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Episode 106: Why Most People Fail at Routines (And How to Finally Make Them Stick)
- Tanya Valentine
- Mar 1
- 4 min read
Hello and welcome to The Mom-entum Podcast. I’m so glad you’re here.
If this is your first time, you belong here. And I truly believe there’s a reason you clicked on this episode today.
Before we dive in, I want to invite you to listen (or read) with curiosity.
Instead of thinking, “I already know this,” ask yourself,“What might shift for me today?”
And here’s my promise: If you implement just one concept from this episode, your days will feel lighter, more intentional, and more peaceful.
We’re in Week 3 of an 8-week series all about routines. In Week 1, we talked about why you feel scattered and what’s actually happening in your brain. In Week 2, we unpacked the hidden cost of living without intentional routines — the mental exhaustion, wasted energy, and constant feeling of being behind.
And today?
We’re talking about why most people fail at routines.
And more importantly — how to finally make them stick.
The 4 Reasons Most People Fail at Routines
1. They’re Too Busy Living Their Life to Work On Their Life
Most women never pause long enough to evaluate:
What’s actually working?
Where do I feel the most friction?
What is draining me daily?
What small change would make this easier?
They are so busy reacting that they never design.
Living on default — putting out fires instead of preventing them — is like skipping putting your destination into your GPS because you’re running late. It feels faster in the moment… but then you miss a turn and end up even later.
Intentional routines require reflection. And reflection requires a pause.
If you never pause, you stay stuck in repetition.
2. They Try to Overhaul Everything Overnight
New month. New planner. New life.
You decide:
5am wakeups
Daily workouts
Meal prep
No sugar
Journaling
Perfect bedtime routine
It’s too much.
When you try to change everything at once, you rely on motivation. And motivation fades.
Sustainable routines are built small. So small they almost feel boring.
Master one layer. Then build.
Momentum is created through consistency, not intensity.
3. They Don’t Plan for Obstacle Thoughts
This one is huge.
Your thoughts create your results.
Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Results.
Let’s say you decide to wake up before your kids to work out. Your alarm goes off. What thought makes you hit snooze?
“I’m so tired.”
“I’ve been so good lately.”
“Just this one time won’t matter.”
Those are obstacle thoughts.
And if you don’t plan for them, they will win.
James Clear talks about this in Atomic Habits: every action you take is a vote for the type of person you are becoming.
You don’t need perfection.You just need more votes in the direction you want.
The key is deciding ahead of time how you’ll respond when resistance shows up.
Because it will.
4. They Haven’t Clarified Who They’re Becoming
This is the deepest reason routines fail.
It’s not a time management issue.It’s an identity issue.
If you still see yourself as:
“Someone who struggles with consistency”
“Someone who always quits”
“Someone who isn’t disciplined”
You will unconsciously return to that baseline.
Gay Hendricks describes this in The Big Leap using the thermostat analogy. We all have an internal set point for what feels normal. When we rise above it, our brain tries to bring us back down to what’s familiar.
Not because we’re broken.Because our identity hasn’t caught up.
When you embody:
“I am someone who keeps promises to myself.”
“I am someone who prepares.”
“I am someone who follows through.”
Quitting becomes incongruent.
And routines begin to stick.
How to Finally Make It Stick
Now let’s get practical.
1. Pause and Identify the Friction
Ask yourself:
Where does my stress spike?
Mornings?
Bedtime?
Transitions?
Mealtime?
My lack of quiet time?
Don’t overhaul your whole life.
Ask: What is one small change that would make this 10% easier?
Brainstorm 10 ideas — even ridiculous ones. Stretch your brain. Then choose one.
Try it for two weeks.
Evaluate. Adjust. Layer slowly.
This is how businesses refine systems.And you are running a household, a family, and a life.
That deserves strategy.
2. Start Smaller Than You Think You Need To
If you want to work out, start by putting on your shoes.
If you want to eat healthier, don’t eliminate everything — create structure that’s sustainable.
Small builds identity. Identity builds consistency. Consistency builds momentum.
3. Plan for Obstacle Thoughts
Expect your brain to resist.
Before starting, ask:
What excuse will I want to use?
What will I think when this feels uncomfortable?
Then decide in advance what you’ll say back.
When the thought comes, you won’t be surprised — you’ll be prepared.
4. Decide Who You’re Becoming — And Collect Votes
Every action is a vote.
You don’t need perfection.You need majority.
Ask:
Who am I becoming?
What would she do today?
Then go collect one vote.
Just one.
If You’re Feeling Stuck…
If you’re reading this and thinking:
“I know I need better systems, but I don’t even know where to start.”
That’s exactly why I offer a free 30-minute consultation.
In 30 minutes, we will:
Identify your biggest friction point.
Uncover the thought patterns sabotaging your consistency.
Design one small, sustainable shift tailored to your real life.
Clarify who you are becoming — and what that version of you would prioritize.
You will walk away with a personalized starting point.
No overhauls. No unrealistic expectations. Just intentional design.
And if working together further feels aligned, we’ll talk about what that could look like. If not, you’ll still leave with clarity.
Because the truth is:
Most women don’t fail at routines because they’re lazy.They fail because they’re trying to fix surface behaviors without addressing systems and identity.
That’s what we do in coaching.
We rebuild the foundation so consistency stops feeling like force and starts feeling like alignment.
If you’re ready to stop living on default and start designing your days intentionally, book your free 30-minute consultation.
You don’t need to do this alone.
And you don’t need to overhaul your life.
You just need the right starting point.
I’d be honored to help you find it.
If this helped you, be sure to tune in next week’s episode:How Calm, Organized People Actually Structure Their Days.
You won’t want to miss it!
Talk soon.
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