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A Mother's Resilience: Navigating Hope and Healing Through an Eating Disorder

In today's episode, we bring you an inspiring tale of unwavering determination and hope. Join us on this journey as we explore the powerful story of a mother's relentless pursuit to secure the help her child desperately needed. Her remarkable openness in sharing her emotions with her daughter became a lifeline, ultimately steering her away from the brink of a harrowing battle with an eating disorder. Tune in to discover how the strength of a mother's love and resilience can light the way through even the darkest of challenges.

 

In this episode, I interview Lyndsay Lang who is  a multi talented mural artist and mom of two kiddos aged 13 and 11. She was a phlebotomist for 15 years before she left health care to pursue her dream of painting murals. She says, “I’m still trying to figure out this whole parenting thing (aren’t we all?) but one thing I know for sure is that just when you think you’ve concurred one challenge or phase, there’s usually a new one right around the corner. I also find that these moments just add to my parent knowledge and skill set.” Well I couldn’t agree with her more! 

 

In today’s episode Lyndsay boldly and vulnerably shares her story of supporting her daughter through an eating disorder. She shares the warning signs of it erupting, the obstacles they were faced with and how she overcame them! She also shares some great resources which you can find below in the resources section of these show notes.

 

To connect with Lyndsay you can find her on IG @st.paint_ and on fb at Lyndsay Lang.

Resources Mentioned In Show

TRANSCRIPT

00:00.00
Okay, welcome to the podcast today I am talking with someone who is near and dear to my heart. It is my cousin Lindsay. You guys are going to love her. She is a multi-talented multipassionate entrepreneur. She is also a mom of 2 amazing children. And she has a background in graphic design and phlebotomy she was a phlebotomist for the past fifteen years and left to pursue her passion in painting new murals and today she is going to share boldly share with us. What. It has been like to parent and support a child with an eating disorder I should first preface this talk by saying that nothing discussed on this podcast is meant to replace medical advice and if you think you or your child might be suffering with an eating disorder please seek out help from a medical professional There are lots of resources these days some of which we will discuss on today's episode and even if you are not dealing with this on a personal level and right now please listen to this with an open mind and ready to expand your perception. Any disorders are serious in my research for the prevalence of any disorders among teenagers I found some conflicting information I was reading from the national institute of Mental Health a prevalence of any disorders among adults to be anywhere from point.

01:31.60
3% for bulimia 2.6% for anorexia which I personally find hard to believe that sounded much lower than I had expected and I suspect that much of that is underreported. But what is true is eating. Disorders can be fatal for sure. Have a negative impact on mental health and without further ado. Let's go ahead and start the conversation with Lindsay. Okay Lindy being on the podcast today. Hello hello. Um, so yes.

01:58.34
Lyndsay
Um, hello Hello Hello Thanks for having me.

02:05.23
tanyavalentine
Thank you so much for being here I'm so excited to talk to you today. So we're going to go ahead and jump right in. Um and I just want to ask you to share your personal experience and journey in recognizing and addressing your child's eating disorder.

02:08.30
Lyndsay
Yeah, me too.

02:16.77
Lyndsay
I have.

02:23.68
Lyndsay
Yeah, so um, for my daughter Ruby she's 13 Um, but I would say you know when we first started to notice that this was last year last school year. She really started having issues with um with eating. Um.

02:40.30
Lyndsay
You know it was constantly going to the Nurse's office with a ah belly ache and we thought okay maybe it's like indigestion. Maybe it's heartburn. Um and the school nurse had kind of sadly you know like some of the teachers have noticed that you know she and may not be eating lunch or whatever. Um, and I really.

02:56.71
tanyavalentine
Um.

02:59.12
Lyndsay
Didn't see like the whole eating disorder thing I She know she would always eat always eat breakfast. She was eating snacks when she got home. She was eating dinner. Um, and I mean she's always been a pretty picky eater. Um, so.

03:16.11
Lyndsay
Just thought oh it's just Ruby being Ruby like she doesn't like the school lunches or you know maybe she didn't like what I packed but um, but you know throughout the school year like the whole baggy closed thing is in right now. So I never noticed the the weight drop until about.

03:20.54
tanyavalentine
Um, yeah.

03:30.60
tanyavalentine
Um, yeah.

03:35.18
Lyndsay
Um, the springtime she was getting ready for like the father daughterughter dance put on her dress and it was just like oh my God like what happened to you? Um, you know that's where I noticed the weight drop me seeing her collarbones and even just like her color and.

03:44.64
tanyavalentine
And.

03:53.29
Lyndsay
Looking back now I'm like oh my God like the signs were there like the it's It's hard when they're you know they're teenage years and you get that teenage attitude that teenage angst and you're just like okay like here we go like normal teenage behavior. But I think a lot of it looking back now was the lack of. Calories and food in her system I think that played a huge part in her her um just behavior and her you know, being irritable and stuff which I'm I'm sure the teenage part plays into it but but probably just um.

04:18.87
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

04:27.61
Lyndsay
You know, magnified it by not getting all those or restricted she was restricting essentially. So um, you know she had started seeing a therapist just for general anxiety that year. Um I want to say she started in November um, and we had started virtually which um.

04:31.80
tanyavalentine
Okay.

04:47.31
Lyndsay
I would say to anybody I mean it virtual could probably work for some people. It wasn't ideal for us. So eventually we switched to in person which I think made a huge difference but um, she had voiced to her therapist that she had an eating disorder like she had looked on her phone and was looking up all these things and um I kind of just.

04:59.57
tanyavalentine
Okay.

05:05.97
Lyndsay
Viewed it as her looking for attention which I kind of kicked myself now. But my my daughter's also always been very dramatic and it almost seemed like attention seeking. So I didn't want to invalidate her. Yeah I didn't want to.

05:21.20
Lyndsay
Invalidate her feelings but I also didn't want to like give in to like okay like so it was it was like treading lightly and you know I talked to her therapist about it and then um, yeah, like going back to the the springtime and noticing I was like okay like this is a real thing like um and. Talk to her therapist about it and she goes you know it might it might be something where you want to get a dietician on Board. Um, or even get her into what they call partial Hospitalization programs. Um, essentially what those are is like a day program where um, it's like going to school they go they they feed them the meals.

05:56.76
tanyavalentine
Yes.

06:00.34
Lyndsay
Um, they'll you know do different group therapy sessions different types of therapy. Um, and they're there all day and um I kind of was like oh you know going back and forth. Um I ended up taking her to her pediatrician um and they weighed her and. You know she had dropped some significant weight probably around like £18 or so and it was funny. the the pediatrician I had brought up partial hospitalization and he kind of was like oh well let's just see how things go when I was like I think we're kind of.

06:23.71
tanyavalentine
Ah.

06:35.72
Lyndsay
Far Beyond where things go like I think this is go time and she happened to see a dietician like that same week and she did an evaluation with her and was like Nope Ph P That's that's where you need to go. So um I had a few places.

06:35.83
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

06:50.51
tanyavalentine
And what's that oh partial hospitalization.

06:55.43
Lyndsay
The partial hospitalization. Yeah, and luckily I had a friend who's um, a therapist and I kind of reached out to her. What are some good resources because I live in New Hampshire so the the there's really not much around me for resources which you know really sucks and it's kind of shocking. You think this is something so prevalent. Especially in young girls or teenage girls. Um, even boys too. I mean that like you think eating disorder I think a lot of people think oh girls like no it happens in boys too which is another like shocking thing to hear. But anyways, um so.

07:17.78
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah.

07:23.64
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah.

07:31.69
Lyndsay
Walden is the place that we ended up with um I know they're they're all over the country and they've been fantastic. Um, and so I contacted them. They're pretty quick to get back and um, assess her and um, they they were right on board with yep, she needs to. Attend the partial hospitalization program and um, that's kind of what we've been doing for the past five or six weeks and um, yeah, that's where we are right now. Um you know, very very emotional for.

08:05.88
tanyavalentine
And I can imagine. Yeah I can imagine.

08:10.58
Lyndsay
Everyone involved it's terrifying and you know you you have that guilt of oh my God like why didn't I jump on this sooner. Why did I not believe her or not take this as seriously. Um, but.

08:30.31
Lyndsay
You know you got to get over that and just focus on all right? where with yeah, it's not helpful like going back in time you're not going backwards you're going forward. So let's focus on what we need to do right now and you know make those goals and and try and get to them as best we can. So.

08:30.52
tanyavalentine
Right? Yeah because that's not It's just not helpful. It's not helpful. Yeah.

08:46.91
tanyavalentine
Right? Absolutely and for everybody the people listening can we just you already kind of brought up what some of the early signs were that something might be wrong, but can we just go over those again. Like you said she was having.

08:49.69
Lyndsay
But um, yeah.

09:06.47
tanyavalentine
So make issues like going to the nurse a lot the teachers expressing their concerns.

09:14.56
Lyndsay
Yep, um I So like I said Ruby's always been a really particular eater. Um, and um, where is I gonna go with this.

09:20.85
tanyavalentine
And.

09:30.78
tanyavalentine
Which she's not like so that's not unusual for like kids to be picky eaters though. So like what do you think? um, would be a red flag for somebody else who might have a daughter or son who's.

09:38.70
Lyndsay
Yeah, she.

09:48.65
tanyavalentine
Ah, picky-eater. Um, but just something that's a red flag outside of that that.

09:57.66
Lyndsay
So I'd say there are always signs of disordered eating which is kind of where I think it started is her being picky and and it just kind of morphed into um I didn't know it at the time but I she was calorie counting. And you know she'd she'd be okay with certain foods. Actually what this is is something to watch out for um, she was weighing herself and doing body checks in the mirror and she admitted to me that based on she had this number in her head that she wanted to be at and she would.

10:15.52
tanyavalentine
Ah.

10:23.83
tanyavalentine
Okay.

10:33.91
Lyndsay
Weigh herself and that would determine how much she would eat that day. So um, if you find yourself in that situation throw out the scale. In fact, just throw out your scale anyways or hide it from your kids like if you.

10:37.41
tanyavalentine
Oh okay, so.

10:45.12
tanyavalentine
Okay.

10:51.23
Lyndsay
You know, hide the scale. The number does not matter. Um, obviously it's just used as a tool to kind of guide where where you are but it that number does not matter. Um, but yeah, definitely like starting out with the disorganized eating or disordered eating. She'd.

11:02.19
tanyavalentine
We pray.

11:11.13
Lyndsay
Only eat certain things and um I'd say if if you have any inkling any concern go to your Pediatrician um have you even speak to a Dietician That's a great way to start because they do these.

11:18.86
tanyavalentine
And.

11:26.33
Lyndsay
Really lengthy evaluations that kind of gives you an insight of where your kids at and what's going to be the best route for your child or for for yourself.

11:35.19
tanyavalentine
Yeah I like what you said there like basically like what I heard was listening to your intuition and also I noticed you yeah you mentioned that you brought her to the Pediatrician though.

11:45.16
Lyndsay
For sure. Yep.

11:53.97
tanyavalentine
And the Pediatrician was like let's wait it out essentially but I like that you listen to your intuition like you knew in your heart Something was not right and you went and you sought further help.

12:08.55
Lyndsay
Yeah, and yeah, and not to Discount Pediatricians Um, you know the eating disorders aren't right? That's that's not their specialty. So if you are feeling like oh like that's not.

12:12.71
tanyavalentine
No, but they're not seeing the larger picture you're you.

12:25.14
Lyndsay
I'm I'm not feeling good about this like definitely um, reach out to other providers other clinicians. Um, and even your Pediatrician will have great resources. They they gave me awesome list of dieticians of therapists of you know, eating disorder.

12:44.77
tanyavalentine
Okay.

12:44.83
Lyndsay
Centers like Walden um, so there don't don't discount the pediatrician but yeah, like you said listen listen to your gut because I definitely think if we had waited any longer we would have been in a worse off situation. Um.

12:53.79
tanyavalentine
Okay.

12:59.46
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:02.89
Lyndsay
Luckily I think we kind of caught it in the early stages. Um, where we could kind of get her out of ah, want to start over with that. Um.

13:17.78
tanyavalentine
So yeah, that's okay, 5 seconds

13:22.36
Lyndsay
Yeah, yeah, no I feel like we caught it early enough to get her in to somewhere where we could nip this in the Bud and then get her back on track. Um, so yeah.

13:30.45
tanyavalentine
Yeah, okay, so my next question for you is how did you approach the conversation with ruby when you suspected she had an eating disorder like I know she already had been seeing. Ah, therapist and you said that the teachers had confronted you but how did you do you remember like what that first conversation was like with her and.

14:01.23
Lyndsay
Um, so Ruby is kind of always been an open book as well and she was the one that actually brought it up to her therapist saying that she thinks she has an eating disorder or she would you know self-diagnose I have an eating disorder. Um, so um.

14:13.70
tanyavalentine
Okay.

14:19.40
Lyndsay
But I think the moment that like I said the moment I was like okay this this definitely is something is when when I saw her in that dress and saw those collar but saw her collarbones and um, there is that waiting period of trying to get you know the right providers the right care for her. So. While we were waiting for that. There was another incident where she had to put on a bathing suit. We were going to a water park and again just seeing her hip bones and she she was excited to go but then putting on that bathing suit was very triggering obviously um and she she was like I'm fat I'm fat and I was.

14:48.31
tanyavalentine
Ah.

14:52.61
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah.

14:58.90
Lyndsay
I Just freaked out and I was like oh my God We can't do this like you are you have a problem and I immediately called the Pediatrician and got her in and got her seen that day because I was like this This is just absolutely wild. Um, and I think just going to those.

15:12.17
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

15:18.52
Lyndsay
The Dietician the pediatrician doing the assessment with the eating disorder center that I think was a big wake up call for her because in a way almost felt like she wanted to have something wrong with her you know and so now that we were actually.

15:34.21
tanyavalentine
Um, yeah.

15:36.82
Lyndsay
Going to be doing something about it was almost like jarring to her like oh shit this is real. You know and and I even have that moment like oh shit this is real and um and just man man the tension at at dinner time.

15:40.29
tanyavalentine
E right? yeah.

15:56.20
Lyndsay
You know it just caused a lot of tension in the family. Um, a lot of yelling a lot of tears just every meal was so exhausting and both Emotionally you know, just.

16:05.81
tanyavalentine
Ah.

16:11.32
tanyavalentine
I can imagine because it's like yeah and it's all like you can't force feed your child. You can't force feed anyone. So yeah I.

16:13.72
Lyndsay
Watching her suffer and staring at that food.

16:21.73
Lyndsay
No no. And yeah and you know and you're in those moments and you're just happy if she takes a bite like there were times where she we were actually visiting my in-laws and my sister in law who also actually battles with bulimia. She's in her fifty s um.

16:35.71
tanyavalentine
A little more room.

16:38.81
Lyndsay
Was actually you know what that was a really great resource for us and for my daughter because she connects with her and her knowing that she's not alone and that her like favorite aunt also suffers that that was actually really great for her and we went out to ice cream and Ruby actually had ice cream and I remember like choking back tears like.

16:47.23
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah.

16:56.79
tanyavalentine
Oh.

16:58.28
Lyndsay
Um, my god like okay like just just know she's getting those calories. Um because she said oh I'm I'm only going to do 300 to four hundred calories a day and you hear that and you're like you you Knowre telling your kid like that's not sustainable. That's not healthy and.

17:02.31
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah. Oh My gosh.

17:16.70
Lyndsay
The eating disorder monster it. It's absolutely wild to see your child not eating and then when they finally do It's like oh my God they're back like their personality comes back and um.

17:29.59
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah.

17:32.99
Lyndsay
It. It was absolutely wild to see her eat that ice cream and then like an hour later being like oh my god like she's she's back. You know, um, but then there's what creeps in with them is the guilt of eating when you're when you're first starting the refeeding process.

17:37.83
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah, so. And.

17:48.79
Lyndsay
It's it's difficult because that eating disorder is gonna get loud. It's gonna get ugly and it is not your child speaking. It is the eating disorder trying to take over control a lot of it is about control. Um and that was the biggest thing in the beginning. Um, you know.

17:58.54
tanyavalentine
Um, yeah, yeah.

18:07.29
Lyndsay
That eating disorder wants to break your kid down break you down, but you have to stay strong and um, you know set those boundaries and and stick to them. Um. Ah, great. Great resource I found this book called how to nourish your child through an eating disorder. It's by Casey Crosby C R O S B I E. Wonderful wonderful book it talks yeah go ahead. Sorry.

18:22.83
tanyavalentine
So. So okay, okay, and no I was gonna say and we'll put this in the show notes too. For anyone who's like thinking oh my god wait a second let me rewind. Well, you're gonna give this information to me and I'll put it in the show notes. So how to nourish your can you say it 1 more time though.

18:42.40
Lyndsay
Okay, yeah, absolutely Yay! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, wonderful book. Sure yep how to nourish your child through an eating disorder.

18:57.37
tanyavalentine
Okay, so.

19:00.18
Lyndsay
Ah, by Casey Crosby you can find it on Amazon or any bookstore. But um, wonderful resource. It basically talks about the plate by plate method or plate by plate approach which is um what I believe a lot of centers use.

19:03.19
tanyavalentine
Okay.

19:19.58
Lyndsay
Um, and you'll also hear about family based therapy or Fbt Um, which has I guess been like the the gold standard of care for yeah for eating disorders. Um.

19:25.66
tanyavalentine
Oh yeah I heard of that of this.

19:33.41
Lyndsay
I can only give you my experience of anorexia but it does touch upon bulimia and arfid and some of the other um, eating disorders. Um, but it's it's wonderful. Um, was super super helpful in. Going through the refeeding process and you know everything. That's potentially could come up during that and even after you know once you've gotten through what you feel like okay we're like at a manageable time like I'm I'm in that moment where we were. We're getting to the restored weight. Goal we're we're eating 100% at every meal we're doing the 3 snacks a day three meals a day because that's what essentially you're doing. You're feeding your kid 3 meals or 3 snacks a day 3 three meals a day um caloric beverages and it's going to seem like a lot of food at first.

20:17.36
tanyavalentine
Okay, so.

20:28.15
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

20:29.52
Lyndsay
And you know it's it's going to be challenging at first. But um, but man o man what a difference food is medicine. That's what you will read a lot. Food is medicine and it is 100% true and not just eating disorders and in a lot of other diseases and disorders.

20:39.89
tanyavalentine
Um, yeah.

20:43.97
tanyavalentine
Right? I mean our cells need that nutrition. That's that's our energy. That's what fuels us to to think breathe and move.

20:53.50
Lyndsay
Um, yep, yep Yep! Absolutely yep.

21:02.87
tanyavalentine
Problem Solve just live. Yeah, so when you're not getting that nutrition. It really affects your overall health it affects the way you think the way you feel the way you behave.

21:11.29
Lyndsay
Yeah I mean it's like it's yeah, it's like walking around with a angry person I mean they are they are literally starving themselves when you're dealing with someone with Anorexia um, so but I mean the the scary part is too is.

21:18.75
tanyavalentine
Yeah I My right? yeah.

21:30.85
Lyndsay
She got to a level where you know her it. It can affect your your heart and she luckily didn't get to a point where it was awful but she did. Um I Forget what it is. You're a nurse so you know, but when they're sitting down taking their blood pressure versus when you're standing up I Forget what it's called. But.

21:35.47
tanyavalentine
So yeah.

21:47.22
tanyavalentine
Yeah, or those static hypopo tension. Yeah, so.

21:50.47
Lyndsay
They would take her blood pressure sitting and go to standing. Yes, yeah so when she would stand up and they would take her blood pressure I mean it was like all out of whack. Um her labs came back her um something was off her glucose was off. It was like 44 and that was after eating breakfast.

21:58.90
tanyavalentine
Or.

22:07.19
tanyavalentine
Oh that is so dangerous.

22:09.95
Lyndsay
And the the nurse practitioner explained it to me. Yeah, she explained it to me that basically when they're restricting themselves and starving themselves. The glycogen is like your storage your energy storage so they've depleted that. So now that she was eating Again. It's almost like her metabolism kicked in and it was like. Burning that off and like quickly quickly. So um, but luckily that leveled itself off pretty quickly but that was kind of a weird you know thing. And yeah, when when your glucose gets really low or really high. That's that's no Buno though.

22:37.42
tanyavalentine
And yeah, so I. Yeah, So did they were they having you or are you still checking her blood sugars at home.

22:51.49
Lyndsay
Um, so they actually check it once a week at um, the the program. Um, so what it looks like is um, every Tuesday and Friday they do weigh-ins they do vitals every Tuesday they do labs. Um, what's great about this place. Um.

22:55.38
tanyavalentine
So okay, so.

23:08.75
Lyndsay
Is they have family breakfasts. It's required that three days a week. Um, you basically have breakfast with your child. Um you try and eat the same thing that they're eating and um, it's It's a lot.

23:20.40
tanyavalentine
Okay.

23:26.93
tanyavalentine
So.

23:27.44
Lyndsay
I'm not going to lie. It's a lot on the parents. Um because a lot of parents have to do um like a medical leave because you're having to drive your kid in stay with them. There's a lot of educational um Zoom calls.

23:35.60
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

23:46.94
Lyndsay
That they require you attend. There's a dietician that you meet with there's the clinician that you meet with with your child which is really great. Um, so I mean it's It's almost like having a full time job and it's I'm I'm in a position where.

23:59.50
tanyavalentine
Well.

24:05.18
Lyndsay
I Don't have a full time job and you know I kind of have freedom to to work when I want um but I I have a friend whose daughter's there. She's a nurse and she's like I I can't work like this just isn't sustainable and.

24:20.55
tanyavalentine
So did she get fmla. Yeah, but.

24:23.26
Lyndsay
My heart goes out to the um I think she tried. Yeah yeah, she tried to but um, but I mean that that's a lot that's a lot on the family that's a lot on the and the parents. So um, it's hard but hundred percent worth it in the end like just. Just remember this is not forever and it's what's necessary to get your child or yourself into a healthy healthier position. So um, anyone that's going through this.

24:43.76
tanyavalentine
Write write and.

24:52.76
tanyavalentine
Right? I know and there's always like there's always jobs out there like seriously right I mean and really they just need 1 parent there with them right? I mean did Anthony your husband did he have to be there for the breakfast.

25:01.64
Lyndsay
Um, yeah, yep.

25:09.53
tanyavalentine
As well or just.

25:10.66
Lyndsay
Um, yeah, this is the other part. Um, you know in a lot of the parent classes. They talk about.

25:20.23
Lyndsay
They always use the airplane analogy like put the mask you you have to put the mask on yourself before you can help others which is 100% true because if you don't take care of yourself and this this is true in life in general. But in this scenario it I mean it really really is true.

25:22.51
tanyavalentine
Yes, oh I So agree with that? yes.

25:38.20
Lyndsay
You need to do things for Yourself. You need to ask for Help. You need to rely on your partner your family your friends like you have to give yourself that break because if not. Yeah I mean there were in the very beginning I was having panic attacks I was breaking down going I I can't do all this this is overwhelming. It is overwhelming but you will get into that groove you'll get into that you know those those new habits and um, but.

25:56.45
tanyavalentine
Ah.

25:58.90
tanyavalentine
Yeah, so.

26:10.10
Lyndsay
I had like the aha moment like oh my God I Absolutely despise going to the grocery store now. Um, and my my absolutely hate it it Honestly, it used it used to be where I liked her in the grocery store. It was my like alone time like I'd put my earbids in and jam out and like.

26:16.28
tanyavalentine
Ah, me too I'm right there with you I don't go I Do instacart.

26:29.47
Lyndsay
Like okay like it's my my time to get away and since this I mean I've been going all the time because she's still a picky eater but we're going through strawberries and raspberries like multiple times through the week I'm having to go and get them all the time and it sounds silly. But.

26:38.50
tanyavalentine
And yeah.

26:48.57
Lyndsay
Just had that aha moment like Anthony works from home. He's always looking for a reason to get out of the house. Um, why not just make him the grocery list but I don't know about everyone else, but you know in the past I'd give my husband a list and he would come home and nothing was right? so.

26:53.29
tanyavalentine
I Asked him for help. Yeah.

27:07.11
Lyndsay
I Also had to just let go of that control and say okay if he gets Yes, that's a huge thing I do have control issues I had to let go of that control and just be like you know what? it is what it is. He's gonna get what he gets and we're just gonna have to roll with it. But that was a huge.

27:07.89
tanyavalentine
Let go the control. Yeah, or.

27:22.33
tanyavalentine
I Can we just pause right? there for a minute because I feel like this is such a huge like message. Let go of the control seriously like it is it is going to help you out so much when you can just let go.

27:25.68
Lyndsay
Huge help for me.

27:31.28
Lyndsay
Um, yeah, yeah, yep, ah.

27:41.90
tanyavalentine
You were gonna live such a more peaceful life I mean just no, it doesn't have to be done a certain way your way. Yeah.

27:42.78
Lyndsay
Yep.

27:51.00
Lyndsay
Um, correct. Yep yep.

27:55.71
tanyavalentine
Just know like just ask yourself like what is the result that you're looking for and that that's what's important like it doesn't have to look a certain way. Yeah.

28:02.25
Lyndsay
Um, yep.

28:10.61
tanyavalentine
But anyway go on though I just wanted to make sure that we repeated that because it is so important and helpful.

28:10.70
Lyndsay
Um, um, yeah I mean ah, another thing I had to let go is that I was the 1 doing all the plating thinking about all the meals making sure I'm having enough on the plate. Um, enough variety and I was really stressing over that and I also had to let control and let Anthony pack some of the lunches sometimes and what we started doing was he would.

28:31.30
tanyavalentine
So.

28:42.76
Lyndsay
You know plate everything or pack everything and leave it out and I could kind of just go over and be like yep that looks good or okay, let's add this or let's do this for lunch instead and that it it was still a huge relief even just not having to like think about it so much.

28:57.98
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:01.87
Lyndsay
So and and I I can't speak for. Everyone's case. But I I imagine this happens a lot is that 1 partner does more of the the calls. But driving in the meeting with the therapist. Um, you know the plating it I feel like it. It's easy for it to to be put on 1 partner. Um, but.

29:32.55
tanyavalentine
Ah, yeah.

29:36.20
Lyndsay
You have to have to have to rely on your other partner and and you know speak up and say like hey I'm I'm drowning I need help um some I mean that's that's huge and a big part. He was always being like what can I do? What can I do? what? what can I do and I was so overwhelmed that it was like.

29:41.50
tanyavalentine
And. Yeah, wanting to help and not knowing out. Yeah.

29:54.96
Lyndsay
I Don't know I don't not knowing where yeah yeah, um, so if you find yourself being the partner that's not doing all the work. Um, not to say you're not doing any anything but like if you feel like you want or feel like there's.

30:14.52
Lyndsay
A way for you to help out more just just do it. It's It's like when you know you lose a family member or friend lose a family member and they always ask you know is there anything I can do just bringing over that meal. You know like how how huge that is um, just being like Nope I'm I'm taking over this like.

30:24.62
tanyavalentine
Yeah, right.

30:32.60
tanyavalentine
Yeah, just do something and don't worry about don't overthink it or over analyze it just? yeah.

30:34.41
Lyndsay
It's It's yeah something. Yep um we.

30:45.66
Lyndsay
Yeah, um, yeah, like Anthony was you know how else can I help and that we live an hour hou hour hou hour 15 minutes away from the from Walden. So.

30:59.36
tanyavalentine
Oh.

31:01.10
Lyndsay
I mean just driving is so tiresome so he we've kind of made it that Monday five days a week. Yeah Monday through Wednesday he drives her in and I pick her up and then Thursday fridays I drive her in but um, like as mentioned before we have a friend that her.

31:03.77
tanyavalentine
Yeah, so that's five days a week

31:15.55
tanyavalentine
So you drop her off to sorry you drop her off and then come back home and then go to pick her up so that's two. That's 4 hours wow

31:20.89
Lyndsay
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like going to school. Yeah yeah, um, luckily we 4 hours in the car. Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. Um, luckily we have.

31:35.34
tanyavalentine
Okay, so.

31:37.81
Lyndsay
Like I mentioned before I have a friend her daughter's in the program and they live um, kind of on the way so there are some days that she'll drive in pick up the girls and we meet halfway so I'm only having to do a half hour drive versus you know doing the drive back and forth that's been really helpful. Um, my mom has also been really great about.

31:46.49
tanyavalentine
Oh oh, that's so nice.

31:56.64
Lyndsay
Um, picking her up in the afternoon. So that's that's been a big help as well. Um, so anyone that's in that that scenario I'd say definitely if you if you have people that can help you out. Please please please reach out to them. Um, you know.

31:59.57
tanyavalentine
Oh god.

32:10.51
tanyavalentine
Yes, yes.

32:13.63
Lyndsay
And know it's hard. We we all feel like oh we don't want to burden anybody else. But for me I look at it I Flip the script and I'm like no I want my friends to like rely on me and and I would love to help out. So.

32:16.40
tanyavalentine
Right? But you know what.

32:24.40
tanyavalentine
Yes, ah I agree 1000% like I feel like we all like to feel useful and I think it's important to feel like you have a purpose and I like the idea of somebody.

32:34.20
Lyndsay
Um, yeah, yep, and.

32:40.77
tanyavalentine
Like asking me specifically like how can I help like cat just tell me how I can help.

32:46.47
Lyndsay
Yeah, or even like hey would it be helpful actually Anthony approached it this way he goes would it be helpful if I drove Monday Tuesday Wednesday and I was like yes you know something I didn't have to think about because I was having to think about so freaking much not to mention.

32:56.49
tanyavalentine
Yes, yes.

33:03.88
tanyavalentine
Right? right? so.

33:05.93
Lyndsay
Have another kid. Um, that's the other hard part too is like it's not only a toll on the parents and the child going through the eating disorder if you have other loved ones around that you can't forget about them I mean this was really hard on my son with dinners and meals being so tense.

33:24.50
tanyavalentine
Yes, yeah.

33:25.63
Lyndsay
And being so volatile sometimes that he would be like okay I'm going up to my room now like he didn't want anything to do with it. Um, he voiced that all the attention was on her and that.

33:31.97
tanyavalentine
So one.

33:38.34
tanyavalentine
Oh my god.

33:40.57
Lyndsay
Mom and dad don't love me or they don't care about me which is 100% not the case I mean we just had to give more of our attention to her because she was going through or is going through really hard. Um, you know moment right now. Um, which um we can talk about this another time but um.

33:53.73
tanyavalentine
Yeah, then that.

34:00.33
Lyndsay
You know? ah I think a lot of Ruby's aing disorder has come stemmed from anxiety which my son and my husband both suffer from um but my son a few years ago the focus was on him with his anxiety disorder. So.

34:05.97
tanyavalentine
And.

34:14.19
Lyndsay
Um, we kind of had to remind him like hey Bud like everyone goes through hard times and sometimes people need more help than the other one. So this is just the case with your sister right now and um, my my daughter would actually voice to her therapist. The same thing.

34:23.15
tanyavalentine
Um, yeah, yeah.

34:32.43
Lyndsay
They care more about fletcher than they do about me and his anxiety and this and this and this so um, you know with eating disorders. They they reiterate to you that there's not 1 thing that causes it you know like.

34:36.21
tanyavalentine
Um.

34:47.25
tanyavalentine
Okay.

34:49.63
Lyndsay
You can sit there and say oh you know social media cause this or friends at school cause this or Xyz but you you really can't pinpoint what what caused this it can be in combination of things. Um, and I would say my son's anxiety and the fact that we had to put so much focus on him. Feel like that was really difficult for my daughter and perhaps was a contributing factor to her being where she is now. Um I mean there were a lot of issues at school with girls being mean and you know people talking bad about their bodies or commenting on what people were eating that was all very hard for her.

35:16.98
tanyavalentine
Ok.

35:29.37
Lyndsay
Lot of friend issues I mean you know man Preteen girls are not nice. It is hard I don't I don't envy them and I remember going through that myself. So um.

35:31.33
tanyavalentine
6 are.

35:44.52
tanyavalentine
Yeah, and it's a lot different now because they don't even get a break from it with the social media like before we could just come home and sorry, go ahead.

35:47.35
Lyndsay
Yeah. No yeah, yeah, but I know in the beginning it Anthony wanted. Yeah, not yeah, no Anthony you know in the beginning he was like it's because of Tiktok. It's because of social media and.

36:05.71
tanyavalentine
And.

36:09.57
Lyndsay
I I was like well wait a minute like your sister has bulimia and for her it started in college and I'm like when she was in college. There was no like social media. There was no internet like way like it is today I'm like.

36:14.56
tanyavalentine
So yeah.

36:21.83
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

36:27.91
Lyndsay
Eating disorders have been around for a long time and it's going to happen regardless of you know XYZ so you can't put all the blame on social media like there's just so many other contributing factors. You know.

36:39.14
tanyavalentine
Right? And whenever you place a blame on something outside of you too like you're let like you're totally disempowering yourself because there's nothing that you can do about that like no.

36:53.19
Lyndsay
Um, yeah, it's it's It's not helpful. Yeah, it's It's not helpful I Know by nature we want to put the blame on something but it's really not helpful. The.

36:58.15
tanyavalentine
No.

37:05.53
Lyndsay
You just got to move on and focus. Okay, this is the issue at hand and what can we do to resolve this. You know? So yep, yep.

37:05.63
tanyavalentine
No, um, yeah, exactly stay in that solution mindset rather than like what caused this and who who can we blame? who's Responsible. No, not Helpful. So My I Yeah, it's our nature. Yeah, its it's our nature to want to blame because that's it's how it's just been.

37:23.82
Lyndsay
Yep, yep, not helpful but a hundred percent understandable but just by human nature I know we're gonna do that. but um yeah but yeah

37:41.56
tanyavalentine
The messaging. It's like what how we've been raised. It's like our culture to want to blame others for things. But yeah, it's just it's a lot of wasted energy.

37:50.80
Lyndsay
Um, is it.

37:56.28
Lyndsay
Um, yeah, um, yeah, yeah for sure. Um I do want to give others hope. Ah because.

38:01.53
tanyavalentine
And something that doesn't necessarily give you a solution.

38:16.41
Lyndsay
We're at a place now like I said before we're almost fully rate weight restored um you're gonna have those little victories where like I said ice Cream story like oh my God they're eating ice cream or oh my God they finished that entire meal or that that moment where your kid is like.

38:23.82
tanyavalentine
Ah, that's amazing.

38:35.33
Lyndsay
I'm hungry like the hunger cues come back like those are amazing moments and um, you'll get there like the the biggest thing is you have to stick to your guns. Um the play by plate method was really really helpful. Um.

38:53.19
Lyndsay
Again, the eating disorder is going to get loud. It's gonna get ugly. It's gonna fight you. It's go to say the most horrific things to you? Um, but you I remember 1 of the meals ruby it was like I'm not eating that or I'm not finishing that and I said you know life stops until. That plate is clean and it may have taken an hour but she eventually did it. Um, and you know it's it gets easier and easier as they start to eat more and um, you know that brain starts to work again. You know.

39:12.30
tanyavalentine
And.

39:31.81
Lyndsay
All of their organs start to function properly again and and that eating disorder gets quieter and quieter. So.

40:13.76
Lyndsay
Um, so I like I said she she pretty much talks to me about anything and everything um I remember in the beginning with refeeding because she's so picky It was hard to tell.

40:23.50
tanyavalentine
That's so awesome.

40:31.69
Lyndsay
If you know her refusing to eat something if it was a preference or if it was the eating disorder talking. Um so that's been really interesting. You kind of just go back to. Okay, what did they eat before the eating disorder. You know what were some of their favorite foods Some of their favorite foods.

40:34.48
tanyavalentine
Okay.

40:47.42
tanyavalentine
Okay.

40:51.58
Lyndsay
Might end up becoming a challenge food for them like with Ruby we used to. We used to just feed her pizza all the time because that was something she loved and was always a go to and you know what that became the number one fear food for her. It's very common for them to have fear foods. Um, so eating pizza. Nope you know like in her.

40:56.86
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

41:11.46
Lyndsay
Eating the sort of brain it was that's going to make me fat or maybe it's because it was something that was always her go to that. Maybe it just just triggered something in her. But um, she's had pizza actually today I gave her pizza so we'll I'll hear later how it went but.

41:28.67
tanyavalentine
Okay.

41:30.60
Lyndsay
Um, that's been going really well it's it's really hard the first time they they go to that fear food and I'm not talking about foods that like maybe they didn't want to try before I'm talking about foods that like they used to eat and all of a sudden. They don't want to eat it anymore and they're terrified of it. Um, you have.

41:43.81
tanyavalentine
Yeah, we were discussing this before and I like we thought like maybe it's because they don't trust themselves around that food like they think that maybe they might lose control like not be able to so.

41:56.35
Lyndsay
That or they're going to like binge on it. Yeah yes, yeah that that came up a lot in conversation. She was like I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to stop myself if I eat this like I don't want to go overboard and and again you go back to that plate by plate. It's like okay well this is within your plate and so you can't go overboard.

42:01.50
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah, so.

42:05.89
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

42:14.19
tanyavalentine
So yeah, yeah.

42:15.57
Lyndsay
Um, this is you know on what it normally looks like um so I had made her like a mini pizza which was basically equivalent of 2 slices of pizza which I think is a normal. What would be a normal amount for anyone. Um.

42:27.42
tanyavalentine
And.

42:34.27
Lyndsay
But that that was a bit challenging for her but she she got through it. So um, yeah.

42:36.58
tanyavalentine
And I want to search gears here a little bit and talk about you and how you took care of your own emotional wellbeing while supporting ruby through her eating disorder how you did it then and how you you continue to do it today.

42:56.53
Lyndsay
Um, I have an amazing group of friends. So 1 in particular that you know I'd cry to I'd text I'd meet up for um, like a we we like our shakes in the morning so we would meet up in the morning for that. Um. As much as we could going for walks is huge for me I need to move so just going out on walks as much as I could um, again putting putting the grocery shopping on Anthony or the some of the driving on Anthony that was that was huge.

43:15.52
tanyavalentine
Okay.

43:26.81
tanyavalentine
And.

43:32.49
Lyndsay
Um, so if you can spare just 15 minutes for yourself if it's meditating meditating has been good to journaling all the things they tell you to do for your mental health. Um, you know find one that that works for you and and go with it. Um.

43:41.66
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

43:49.70
Lyndsay
There's a lot of good guided meditations out there that are helpful that are you know you can look for a 10 minute guideed meditation put your earbuds in. You know, go into a quiet room and and just give that to yourself because you definitely need that. Um, just to shut off I remember crying in the kitchen going I'm so fing sick of food.

43:55.56
Lyndsay
I'm sick of thinking about food I'm sick of talking about food I'm sick of the grocery store I I just I hate food now like I don't want to deal with it. Um, allow yourself to have those moments to where you break down like it's inevitable. You know, um.

44:25.22
Lyndsay
You You got to give yourself that grace and give yourself that space to to lash out and do what you need to do to feel your feelings it sucks but you got to do it exactly I like that? yeah.

44:28.28
tanyavalentine
To feel your feelings. Yeah to feel it to feel it. Yeah, well and just acknowledge what's like real for you in the moment like this is your experience. Yeah.

44:47.20
Lyndsay
Yeah, and I mean there are times where I'd cry and then say you know I I don't want a solution right now I Just want to fucking scream I Want to cry like just let me do this. Let me vent and you don't need to say anything you just need to hear me and give me a hug.

45:03.95
tanyavalentine
Oh yeah, that's so important I think yeah like there are so many? Yeah so if yeah, if you're a mom and somebody comes or yeah if you're going through this and or if you're on the other end of it I should say and.

45:21.40
tanyavalentine
A friend of yours is going through something like this and you know you want to help just maybe try and hold back that and we all want to like fix things I feel like that's like our initial reaction but try and hold back.

45:32.30
Lyndsay
Yeah, or give our two cents yeah

45:38.96
tanyavalentine
And maybe if anything right? Maybe you say like do is this something where you want me to offer a solution to you want some help or do you just want me to sit here and listen because you're I feel the exact same as you like sometimes when you're yeah.

45:46.60

45:58.60
tanyavalentine
When you're in it like that you just there are times when you just don't need advice. You just need to you just need to vent in in an ear. Yeah, just a shoulder to cry on.

46:03.87
Lyndsay
You just need an ear. Yeah yeah, and for me, um, that was even huge just being able to say that to Anthony you know like I don't need. Your advice I just want a ven right now and he was respectful of that you know I'm like okay, cool. Um, but yeah, if a.
tanyavalentine
Yeah, and especially men too I feel like they're the ones they want to jump in and fix it and.

46:35.60
Lyndsay
Yeah, yeah, for sure be the Heroes. Yep.

46:41.59
tanyavalentine
I Yeah but there are times when it just it's not helpful. Ah, okay so you the wave taken care of yourself. My next question was what are some key lessons or coping strategies.
tanyavalentine
You've learned along the way that could benefit other moms dealing with similar similar situations.

47:05.90
Lyndsay
Um, so key lessons I'd say um, get some resources. Um I I can't stress enough how helpful that book was to me. And even meeting with the Dietician for the very first time I had mentioned that book and I had mentioned that book on one of the group calls with the other parents and um I know other parents have found that really helpful and useful but just having a heads up on what what to expect with.
Lyndsay
This disorder um get as much knowledge as you can because it knowledge is power um stick sticking sticking to your no no, um, you know we're all in this thing called life together and um.

47:39.20
tanyavalentine
Okay. Right? Yeah and it's not meant to scare you like this is just yeah.

47:58.16
Lyndsay
I am a firm believer in oversharing because you know when I started opening up to other friends and being like oh you know Ruby is going through this I had another mom that was like oh my God My my daughter you know, went through this a couple years ago and I would have never known um had I not brought it up.

48:00.38
tanyavalentine
No isn't it I mean yet it gives other people the courage to then share with you their experience and you could just learn from each other and right. So.

48:24.53
Lyndsay
Their experience and yeah and what may work for 1 kid may not work for the other or maybe you know there's something you're trying and it's just not working and maybe somebody else has tried something else that that could work for you. So I'm a firm believer in oversharing and um and I I think. It's great too to kind of um teach other people about these things and like we're doing now like you know, warning signs or just your experience to so somebody else can potentially avoid this or catch it early to to get them.

48:57.80
tanyavalentine
Yeah, and even just to know that you're not alone like there's nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with your child. There's nothing wrong like nothing has gone wrong here and like this.

49:04.17
Lyndsay
You're not alone there. Oh yeah, correct. Yep yep I will say one of the great things. Yeah, one of the great things about.

49:14.75
tanyavalentine
It's just something that happens.

49:20.18
Lyndsay
Um, the family based therapy is there is such an emphasis on the parent education part and you know I've been on these Zoom calls and it's great to hear other parents situations and what their kids are going through and what's worked for them. What's not worked for them.

49:38.20
Lyndsay
Um, it's been a great that's been a really great resource. So I'd say you know join um, some online groups if you're having issues and um, ah we as I mentioned before we are required to do 3 family breakfasts a week and

49:49.83
tanyavalentine
So How do they react. Okay.

49:57.13
Lyndsay
You get to know a lot of these parents and even a lot of the other kids in the program and you know you're you're in this together and it's almost like you've become a family like so Ruby's actually made some really good friendships throughout this process which has been wonderful because.

50:13.52
Lyndsay
She can connect with them on a level that her friends at school or you know they they don't necessarily understand. So.

50:20.90
tanyavalentine
Yeah, and isn't that funny like that's the beauty part in this like there's always in any hardship hardship I feel like that we face Sometimes it's difficult to see when you're in it. But.

50:34.75
Lyndsay
Um, yeah for sure.

50:38.96
tanyavalentine
When you're on the other side of it. It can suddenly become more clear like they say hindsight is Twenty twenty but like you can see there was some good that came out of it like look at these relationships that you guys are building and all that you're learning and the people that you'll be able to help.

50:58.51
tanyavalentine
Because Ruby went through this and how this is going to shape her personality and her skills for the future.

51:02.31
Lyndsay
Yeah, for sure. Yep.

51:14.21
tanyavalentine
So That's beautiful I think but Wow this went so long and I didn't even get to ask you all the questions that I've written down but I think that this was really Great. Um I Love that you shared how how you took care of yourself. You said you. Reached out to friends. Um, so just connecting with people can really help moving taking walks delegating responsibilities asking for help meditating journaling and getting resourceful like we have so many resourceful ah resourceful.

51:31.90
Lyndsay
Um, okay.

51:44.24
Lyndsay
Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

51:50.71
tanyavalentine
So many resources available to us now like really all you have to do is just you can Google anything nowadays. Um, but yeah, like reaching out to your pediatrician finding a dietician um, just talking about it and.

51:58.11
Lyndsay
Yeah.

52:09.70
tanyavalentine
To other people right? Um, and then you had mentioned to joining some online groups and how would people like are there any that you recommend like is like Facebook groups or.

52:09.49
Lyndsay
Um, yeah for sure? Yep yep, Yeah, absolutely.

52:23.70
Lyndsay
So yeah, my I I went on Facebook and joined a group which some of it can be very overwhelming and terrifying um, but but but I mean it is what it is. It's it's it is a terrifying disorder.

52:29.87
tanyavalentine
Okay, okay.

52:39.30
tanyavalentine
Yeah.

52:40.45
Lyndsay
Um, I know you mentioned in the beginning that it is. It can be deadly and I actually one of the scariest things in the beginning of this was I read that it is the number one. Um or it is the most fatal of mental disorders.

52:57.80
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

52:59.66
Lyndsay
Eating disorders. You know people I don't know I would have I would not have thought that you know, but but yeah, it's the number one most fatal um for mental disorders. But um, but there is hope.

53:05.40
tanyavalentine
Yeah, yeah.

53:15.18
tanyavalentine
Not to scare anybody. But yeah, yeah.

53:18.10
Lyndsay
And not to scare anybody no, but there there is hope and I mean I've read this one woman's story where her daughter had basically she was in the hospital and she'd basically given up and said Nope like I'm um, I'm going and the family had kind of said. Okay, they've resolved. To Okay, my my daughter is going to to pass away and she literally was like probably hours away and then all of a sudden had this like burst of like I want to live and she's healthy and thriving.

53:38.47
tanyavalentine
Ah.

53:46.30
tanyavalentine
Well.

53:49.19
Lyndsay
Um, to this day and I mean you hear those stories and you're it's it just gives you hope and and know that you're not alone and yeah, yeah, so.

53:52.82
tanyavalentine
Yeah, and that's that.

53:59.96
tanyavalentine
That's what you got to hang on to yeah hope yeah, keep the faith and just use your resources ask for help make sure that you're taking care of yourself. Is there anything else Lindy that you would um, add like what's like the most important thing.

54:11.14
Lyndsay
Um, yeah.

54:17.25
tanyavalentine
You would want another mom going through your situation. Um, what would you? What's the most important thing you'd want them to take away from this conversation today.

54:29.45
Lyndsay
Um, you are not alone. You are not a bad parent. You did not do this to your kid. Um, there is help out there. Um.

54:31.42
tanyavalentine
But all.

54:41.75
tanyavalentine
Yep.

54:42.38
Lyndsay
It will make you a stronger person like I right now feel so confident in how I'm caring for my child. Um I'm I'm even more confident in my child now that you know, um, you'll get there. You will get there. It's It's a long hard road but you can do it. You are so you are stronger than the eating Disorder. Don't let it fool you. You are stronger than the eating disorder. Um, yeah, but you're not alone and you did not do this.

55:07.13
tanyavalentine
Burden.

55:17.84
tanyavalentine
Yeah, ah thank you so much Lindy this has been awesome I think this is gonna be really helpful to other moms out there and just anyone going through an eating disorder. Um, and.

55:19.77
Lyndsay
Of course.

55:32.60
tanyavalentine
Yeah I thank you so much for being here today and just being so open and vulnerable. Yes, and then can you please share how others can connect with you and also um the name of your business and um.

55:35.81
Lyndsay
Um, of course thanks for having me? Yeah, yeah.

55:48.98
tanyavalentine
Yeah, if you have a website or an Instagram handle. How can people connect with you.

55:53.58
Lyndsay
Um, yeah, so I mean I'm like I said I'm an open book. So if anyone ever has any questions about eating disorder as their kid I mean I'm not an expert but obviously I'm going through it So I have some some experience with this. But.

56:05.26
tanyavalentine
Yeah, you yes.

56:11.29
Lyndsay
Um, you can always find me on Facebook I'm Lindsay Lang it's lyndsay um lang l a n g um, my Instagram is actually my painting my mural page and it's St like saint dot paint. P a int underscore and that's my Instagram handle so you can always reach out to me there too. So yeah.

56:34.55
tanyavalentine
Yes, and you have to check out her artwork you guys. She's so talented. Go yes, please go check her out all right Lindsey well this has been great and I thank you again and.

56:41.49
Lyndsay
Um, thank you. Thank you? Thank you.

56:53.43
tanyavalentine
I will talk to you soon. Thank you everybody for listening and we'll see you next week same time same place Bye bye.

56:56.48
Lyndsay
Um, all right? Thank you all righty.

What I forgot to say at the end of this interview to Lindsay was that she is an amazing mom and she is doing a great job. Even the fact that her daughter Ruby is so open and willing to express herself, speaks volumes to how she is raising her kids. The fact that Ruby feels comfortable enough, sharing her feelings, and speaking about what is going on for her shows that this is what is being modeled to her in the home. As Lindsay stated, she is an open book. She expresses her feelings and doesn't suffer in silence And this is I think what made Ruby feel confident and comfortable enough to share what she was suffering with.
And this allowed her to get help much sooner than she would've had she kept it to herself, and it helped to ensure a better outcome. So quick recap. Please don't blame yourself, mama. You are doing your best. I know you are.
That emotion of guilt can be so debilitating. It will have you showing up in a way that is not your best self, pushing you farther and farther away from your desired out which is I'm guessing to be able to support your child in the best way possible. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with your child. You might argue that of course there is he or she has an eating disorder.
How can you say there's nothing wrong? But the truth of the matter is he or she is completely whole as she is. Hear me out. She is completely whole as she is. It was always meant to be this way.
This is a trial that he or she is meant to learn and grow from. Now that doesn't mean sit back and do nothing. No. But my guess is you're going to go up more in a way that you can be proud of when you can shift your belief from there is something wrong with my child which would put you in a state of, my guess, would be worry and anxiety and see if you can shift the belief to this is a trial she was always meant to go through, and I am going to be here for her in whatever capacity she needs me to be to help and support her, and we're gonna figure this out together, but there is nothing wrong with her. And I see her as a complete human being that she is.
Now that's gonna have you feeling more empowered and hopeful would be my guess. Remember what Lindsey said, you are never alone. Ask for help and take the help when offered to you. Don't ever feel like you are burdening someone. Think of it this way.
By not taking someone up on their offer to help, you could be robbing them of the opportunity to feel purposeful. It's an inherent human need to want to contribute and have a purpose of life. Use your resources. Go to your pediatrician. Listen to your gut.seek help from other providers if and when necessary.
Lindsay said the dietitians were an excellent resource for her. Look for support groups and read books like the one Lindsay suggested how to nourish your child through an eating disorder by Casey Crosby. And don't forget to take care of yourself too, mama, please. I know it's cliche, but there's a reason why they say put your oxygen mask on first before helping others with theirs. The only way you can show up as the fullest version of yourself is if you make sure your needs are being met.
You wanna be a better mom? It starts with you. Make sure to plan some alone time in your day to do something that fills you up with energy rather than drains you of it. Lindsay gave some great examples. She said she connects with her friends.
She goes for walks. She meditates in journals. You deserve to be taken care of mama and who better to take care of you well than you. And if you can't believe that, then open your eyes and ears to this truth. The way you can help others to the very best of your ability is if your needs are being met.
Refer to the show notes for any of the resources that Lindsay shared with us today And if you found this show to be helpful, can I ask you a favor? Can you leave me a five star rating and review? This helps more people find the show and allows me to reach and help more moms like you. And if you know anyone, who is going through a similar situation and could use some support, please share this episode with them. I hope you can feel all of the love and gratitude that I am sending you friends.
Thank you so so much for tuning in today. I can't wait to chat with you next week same time, same place. In the meantime, I hope you have an amazing week with your family.

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