you through this when you need carrying, and when you need me to lead, I lead, and when you want me to walk beside you, holding your hand, I'll be there when you need a push in the back to say, Come on, keep going. Take that step.



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carolyndeck: I'll do that, too, you know. And actually, when you need a bit of a that wasn't very nice.



00:20:42.110 --> 00:20:49.420

carolyndeck: I think you need to be honest to your kids and apologize and say, Sorry.



00:20:49.560 --> 00:20:53.479

carolyndeck: okay. So now I'm starting to mirror



00:20:54.870 --> 00:21:00.719

carolyndeck: this amazing friend of mine, Jesus. who who has all of that.



00:21:00.910 --> 00:21:12.300

carolyndeck: It it was, oh, wow! I'm still learning. I'm still not. We. We all are, and like our kids, especially when they're



00:21:12.440 --> 00:21:16.339

carolyndeck: young. They just they have so much



00:21:16.580 --> 00:21:18.080

Tanya: to teach us.



00:21:18.150 --> 00:21:28.130

Tanya: You talk about in your book, this generational trauma and I was listening to you to. You were being interviewed on some other podcasts.



00:21:28.420 --> 00:21:38.509

Tanya: And I just thought, yeah, like, this is a lesson that I have to learn from my kids like you talked about



00:21:38.770 --> 00:21:46.499

Tanya: your relationship with your half brother. And maybe, do you? Wanna can you do you wanna speak to that a little bit cause. I just wanna like



00:21:46.560 --> 00:21:49.419

Tanya: when you spoke about that and like



00:21:50.160 --> 00:22:00.889

Tanya: how you I think you said you went well, you're gonna talk about it. But how you went, I think, to your pastor, and he had reminded you, that God had given you grace. And



00:22:01.110 --> 00:22:04.490

Tanya: can you pass that grace along to your



00:22:04.790 --> 00:22:22.549

Tanya: half brother, just like God had given grace to you. But he had like when you talked about generational trauma, it just it inspired me to like there's a relationship that I need to mend in my life right now, and I do plan on doing it.



00:22:23.290 --> 00:22:27.319

Tanya: But it inspired me, and like I can't wait to see like



00:22:28.070 --> 00:22:37.969

Tanya: what will come out of that. And if you inspired one person, me like, how many other people are you gonna inspire to do that speaking about it today.



00:22:38.010 --> 00:22:41.659

carolyndeck: again, getting back to the very beginning.



00:22:42.720 --> 00:22:50.360

carolyndeck: this relationship. God is all about relationship. right? As opposed to religion. I'll say that again.



00:22:50.650 --> 00:23:03.459

carolyndeck: He wants. He chases us down, cos he loves us that much. I love that song. Actually, there's no mountain. He won't climb up. No, no, wall, he won't knock down to get to us.



00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:11.549

carolyndeck: And so when I saw this big picture of his hunger and desire to have relationship with me.



00:23:11.980 --> 00:23:21.490

carolyndeck: it breaks his heart. He's in such sorrow when we aren't in relationship or good relationship with our loved ones



00:23:22.470 --> 00:23:27.560

carolyndeck: and with each other. And that relationship.



00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.230

carolyndeck: I guess it hurt so much to be honest, and because



00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:36.649

carolyndeck: we were such good friends.



00:23:37.320 --> 00:23:51.269

carolyndeck: Dad remarried somebody, my sister's age, and had children all over again. So actually, this half brother was actually more the age of my children. My actually was younger than my sister's first child.



00:23:54.060 --> 00:24:00.760

carolyndeck: Got that? Yes. So



00:24:01.050 --> 00:24:06.530

carolyndeck: the relationship started with my husband and I and



00:24:06.760 --> 00:24:17.520

carolyndeck: my brother more like a mum, and dad like we loved having him around. He'd go play with Brendan, and you know it was just a really beautiful relationship.



00:24:17.540 --> 00:24:20.739

carolyndeck: And then, sadly, when Dad died.



00:24:21.930 --> 00:24:25.680

carolyndeck:  things broke down because



00:24:26.460 --> 00:24:31.930

carolyndeck: there was an issue over inheritance over money.



00:24:32.230 --> 00:24:32.900

Tanya: No?



00:24:33.770 --> 00:24:35.450

carolyndeck: Well, and



00:24:35.460 --> 00:24:48.210

carolyndeck: II go into sub 3 chapters, I think, really about this, but and and one was on the destinations, and I found myself on self on a deserted island, broken hearted.



00:24:48.900 --> 00:24:58.530

carolyndeck:  And then another destination II talk about later in my book is Pastures Green.



00:24:59.090 --> 00:25:02.090

carolyndeck: that God that's some 23



00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:05.369

carolyndeck: that he leads us beside still waters



00:25:07.030 --> 00:25:18.230

carolyndeck: and into these beautiful pastures of green. And that's that's what I longed for. I wanted that relationship mended.



00:25:18.460 --> 00:25:26.700

carolyndeck: but because of my pride frankly, and my stubbornness and my own hurt. It took 7 years.



00:25:27.760 --> 00:25:28.720

carolyndeck: and



00:25:29.070 --> 00:25:49.869

carolyndeck: when I look back as to what I believed to be true, there was that lie hiding in the middle. And it wasn't true. I wrote in a whole a 4 page of every reason why I didn't need him as my brother any more, and I wrote down all these excuses, and honestly, when I read them back, I'm like, that's pathetic.



00:25:50.290 --> 00:26:14.700

carolyndeck: you know they really were. That was me and my pain and my hurt, and I couldn't see past that. And it took 7 years, and it took a lot of counselling a lot of people speaking truth into my life. And then what really got me was when I was doing my Bible study, and it was Joshua, and finally the Book of Joshua. Finally.



00:26:14.820 --> 00:26:22.810

carolyndeck: after the Israelites had done 40 years going around the desert, God is now finally leading them into the promised land, and they were to



00:26:23.040 --> 00:26:29.449

carolyndeck: get that inheritance. What was my biff with my brother and him with me



00:26:29.850 --> 00:26:34.350

carolyndeck: and my sister? I've got a half sister, too, was Dad's inheritance.



00:26:34.940 --> 00:26:40.420

carolyndeck: but interesting. You've led me to this place at such a time as this



00:26:40.580 --> 00:26:47.440

carolyndeck: to unpack what I believe. And do you know the number 7? You know what that means it means completeness.



00:26:48.180 --> 00:26:49.760

Tanya: I did not know that



00:26:49.960 --> 00:27:12.789

carolyndeck: 7 days he took to now a day is like 1,000 years, so we can't say that God took one day, and he created this and that. But that's what it talks about in Genesis in the beginning. On the seventh day he rested on the seventh year he brought me round full circle.



00:27:12.830 --> 00:27:20.260

carolyndeck: and I came back, and I visited him. and there I rested back into the unity of our relationship.



00:27:20.450 --> 00:27:25.540

carolyndeck: Oh, my gosh! And had I not done that, had I not



00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:29.769

carolyndeck: sort of circumcised my heart burnt off those horrible



00:27:30.840 --> 00:27:39.789

carolyndeck: lies that I was believing about him and about me and my dad. I would never have got into pastures grin.



00:27:40.070 --> 00:27:48.000

carolyndeck: and I. When I met him I met his beautiful wife, and then I met his 3 most beautiful children.



00:27:48.290 --> 00:27:49.999

carolyndeck: and I realized.



00:27:50.640 --> 00:27:54.119

carolyndeck: oh, boy, I would have prevented all of that



00:27:54.800 --> 00:28:04.249

carolyndeck: because of selfishness and hash tag me. It's all about me. Look what you've done to me, you know all these things, and



00:28:04.530 --> 00:28:07.679

carolyndeck: that's when I understood what Grace looked like.



00:28:09.000 --> 00:28:22.909

carolyndeck: And I'm just so grateful because these little kids they'd look up at me, and they'd go, auntie. because I am there, auntie. Yeah, I dismissed in my head. He was my brother.



00:28:22.930 --> 00:28:25.519

carolyndeck: Yeah, I,


00:28:26.170 --> 00:28:28.420

carolyndeck: auntie, why do you sound funny?



00:28:29.600 --> 00:28:44.539

carolyndeck: So here I am from New Zealand, now living in Australia for 15 years. You sound funny. I love kids. They just speak the truth right? Oh, my! Oh, do you think I sound funny? Yes, you sound funny.



00:28:44.570 --> 00:28:46.080

carolyndeck: I'm like, Okay.



00:28:46.190 --> 00:28:56.019

carolyndeck: well, you know you live in New Zealand, and I used to. But now I live on this big island called Australia, and I think I've taken on how they sound.



00:28:56.430 --> 00:29:01.209

carolyndeck: and that's why I sound funny. And they they go. Oh, okay.



00:29:01.430 --> 00:29:02.619

carolyndeck: And off he went.



00:29:02.670 --> 00:29:08.580

carolyndeck: And the thing about good to God they're so forgiving.



00:29:09.120 --> 00:29:22.970

Tanya: That's been something that I've learned from my kids like. I think it must have been like the first time I ever like snapped on my daughter. I was just so. My mind was just so blown at



00:29:23.260 --> 00:29:29.490

Tanya: how easy it was for her to forgive me, and just like forget about it like, when



00:29:29.510 --> 00:29:31.849

Tanya: when do we lose that like.



00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:36.389

Tanya: you know, I feel like my generational trauma is.



00:29:36.890 --> 00:29:43.979

Tanya: and have come a long way. But resentment and that comes, I think, from everybody, but where I



00:29:44.030 --> 00:29:49.269

Tanya: got that from I know is my father. But yeah, I don't.



00:29:49.590 --> 00:29:51.880

Tanya: But God, resentment is so



00:29:52.100 --> 00:29:59.120

carolyndeck: debilitating it is yeah, it steals, our joy yes, and our pace



00:29:59.940 --> 00:30:01.650




00:30:01.930 --> 00:30:06.059

carolyndeck: Pastor Rick Warren. I love listening to him. And



00:30:06.490 --> 00:30:10.350

carolyndeck: there's another tip for mums.



00:30:10.980 --> 00:30:18.749

carolyndeck: We have this monologue right? And and and and then we we're so cruel to ourselves. Actually, yeah.



00:30:18.790 --> 00:30:45.579

carolyndeck: we just so be. And so I talk about it, too, you know, as a trap, as a travel agent. II talk it like this in this term that we have these, all these thoughts and emotions, and everything swirling around, and then and then they land in our heads. And that's where your resentment comes from, because it goes from your head to your heart, and that's really debilitating. And so I say, it's like being an air traffic controller.



00:30:45.690 --> 00:31:03.499

carolyndeck: We have choices and we can send that crap away. We really can. We can dismiss that if we're intentional, if we stop, if we pause and we go hang on a minute. I'm not listening to that any more. No like yes, why, somewhere else go away. And so, when your



00:31:03.750 --> 00:31:18.480

carolyndeck: getting rid of the rubbish in your head right taking the rubbish out. Don't leave it in there. It starts to stink, get rid of it, take it out, get rid of that. But then, what do you do? You've got to fill it with something. Yes, what do you feel it?



00:31:18.690 --> 00:31:24.009

carolyndeck: So that's where I talk about. When you travel, you need your good playlist. You need good headphones.



00:31:24.180 --> 00:31:29.020

carolyndeck: and my playlist, and my, what I choose to listen to



00:31:29.040 --> 00:31:41.280

carolyndeck: also is hugely empowering. I listen to daily hope, past direct warrant, every day, daily hope. I need that every day I listen to Doctor Jeremiah turning point.



00:31:41.330 --> 00:31:50.089

carolyndeck: we need turning points in our life where we, we make these choices intentional choices. I fill my head every day.



00:31:50.230 --> 00:32:00.440

carolyndeck: listening to them, their podcast what they have to teach. But then every day I just sit and pause, even if it's only 5 min.



00:32:00.590 --> 00:32:03.409

carolyndeck: And I because sometimes that's all we have.



00:32:03.580 --> 00:32:16.449

carolyndeck: II will open my Bible along with my study because I don't understand it to your point earlier. It's so confusing. Oh, my gosh! Is there hypocrisy here? Why don't you say that, then is that



00:32:16.610 --> 00:32:26.640

carolyndeck: there's not. But we have limited understanding. We don't. Yeah, don't understand what what is happening here. And that's why Jesus talked in parables.



00:32:27.130 --> 00:32:37.050

carolyndeck: And that's actually again. Why, I wrote my book like I did thy tiny little stories, just to give you a snippet of a nugget for life.



00:32:37.310 --> 00:32:47.140

carolyndeck: And so for me. That's what I was trying to do here, but it's come through the practice of what I've done for myself. studying his word.



00:32:47.310 --> 00:32:56.619

carolyndeck: bathing myself with that each morning because we are body, mind, and soul. Everyone forgets about that bit. We do have a soul.



00:32:56.850 --> 00:33:01.840

carolyndeck: and it needs nourishing and feeding. And if you junk food



00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:10.960

carolyndeck: junk in junk out, you know. Yes, put the good stuff in and the good will come out. I agree with that. Like, step away from the news.



00:33:11.030 --> 00:33:12.839

Tanya: the social media.



00:33:12.850 --> 00:33:30.440

carolyndeck: Yeah. Control be the controller of your mind. Only you, only you. There's very few things we can control in life, but that is one and is so powerful. And I say on the back of my book that how we respond is key not only



00:33:31.030 --> 00:33:36.630

carolyndeck: to what's happening today. but it actually determines our destiny.



00:33:37.170 --> 00:33:44.340

Tanya: That's scary. It does. It does. Yeah, that our life is made up of all of the decisions that we make.



00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:52.999

carolyndeck: Yes, yeah, we can't go back and revisit, so all is not lost.



00:33:53.290 --> 00:34:06.789

carolyndeck: You know his. He, as he says. I just keep thinking of Bible versus, because it's so encouraging for me, but His mercy start new again every day, or even every moment, if we say, Oh, Lord, how



00:34:06.800 --> 00:34:08.010

carolyndeck: sorry!



00:34:08.020 --> 00:34:16.740

carolyndeck: Help! Sorry! Help! Sorry! Help me again. You know, we can live our entire day like that. And the outcomes



00:34:16.980 --> 00:34:22.710

carolyndeck: exceedingly, abundantly beyond what you would have ever dreamed, wished, or hopeful Ephesians. 3, 21.



00:34:23.310 --> 00:34:29.220

carolyndeck: Yeah. And what's coming up for me, too, is like.



00:34:29.889 --> 00:34:38.690

Tanya: it's okay to make mistakes and asking for help. And don't be in the shame, because, like Brene Brown says, like shame hides.



00:34:38.810 --> 00:34:46.089

carolyndeck: Yes, and if you're hiding in that shame like you're never gonna be able to get over that.



00:34:46.530 --> 00:34:58.969

carolyndeck: So you know that wound and move forward right I mean, you talked about wounds. Oh, my gosh, I'm glad you did. I've got a chapter on that, too. Yes, because I've had many, many surgeries.



00:34:59.080 --> 00:35:09.269

carolyndeck: many, and I've had to relearn how to walk over and over again, and what I learned with the wound was, I have a scar, not a scab



00:35:09.520 --> 00:35:18.779

carolyndeck: and escar to me is victory. Escape is something that continues to you can pick at it, and it continues to bleed.



00:35:18.810 --> 00:35:22.830

carolyndeck: I just read on page 12.



00:35:23.870 --> 00:35:28.840

carolyndeck: I say this, and you know it's it was so encouraging to me.



00:35:28.970 --> 00:35:41.919

carolyndeck:  until we stop base and heal the wounds of our past, they will continue to bleed, leaving a stain on our lives



00:35:42.350 --> 00:35:46.149

Tanya: that is so beautiful. How did that come to you? I love that



00:35:46.600 --> 00:35:58.070

carolyndeck: again. You know I choose what I feed myself, and I must have read that somewhere, and really thought on on those words. And just, I guess, rewrote



00:35:58.140 --> 00:36:05.999

carolyndeck: that, but it made me realize that you know Jesus died. But he rose again with his scars.



00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:09.439

carolyndeck: but he could have



00:36:09.600 --> 00:36:18.080

carolyndeck: been raised perfect because he's perfect. But those wounds, those scars that have healed our wounds that have healed



00:36:18.360 --> 00:36:27.409

carolyndeck: are now scars, and to me that's victory. I look up my scars all over my body, and I go. Wow! I can walk the lake.



00:36:27.570 --> 00:36:30.460

carolyndeck: not just the block.



00:36:31.120 --> 00:36:38.280

carolyndeck: So I used to look at them and hide them to your point. I thought they were ugly.



00:36:38.670 --> 00:36:50.639

carolyndeck: III was just like Oh, that ugly! No, they're not that beautiful right? And that puts it. And what's coming up for me, too, is vulnerability like, if we try to be perfect.



00:36:50.740 --> 00:36:55.749

Tanya: you can't relate. How do you relate to anybody? You need to be vulnerable in order to rel.



00:36:56.020 --> 00:37:06.109

Tanya: Yes, and we're not perfect. Let's be honest. No one's perfect, no, no. And and I love what? So my mentor



00:37:06.200 --> 00:37:10.369

Tanya: broccasio. She always says perfectionism is for scared people.



00:37:10.420 --> 00:37:13.029

carolyndeck: It's it's so true.



00:37:13.050 --> 00:37:32.299

Tanya: And that's something that I've had to learn cause like my whole life. I feel like I've been like this trying to be like a perfectionist. I think we all struggle with it in some way, because, like, we're all just like people. Ple, you know, a lot of us struggle with people pleasing. And it's all just coming from a place of



00:37:33.140 --> 00:37:35.670

Tanya: just wanting to see.



00:37:35.920 --> 00:37:44.980

Tanya: Yeah. And just want to tell people what they want to hear, so that you can be loved and accepted and not get kicked out of the tribe. Right?



00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:53.800

carolyndeck: Alright. Wow! A a resource. I don't know that I've told you about amazing book, and it's called The Road back to you.



00:37:54.150 --> 00:38:04.800

carolyndeck: Oh, I've heard of it. I don't know if I heard it from you, or where I heard it. But no, I have heard of that book, but I haven't read it yet, is what it's called.



00:38:05.230 --> 00:38:11.049

Tanya: Oh, I just recently started learning about the Enniogram, too. Yeah, okay.



00:38:11.090 --> 00:38:28.389

carolyndeck: I would. You know, if you're trying to get rid of the junk in your head and and refill it with something powerful and useful. That book was so energizing for me. I had to read it like 3 times, cause I'm like, I'm not that I'm not that number. I'm not that number, not, and



00:38:28.570 --> 00:38:40.480

carolyndeck: I'm an 8. I'm the black and white person. I like the truth. I live by the truth. But the Lord said, Yeah, black, white. There is a color called grey.



00:38:40.720 --> 00:38:41.730

Tanya: Yeah.



00:38:41.740 --> 00:38:43.770

carolyndeck: And I'm learning.



00:38:44.040 --> 00:38:54.859

carolyndeck: So what I love about the integration. It's it's it goes on a circle round right one through 9 and what it does. Not only does it say.



00:38:54.870 --> 00:38:58.920

carolyndeck: okay, I'm part of an 8, but I'm actually part of a 2.



00:38:59.160 --> 00:39:02.669

carolyndeck: But I'm also the ugly part of a 5.



00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:18.179

carolyndeck: Yeah, that's what I was. Gonna say is, I had trouble relating to just one number. I felt like I was like a little bit of everything, and then some days you'll wing like for me. I'll wing the 9, because that's my next number, and some parts of me will wing



00:39:18.590 --> 00:39:19.729

carolyndeck: a 7.



00:39:19.860 --> 00:39:25.049

carolyndeck: And this is what's so beautiful because we aren't just a this, a



00:39:25.060 --> 00:39:46.889

carolyndeck: around things sitting in a round hole. No, we're not depending upon what's happened. Our circumstance yes. Our shape. I talk about that, our spiritual gift, our heart. What's in our heart, our our passion, our abilities, our personality, and our experiences. That's what shapes us. Well, that's what this



00:39:47.130 --> 00:39:49.769

number log is all about.



00:39:50.200 --> 00:39:56.189

carolyndeck: and I love it. It embraces holistically parts of



00:39:56.420 --> 00:40:08.089

carolyndeck: lots of numbers. Not just one. Because we aren't just one person. We. We have these layers and characteristics and experiences which shape us



00:40:08.440 --> 00:40:15.560

carolyndeck: and move us forward or keep us stuck? Or actually, dare I say it keep us in the past?



00:40:15.630 --> 00:40:17.620

Tanya: Yeah, and that that.



00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:46.790

carolyndeck: yeah, that's okay. So I just would encourage you to look at that, because that really helped me grow to acknowledge and accept. Yes, what I have been, where I want to go, and like. I said that I had to be circumcised of my ugliness of my heart when I reach back out to my brother. And that's what this Enni Graham does. It highlights the truth of the ugliness that you can get rid of. So you're becoming slowly.



00:40:46.970 --> 00:40:48.270

carolyndeck: surely.



00:40:48.480 --> 00:40:51.480

carolyndeck: into the best you I love that.



00:40:51.610 --> 00:41:00.380

Tanya: Yeah. that's what we all want. I feel like in this life is just to be the best version of ourselves. And it doesn't mean you have to.



00:41:00.480 --> 00:41:10.580

Tanya: I talked about this in my podcast that aired today like it doesn't mean you have to like, build a business or go out and do like these like big things. It just means, like, be the best



00:41:10.770 --> 00:41:18.710

Tanya: you can be. Be the best mom that you can be. Go to your job. It doesn't matter where you are working what you do. But like.



00:41:19.960 --> 00:41:21.830

Tanya: bring some integrity.



00:41:22.130 --> 00:41:28.829

Tanya: you know, just like, want to do the best that you can. Just don't just go and like.



00:41:29.190 --> 00:41:34.370

Tanya: do the minimal in order to get by like doing like.



00:41:34.790 --> 00:41:51.330

Tanya: give it your best. Give it your all some days. It's it's more difficult than others. Yes, of course. But sometimes you can't. And you just absolutely yeah. Give yourself forgiveness and grace. Yeah, yeah, totally.



00:41:51.960 --> 00:42:00.290

Tanya: Hmm, awesome. I. So there are a couple of more things that I want to go over to. I do. I want to. Oh, I wanted to.



00:42:00.620 --> 00:42:09.459

Tanya: Talk about how you just. I have this highlighted in my book, and I actually just recently sent this to a friend, cause I just thought it was so beautiful



00:42:09.520 --> 00:42:19.899

Tanya: how you described you went to go visit your mom, I think, and you were going on a hike. And there recently was like a fire



00:42:20.080 --> 00:42:26.390

carolyndeck: and the way that you described it, I just I have to read this and I want you to speak on this a little bit more.



00:42:26.420 --> 00:42:28.760

Tanya: But you wrote.



00:42:28.980 --> 00:42:44.229

Tanya: I considered the fire caused by a natural phenomenon lightning whilst destructive scarring the land. It brought positive outcomes when left in place. Dead organic material affects smaller plants in organisms.



00:42:44.560 --> 00:42:46.010

stunts, growth.



00:42:46.030 --> 00:42:53.010

Tanya: Isn't that so true for our lives? When we hang onto the past's dead organic material.



00:42:53.310 --> 00:43:05.030

Tanya: our life is stunted. The fire of our lives makes us stronger. Like those burned trees they survived. cleared of the undergrowth, no longer competed.



00:43:05.050 --> 00:43:10.800

Tanya: no longer competing for light. food, and water, they grow stronger. Oh.



00:43:12.220 --> 00:43:13.369

Tanya: that is so good.



00:43:13.580 --> 00:43:15.450

carolyndeck: Right? Yeah.



00:43:16.930 --> 00:43:18.940

carolyndeck: yes.



00:43:19.040 --> 00:43:22.559

carolyndeck: so yes, I was revis. I was visiting my mom.



00:43:22.590 --> 00:43:30.429

carolyndeck: That same visit actually was when I learned the meaning of my name, which was



00:43:30.430 --> 00:43:55.219

carolyndeck: quite profound for me. Given. I didn't like my name, and each night, so my my mother remarried a lovely man, Cedric Armstrong, who sadly since passed on. But I would go and visit with them, and I'd have the guest room, and and mum would turn the electric blanket on for me, because because ordinarily I'd go in the winter. I don't know why, but, anyways, and she was JI just



00:43:55.220 --> 00:44:17.579

carolyndeck: it's been. Oh, this is, I feel like I've got home, even though it wasn't my home. It was home, for when I returned to New Zealand, and so that would says and watch TV at night. And I go. You know what I need to keep moving. I was lining up my surgery for a hip replacement and my physio, or Pt. Said, you need to keep moving. You need to



00:44:17.580 --> 00:44:25.789

carolyndeck: have the blood circulating, especially into that joint. You need to move so as much at times it pained me.



00:44:25.790 --> 00:44:31.609

I thought, no, I'm going to do this. So that's when I took myself on this hike up the hill.



00:44:31.690 --> 00:44:34.620

carolyndeck: and like just the



00:44:34.730 --> 00:44:42.030

carolyndeck: the images of a of a tree half burnt, and the other half now flourishing and green.



00:44:42.560 --> 00:44:52.119

carolyndeck: I kept walking, and then I would. I'd see another tree that was totally burnt. There was nothing left, and then, when I got closer and looked closer and deeper.



00:44:52.230 --> 00:44:57.170

carolyndeck: there was a little nugget like a little sprout just popping up



00:44:57.320 --> 00:45:06.969

carolyndeck: out of the street. And I'm like, Wow! And as I walked deeper into this into this what was a sort of a forest bush area?



00:45:07.080 --> 00:45:10.570

carolyndeck: The birds were coming back. They were singing.



00:45:10.940 --> 00:45:11.620

Tanya: Hmm!



00:45:12.390 --> 00:45:13.090




00:45:13.760 --> 00:45:15.360

carolyndeck: Oh, wow!



00:45:16.830 --> 00:45:20.660

carolyndeck: And that reminded me of the verse of Romans 8, 28,



00:45:20.680 --> 00:45:29.070

carolyndeck: that God uses all things for good, for those that love him, and for his purpose, and to bring glory to him.



00:45:29.330 --> 00:45:30.879

carolyndeck: and I'm just like.



00:45:31.930 --> 00:45:36.989

carolyndeck: Wow! There is such darkness and pain of my past.



00:45:37.000 --> 00:45:46.439

carolyndeck: He he wants burned. He wants that rubble to be gotten revolved because it was stagnating me in in.



00:45:47.180 --> 00:46:01.300

carolyndeck: because it would pop up as a weed over here, and another weed over there, and it would come out through resentment in my voice and my my actions, and I hated it. I really hated it.



00:46:01.590 --> 00:46:10.049

carolyndeck: and that's when I was like. yes. I need a burn off. I need to get rid of this. I want new life. I want new growth.



00:46:10.330 --> 00:46:15.420

carolyndeck: I want to hear singing instead of the sorrow.



00:46:17.440 --> 00:46:25.299

carolyndeck: So that was another process of my healing. Amazing! It was so beautiful! I love that God uses



00:46:25.310 --> 00:46:30.289

carolyndeck: so many things to talk to us creation for one, I mean.



00:46:30.460 --> 00:46:42.410

carolyndeck: then we we think we so clever. But really, how can you? How can you get the sun in the moon up? We we have no, it it is he is the Creator.



00:46:42.560 --> 00:46:44.190

carolyndeck: and He created.



00:46:44.220 --> 00:46:55.739

carolyndeck: And that's what he's wanting to do in my life. He wanted to create this newness of life for me. and to do a burn off of the past, but use it for good.



00:46:56.000 --> 00:46:56.920

Tanya: Yeah.



00:46:58.730 --> 00:46:59.839

Tanya: I love that



00:47:00.590 --> 00:47:09.470

carolyndeck: by the way, the burn off does hurt, but so does going to the gym. When your muscles a week



00:47:09.600 --> 00:47:26.080

carolyndeck: it hurts. But guess what happens. You persist. You keep going it. It does actually get a bit easier, and then you get return on your money, you feel strong, and you you have energy and life and life all of a sudden just seems



00:47:26.130 --> 00:47:27.450

carolyndeck: so much better.



00:47:28.110 --> 00:47:33.259

Tanya: Yeah. And what advice would you have for people



00:47:33.550 --> 00:47:38.600

Tanya: who want to do this in your light, in in their life, like, revisit



00:47:39.540 --> 00:47:42.259

Tanya: the trauma, or revisit these?



00:47:42.560 --> 00:47:46.609

Tanya: You know dark moments in their life like, what would your



00:47:46.620 --> 00:47:47.920

Tanya: advice?



00:47:48.440 --> 00:47:52.289

Tanya: B, for somebody to like? Do they need? Would you say like.



00:47:53.400 --> 00:47:56.409

Tanya: speak to a therapist? Seek help?



00:47:56.900 --> 00:48:08.659

carolyndeck:  absolutely. Yeah. So I also mentioned in my book, be very careful and discerning who you speak to.



00:48:08.720 --> 00:48:16.200

carolyndeck: depending upon what pain is that you have? Because I know from my own experience that



00:48:16.220 --> 00:48:21.009

carolyndeck: you know. Sometimes I have spoken to people.



00:48:21.530 --> 00:48:40.129

carolyndeck: and all I want is to actually ha have them confirm what I'm thinking right. And my thinking was thinking, that isn't helpful. You have to be really careful who you seek advice from. I suggested.



00:48:40.310 --> 00:48:55.110

carolyndeck: that. And I suggest that you actually look at the fruits of their life. If you know them well. what what does it look like when they struggle, and when they come under fire, and when they have issues.



00:48:55.490 --> 00:48:57.830

carolyndeck: you know, what does that look like to them?



00:48:58.000 --> 00:49:02.160

carolyndeck:  I think



00:49:02.350 --> 00:49:26.399

carolyndeck: I think that a really good thing is just to stop for a minute and pause. Sorry, my dogs barking, cause, I think. Just arrived to steal the car. Yes. Doing life as a mom. Yeah, to be kind to ourselves. Just stop



00:49:26.410 --> 00:49:27.770

and just



00:49:28.300 --> 00:49:31.450

carolyndeck: just stop. Just stop, actually.



00:49:31.910 --> 00:49:45.620

carolyndeck: is a great thing to get it out of your head. That's what I did, you know I wrote. That is so. Not true. Put a line through it



00:49:45.940 --> 00:49:50.590

Tanya: because it takes you out of the it puts you into like observer mode. Right?



00:49:50.650 --> 00:50:05.430

carolyndeck: Another thing you could picture maybe, is that when you're in that space, you imagine light shining onto the words of my book here right that you can see that I've got on my desk here.



00:50:05.720 --> 00:50:12.169

carolyndeck: But what happens with the light behind the light? This image is now a shadow.



00:50:12.200 --> 00:50:16.259

carolyndeck: but is 15 times bigger than the reality of



00:50:16.350 --> 00:50:31.130

carolyndeck: yes, highlighting. And so sadly, I think, when we're in those dark places where existing in the shadow. and we're believing the shadow a shadow's a shadow. It doesn't exist. There's nothing there.



00:50:31.220 --> 00:50:42.910

carolyndeck: So we need to stop and pause and come back into the light and focus on the truth of what is bad. That is true, and dismiss those



00:50:43.270 --> 00:50:53.079

carolyndeck: those lies hiding in the shadows to your point. They hide, don't they? Yeah, which you can't. Yeah. You can't even see when they're stuck on a loop going around and around in your brain.



00:50:53.340 --> 00:50:55.569

Tanya: and you gotta get it



00:50:55.860 --> 00:50:57.710

Tanya: on to paper and



00:50:57.790 --> 00:51:01.619

carolyndeck: make it more linear, right and tangible



00:51:01.750 --> 00:51:03.490

Tanya: and intangible. Yes.



00:51:03.620 --> 00:51:15.849

carolyndeck: you know it's I can't. I can't grab a shadow, but I can grab what's true which you know, whatever's true for you, you know, if I'm grabbing my book, I can grab that and and shine the light



00:51:15.900 --> 00:51:35.729

carolyndeck: and your energy and your focus. When you've written that down, start putting lines through things that aren't true. And I said once, you know, she had it a very exhaustive job. And I said, Leave you. Us stressed to the Max, and it's coming out in your skin. You're exhausted, darling. This is what you need to do right down



00:51:35.880 --> 00:51:42.420

carolyndeck: what you think your job is. Write down what you're in control of.



00:51:44.730 --> 00:51:46.820

carolyndeck: and let go of everything else.



00:51:46.890 --> 00:51:52.130

carolyndeck: Because, right, you're perceiving that you have to do this, this, this and this.



00:51:52.180 --> 00:52:00.460

carolyndeck: But actually, that's not your job. and the consequences of that don't fall under your role.



00:52:00.560 --> 00:52:25.019

carolyndeck: So why are you carrying that darling. Let it go. That's that's your boss's problem, not yours. You need to put all your energy into what you need to do your job, your role. What's expected of you now that poses like the pastor did for me asking more questions so you could go back to your boss and say, I've been given this. Now you've given me that



00:52:25.520 --> 00:52:27.970

Tanya: I'm working 16 HA day



00:52:31.240 --> 00:52:33.000

carolyndeck: really like



00:52:34.950 --> 00:52:45.670

carolyndeck: reassess that with him is that an expectation of this company that as an an ordered accountant, I have to work 16 HA day. Is that is that true?



00:52:45.710 --> 00:52:53.830

carolyndeck: Oh, no, it's not true, and it's not feasible, and it's not sustainable. So then you go back and you look at what



00:52:53.850 --> 00:53:00.260

carolyndeck: have you been called to do? What's priority and focus on that? Let the rest. Go.



00:53:01.970 --> 00:53:06.320

carolyndeck: Hmm, because it's the rest that exhaust us.



00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:10.610

carolyndeck: Yeah, that steps us that actually has us



00:53:10.810 --> 00:53:13.149

carolyndeck: focusing on the wrong things.



00:53:13.720 --> 00:53:24.069

carolyndeck: you know. Distraction. you know. Oh, look what they've got! Oh, I wish I could have that! Oh, if only I could have that comparison! Is that ugly thing to



00:53:24.350 --> 00:53:28.370

carolyndeck: oh, my gosh ditch that. Yeah, please.



00:53:28.470 --> 00:53:35.989

carolyndeck: You know, it's like you think you're doing good right? And you can feel so good about you know how you're living your life. And then



00:53:36.160 --> 00:53:39.560

Tanya: look at how somebody else like you had mentioned before how



00:53:39.630 --> 00:53:57.509

Tanya: I love what you said. You made your kids just do like 2 activities at a time, and like I'm the person I'm like they're doing one at a time like I can't. But then I'll compare myself to another mom who's like. Oh, well, I've got my kid in soccer, and then they have violin practice, and there's this and that in theatre, and I'm like.



00:53:57.550 --> 00:53:59.450

Tanya: Oh, I should be doing that?



00:53:59.460 --> 00:54:06.000

carolyndeck: Should I be doing that? It's like, no, that works for them, and that's just fine, like, let me just stay in my lane.



00:54:06.060 --> 00:54:10.680

carolyndeck: Yes, absolutely. And then sometimes, quite honestly, I learned with my kids



00:54:11.500 --> 00:54:20.029

carolyndeck: they don't have time to be kids, actually. And so you know, this semester or this term.



00:54:20.430 --> 00:54:28.839

carolyndeck: you know you can't always do that because that committed. And there's that's another conversation that if they've committed to a team they have to see the season.



00:54:28.970 --> 00:54:42.659

Tanya: But they need this time out this, burn off like, get rid of all this activity, and just let me be a kid stuck, and you need they need the silence, too. They need the space to be creative.



00:54:42.820 --> 00:54:43.830

carolyndeck: Yes.


00:54:44.690 --> 00:54:47.149

Tanya: the time and the space to be creative.



00:54:47.180 --> 00:55:15.940

carolyndeck: So if I mean they're



00:55:15.940 --> 00:55:31.319

Tanya: cup. Well, my kids are really young. My oldest is in kindergarten, and then my middle child, he's his first year of preschool. But yeah, I only have them in one thing at a time, but even then they'll like fight me on it like they just want to be home.



00:55:31.470 --> 00:55:33.700

Tanya: Yes, so



00:55:34.450 --> 00:55:41.310

Tanya: I wanna so we are. I could talk to you all day, but I wanna make sure that we talk about



00:55:41.500 --> 00:55:44.059

carolyndeck: faces with names. Yes.



00:55:44.950 --> 00:55:47.270

Tanya: so can you tell us about that.



00:55:47.490 --> 00:55:48.990

carolyndeck: I'm just being honest.



00:55:49.260 --> 00:56:11.190

carolyndeck: I just had to quickly message, my son, I'm being a mum. I'm just saying it's all good. Okay, so I've done that. So that's why I was distracted. Just wanna be honest. Okay, totally names. Yes. The proceeds of my book are going to this incredible organization. And yes.



00:56:11.490 --> 00:56:26.330

carolyndeck: along with me everything seems to have a little story, and my back story is that when I was a child of 5, 6, 7, I would buy books on Africa. II had the seed planted in my heart. I love all things Africa, and I would sketch



00:56:26.440 --> 00:56:30.360

carolyndeck: lion head and giraffe, an elephant, and I just



00:56:30.570 --> 00:56:49.219

carolyndeck: transport myself and my thinking in my head, I'm an African. And all these wild animals. This is amazing. Wow! Fast forward. I'm a travel agent. And now I'm literally in the Serengeti. I am walking, trying to collect and find wood and sticks for our fire that night and then out of



00:56:49.240 --> 00:56:50.440

carolyndeck: nowhere.



00:56:50.700 --> 00:56:56.650

carolyndeck: Seemingly this little face appeared, and then another little face, and then, like.



00:56:56.700 --> 00:57:02.259

It's like, Wow! This is amazing. But we couldn't speak each other's language.



00:57:03.040 --> 00:57:14.699

carolyndeck: but what we spoke was the language of being human, and they smiled, and I smiled, and I looked contrastly different to them. But we just embraced each other. We had fun. It was just like this. Wow! Moment.



00:57:15.090 --> 00:57:25.210

carolyndeck: fast forward! Another decade or so. Now my daughter's in Malawi. She is building mud bricks for these orphaned kids through Aids.



00:57:25.440 --> 00:57:26.729

carolyndeck: a new home.



00:57:27.660 --> 00:57:39.550

carolyndeck: She came home with these amazing photos of these little kids, and it took me back. I'm like, Oh, that little kids I saw. Oh, my goodness, this is beautiful! Oh, I'm so glad you had that experience.



00:57:39.710 --> 00:57:50.090

carolyndeck: And I was thinking, Yeah, well, you know, maybe one day we could help. I don't know. Maybe I could go. I don't know. Anyway. Keep going. Well, a decade or so later. Now I'm writing my book.



00:57:50.110 --> 00:58:15.889

carolyndeck: I have no idea what I'm doing, so I thought right. I need to invest in myself. So there's another little nugget invest in yourself Riders Conference to learn my trade, and I met Eric, and we were sitting around the fire at night. We're both exhausted. Well, everyone's exhausted. Okay, Eric, where's your story? What's your story goes? Well, I adopted little Chinese girl. And



00:58:15.940 --> 00:58:22.330

carolyndeck: it's just been incredible journey. But my wife and I have started a foundation, and here's the brochure.



00:58:25.710 --> 00:58:31.749

carolyndeck: Can you see that?  I looked at that and I'm, like,



00:58:32.360 --> 00:58:44.709

carolyndeck: they're, those little faces I saw decades ago, I saw them again with my daughter. Oh, my gosh! Now I see them again! But this time it's a little face, and her name is Mary.



00:58:45.770 --> 00:58:53.790

carolyndeck: and it just nearly broke my heart. I well, well, I jumped for joy, actually, and that's when there was like an epiphany. I'm like, you know what



00:58:54.050 --> 00:58:57.139

carolyndeck: my book proceeds are going to them.



00:58:58.940 --> 00:59:24.530

carolyndeck: They they I just wanna be living hope for them. God has brought me full circle. And now this is my moment. This is I had this hole in my heart for these little kids. And now I can actually do something about it. And so I was so excited. Eric, you know what I'm writing this book when it's published. I don't know how many books I'm gonna sell, if any. But whatever I earn I'm giving to you.



00:59:24.620 --> 00:59:33.300

carolyndeck: II so do I believe in your foundation. Your mission, our mission is to help orphans and widows move beyond a life of survival.



00:59:33.380 --> 00:59:43.990

carolyndeck: and thrive to fulfil their God. Given purpose. All my gosh! And so fast forward. I'm so excited. In



00:59:44.000 --> 00:59:48.220

carolyndeck: March next year I'm actually going on mission with Eric



00:59:48.330 --> 01:00:04.689

carolyndeck: and some doctors and nurses, and a few other mission people. I've never been on mission before. And I'm actually going to meet, you know, the Mary's of. And and all these kids. Caleb. Yeah, it's



01:00:05.190 --> 01:00:21.560

carolyndeck: I'm just so grateful that this has opened up for me. And this is what I'm talking about people that when we say yes, when we respond, when we have Jesus as our friend, he takes us on these extraordinary paths.



01:00:21.570 --> 01:00:35.389

carolyndeck: I mean 7 years ago. There's no way I thought I'd be an author, there'd be no way. I'd think I was on a podcast, there's no way. I would have thought. My words would have been influencing people in jail, let alone kids in Uganda.



01:00:35.650 --> 01:00:36.470

Tanya: Yeah.



01:00:37.670 --> 01:00:39.800

carolyndeck: it's truly amazing.



01:00:40.180 --> 01:00:40.970

Tanya: Yeah.



01:00:41.870 --> 01:00:43.630

carolyndeck: yeah. Oh.



01:00:44.200 --> 01:00:46.649

Tanya: I love it. It's so beautiful.



01:00:46.740 --> 01:00:48.449

Tanya: it really is.



01:00:48.850 --> 01:01:00.630

carolyndeck: I know it's all. Really it really is. It's just when we say yes and keep saying yes, and knowing who whose we are, we don't have to perform for him.



01:01:00.950 --> 01:01:10.220

carolyndeck: We don't have to wear these coats of perfectionism, or or whatever. We just wear a coat of humility and just come again each day going.



01:01:11.040 --> 01:01:16.050

carolyndeck: Okay, I messed up. Or I've got a big day. Please, can you help me



01:01:16.310 --> 01:01:19.360

carolyndeck: yeah, asking for help and he does



01:01:19.510 --> 01:01:24.650

carolyndeck: yeah, ask and you shall receive yes, Amen.



01:01:24.780 --> 01:01:27.840

carolyndeck: Oh, well, Carolyn, I'm in a



01:01:28.230 --> 01:01:36.499

Tanya: Put all of the information about faces with names. I'm going to put that in the show notes. Everybody listening. Please go to the show notes



01:01:36.600 --> 01:01:42.040

Tanya: to learn more about it, and how you can help and make impact



01:01:42.280 --> 01:01:48.159

Tanya: and I just wanna say, Carolyn, your insights and experiences there.



01:01:48.240 --> 01:01:50.069

Tanya: Truly inspiring.



01:01:50.170 --> 01:01:58.160

Tanya: As we come to the end of this conversation today, I feel deeply moved by the wisdom and your authenticity.



01:01:58.200 --> 01:02:08.199

Tanya: Your journey from pain to purpose, your resilience and raising a family far from home and your dedication to healing from your trauma.



01:02:08.420 --> 01:02:11.350

It's all incredibly impactful



01:02:11.540 --> 01:02:28.470

Tanya: listeners. I hope you've gained as much from Carolyn's words as I have. The analogy of fire igniting new growth resonates profoundly, showing us that in life's challenges there is potential for transformation and renewed purpose.



01:02:28.910 --> 01:02:34.209

Tanya: Carolyn, your commitment to giving back through faces with names is so admirable!



01:02:34.320 --> 01:02:45.500

Tanya: It's heart warming to see how your books proceed, support such a meaningful cause, fostering hope and support for children and mothers in need.



01:02:46.150 --> 01:02:52.509

Tanya: Thank you, Carolyn, for your warmth, your stories, and the invaluable wisdom you've imparted today



01:02:52.690 --> 01:03:09.560

Tanya: to our listeners. I encourage you to connect with Carolyn and explore her book above the turbulence. Your ticket out of pain to purpose. Carolyn, please share again with us. How listeners can find you and your book? Sure.



01:03:09.570 --> 01:03:24.750

carolyndeck: So just type my name in a Google search. Gone Amazon, and either taught the title title of the book or my name, and it pops up. I am active on Facebook and Instagram again. Just my name.



01:03:24.920 --> 01:03:33.339

carolyndeck: I'm in the process. Oh, yes, in the process of recording my books. I'm really excited about that. So



01:03:33.490 --> 01:03:40.679

carolyndeck: so I haven't got a deadline yet, but or a date. But it will be coming.



01:03:40.700 --> 01:03:48.260

And yeah, please, I've got an email address there, just email me, or send me a DM, you know, just



01:03:48.520 --> 01:03:55.370

carolyndeck: I'm here. I'm ready to help to encourage. However, I can. So please reach out.



01:03:55.590 --> 01:03:57.480

Tanya: That is so nice.



01:03:57.510 --> 01:04:24.289

Tanya: now, to wrap up on a lighter note. I want to dive into our rapid fire round chance to peek into Carolyn's day to day life. Are you ready for a bit of fun, Carolyn. Okay, so recently, I introduced this new segment to the show on all my interviews. I'll ask you just 5 questions, and you answer with what immediately comes to mind.



01:04:24.290 --> 01:04:28.799

carolyndeck: it's just a fun way to get to know you a little better. So here it goes.



01:04:28.820 --> 01:04:30.700

carolyndeck: Okay. First question.



01:04:30.900 --> 01:04:37.770

Tanya: what self-care activity is, something you absolutely prioritize and consider non-negotiable.



01:04:38.140 --> 01:04:40.210

carolyndeck: My time alone with the Lord.



01:04:40.400 --> 01:04:44.910

Tanya: Hmm! I love that. And you spoke on that earlier, too.



01:04:45.140 --> 01:04:50.540

Tanya: And then number 2. Is there someone in your life whom you consider a role model



01:04:50.550 --> 01:04:52.410

Tanya: and who inspires you?



01:04:53.130 --> 01:04:59.140

carolyndeck: Yes, I have many. I



01:04:59.570 --> 01:05:07.970

carolyndeck: I look at my dear, sweet mother, and the turbulence of her life, and the brokenness of her life, and what she has taught me on, how not to live.



01:05:08.270 --> 01:05:27.050

carolyndeck: And contrastly I look at my dear, sweet mother in law, who since passed, and she was so gentle, so kind, and and raised 5 children of her own a lot of the time also on her own, and she was very inspiring as well. So both women.



01:05:28.110 --> 01:05:29.740

carolyndeck: poles apart.



01:05:30.480 --> 01:05:34.320

carolyndeck: but so giving of themselves.



01:05:35.170 --> 01:05:38.969

Tanya: Oh, that's so nice!



01:05:39.070 --> 01:05:43.309

Tanya: And what's the best advice you've ever gotten?



01:05:45.190 --> 01:05:48.530

carolyndeck: Oh. best advice I've ever gone!



01:05:51.640 --> 01:05:53.250

carolyndeck: The words of Jesus



01:05:55.050 --> 01:05:56.370

carolyndeck: come to me.



01:05:57.210 --> 01:05:58.350

Tanya: Come to me.



01:06:00.440 --> 01:06:02.510

and then what's the worst advice?



01:06:02.610 --> 01:06:05.050

Tanya: This one people always struggle with



01:06:05.780 --> 01:06:07.980

carolyndeck: the worst of vice.



01:06:09.560 --> 01:06:12.670

carolyndeck:  oh.



01:06:12.760 --> 01:06:14.540

carolyndeck: the worst advice!



01:06:15.880 --> 01:06:17.390

carolyndeck: Yes, I am struggling.



01:06:17.490 --> 01:06:20.290

carolyndeck:  that it's up to me



01:06:20.970 --> 01:06:22.570

Tanya: that it's up to you.



01:06:23.010 --> 01:06:32.179

carolyndeck: Yes, that that the source is. It's all up to me actually. No, it's not. It's through my surrender to him



01:06:32.530 --> 01:06:34.980

carolyndeck: that I am hoping it's not



01:06:35.640 --> 01:06:39.409

Tanya: hashtag me. There you go. Okay, okay.



01:06:39.470 --> 01:06:43.749

carolyndeck: yeah. It's all about me. You can have it. It's you deserve it. Worst advice.



01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:45.569

Tanya: Okay, yeah.



01:06:45.700 --> 01:06:48.159

Tanya: Surrender. Let go. I love it.



01:06:48.570 --> 01:07:05.809

carolyndeck: And then last thing, do you have a favorite quote or mantra that helps you get through hard things? Yes, and it was the it was the this I used for my book, Jeremiah 2911,



01:07:06.320 --> 01:07:10.510

carolyndeck: for I have, I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.



01:07:12.140 --> 01:07:14.259

carolyndeck: for good, not to harm.



01:07:14.450 --> 01:07:17.430

carolyndeck: to give purpose and hope.



01:07:18.470 --> 01:07:26.690

carolyndeck: Oh, my God, that's so crazy, Carolyn! I swear I just read that in my devotional this morning. Can you repeat that so weird?



01:07:26.770 --> 01:07:30.210

carolyndeck: Jeremiah? Verses 29.



01:07:31.240 --> 01:07:34.740

carolyndeck: Sorry. Chapter 29, verse 11,



01:07:36.060 --> 01:07:40.810

carolyndeck: for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.



01:07:44.440 --> 01:07:48.169

carolyndeck:  Not to harm, but for good



01:07:49.320 --> 01:07:51.430

carolyndeck: to give purpose and hope.



01:07:51.740 --> 01:08:03.449

Tanya: I swear that I read that this morning, so I'm just trying to like, really



01:08:03.680 --> 01:08:04.880

Tanya: take that in



01:08:04.960 --> 01:08:10.429

carolyndeck: but awesome. Thank you so much that wraps up the show.



01:08:10.730 --> 01:08:23.409

Tanya: Thank you, Carolyn, for your time and sharing your wisdom with us today to everyone listening. Make sure you check out her book above the turbulence, your ticket out of pain and into purpose available on Amazon, and I will link it



01:08:23.609 --> 01:08:33.590

Tanya: in the show notes. And I'll catch you next week on another episode of the momentum. Podcast until then, keep up the amazing work you were doing, moms. Goodbye for now.



01:08:33.700 --> 01:08:37.850

carolyndeck: Yes, you've got it, girls.

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