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"How We Respond is Key- It Determines Our Destiny"
Welcome back to another episode of the Mom-entum podcast. In this episode I am interviewing Carolyn Deck, the author of “Above The Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose”.
Carolyn is a mom of 5 adult children, and originally from New Zealand, she raised her children in a foreign country, often finding herself on her own as her husband frequently travelled for work. If you are a mom, you can imagine the challenges this posed:
1. The challenge of raising 1 kid is challenging enough, but 5 is just whole ‘nother level exhausting!
2. Raising kids in a foreign country, away from family/friends/support.
3. Spouse travels for work frequently leaving Mom alone with all of the responsibilities of being a parent.
And yet she got through it, she was able to raise 5 thriving adults, and she even found herself along the way, healing wounds from her childhood trauma. What got her through? Her unrelenting faith.
Carolyn talks about a pivotal moment when she finally accepted a friend's invitation to attend a bible study. She had long told herself “I just don’t have the time.” And how many of us have done this and then we miss out on opportunities and experiences because of this lie we are choosing to believe? Which brings me to the teaching Carolyn often punctuates...
She says, “How do you spell believe?” And she points out that the word “LIE” is in the middle. This is just another way of saying to question your beliefs. Set aside time to really think about and journal what are your beliefs? Question whether or not they are true. Evaluate the effect these beliefs have had on your life. For example, what are your beliefs about money? Do you believe there is never enough of it? This belief might have you holding on very tightly to your money. You don’t donate to charities, you don’t invest in yourself in ways that would improve and 10x your life, you don’t invest money in things that could grow your wealth exponentially. Then the result is you stay stuck in this scarcity mindset and you do not grow yourself or your wealth.
Another thing that I want to highlight that stuck out to me is how she talks about the power of choices. She says that even if someone has made a choice for you, you still have the choice of how you are going to respond. She says, "How we respond is key-it determines our destiny”-let that one sink in!
I love the helpful tip she throws in for moms at about the 30 minute mark. She talks about how as moms we can be so cruel to ourselves-can you relate? She gives this metaphor of being the air traffic controller of your thoughts (lots of traveling metaphors in this book as Carolyn used to be a travel agent and she very cleverly uses travel metaphors for life). Anyway, so she says as the air traffic controller, you get to choose your thoughts and send the "crappy thoughts" away. She talks about getting rid of the rubbish in your head. She suggests that when you travel you should have a good playlist to listen to. She compares this “good playlist” to being the positive thoughts you choose to believe in place of the “rubbish” ones. She says you should fill yourself everyday with positivity and take the time to pause and connect with God.
This woman is such a wise, kind soul with a HUGE, CARING, GENEROUS HEART. She drops so many knowledge bombs throughout this episode as well as in her book “Above the Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose.” I hope you will have a listen and highly suggest you grab a copy of her book, it will change your life!
All of the proceeds of her book go to this amazing charity called "Faces With Names" -whose mission it is to help orphans & widows in Uganda move beyond a life of survival, and thrive, to fulfill their God given purpose. I ask that you please consider offering a donation or at least learning more about this charity and how you can help by clicking here. Don't forget, one way you can make a donation is by simply purchasing a copy of Carolyn's book, "Above The Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose" and this way you also get a little gift out of it, a new personal development book that could be the catalyst of your total transformation in 2024! It's a win-win! Grab a copy for you and for a friend by clicking here.
Resources Mentioned In Show
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Would you like to connect with Carolyn? She would love to connect with you! Reach out to her on FB @CarolynDeck or IG @CarolynDeck.
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Purchase her book, "Above the Turbulence: Your Ticket Out of Pain to Purpose" by clicking here.
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Learn more about Faces With Names and make a donation by clicking here.
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Carolyn will be traveling to Uganda in March to help Faces With Names on its mission to provide a medical clinic, teach English, offer Vocational Bible Studies, acquire land for a secondary school, build soccer fields, and enlarge the existing cropping land that provides sustainable food for the community. Carolyn is currently in the process of raising money to help fund this mission- any amount big or small will make a difference- click here to make your impact now.
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Carolyn talks about the Enneagram in this episode and she suggests the book, "The Road Back to You" by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. Click here to snag your copy, learn more about the enneagram and yourself!
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Need help organizing your time? A great way to start is by doing a time audit. Don't know where to start? I've got you covered! For access to my FREE TIME AUDIT TOOL click here.
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Click here for your FREE DECLUTTERING CHECKLIST.
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Click here to join The Mom-entum Podcast Private Facebook Community
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Please subscribe, rate and review the show to help me reach and support more amazing moms just like you! Click here to learn how.
TRANSCRIPT
Tanya: hello and welcome to the momentum, podcast. The show dedicated to inspiring, uplifting, and empowering women on their journey through motherhood. And today I have the honor and privilege of speaking with Carolyn Deck, the author of Above the Turbulence, your ticket out of pain to purpose.
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Tanya: Carolyn, is also a devoted mother of 5, who was born and raised in New Zealand, but has raised her family for the most part away from her home, which is something that I can definitely relate to. So Carolyn, welcome to the show, and thank you so much for being here.
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carolyndeck: Well, thank you so much for having me. It really is a privilege. And yeah, I'm excited for our conversation.
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Tanya: Me I am, too. And first I just wanna talk about how we found each other.
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carolyndeck: It was the title of my first podcast. Right, turning pain into pur purpose that caught your eye as it is part of the title of your book, and
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Tanya: I really do feel like it. I was thinking about this, and I don't think that it was a coincidence like I really do believe. Well, I don't really believe in coincidences, anyway, but
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carolyndeck: I just feel like it was just meant to be that our
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Tanya: paths would cross at this point in time, because, like, I was listening to one of the podcasts you were on. And I heard you say that you've been writing this book for 6 years, right? Yes.
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Tanya: which is wow, like, let me just bow down to you, because that is
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Tanya: determination.
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Tanya: But yeah, and just. But you just launched it. And I now, I'm just launching my podcast.
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Tanya: And I'm just like so grateful, really to have met you.
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Tanya: And I just feel like you're such a blessing and a role model. And I have so much to learn from you. And I know for listeners today they're going to be blessed
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Tanya: with the wisdom that you have to share and
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Tanya: So then you reached out and we connected, and I immediately fell in love with you. And I just wanna say, like I just I feel so comfortable talking with you, and you just have this way about you. It you're just so warm and welcoming, and everything that you say. I'm like hanging onto your every word. And I just you're the type of person that I could just sit and listen to for hours.
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carolyndeck: First of all, there's your accent that it's just so endearing. But it's also like your gift with words and the stories you tell.
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Tanya: and how you explain these con concepts in a way that makes me like stop and think, and it makes it easier to understand. Like for me, I'm I would consider myself a religious person like I was raised Catholic. But, to be honest, like I haven't.
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Tanya: I have not gone to church in years, I I mean, I'd have a few years ago, like right before I had a life threatening miscarriage, I started reading the Bible again. But
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Tanya: hmm! For me, it's really difficult to understand the Bible. And you just like quote these verses like I, you just is so impressive to me. And then, just the way that you UN like that, you explain it.
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Tanya: It's just really it makes it easy for me to. And I would assume others to understand something that's so. Can be so.
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Tanya: I guess. Difficult to understand.
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carolyndeck: Sure, I guess the the difference for me is that my faith is based on a relationship, not a religion
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carolyndeck: that's a fundamental mindset change and reframe
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carolyndeck: when you reframe it, and understand that God's heart for us
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carolyndeck: it it just is mind blowing. He loves us, whereas in religion
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carolyndeck: well. the philosophies of man.
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carolyndeck: all of them.
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carolyndeck: and they were all dead.
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carolyndeck: There's nothing living about it. And this is what when I challenged God over my trials, and and questioned and asked Jesus like He is truly my friend.
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carolyndeck: It's like
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carolyndeck: it's just a mind shift and walking with him as a friend rather than a religion. That's why it's so
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carolyndeck: so incredible. And I was just reading this morning, you know, as I as I thought about Hope, and I was posting something about Hope and the Christmas season, and and I'm sitting. I'm very fortunate to look out the window looking out over Lake Michigan, and here comes the sun just peeping above the you know the the horizon, and there's only a little bit of sun coming up. And then all of a sudden there were these rays.
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carolyndeck: and I'm like.
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Wow!
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carolyndeck: And to me that was rays of hope, and then I'm like spell raise RAIS. E son SON.
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carolyndeck: Jesus came to earth, cause he loved us so much. He was raised up on a cross. He died, but he was raised up again to life.
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carolyndeck: and that's the difference between having a religion and having a relationship. And and and then I was thinking about this. Christmas isn't easy for everybody, and I was led to this passage, and Matthew 2638. And this is Jesus speaking
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carolyndeck: my soul, O
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carolyndeck: my soul! Is so overwhelmed with sorrow to the part of death. Stay here and keep watch with me. Is that not just precious? This is
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carolyndeck: this is what I so love about him as the man he can relate to my every trial.
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carolyndeck: He has experienced grief beyond what I would ever imagine or experience.
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carolyndeck: and he even knew that his friends that he had gathered didn't have enough stamina to even stay awake with him. and his most sorrowful time of his life.
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carolyndeck: and his friends weren't there for him.
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carolyndeck: But you know what in the story? I know. 24, 7. He's there for me.
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carolyndeck: and that's the difference. It's a game changer, let me tell you.
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carolyndeck: Hmm! So precious.
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Tanya: Oh, I love it.
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Tanya: And then
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Tanya: II want you to talk about because we haven't even really gotten into. Can you tell the listeners more about yourself and just introduce your history and you to writing this amazing book above the Turbi turbulence your ticket out of pain to purpose.
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carolyndeck: Well, yes, I grew up in New Zealand. I've got a amazing big sister, Debbie and she, you know she's 3 years older than me, and you know she was always caring for me and looking out for me.
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carolyndeck: And I might. My story started with love in my family. But then, sadly, as it so happens in the world to day. Love walked in one door and out the other.
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carolyndeck: and as I reflected in writing my book. I looked back, and instead of asking why.
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carolyndeck: like, there's some really challenging, hurtful moments. And I do write about them.
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carolyndeck: And instead of asking, why
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carolyndeck: did this happen, and why me and
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carolyndeck: why this or that I ask. Now I rephrase this, and rethink.
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carolyndeck: and requested what was happening back then.
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carolyndeck: that I didn't know about. What have I carried with me in my life that I believed that actually is not true.
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carolyndeck: How do we spell? Believe BELI, EVE.
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carolyndeck: Sometimes
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carolyndeck: we're carrying these beliefs with us in our life that actually have hidden lies that really aren't true. And and so when I started asking the question about what what was happening to Dad.
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carolyndeck: What was the reason, possibly for him? Not wanting to be my dad
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carolyndeck: and being responsible? What was happening to mum with her drinking and her alcoholism
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carolyndeck: and what what drove them apart.
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carolyndeck: So that's what happened. My turbulence as a child. And then my dear big sister rescued me out of that
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carolyndeck: family scenario, and I lived with her for a year, and then I was given an opportunity to apply for American field scholarship. And frankly in my head, I'm not good enough.
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carolyndeck: Yeah, I don't have the smarts for this. I just mean you know what you know, what I've been given a chance here. I'm going for it, and guess what I got it, and I found myself in Kansas. I lived there for a year with the most adorable family, and I write about them. Oh, my goodness! You know they just
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carolyndeck: God was so precious! He put me into a family where they they talked
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carolyndeck: and they acted, and they acted out what love looked like. The love that I
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carolyndeck: mist, I guess, through this dysfunction and turbulence of my own family. And I was just like, wow! So this is what love looks like in action and in words. So fast forward, I go back to New Zealand. I become a travel agent.
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carolyndeck: and hence the subtitle of my book, Your ticket out of pain to purpose
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and, as you, as you know, from reading a little bit of it. I write it as a travel agent as if you're coming to my office, and you're looking at journeying somewhere
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carolyndeck: but I just use that really for tuning life.
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carolyndeck: And what what do we need to prepare for our journey? What do we need to pack with us? You know. What do we need to leave behind. What are the perils of this travel experience? What are some of the destinations we're going to end up on, etc., etc. What modes of travel are we going to take?
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carolyndeck: But it's all really little tiny stories, and they are. They're like 4 pages, 5 pages long, with a bunch of questions for you at the end for you to examine and go. Hmm! What can I learn or take out of this?
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Tanya: I love that. By the way, I love your
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carolyndeck: the questions at the end of every chapter. Yeah, you know what? Speaking of what?
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carolyndeck: I can't take credit for that. Many years ago, when I was raising my 5 kids in Australia. And honestly, I was pulling my hair out. And just how on earth am I gonna be doing this. My husband travels so much. You know that all very sporty. We love our sport. How can I possibly do you know that I said, okay, kids, you can only choose 2 sports. Now, I know you wanna do 5. But you can only choose 2, because I just can't possibly run you around
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carolyndeck: all these places. I just can't do it.
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carolyndeck: And then this lady she's South African, came up to me, and she goes, Carolyn, I watch you, and you know I'd love to be friends, but you always on the go, and you never sit still. And I said, Well, Lily, if you try running 5 kids.
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carolyndeck: Yeah, because I'm in a foreign country. At this point I didn't really know anybody didn't really have too many friends.
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carolyndeck: And she said, You know, I have something that you may want to really consider. And it's a Bible study.
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carolyndeck: And truthfully, I mean, you kidding. I haven't got time for this. Yeah, I really don't have time for this. And she just kept persisting over 12 months.
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carolyndeck: She chased me down. And then finally I went, okay, okay, okay, I'll come along to your Bible study.
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carolyndeck: And really. that's
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carolyndeck: when things changed. because what I chose to do. And I talk about this a lot in my book.
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carolyndeck: just I'll stop and pause there. We all have choices, people, we all have choices, even when choices have been made for us.
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carolyndeck: and even when those choices
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carolyndeck: have us in such disarray, in dysfunction and turbulence we still have a choice.
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carolyndeck: because you know why
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carolyndeck: we need to respond to what's happening, and there's our choice. Yes, so that time of my life, I decided. Well.
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carolyndeck: you know this is chaos, and if it's half of what she says
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carolyndeck: the study will do for me.
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carolyndeck: I'm going to give it at least a try.
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carolyndeck: and so I drag my 2 year old son along with me.
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carolyndeck: I think I'd throw him in. There's
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carolyndeck: this little group, and and honestly oh, my gosh! I am so glad I chose to to just crack open my heart just a little bit to just get a little taste of what this Bible stuff was all about.
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carolyndeck: And what I discovered was just it really was life changing. And it just, I'm like II actually can't live without it now.
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carolyndeck: And that's what I discovered that for me.
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carolyndeck: If I could just get up half an hour before all the kids started racing around screaming. Or, you know, in the morning, if I could just do that that became my power source
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carolyndeck: and I talk about that
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carolyndeck: that when we travel, you know we need our adapters.
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carolyndeck: We need our our, those adapters to plug into the source of that new country because it doesn't. Their plug doesn't look like ours when you go.
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carolyndeck: Yes, when you said adapters I was like, Oh, now I know what you're talking about. Yes. And then I realized that His His power, his omnisciences, which is His all, knowing, all power.
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carolyndeck: When I tapped into that.
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carolyndeck: he knew what was going to happen in my day. He knew the trials I was going to have before I even had them.
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carolyndeck: but I had. I had sourced up more power, sourced up with the truth of what he had for me that day. Who I was. I was good enough. He sees me. He knows what's happening. He's capable of helping me. I'm just like, Oh, boy, I can't go out the door without you. So that's what I started to do. I started to
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carolyndeck: fact, to him into my life. And honestly, I've never looked back, and it's never been so powerful.
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Tanya: Hmm.
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Tanya: yeah, it's so nice to have that.
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Tanya: because, no matter what happens in your life.
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Tanya: no matter, like all of the
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carolyndeck: tangible things, the material things, they can just be gone in an instant. But you
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carolyndeck: yeah. And that was part of my process. Like, Who am I? Am I the wife of a general manager? Am I the mother of 5? Am I the person that lives at this address. This is my postcode. Oh, that's me, you know. Look at me sort of thing, am I? How I appear? But you strip all that down.
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carolyndeck: And then what are you? What do you have? You know, these are these work questions. yeah. And that's when I realized what I was.
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carolyndeck: I was intentionally made. I was thought of even before the world began. This is what Jesus tells us.
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carolyndeck: I am so greatly loved that God looked at the world and thought, you know what I need to come as a person so they can relate to me.
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carolyndeck: So I'm going to send my son Jesus, and then, hopefully, they'll relate to me hopefully they'll see him. But what happened to him? He was rejected to the point of death.
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carolyndeck: It was so anytime. I feel rejected, overlooked. I'm picking up nappies, or I'm cleaning this, or I'm doing the grocery shopping again, and then, oh, my gosh! 5 bits! 6. How many bits am I making now? You know all of this? It's like I'm just exhausted.
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carolyndeck: But when I realised that I am his child he came for me. He wants to help me. He has unlimited resources for me. He's available 24, 7, and he has a purpose for me.
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carolyndeck: Then I realized
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carolyndeck: that was transformative it really really was. And then I could speak into and start showing my kids what that looked like. Not a religion, but my friend Jesus, that I would take and pray to, and then my my son would say, Well, mummy, you know he's 2 now he's speaking, and he's been there for a year goes. I stayed on by the way, I was going to try it for 2 months, and then
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carolyndeck: it got me. He got me. He goes. Well, mummy. I want a Bible.
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carolyndeck: I want to read what you're reading.
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carolyndeck: Yeah. Cause that's what happens. Right? They see. That's how they learn is mirror us. Yeah, the one I was worrying quite frankly was horrendous.
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carolyndeck: Oh, I didn't have that fruit of the spirit, you know, which God talks about. What is the fruit of his spirit. His spirit that lives in me was, you know, love, patience, kindness.
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carolyndeck: pace, joy.
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carolyndeck: gentleness.
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carolyndeck: all these things I'm like. Huh!
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carolyndeck: I don't even know if I possess any of those. I'm this grumpy, tired, cranky mother, that screaming, give him that! Hurry up! Get your school back! Where's your lunch now, you know.
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carolyndeck: I was not marrying a very nice person, actually, in all honesty. And it was just
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carolyndeck: this, okay. take away the performance. Be still.
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carolyndeck: Just know that I love you, despite all of that.
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carolyndeck: and I'm going to be your friend. I'm going to carry you through this when you need carrying, and when you need me to lead, I lead, and when you want me to walk beside you, holding your hand, I'll be there when you need a push in the back to say, Come on, keep going. Take that step.
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carolyndeck: I'll do that, too, you know. And actually, when you need a bit of a that wasn't very nice.
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carolyndeck: I think you need to be honest to your kids and apologize and say, Sorry.
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carolyndeck: okay. So now I'm starting to mirror
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carolyndeck: this amazing friend of mine, Jesus. who who has all of that.
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carolyndeck: It it was, oh, wow! I'm still learning. I'm still not. We. We all are, and like our kids, especially when they're
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carolyndeck: young. They just they have so much
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Tanya: to teach us.
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Tanya: You talk about in your book, this generational trauma and I was listening to you to. You were being interviewed on some other podcasts.
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Tanya: And I just thought, yeah, like, this is a lesson that I have to learn from my kids like you talked about
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Tanya: your relationship with your half brother. And maybe, do you? Wanna can you do you wanna speak to that a little bit cause. I just wanna like
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Tanya: when you spoke about that and like
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Tanya: how you I think you said you went well, you're gonna talk about it. But how you went, I think, to your pastor, and he had reminded you, that God had given you grace. And
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Tanya: can you pass that grace along to your
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Tanya: half brother, just like God had given grace to you. But he had like when you talked about generational trauma, it just it inspired me to like there's a relationship that I need to mend in my life right now, and I do plan on doing it.
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Tanya: But it inspired me, and like I can't wait to see like
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Tanya: what will come out of that. And if you inspired one person, me like, how many other people are you gonna inspire to do that speaking about it today.
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carolyndeck: again, getting back to the very beginning.
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carolyndeck: this relationship. God is all about relationship. right? As opposed to religion. I'll say that again.
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carolyndeck: He wants. He chases us down, cos he loves us that much. I love that song. Actually, there's no mountain. He won't climb up. No, no, wall, he won't knock down to get to us.
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carolyndeck: And so when I saw this big picture of his hunger and desire to have relationship with me.
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carolyndeck: it breaks his heart. He's in such sorrow when we aren't in relationship or good relationship with our loved ones
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carolyndeck: and with each other. And that relationship.
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carolyndeck: I guess it hurt so much to be honest, and because
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carolyndeck: we were such good friends.
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carolyndeck: Dad remarried somebody, my sister's age, and had children all over again. So actually, this half brother was actually more the age of my children. My actually was younger than my sister's first child.
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carolyndeck: Got that? Yes. So
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carolyndeck: the relationship started with my husband and I and
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carolyndeck: my brother more like a mum, and dad like we loved having him around. He'd go play with Brendan, and you know it was just a really beautiful relationship.
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carolyndeck: And then, sadly, when Dad died.
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carolyndeck: things broke down because
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carolyndeck: there was an issue over inheritance over money.
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Tanya: No?
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carolyndeck: Well, and
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carolyndeck: II go into sub 3 chapters, I think, really about this, but and and one was on the destinations, and I found myself on self on a deserted island, broken hearted.
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carolyndeck: And then another destination II talk about later in my book is Pastures Green.
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carolyndeck: that God that's some 23
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carolyndeck: that he leads us beside still waters
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carolyndeck: and into these beautiful pastures of green. And that's that's what I longed for. I wanted that relationship mended.
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carolyndeck: but because of my pride frankly, and my stubbornness and my own hurt. It took 7 years.
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carolyndeck: and
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carolyndeck: when I look back as to what I believed to be true, there was that lie hiding in the middle. And it wasn't true. I wrote in a whole a 4 page of every reason why I didn't need him as my brother any more, and I wrote down all these excuses, and honestly, when I read them back, I'm like, that's pathetic.
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carolyndeck: you know they really were. That was me and my pain and my hurt, and I couldn't see past that. And it took 7 years, and it took a lot of counselling a lot of people speaking truth into my life. And then what really got me was when I was doing my Bible study, and it was Joshua, and finally the Book of Joshua. Finally.
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carolyndeck: after the Israelites had done 40 years going around the desert, God is now finally leading them into the promised land, and they were to
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carolyndeck: get that inheritance. What was my biff with my brother and him with me
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carolyndeck: and my sister? I've got a half sister, too, was Dad's inheritance.
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carolyndeck: but interesting. You've led me to this place at such a time as this
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carolyndeck: to unpack what I believe. And do you know the number 7? You know what that means it means completeness.
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Tanya: I did not know that
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carolyndeck: 7 days he took to now a day is like 1,000 years, so we can't say that God took one day, and he created this and that. But that's what it talks about in Genesis in the beginning. On the seventh day he rested on the seventh year he brought me round full circle.
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carolyndeck: and I came back, and I visited him. and there I rested back into the unity of our relationship.
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carolyndeck: Oh, my gosh! And had I not done that, had I not
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carolyndeck: sort of circumcised my heart burnt off those horrible
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carolyndeck: lies that I was believing about him and about me and my dad. I would never have got into pastures grin.
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carolyndeck: and I. When I met him I met his beautiful wife, and then I met his 3 most beautiful children.
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carolyndeck: and I realized.
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carolyndeck: oh, boy, I would have prevented all of that
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carolyndeck: because of selfishness and hash tag me. It's all about me. Look what you've done to me, you know all these things, and
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carolyndeck: that's when I understood what Grace looked like.
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carolyndeck: And I'm just so grateful because these little kids they'd look up at me, and they'd go, auntie. because I am there, auntie. Yeah, I dismissed in my head. He was my brother.
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carolyndeck: Yeah, I,
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carolyndeck: auntie, why do you sound funny?
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carolyndeck: So here I am from New Zealand, now living in Australia for 15 years. You sound funny. I love kids. They just speak the truth right? Oh, my! Oh, do you think I sound funny? Yes, you sound funny.
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carolyndeck: I'm like, Okay.
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carolyndeck: well, you know you live in New Zealand, and I used to. But now I live on this big island called Australia, and I think I've taken on how they sound.
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carolyndeck: and that's why I sound funny. And they they go. Oh, okay.
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carolyndeck: And off he went.
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carolyndeck: And the thing about good to God they're so forgiving.
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Tanya: That's been something that I've learned from my kids like. I think it must have been like the first time I ever like snapped on my daughter. I was just so. My mind was just so blown at
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Tanya: how easy it was for her to forgive me, and just like forget about it like, when
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Tanya: when do we lose that like.
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Tanya: you know, I feel like my generational trauma is.
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Tanya: and have come a long way. But resentment and that comes, I think, from everybody, but where I
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Tanya: got that from I know is my father. But yeah, I don't.
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Tanya: But God, resentment is so
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carolyndeck: debilitating it is yeah, it steals, our joy yes, and our pace
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absolutely.
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carolyndeck: Pastor Rick Warren. I love listening to him. And
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carolyndeck: there's another tip for mums.
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carolyndeck: We have this monologue right? And and and and then we we're so cruel to ourselves. Actually, yeah.
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carolyndeck: we just so be. And so I talk about it, too, you know, as a trap, as a travel agent. II talk it like this in this term that we have these, all these thoughts and emotions, and everything swirling around, and then and then they land in our heads. And that's where your resentment comes from, because it goes from your head to your heart, and that's really debilitating. And so I say, it's like being an air traffic controller.
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carolyndeck: We have choices and we can send that crap away. We really can. We can dismiss that if we're intentional, if we stop, if we pause and we go hang on a minute. I'm not listening to that any more. No like yes, why, somewhere else go away. And so, when your
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carolyndeck: getting rid of the rubbish in your head right taking the rubbish out. Don't leave it in there. It starts to stink, get rid of it, take it out, get rid of that. But then, what do you do? You've got to fill it with something. Yes, what do you feel it?
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carolyndeck: So that's where I talk about. When you travel, you need your good playlist. You need good headphones.
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carolyndeck: and my playlist, and my, what I choose to listen to
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carolyndeck: also is hugely empowering. I listen to daily hope, past direct warrant, every day, daily hope. I need that every day I listen to Doctor Jeremiah turning point.
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carolyndeck: we need turning points in our life where we, we make these choices intentional choices. I fill my head every day.
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carolyndeck: listening to them, their podcast what they have to teach. But then every day I just sit and pause, even if it's only 5 min.
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carolyndeck: And I because sometimes that's all we have.
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carolyndeck: II will open my Bible along with my study because I don't understand it to your point earlier. It's so confusing. Oh, my gosh! Is there hypocrisy here? Why don't you say that, then is that
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carolyndeck: there's not. But we have limited understanding. We don't. Yeah, don't understand what what is happening here. And that's why Jesus talked in parables.
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carolyndeck: And that's actually again. Why, I wrote my book like I did thy tiny little stories, just to give you a snippet of a nugget for life.
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carolyndeck: And so for me. That's what I was trying to do here, but it's come through the practice of what I've done for myself. studying his word.
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carolyndeck: bathing myself with that each morning because we are body, mind, and soul. Everyone forgets about that bit. We do have a soul.
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carolyndeck: and it needs nourishing and feeding. And if you junk food
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carolyndeck: junk in junk out, you know. Yes, put the good stuff in and the good will come out. I agree with that. Like, step away from the news.
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Tanya: the social media.
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carolyndeck: Yeah. Control be the controller of your mind. Only you, only you. There's very few things we can control in life, but that is one and is so powerful. And I say on the back of my book that how we respond is key not only
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carolyndeck: to what's happening today. but it actually determines our destiny.
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Tanya: That's scary. It does. It does. Yeah, that our life is made up of all of the decisions that we make.
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carolyndeck: Yes, yeah, we can't go back and revisit, so all is not lost.
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carolyndeck: You know his. He, as he says. I just keep thinking of Bible versus, because it's so encouraging for me, but His mercy start new again every day, or even every moment, if we say, Oh, Lord, how
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carolyndeck: sorry!
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carolyndeck: Help! Sorry! Help! Sorry! Help me again. You know, we can live our entire day like that. And the outcomes
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carolyndeck: exceedingly, abundantly beyond what you would have ever dreamed, wished, or hopeful Ephesians. 3, 21.
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carolyndeck: Yeah. And what's coming up for me, too, is like.
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Tanya: it's okay to make mistakes and asking for help. And don't be in the shame, because, like Brene Brown says, like shame hides.
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carolyndeck: Yes, and if you're hiding in that shame like you're never gonna be able to get over that.
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carolyndeck: So you know that wound and move forward right I mean, you talked about wounds. Oh, my gosh, I'm glad you did. I've got a chapter on that, too. Yes, because I've had many, many surgeries.
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carolyndeck: many, and I've had to relearn how to walk over and over again, and what I learned with the wound was, I have a scar, not a scab
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carolyndeck: and escar to me is victory. Escape is something that continues to you can pick at it, and it continues to bleed.
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carolyndeck: I just read on page 12.
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carolyndeck: I say this, and you know it's it was so encouraging to me.
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carolyndeck: until we stop base and heal the wounds of our past, they will continue to bleed, leaving a stain on our lives
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Tanya: that is so beautiful. How did that come to you? I love that
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carolyndeck: again. You know I choose what I feed myself, and I must have read that somewhere, and really thought on on those words. And just, I guess, rewrote
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carolyndeck: that, but it made me realize that you know Jesus died. But he rose again with his scars.
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carolyndeck: but he could have
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carolyndeck: been raised perfect because he's perfect. But those wounds, those scars that have healed our wounds that have healed
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carolyndeck: are now scars, and to me that's victory. I look up my scars all over my body, and I go. Wow! I can walk the lake.
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carolyndeck: not just the block.
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carolyndeck: So I used to look at them and hide them to your point. I thought they were ugly.
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carolyndeck: III was just like Oh, that ugly! No, they're not that beautiful right? And that puts it. And what's coming up for me, too, is vulnerability like, if we try to be perfect.
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Tanya: you can't relate. How do you relate to anybody? You need to be vulnerable in order to rel.
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Tanya: Yes, and we're not perfect. Let's be honest. No one's perfect, no, no. And and I love what? So my mentor
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Tanya: broccasio. She always says perfectionism is for scared people.
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carolyndeck: It's it's so true.
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Tanya: And that's something that I've had to learn cause like my whole life. I feel like I've been like this trying to be like a perfectionist. I think we all struggle with it in some way, because, like, we're all just like people. Ple, you know, a lot of us struggle with people pleasing. And it's all just coming from a place of
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Tanya: just wanting to see.
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Tanya: Yeah. And just want to tell people what they want to hear, so that you can be loved and accepted and not get kicked out of the tribe. Right?
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carolyndeck: Alright. Wow! A a resource. I don't know that I've told you about amazing book, and it's called The Road back to you.
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carolyndeck: Oh, I've heard of it. I don't know if I heard it from you, or where I heard it. But no, I have heard of that book, but I haven't read it yet, is what it's called.
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Tanya: Oh, I just recently started learning about the Enniogram, too. Yeah, okay.
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carolyndeck: I would. You know, if you're trying to get rid of the junk in your head and and refill it with something powerful and useful. That book was so energizing for me. I had to read it like 3 times, cause I'm like, I'm not that I'm not that number. I'm not that number, not, and
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carolyndeck: I'm an 8. I'm the black and white person. I like the truth. I live by the truth. But the Lord said, Yeah, black, white. There is a color called grey.
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Tanya: Yeah.
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carolyndeck: And I'm learning.
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carolyndeck: So what I love about the integration. It's it's it goes on a circle round right one through 9 and what it does. Not only does it say.
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carolyndeck: okay, I'm part of an 8, but I'm actually part of a 2.
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carolyndeck: But I'm also the ugly part of a 5.
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carolyndeck: Yeah, that's what I was. Gonna say is, I had trouble relating to just one number. I felt like I was like a little bit of everything, and then some days you'll wing like for me. I'll wing the 9, because that's my next number, and some parts of me will wing
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carolyndeck: a 7.
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carolyndeck: And this is what's so beautiful because we aren't just a this, a
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carolyndeck: around things sitting in a round hole. No, we're not depending upon what's happened. Our circumstance yes. Our shape. I talk about that, our spiritual gift, our heart. What's in our heart, our our passion, our abilities, our personality, and our experiences. That's what shapes us. Well, that's what this
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number log is all about.
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carolyndeck: and I love it. It embraces holistically parts of
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carolyndeck: lots of numbers. Not just one. Because we aren't just one person. We. We have these layers and characteristics and experiences which shape us
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carolyndeck: and move us forward or keep us stuck? Or actually, dare I say it keep us in the past?
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Tanya: Yeah, and that that.
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carolyndeck: yeah, that's okay. So I just would encourage you to look at that, because that really helped me grow to acknowledge and accept. Yes, what I have been, where I want to go, and like. I said that I had to be circumcised of my ugliness of my heart when I reach back out to my brother. And that's what this Enni Graham does. It highlights the truth of the ugliness that you can get rid of. So you're becoming slowly.
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carolyndeck: surely.
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carolyndeck: into the best you I love that.
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Tanya: Yeah. that's what we all want. I feel like in this life is just to be the best version of ourselves. And it doesn't mean you have to.
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Tanya: I talked about this in my podcast that aired today like it doesn't mean you have to like, build a business or go out and do like these like big things. It just means, like, be the best
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Tanya: you can be. Be the best mom that you can be. Go to your job. It doesn't matter where you are working what you do. But like.
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Tanya: bring some integrity.
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Tanya: you know, just like, want to do the best that you can. Just don't just go and like.
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Tanya: do the minimal in order to get by like doing like.
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Tanya: give it your best. Give it your all some days. It's it's more difficult than others. Yes, of course. But sometimes you can't. And you just absolutely yeah. Give yourself forgiveness and grace. Yeah, yeah, totally.
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Tanya: Hmm, awesome. I. So there are a couple of more things that I want to go over to. I do. I want to. Oh, I wanted to.
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Tanya: Talk about how you just. I have this highlighted in my book, and I actually just recently sent this to a friend, cause I just thought it was so beautiful
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Tanya: how you described you went to go visit your mom, I think, and you were going on a hike. And there recently was like a fire
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carolyndeck: and the way that you described it, I just I have to read this and I want you to speak on this a little bit more.
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Tanya: But you wrote.
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Tanya: I considered the fire caused by a natural phenomenon lightning whilst destructive scarring the land. It brought positive outcomes when left in place. Dead organic material affects smaller plants in organisms.
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stunts, growth.
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Tanya: Isn't that so true for our lives? When we hang onto the past's dead organic material.
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Tanya: our life is stunted. The fire of our lives makes us stronger. Like those burned trees they survived. cleared of the undergrowth, no longer competed.
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Tanya: no longer competing for light. food, and water, they grow stronger. Oh.
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Tanya: that is so good.
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carolyndeck: Right? Yeah.
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carolyndeck: yes.
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carolyndeck: so yes, I was revis. I was visiting my mom.
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carolyndeck: That same visit actually was when I learned the meaning of my name, which was
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carolyndeck: quite profound for me. Given. I didn't like my name, and each night, so my my mother remarried a lovely man, Cedric Armstrong, who sadly since passed on. But I would go and visit with them, and I'd have the guest room, and and mum would turn the electric blanket on for me, because because ordinarily I'd go in the winter. I don't know why, but, anyways, and she was JI just
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carolyndeck: it's been. Oh, this is, I feel like I've got home, even though it wasn't my home. It was home, for when I returned to New Zealand, and so that would says and watch TV at night. And I go. You know what I need to keep moving. I was lining up my surgery for a hip replacement and my physio, or Pt. Said, you need to keep moving. You need to
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carolyndeck: have the blood circulating, especially into that joint. You need to move so as much at times it pained me.
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I thought, no, I'm going to do this. So that's when I took myself on this hike up the hill.
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carolyndeck: and like just the
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carolyndeck: the images of a of a tree half burnt, and the other half now flourishing and green.
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carolyndeck: I kept walking, and then I would. I'd see another tree that was totally burnt. There was nothing left, and then, when I got closer and looked closer and deeper.
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carolyndeck: there was a little nugget like a little sprout just popping up
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carolyndeck: out of the street. And I'm like, Wow! And as I walked deeper into this into this what was a sort of a forest bush area?
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carolyndeck: The birds were coming back. They were singing.
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Tanya: Hmm!
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Like.
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carolyndeck: Oh, wow!
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carolyndeck: And that reminded me of the verse of Romans 8, 28,
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carolyndeck: that God uses all things for good, for those that love him, and for his purpose, and to bring glory to him.
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carolyndeck: and I'm just like.
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carolyndeck: Wow! There is such darkness and pain of my past.
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carolyndeck: He he wants burned. He wants that rubble to be gotten revolved because it was stagnating me in in.
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carolyndeck: because it would pop up as a weed over here, and another weed over there, and it would come out through resentment in my voice and my my actions, and I hated it. I really hated it.
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carolyndeck: and that's when I was like. yes. I need a burn off. I need to get rid of this. I want new life. I want new growth.
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carolyndeck: I want to hear singing instead of the sorrow.
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carolyndeck: So that was another process of my healing. Amazing! It was so beautiful! I love that God uses
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carolyndeck: so many things to talk to us creation for one, I mean.
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carolyndeck: then we we think we so clever. But really, how can you? How can you get the sun in the moon up? We we have no, it it is he is the Creator.
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carolyndeck: and He created.
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carolyndeck: And that's what he's wanting to do in my life. He wanted to create this newness of life for me. and to do a burn off of the past, but use it for good.
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Tanya: Yeah.
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Tanya: I love that
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carolyndeck: by the way, the burn off does hurt, but so does going to the gym. When your muscles a week
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carolyndeck: it hurts. But guess what happens. You persist. You keep going it. It does actually get a bit easier, and then you get return on your money, you feel strong, and you you have energy and life and life all of a sudden just seems
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carolyndeck: so much better.
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Tanya: Yeah. And what advice would you have for people
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Tanya: who want to do this in your light, in in their life, like, revisit
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Tanya: the trauma, or revisit these?
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Tanya: You know dark moments in their life like, what would your
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Tanya: advice?
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Tanya: B, for somebody to like? Do they need? Would you say like.
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Tanya: speak to a therapist? Seek help?
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carolyndeck: absolutely. Yeah. So I also mentioned in my book, be very careful and discerning who you speak to.
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carolyndeck: depending upon what pain is that you have? Because I know from my own experience that
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carolyndeck: you know. Sometimes I have spoken to people.
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carolyndeck: and all I want is to actually ha have them confirm what I'm thinking right. And my thinking was thinking, that isn't helpful. You have to be really careful who you seek advice from. I suggested.
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carolyndeck: that. And I suggest that you actually look at the fruits of their life. If you know them well. what what does it look like when they struggle, and when they come under fire, and when they have issues.
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carolyndeck: you know, what does that look like to them?
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carolyndeck: I think
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carolyndeck: I think that a really good thing is just to stop for a minute and pause. Sorry, my dogs barking, cause, I think. Just arrived to steal the car. Yes. Doing life as a mom. Yeah, to be kind to ourselves. Just stop
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and just
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carolyndeck: just stop. Just stop, actually.
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carolyndeck: is a great thing to get it out of your head. That's what I did, you know I wrote. That is so. Not true. Put a line through it
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Tanya: because it takes you out of the it puts you into like observer mode. Right?
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carolyndeck: Another thing you could picture maybe, is that when you're in that space, you imagine light shining onto the words of my book here right that you can see that I've got on my desk here.
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carolyndeck: But what happens with the light behind the light? This image is now a shadow.
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carolyndeck: but is 15 times bigger than the reality of
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carolyndeck: yes, highlighting. And so sadly, I think, when we're in those dark places where existing in the shadow. and we're believing the shadow a shadow's a shadow. It doesn't exist. There's nothing there.
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carolyndeck: So we need to stop and pause and come back into the light and focus on the truth of what is bad. That is true, and dismiss those
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carolyndeck: those lies hiding in the shadows to your point. They hide, don't they? Yeah, which you can't. Yeah. You can't even see when they're stuck on a loop going around and around in your brain.
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Tanya: and you gotta get it
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Tanya: on to paper and
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carolyndeck: make it more linear, right and tangible
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Tanya: and intangible. Yes.
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carolyndeck: you know it's I can't. I can't grab a shadow, but I can grab what's true which you know, whatever's true for you, you know, if I'm grabbing my book, I can grab that and and shine the light
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carolyndeck: and your energy and your focus. When you've written that down, start putting lines through things that aren't true. And I said once, you know, she had it a very exhaustive job. And I said, Leave you. Us stressed to the Max, and it's coming out in your skin. You're exhausted, darling. This is what you need to do right down
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carolyndeck: what you think your job is. Write down what you're in control of.
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carolyndeck: and let go of everything else.
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carolyndeck: Because, right, you're perceiving that you have to do this, this, this and this.
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carolyndeck: But actually, that's not your job. and the consequences of that don't fall under your role.
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carolyndeck: So why are you carrying that darling. Let it go. That's that's your boss's problem, not yours. You need to put all your energy into what you need to do your job, your role. What's expected of you now that poses like the pastor did for me asking more questions so you could go back to your boss and say, I've been given this. Now you've given me that
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Tanya: I'm working 16 HA day
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carolyndeck: really like
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carolyndeck: reassess that with him is that an expectation of this company that as an an ordered accountant, I have to work 16 HA day. Is that is that true?
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carolyndeck: Oh, no, it's not true, and it's not feasible, and it's not sustainable. So then you go back and you look at what
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carolyndeck: have you been called to do? What's priority and focus on that? Let the rest. Go.
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carolyndeck: Hmm, because it's the rest that exhaust us.
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carolyndeck: Yeah, that steps us that actually has us
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carolyndeck: focusing on the wrong things.
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carolyndeck: you know. Distraction. you know. Oh, look what they've got! Oh, I wish I could have that! Oh, if only I could have that comparison! Is that ugly thing to
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carolyndeck: oh, my gosh ditch that. Yeah, please.
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carolyndeck: You know, it's like you think you're doing good right? And you can feel so good about you know how you're living your life. And then
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Tanya: look at how somebody else like you had mentioned before how
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Tanya: I love what you said. You made your kids just do like 2 activities at a time, and like I'm the person I'm like they're doing one at a time like I can't. But then I'll compare myself to another mom who's like. Oh, well, I've got my kid in soccer, and then they have violin practice, and there's this and that in theatre, and I'm like.
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Tanya: Oh, I should be doing that?
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carolyndeck: Should I be doing that? It's like, no, that works for them, and that's just fine, like, let me just stay in my lane.
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carolyndeck: Yes, absolutely. And then sometimes, quite honestly, I learned with my kids
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carolyndeck: they don't have time to be kids, actually. And so you know, this semester or this term.
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carolyndeck: you know you can't always do that because that committed. And there's that's another conversation that if they've committed to a team they have to see the season.
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Tanya: But they need this time out this, burn off like, get rid of all this activity, and just let me be a kid stuck, and you need they need the silence, too. They need the space to be creative.
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carolyndeck: Yes.
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Tanya: the time and the space to be creative.
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carolyndeck: So if I mean they're
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Tanya: cup. Well, my kids are really young. My oldest is in kindergarten, and then my middle child, he's his first year of preschool. But yeah, I only have them in one thing at a time, but even then they'll like fight me on it like they just want to be home.
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Tanya: Yes, so
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Tanya: I wanna so we are. I could talk to you all day, but I wanna make sure that we talk about
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carolyndeck: faces with names. Yes.
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Tanya: so can you tell us about that.
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carolyndeck: I'm just being honest.
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carolyndeck: I just had to quickly message, my son, I'm being a mum. I'm just saying it's all good. Okay, so I've done that. So that's why I was distracted. Just wanna be honest. Okay, totally names. Yes. The proceeds of my book are going to this incredible organization. And yes.
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carolyndeck: along with me everything seems to have a little story, and my back story is that when I was a child of 5, 6, 7, I would buy books on Africa. II had the seed planted in my heart. I love all things Africa, and I would sketch
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carolyndeck: lion head and giraffe, an elephant, and I just
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carolyndeck: transport myself and my thinking in my head, I'm an African. And all these wild animals. This is amazing. Wow! Fast forward. I'm a travel agent. And now I'm literally in the Serengeti. I am walking, trying to collect and find wood and sticks for our fire that night and then out of
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carolyndeck: nowhere.
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carolyndeck: Seemingly this little face appeared, and then another little face, and then, like.
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It's like, Wow! This is amazing. But we couldn't speak each other's language.
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carolyndeck: but what we spoke was the language of being human, and they smiled, and I smiled, and I looked contrastly different to them. But we just embraced each other. We had fun. It was just like this. Wow! Moment.
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carolyndeck: fast forward! Another decade or so. Now my daughter's in Malawi. She is building mud bricks for these orphaned kids through Aids.
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carolyndeck: a new home.
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carolyndeck: She came home with these amazing photos of these little kids, and it took me back. I'm like, Oh, that little kids I saw. Oh, my goodness, this is beautiful! Oh, I'm so glad you had that experience.
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carolyndeck: And I was thinking, Yeah, well, you know, maybe one day we could help. I don't know. Maybe I could go. I don't know. Anyway. Keep going. Well, a decade or so later. Now I'm writing my book.
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carolyndeck: I have no idea what I'm doing, so I thought right. I need to invest in myself. So there's another little nugget invest in yourself Riders Conference to learn my trade, and I met Eric, and we were sitting around the fire at night. We're both exhausted. Well, everyone's exhausted. Okay, Eric, where's your story? What's your story goes? Well, I adopted little Chinese girl. And
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carolyndeck: it's just been incredible journey. But my wife and I have started a foundation, and here's the brochure.
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carolyndeck: Can you see that? I looked at that and I'm, like,
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carolyndeck: they're, those little faces I saw decades ago, I saw them again with my daughter. Oh, my gosh! Now I see them again! But this time it's a little face, and her name is Mary.
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carolyndeck: and it just nearly broke my heart. I well, well, I jumped for joy, actually, and that's when there was like an epiphany. I'm like, you know what
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carolyndeck: my book proceeds are going to them.
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carolyndeck: They they I just wanna be living hope for them. God has brought me full circle. And now this is my moment. This is I had this hole in my heart for these little kids. And now I can actually do something about it. And so I was so excited. Eric, you know what I'm writing this book when it's published. I don't know how many books I'm gonna sell, if any. But whatever I earn I'm giving to you.
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carolyndeck: II so do I believe in your foundation. Your mission, our mission is to help orphans and widows move beyond a life of survival.
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carolyndeck: and thrive to fulfil their God. Given purpose. All my gosh! And so fast forward. I'm so excited. In
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carolyndeck: March next year I'm actually going on mission with Eric
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carolyndeck: and some doctors and nurses, and a few other mission people. I've never been on mission before. And I'm actually going to meet, you know, the Mary's of. And and all these kids. Caleb. Yeah, it's
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carolyndeck: I'm just so grateful that this has opened up for me. And this is what I'm talking about people that when we say yes, when we respond, when we have Jesus as our friend, he takes us on these extraordinary paths.
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carolyndeck: I mean 7 years ago. There's no way I thought I'd be an author, there'd be no way. I'd think I was on a podcast, there's no way. I would have thought. My words would have been influencing people in jail, let alone kids in Uganda.
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Tanya: Yeah.
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carolyndeck: it's truly amazing.
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Tanya: Yeah.
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carolyndeck: yeah. Oh.
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Tanya: I love it. It's so beautiful.
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Tanya: it really is.
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carolyndeck: I know it's all. Really it really is. It's just when we say yes and keep saying yes, and knowing who whose we are, we don't have to perform for him.
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carolyndeck: We don't have to wear these coats of perfectionism, or or whatever. We just wear a coat of humility and just come again each day going.
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carolyndeck: Okay, I messed up. Or I've got a big day. Please, can you help me
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carolyndeck: yeah, asking for help and he does
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carolyndeck: yeah, ask and you shall receive yes, Amen.
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carolyndeck: Oh, well, Carolyn, I'm in a
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Tanya: Put all of the information about faces with names. I'm going to put that in the show notes. Everybody listening. Please go to the show notes
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Tanya: to learn more about it, and how you can help and make impact
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Tanya: and I just wanna say, Carolyn, your insights and experiences there.
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Tanya: Truly inspiring.
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Tanya: As we come to the end of this conversation today, I feel deeply moved by the wisdom and your authenticity.
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Tanya: Your journey from pain to purpose, your resilience and raising a family far from home and your dedication to healing from your trauma.
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It's all incredibly impactful
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Tanya: listeners. I hope you've gained as much from Carolyn's words as I have. The analogy of fire igniting new growth resonates profoundly, showing us that in life's challenges there is potential for transformation and renewed purpose.
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Tanya: Carolyn, your commitment to giving back through faces with names is so admirable!
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Tanya: It's heart warming to see how your books proceed, support such a meaningful cause, fostering hope and support for children and mothers in need.
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Tanya: Thank you, Carolyn, for your warmth, your stories, and the invaluable wisdom you've imparted today
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Tanya: to our listeners. I encourage you to connect with Carolyn and explore her book above the turbulence. Your ticket out of pain to purpose. Carolyn, please share again with us. How listeners can find you and your book? Sure.
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carolyndeck: So just type my name in a Google search. Gone Amazon, and either taught the title title of the book or my name, and it pops up. I am active on Facebook and Instagram again. Just my name.
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carolyndeck: I'm in the process. Oh, yes, in the process of recording my books. I'm really excited about that. So
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carolyndeck: so I haven't got a deadline yet, but or a date. But it will be coming.
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And yeah, please, I've got an email address there, just email me, or send me a DM, you know, just
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carolyndeck: I'm here. I'm ready to help to encourage. However, I can. So please reach out.
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Tanya: That is so nice.
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Tanya: now, to wrap up on a lighter note. I want to dive into our rapid fire round chance to peek into Carolyn's day to day life. Are you ready for a bit of fun, Carolyn. Okay, so recently, I introduced this new segment to the show on all my interviews. I'll ask you just 5 questions, and you answer with what immediately comes to mind.
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carolyndeck: it's just a fun way to get to know you a little better. So here it goes.
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carolyndeck: Okay. First question.
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Tanya: what self-care activity is, something you absolutely prioritize and consider non-negotiable.
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carolyndeck: My time alone with the Lord.
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Tanya: Hmm! I love that. And you spoke on that earlier, too.
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Tanya: And then number 2. Is there someone in your life whom you consider a role model
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Tanya: and who inspires you?
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carolyndeck: Yes, I have many. I
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carolyndeck: I look at my dear, sweet mother, and the turbulence of her life, and the brokenness of her life, and what she has taught me on, how not to live.
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carolyndeck: And contrastly I look at my dear, sweet mother in law, who since passed, and she was so gentle, so kind, and and raised 5 children of her own a lot of the time also on her own, and she was very inspiring as well. So both women.
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carolyndeck: poles apart.
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carolyndeck: but so giving of themselves.
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Tanya: Oh, that's so nice!
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Tanya: And what's the best advice you've ever gotten?
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carolyndeck: Oh. best advice I've ever gone!
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carolyndeck: The words of Jesus
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carolyndeck: come to me.
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Tanya: Come to me.
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and then what's the worst advice?
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Tanya: This one people always struggle with
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carolyndeck: the worst of vice.
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carolyndeck: oh.
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carolyndeck: the worst advice!
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carolyndeck: Yes, I am struggling.
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carolyndeck: that it's up to me
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Tanya: that it's up to you.
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carolyndeck: Yes, that that the source is. It's all up to me actually. No, it's not. It's through my surrender to him
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carolyndeck: that I am hoping it's not
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Tanya: hashtag me. There you go. Okay, okay.
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carolyndeck: yeah. It's all about me. You can have it. It's you deserve it. Worst advice.
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Tanya: Okay, yeah.
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Tanya: Surrender. Let go. I love it.
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carolyndeck: And then last thing, do you have a favorite quote or mantra that helps you get through hard things? Yes, and it was the it was the this I used for my book, Jeremiah 2911,
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carolyndeck: for I have, I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
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carolyndeck: for good, not to harm.
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carolyndeck: to give purpose and hope.
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carolyndeck: Oh, my God, that's so crazy, Carolyn! I swear I just read that in my devotional this morning. Can you repeat that so weird?
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carolyndeck: Jeremiah? Verses 29.
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carolyndeck: Sorry. Chapter 29, verse 11,
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carolyndeck: for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
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carolyndeck: Not to harm, but for good
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carolyndeck: to give purpose and hope.
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Tanya: I swear that I read that this morning, so I'm just trying to like, really
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Tanya: take that in
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carolyndeck: but awesome. Thank you so much that wraps up the show.
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Tanya: Thank you, Carolyn, for your time and sharing your wisdom with us today to everyone listening. Make sure you check out her book above the turbulence, your ticket out of pain and into purpose available on Amazon, and I will link it
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Tanya: in the show notes. And I'll catch you next week on another episode of the momentum. Podcast until then, keep up the amazing work you were doing, moms. Goodbye for now.
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carolyndeck: Yes, you've got it, girls.