How to Create More Time In Your Day

Now I know. You are going to want to fight me on this. You might say, Tanya, I can't possibly create more time in my day when I've got kids to take care of, a job, a husband, a household to manage. After all, there's only 24 hours in a day. Some of you are working from home, not leaving the house so it feels like you never step out of that Mommy roll. You finish your workday and then it's right into being a Mom, with no break, no buffer time. Meanwhile, your husband gets the luxury of decompressing on his drive home before he steps into the war zone that is a home with little children running around, tantrumming, bobbing and weaving through obstacles like toys on the floor because for some reason, no matter how many times you tell them to, your kids just can't seem to remember or find the motivation to pick up.

When you think about it, we are all equal in the sense that we all have the same amount of time. We all have 24 hours in a day, right? So how is it that some people are able to get so much more accomplished in that same amount of time? The answer is it's the way they manage their mind. We create time with our MIND. How does this work you might ask? Let's dive in!

I have so much to say on this topic that I am going to have to break it down into multiple blog posts. The first concept I will introduce to you is that of indulgent emotions. These are BIG TIME SUCKERS! Indulgent emotions are emotions that we indulge in to put off doing something we want to do but at the same time we don't want to do it. We want the result, but we really don't want to have to do the thing that gets us the result. Indulgent emotions slow us down and prevent us from moving forward.

Understand that emotions are the fuel to any action. You might ask where does an emotion come from? The answer is, all emotions are caused by a thought we are having in our brain. A sentence we are thinking or may even be saying out loud. So, although we have been programmed to believe that it is the circumstances outside of us causing our feelings (ex. She hurt my feelings. Or you might think the reason I feel so frustrated is because there are toys scattered all over the floor. Or the reason I feel so stressed is that no one helps out.). Here's the MOST IMPORTANT THING to understand. YOU CREATE YOUR FEELINGS. Not anyone else, Not your Mom telling you how you should parent your kid, not your husband for not giving you a card on your birthday, not the kids for not listening. You are feeling frustrated because you are having a thought like "these kids are driving me crazy". Because what I want to offer is that there's someone else out there in the world that wouldn't be the least bit bothered by the toys on the floor. Me for example. If I came into your house and saw toys on the floor it wouldn't bother me at all. But come to my house and theres toys on the floor, it's a completely different story for me. It's because what I'm making it mean about me. It is the MEANING we attach to the circumstance. So for instance with the toys on the floor, I'm making it mean that I'm a hot mess, or I'm not a good housekeeper, and that is what is truly creating this emotion of frustration. It's you. YOU ARE THE ONE. And this is great news because that means you have all of the control. It is within your power to change your emotions. The way we do that is through thought.

The most common indulgent emotions are confusion, indecision, and overwhelm and they all kind of work together to slow you down and keep you stuck. Let's talk about each one individually, what they are and how to overcome them. This is ultimately going to help you create more time in your day.

Confusion says "I don't know". When you are in a state of confusion you literally can't find solutions to your problems. When you are confused, you tend to delay decision making that would otherwise move you forward. You tell yourself you don't know and therefore you don't have to make any decisions that would take you to the next step. Think about what you do or don't do when you are confused. Have you ever, for example, ate when you weren't hungry because you didn't know how or what to do? I know I have. Which then costs you even more time spent preparing the snack, eating it, and cleaning up after. Then adding another layer of low vibrational emotions like guilt or shame because you know you ate when you weren't hungry and most likely it was not something nourishing to your body.

Or maybe you have experienced confusion while in the middle of decluttering a drawer and you came across a picture your kid drew for you and you agonized over whether or not to throw it out. This costs you time and mental energy.

Another way confusion shows up is when you get a text from someone and you are unsure how to respond. You want to respond in the "right" way that doesn't have you looking like an asshole. You decide you don't have the mental energy to respond to this text right now so you postpone it to later. That's fine. I'm all for not responding the second someone is asking something of you. But the thing is that it's taking up mental space in your brain. When you are confused and tell yourself you don't know, you are delegating the decision making or doing of a task for later, and this is taking up mental energy and space in your brain. And this is what slows you down.

So what do you do when you are confused?

1. Notice when you are in confusion. Many times you will find yourself saying or thinking the words "I don't know"

2. Don't allow yourself to say I don't know. Ask yourself, "if I did know then what would I say or do here?" This will make you more receptive to figure out what to do to find the answer. You may find that you inherently know what the solution is, or you might realize what it is that you need to do to find the answer.

The second indulgent emotion I want to talk about is indecision. Indecision and confusion pretty much go hand and hand. Indecision is the inability to make a decision quickly. Decisions move us forward. Making a decision gives us energy. When we delay making decisions, it drains our energy, which in turn costs us time.

Get into the practice of making decisions quickly. Force yourself to make as many decisions as possible. Tony Robbins says "repetition is the mother of skill". Which basically is a nice way of saying the more you practice something, the better you get at it. With any decision you make you are empowering yourself. Making decisions quickly will help propel you forward.

The truth is decisions don't take a long time to make. If you think about it, a decision is made in an instant.

Notice how you feel when you finally make a decision after putting it off for so long. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, you think clearer, you get a sense of ease, you feel more energetic. Now there might be some decisions that require you to gather more information or might require input from another person (like for example your husbands opinion on where your kids should go to school, or a friends input on where you should meet for dinner). But most decisions that we make do not require the time and effort that we give them (like for example what to eat for lunch).

The final indulgent emotion I want to talk about is OVERWHELM. This is HUGE, and I hear it from so many people saying they are overwhelmed. The culprit behind the overwhelm? Many times this comes from thoughts like "there's too much to do", "I don't have enough time", "it's going to be hard", even simply saying or thinking "I'm so overwhelmed" will create a feeling of overwhelm. Overwhelm can stop us in our tracks, it prevents us from doing the things we want to do. We make things so much more difficult than they actually are when we are operating from overwhelm. Overwhelm creates a state of chaos in our brains which then manifests itself in the world around you.

What I want you to understand is that any thought you are thinking will be the result you create in your life. So if you say "I don't have enough time" the result you are creating for yourself is not having enough time. When we say we don't have enough time we often overcomplicate things. This is true with me and this blog, for example. For the longest time I put it off because I was thinking I didn't have the time to figure it out. But when I stopped telling myself that I didn't have enough time to figure it out, when instead I shifted the thought to "I can figure this out, it's probably not as hard as I'm making it." It ended up being so much easier than I had thought it would be. You all have had this happen, right? You finally do something you had been procrastinating, and when you get going you think to yourself that it really isn't as hard as you were making it seem in your head. You think to yourself that "if I had just started this sooner I could've saved myself a lot of anxiety and frustration".

So what can you do to combat the overwhelm?

1. Notice when you are feeling overwhelm.

2. Deep breathe. relax your shoulders, don't let them hike up to your ears. Take a big deep breath in through your nose, allowing your belly to push out. Inhale for 5 seconds. Hold the breath for 20 seconds, then exhale through your nose for 10 seconds. Do this 3 times. This will help activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for resting and digesting, it helps your body recover and repair. It will promote a feeling of calm, which is the state you want to be in when making any decision.

3. Do what I learned from Marie Forleo and say out loud or in your head "I don't do overwhelm". Personally, I recommend saying it out loud and with intensity. Tony Robbins teaches that when you repeat a phrase with enough emotional intensity, you start to believe it. And when you believe it, it becomes true.

4. Make a list with 2 columns. In the first column you will write down all of the things that you NEED to do. The next column you will write down all of the things that you WANT to do (they don't necessarily have to get done, but it would be nice if you could). Making this list will help you realize there isn't actually very many things that you MUST do. For example, you don't have to pick up your kids toys. Would it be nice? Yes, but the world is going to go on and both you and your kids will survive just fine with the toys on the floor. The act of writing these things down will help give you a sense of ease. It will help empty your brain of the chaos and clutter and allow you to think clearer, make decisions faster, and work more efficiently.

I have so much more to say when it comes to strategies to improve time management. I will be writing more on this topic in subsequent blogs and will discuss more tactical ways to create time in the podcast I am in the process of creating. So stay tuned. If you want help with this, I can work with you one on one to help you intentionally plan in a way that will create more time for the things that are important to you. Click here to sign up for a free mini session.

Quick summary of the takeaways from this post:

1. Become aware when you are in an indulgent emotion (confusion, indecision, overwhelm)

2. Don't allow yourself to say "I don't know". Ask yourself, "If I did know, what would I do?" and then don't say "I don't know" lol.

3. Make decisions often and quickly.

4. When in overwhelm, pause, deep breathe, tell yourself "I don't do overwhelm" and write out a list with 2 columns. In 1st column you write your NEED to dos, the second column you write your WANT to dos.

5. Here are some thoughts to "try on" when you recognize your in an indulgent emotion:

• I have plenty of time to do the things that matter

• I can figure this out

• it's possible this isn't as hard as I'm making it seem

• there's no right or wrong decision here

Try this out this week and type a comment below if you found this helpful or reach out to me on IG @tanyavalentinecoaching. I would LOVE to hear from you! Also, if you know of anyone who you think would benefit from reading this post please share!

Thank you so much! Have an amazing week!

Tanya :)