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Ahhh nap time. That sacred time of day when the house is quiet. No one calling "Mommy" (funny how there was a time when I couldn't wait for these babes to be able to say Mommy and now I dare say there are moments when I think if someone says "Mommy" one more time I swear to God...).
No one making demands of me, asking me to wipe their butt, or get them a snack.
A time free of temper tantrums and power struggles.
Just me and the peace and quiet of my home.
I would treasure these moments when I could actually hear myself think, call a friend and have a conversation without being interrupted 20 times, get a chance to finally catch up and attempt to get organized.
I told myself that I was going to enforce nap time as long as I possibly could and that I needed it for my sanity, and then along came my 3rd child. It became too much to try and fight with my 2 and 4 year old to take their naps while I was trying to survive on about 4 hours of sleep all the while nursing my newborn every 2-3 hours. But I was determined to figure out a way to find time for my self care. I knew that it was imperative to my mental health, and I needed it so that I could show up as my best self for my family.
I manage to protect time in the day for my self care and would like to share with you how so you can do it, too:
Decide that self care is not selfish.
Dispel the idea that in order to be a good Mom you have to put yourself last. You can not take care of others to the best of your ability if you aren't taking care of your own needs.
If you have a hard time letting go of the idea that you need to put your children first always, then think of it this way...You are modeling for them how important it is to take care of yourself. What is the life that you want for your children? I would imagine you want them to be happy and healthy, right? Having a happy, healthy life requires that they learn to fulfill their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. And not to be dependent on other people to fulfill those needs for them. How will they learn this? By your example.
Brainstorm a "JOY LIST"
Take a moment to think about and write down a list of things that bring you joy, light you up, energize you. Don't overcomplicate this, it could take as little as 2 minutes.
So go ahead, set a timer on your phone and list all the things you can think of that you could incorporate into your daily routine that would fill your cup. Some examples are: exercise (of any form, even walking), meditation, prayer, journaling, calling a friend to catch up).
Strategize a minimum baseline.
Decide what on that list you can plan to do AT A MINIMUM EVEN ON YOUR WORST DAY.
So for example you could say I am going to meditate everyday for 2 minutes.
Notice any all or nothing thinking that comes up. You might think 2 minutes isn't enough and that it won't be worth your time. But you have to meet yourself where you are at. If you aren't doing any meditation at all right now, then 2 minutes is better than what you are doing now and it's enough to get you started.
You will be surprised just how good you will feel when you build in a practice of meditation for 2 minutes a day. And this could be true with anything you choose to do to fill your cup. It's the practice of getting better at being consistent and building that confidence in yourself that you do what you say you are going to do.
Once you have gotten good at meeting your minimum baseline consistently then you can build from there. So a 5 minute core workout could turn into 5 minutes of core exercises and 5 minutes of walking or strength training.
Celebrate when you have taken the time for the self care activity even if it is just 2 minutes. This gives you positive reinforcement to help anchor in the habit so you're likely to do it again and again until it just becomes something you do every day like brushing your teeth or showering.
Ask for help
Now this is a tough one, even for me. But it's something I've gotten better at. Ask for help when needed so that you can get some quiet time with yourself, or with your significant other or with friends.
I find that this is hard for us moms to do because we believe we don't want to burden others, we are afraid we won't be able to return the favor, we have a hard time trusting others to take care of our kids, or we believe that no one can do the job as good as us or that no one else cares enough to meet the same standards we have (example: no one's going to care for my kids like I do, a babystter might not stick to the routine I've worked so hard to implement, or no one's going to clean my house like I do).
Listen, it's nice that you have high standards and I can totally respect that. But get honest with yourself and ask if it's serving you. Does it bring you joy to spend all day cleaning the house? Is this how you want to spend the days of your life? Or can you let some things go that would free up time for you to be able to work on your self care.
I'm talking about doing the things that nourish your SOUL. These are the days of your life and they are going by so fast. Realize that YOU get to decide how you spend your days my friend. So hire someone to help you clean. If it's not in the budget, assign some chores for the kids or ask your spouse to help. Ask your friends or family to watch your kids or hire a sitter even it's just for a couple of hours a week. I'm sure you could find a high schooler who wouldn't be outrageously expensive and could help out a couple of hours a week.
My friend, however you stumbled upon this blog post trust that this message was MEANT FOR YOU. You needed to receive this message at this time, in this moment.
My hope for you is that you not only read this but that you apply what you learned. And by applying it I know you will find that it helps you cultivate more peace and happiness in your life.
If this blog post spoke to you and you are interested in learning more follow me on IG
@TANYAVALENTINECOACHING. Or check out my website Tanyavalentinecoaching.com and subscribe to my email list for motivational and inspirational content as well as to be notified when a new blog post is published. Other exciting things in the future: If you like podcasts as much as I do then you are gonna love the podcast I am working on! When you subscribe to my email list I will notify you when my podcast is published! I'm still deciding on a name for it! I am open to any suggestions! Stay tuned!
With so much love, respect and admiration,
Tanya
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