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Hello and welcome to the Mom-entum Podcast — I’m your host, Tanya Valentine, and I just want to start by saying thank you so much for being here today.

I honestly can’t believe I almost forgot about the two-year anniversary of this podcast! October 4th, 2023 was the very first time I hit publish — and it’s wild to think how much time has passed since then. I’m beyond grateful for each and every one of you who takes the time to listen, share episodes with your friends, and leave ratings and reviews. I know life is busy and your time is valuable, and I don’t take that lightly. Your support truly helps this show grow so that more moms — just like you — can find the encouragement, tools, and community they need. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

When I started this podcast, my mission was simple — to help moms who are struggling in silence realize they’re not alone and that they have the power to change their lives. You don’t need the people around you or your circumstances to change in order to feel better. You already have what you need within you.

Because here’s the truth — your power doesn’t come from control over what’s happening around you. It comes from how you choose to think and respond. And that’s actually really good news, because it means you’re never stuck waiting for someone else to do better or behave differently before you can feel peace or joy.

And I know — it doesn’t always feel that way. When your kid’s having a meltdown in the car, or your partner doesn’t help out as much as you’d like, it’s easy to believe your frustration or overwhelm is because of them. But the reality is, you can choose calm even in the chaos. Peace is already available to you — right now.

And that’s what we’re diving into today — The Power of Perspective.

But first, a quick life update! Things have been full around here — my mom came to visit, and Lucia had her very first cheer competition. Her team was incredible! I was so proud — of her, her teammates, and the amazing coaches who pour their time and energy into these kids. It’s such a reminder of how powerful it is when people show up — even when they’re tired, even when it’s hard. To all the volunteer coaches and parents out there who keep showing up — you are the heartbeat behind these programs.  And listen, if you’re a coach, I just want to take a moment to sincerely thank you. You deserve to be recognized for all the time, energy, and heart you pour into these programs. If it weren’t for you, there wouldn’t even be a team.

So the next time a parent criticizes or complains, try to remember — their words often say more about them than they do about you. You’re the one showing up. You’re balancing family, maybe a job, and still choosing to give your time to create something meaningful for these kids. That takes courage.

And that actually brings me to one of my favorite quotes from Brené Brown:

“If you’re not in the arena getting your butt kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

It’s easy to criticize from the sidelines, but it takes courage to be in the arena. And that’s what today’s episode is really about — how to step back into your power, shift your perspective, and show up for your life — no matter what’s happening around you.

You don’t need your life to change in order to feel better.
You have the power to change how you think and feel — right now.

We all do this thing where we create unnecessary suffering for ourselves. We postpone our joy. We tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when…” — when the house is clean, when I finally get caught up, when my kids listen, when I make more money, when I lose the weight.

But who ever said you had to be miserable on the way there?

What if the way there — to the life you want — is actually through feeling how you want to feel ahead of time?

I know that sounds counterintuitive, but think about it: does being miserable ever actually help?
When you feel miserable, how do you show up?
You’re less patient, more reactive, quicker to snap. You say or do things you later regret. You’re not showing up as the mom, partner, or woman you want to be.

And that’s not because you don’t care — it’s because when we’re in those low-vibration emotions, our access to creativity, empathy, and solutions literally shuts down. You can’t remember that beautiful Dr. Becky script when two kids are screaming over the same toy — because your nervous system is in survival mode.

So the question becomes: how do we shift out of that state?
And the truth is, you won’t always get it right. In fact, if you’re anything like me, most of the time you won’t — and that’s okay. These reactions are deeply ingrained. They’re habits. But they’re not unchangeable.

If you’re not familiar with Dr. Joe Dispenza, I highly recommend his work. He’s the author of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, You Are the Placebo, and Becoming Supernatural. His research blends neuroscience, epigenetics, and quantum physics to show how our thoughts literally shape our reality.

According to his findings, the average person thinks around 60,000 thoughts per day, and about 90% of those thoughts are the same ones we had yesterday — repetitive patterns based on our past. And here’s the kicker: a majority of those thoughts are negative.

Dr. Dispenza explains that every thought creates a chemical reaction in the body. Over time, we become addicted to the emotions those chemicals create — even if they’re emotions we don’t consciously want, like stress, frustration, or self-doubt. Our body gets so used to those feelings that when we try to change, it resists. It actually craves the familiar discomfort of the negative because it feels “normal.”

But here’s the hopeful part: you can change it.
You can rewire your mind and body to crave peace instead of chaos, gratitude instead of frustration.

It starts with intention — by consciously deciding how you want to feel, and then asking yourself:
✨ “What would I need to think to feel that way?”
✨ “How could I see this differently?”

That’s how you begin to shift your perspective — and your life follows.

So now that you understand why this feels so hard — that it’s not because you’re broken or weak or “bad at staying positive,” but because your brain and body are simply used to running old programs — let’s talk about what to actually do with that awareness.

Because awareness is only the first step. The real transformation happens when you start catching yourself in those automatic thought loops and choosing something different — even if it’s just a slightly better-feeling thought.

That’s where your power lies.
Not in trying to control your kids, your spouse, or your circumstances — but in learning to pause, notice what’s happening inside of you, and gently shift your perspective in the moment.

And the more you practice this, the easier it gets. It becomes your new habit — one that creates more calm, patience, and peace in your everyday life.

So let’s make this practical — what does it really mean to shift your perspective?

Let’s take a few examples from everyday mom life:

Let’s just say your child is melting down in the grocery store.  This is a pretty common one, I mean we all have been through it, right?
Your automatic thought might be:

“This is so embarrassing. Everyone’s judging me. Why can’t my kid just behave?”
And that thought creates feelings of shame, frustration, and maybe even anger.

But what if you paused for a second and chose a different perspective?

“My child is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.” And hey, I’ve been witness to other parents with screaming, crying children in the grocery store and in those moments I feel nothing but compassion for them and a desire to want to do something to help because I have been there before and I know how stressful it can feel.

These thoughts can help you soften, take a deep breath, and show up with more calm and compassion — both for your child and yourself.

 

Another example, let’s say your spouse forgets to take out the trash (again).
Your first thought might be:

“He never helps. I have to do everything around here.”
And just like that, you’re stuck in resentment and exhaustion before the day even starts.

But if you shift your thought to something like:

“He forgot, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. We’re both human.” And hey, I forget things too.  And when I’m forgetful, isn’t it so nice when someone can show me grace rather than berate me for something I am already beating myself up over.

You immediately open up the space for a calm conversation instead of an argument.

That’s the power of perspective.
Nothing outside of you has changed — but your experience completely has.

 

Ok last example. You’re trying to create a new habit — like working out, journaling, or yelling less — and you mess up.
Your automatic thought might be:

“See, I can never stick with anything.”
 

 Or you could choose this new perspective:
“Every time I catch myself, I’m building awareness. And that’s progress.”

Because it really is. Awareness is always step one. You can’t change what you’re not aware of.

And that’s also why tracking your habits — like with my free Habit Tracker — can be so powerful. It’s a visual reminder that you are changing, little by little. It helps you stay consistent, motivated, and proud of yourself for showing up.

You can grab it for free on my website or through the link in the show notes — it’s a simple but powerful tool to help you keep practicing the thoughts and actions that move you toward who you want to be.

 

Now you might be thinking, this sounds nice and all, but in these stressful moments I have such a hard time getting there.  My body is so overwhelmed with emotion that it feels so hard to shift my perspective.

I get it.  This happens to me, too.  There are days when 

And listen, I’m not saying that you should feel positive, that you should feel happy all of the time.  We all think we want to be happy all of the time but that is a lie.  There is a balance to life.  Its the 50/50 of life, it’s meant to be half negative and half positive.  We don’t appreciate the good without the bad.  And the bad makes the good so much better.  I’ll tell you what, when I had that miscarriage 4 years ago and I thought I was going to die, when I survived that, I had a whole new outlook on life.  That experience changed me forever.  When you think that this could be it for you, it really makes you appreciate and value your life, the good and the bad.  But it took something so horrible and so traumatic to wake me up.  

So it’s ok to feel sad, it’s ok to feel annoyed, it’s ok to feel frustrated, acknowledge that this is what you are feeling, this is what’s real for you in this moment, but let’s not stay there. We don’t want to indulge in this negativity. Because here’s what happens, we can get stuck in a spin cycle.  One negative thought leads to another negative thought and then another. So we have to find a way to stop it in its tracks before it gets out of control. Because all of these negative thoughts, they affect your mood, and before you know it you are like a ticking time bomb.  Even a small thing like your son calling out “mom” for the 50th time today will set you off.

So the best way I know how to shift out of a negative spin cycle is with gratitude.  

Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotional states we can access because it literally changes what’s happening in our brain and body.

When you focus on what you’re thankful for — even something as small as your morning coffee being hot or your child’s laugh — your brain releases dopamine and serotonin, the “feel-good” neurotransmitters responsible for happiness and calm. These are the same chemicals that antidepressants aim to boost.

Dr. Robert Emmons, one of the leading researchers on gratitude, found that people who regularly practice gratitude experience better sleep, higher levels of optimism, stronger immune systems, and reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression. Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what’s abundant — and that single shift rewires your brain over time.

Here’s the science in simple terms:
Your brain can’t focus on both fear and gratitude at the same time. When you consciously bring attention to what’s good, what’s working, or what you appreciate, you deactivate the stress centers in your brain (the amygdala) and activate the prefrontal cortex — the part responsible for higher thinking, creativity, and emotional regulation.

In other words, gratitude brings you back into balance.
It breaks the cycle of rumination and opens the door for more positive emotions to flow in — peace, joy, love, patience, compassion.

And the best part? You don’t need your circumstances to change to feel gratitude. You just need to pause long enough to notice something good — right now, in this moment.

Alright, let’s just take a moment right here — wherever you are — to pause.

Take a deep breath in… and exhale slowly.

Now, think of one thing — just one — that you can genuinely feel grateful for in this exact moment.
It doesn’t have to be big. Maybe it’s the warmth of your coffee mug. Maybe it’s the sound of laughter in the other room. Maybe it’s the simple fact that you’re here, listening, doing something good for yourself.

Let yourself really feel that gratitude — not just think it.
Notice how your body responds when you do. Maybe your shoulders soften. Maybe your breath deepens just a little.

That right there is your nervous system shifting — moving out of stress and into safety, out of survival and into presence.

Gratitude doesn’t erase the hard things, but it reminds us that goodness still exists alongside them.
And when you practice finding even a single good thing — over and over again — you begin to rewire your brain to look for what’s right, instead of what’s wrong.

Step 1: change your mood so that you are in a state where you can access your creative mind so that you can better shift your perspective.  Do this with gratitude.

You know, once you’ve shifted yourself into a more grateful state — maybe you’ve taken a few deep breaths, maybe you’ve reminded yourself of three simple things that are going right — that’s when you’ve opened the door to change.

Because here’s the truth: when we’re in that spiral of stress, when our minds are racing and our hearts are pounding, our brains literally can’t access the creative, calm part of our thinking.
But gratitude changes that. It brings you back to the present. It signals safety to your brain. And from that calmer place, you can start to see things differently.

So step 2 is, once you’ve settled into that feeling of gratitude, I want you to ask yourself one simple but powerful question:

“What else could be true here?”

This is one of the best ways I know to shift your perspective.
Because most of the time, the stories we’re telling ourselves about what’s happening are way harsher than the truth.

Let’s walk through a few real-life examples — because I know you’ll recognize these.

 

When the kids are fighting — again.
Your first thought might be: “Why can’t they just get along? I must be doing something wrong.”
But what else could be true?
Maybe they’re still learning how to handle big emotions. I mean, isn’t this true for us?  This is true for me.  And I’m an adult, and I still have a hard time regulating my big emotions.  This is a skill that they are developing and it’s our job to model it for them.  And we are not always going to get it right.  We can just give ourselves grace, apologize when we don’t, and acknowledge that with them, like hey mommy lost control there.  I was having big emotions, you know what that feels like, right?  I wish I handled that differently.  And I’m really sorry, Mommy loves you so much, and I want to do better.  How do you think I could’ve handled that better?

Also, kids fighting with their siblings is helping them learn how to deal with conflict.  I mean, lets be honest, they are going to be put in similar situations outside your home with other children.  

They will be at school and there is going to be a kid that takes a toy out of their hands.  Here is an opportunity to teach them how to respond in that moment so that they are not bopping that kid on the head and getting in trouble at school.  This is practice for them, think of it like they are getting their reps in before the real test.

Homework battles.
You might be thinking: “They’re so lazy and unmotivated.”
But what else could be true?
Maybe they’re overwhelmed, or tired, or unsure where to start.
Maybe what they need most is not more pressure, but more support.

 

Bedtime chaos.
The thought might sound like: “Why does this have to be a battle every single night? I mean they know what to do, why do we have to go through this?”
But what else could be true?
Maybe they just don’t want the connection to end.
Maybe they’re struggling with transitions, and what they really need is more calm before bedtime — not more control at bedtime.

 

Picky eaters.
You might think: “They’re being so difficult — why can’t they just eat what I make?”
But what else could be true?
They might be anxious about new textures or flavors.
They’re still learning to trust food.
Your job isn’t to control what they eat, but to create a peaceful mealtime where trust can grow.

 

Feeling unappreciated.
We’ve all had this one — “No one notices everything I do.”
But what else could be true?
 

 Maybe they do notice, but they show it in ways that don’t always look like gratitude. 

And how about this one….how often do you express your appreciation for your partner or your kids for the things they do?  

Our brains are wired to focus more on the negatives than the positives.  

But if you get honest, and ask yourself, what is one thing that I appreciate about my husband? And how often do I acknowledge him for that?  I’m willing to bet you don’t.  I mean, I know I don’t.  There are so many times in the birthday cards I give to my husband or even my mom, that’s when I express my appreciation, and I often start with “I know I don’t say it enough but I appreciate all of the things that you do”.  But why do we wait for birthdays or special days like mothers and fathers days to do this? I don’t know, life is just busy.  The truth is we are so tired and consumed in our daily life that we don’t take the time to appreciate what’s in front of us.  

And you have to give that which you want to receive.  You have heard this, right? 

 I think it was Dr. Maya Angelou that said “If you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend.”

Well if you want to feel appreciated, show your appreciation for the people around you.

Or maybe this is your cue to pause and appreciate yourself — for the invisible work, the showing up, the love you pour in every single day.

 

Your partner comments on the mess.
And instantly, your brain goes: “They think I’m not doing enough.”
But what else could be true?
Maybe they’re just observing what they see. Maybe their words aren’t meant as criticism.
Their comment doesn’t define your worth or erase the effort you’ve put in today.

 

A tantrum in public or in the car.
Your mind goes straight to: “Everyone’s judging me.”
But what else could be true?
Every parent has been there.
Your child isn’t giving you a hard time — they’re having a hard time.
And you have a choice in how you respond.  You can choose calm, it is available to you.

 

And of course, screen time battles.
You might think: “They’re addicted to screens — this is out of control.”
But what else could be true?
Maybe screens are meeting a need for entertainment.
You can still set boundaries — but with understanding instead of frustration.

 

When you start asking yourself, “What else could be true?” — you interrupt that spin cycle of negativity.
You open up space for empathy, creativity, and choice.
And that’s where your true power lies — in your ability to choose how you see things.

Because life doesn’t always have to change for you to feel better.
Sometimes all it takes is a different perspective.

 

You know, what we just talked about — this idea of asking “What else could be true?” — this is the real work of being in the arena.

Because it’s easy to stand on the sidelines and judge oursleves, “I should be more patient,” or “I shouldn’t yell,” or “I should handle this better.”
But actually being in the arena — showing up every day, getting knocked down, trying again, choosing to grow — that’s the brave part.
That’s the part that takes courage, awareness, and a willingness to look at yourself with compassion instead of criticism.

And I want to remind you: you don’t have to do it alone.

That’s exactly why I created my free email coaching series — because I know the two biggest barriers to getting support are time and money.
And I never want that to be the reason you don’t get the help you deserve.

In these emails, I’ll be right there in your inbox — helping you apply what you’re learning here on the podcast.
You’ll get encouragement, mindset shifts, and small but powerful tools to help you catch those negative spirals sooner, find your calm faster, and start feeling more like yourself again.

Because we all need support.
We all need accountability.
We all need someone who can help us see what we can’t see — someone who can remind us that we’re doing better than we think, and that peace is available even when life feels chaotic.

So if you’re ready to stop waiting for life to change before you feel better — I’d love for you to join me.
You can sign up through the link in the show notes or head to tanyavalentinecoaching.com to get started.

Remember, you are already in the arena.
You are already doing the hard, beautiful work of showing up.
And you don’t need to do it perfectly — you just need to stay in it.

Because the power to feel better has been within you all along.
Sometimes, all it takes is a little shift in perspective.

So before we sign off today I want to encourage this reflection:

 “Where in your life are you waiting for something to change before you let yourself feel better?”

Take a moment to let that question sink in.  And be honest with yourself.  Remember, the first step to change is awareness, and awareness and telling yourself the truth go hand and hand.

So, answer that question and then sit with the knowing that that thing doesn’t have to change in order for you to feel better.  All you have to do is change your perspective.  It probably won’t happen overnight.  It’s going to take some practice.  Because this is a deep rooted belief you have.  But start challenging this belief.  What if it isn’t true?  What if the house doesn’t have to be spotless in order for you to relax? What if you don’t have to wait for other people’s recognition in order for you to feel appreciated? What if you don’t have to wait for your kids to behave in order to feel calm.  Try to choose a different belief, one that is believable to you.  See how the thought feels when you say it or think it.

Like my house doesn’t have to be spotless in order to relax.  If that doesn’t feel right to you, then how about it is possible that the house doesn’t have to be spotless in order for me to relax.  Or maybe I am working on believing that the house doesn’t have to be spotless in order for me to feel relaxed.  And just keep working on this belief, keep practicing this belief until it feels true for you.

So as we close out today’s episode, I want to leave you with this:
 

You don’t need your life to change in order to feel better.
You already have everything you need within you to begin feeling better — right now.

It starts with awareness.
It deepens with gratitude.
And it transforms through perspective.

Because when you change how you see things, everything changes.

 

And remember, it’s not about getting it perfect.
It’s about practicing.
It’s about catching those old thought patterns and gently choosing a new one.
It’s about showing up — again and again — even when it’s hard.

Because that’s what being “in the arena” really means.
You’re not sitting on the sidelines waiting for life to change.
You’re in it — doing the brave, beautiful work of changing yourself from the inside out.
And I want you to know: I see you, I’m proud of you, and you’re doing better than you think.

If this episode resonated with you and you want to go deeper — to have more guidance, encouragement, and practical support to apply what we talk about here — I’d love for you to join my free email coaching series.
It’s designed to help you stop waiting for life to change and start feeling better now.
You’ll get short, powerful messages straight to your inbox that help you shift your mindset, catch those negative spirals sooner, and find calm faster.
You can sign up using the link in the show notes or head to tanyavalentinecoaching.com.

And finally — in celebration of two years of The Mom-entum Podcast, I’d love to hear from you!
Share your favorite episodes, how this podcast has impacted your life, or what changes you’ve made since you started listening.
You can leave a review on your favorite podcast platform, or share on Instagram or Facebook using #TheMomentumPodcast and tag me @tanyavalentinecoaching.

Your stories mean the world to me — they remind me why I started this podcast in the first place.
And when you share, you help another mom — maybe one who’s struggling silently — find the encouragement she needs to know she’s not alone.

So thank you, truly, for being part of this community.
For listening, for growing, and for showing up — not just here, but for yourself.
You are already in the arena.
You already have momentum.
And the power to feel better has been within you all along — sometimes, all it takes is a little shift in perspective.

Until next time, I’m Tanya Valentine — and this is The Mom-entum Podcast.