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How to Reduce Overwhelm (Without Doing More)
- Tanya Valentine
- Jan 27
- 4 min read
If you feel overwhelmed, behind, or mentally exhausted — you’re not broken, unmotivated, or doing life wrong.
Overwhelm isn’t a character flaw. It’s a signal.
And for many moms, it shows up not because we’re incapable — but because we’re capable of too much without the right support systems in place.
This post breaks down what overwhelm really is, why it’s so common in motherhood, and the simple, practical tools you can start using immediately to feel calmer, clearer, and more in control — without doing more.
What Overwhelm Actually Is
Overwhelm comes from two main places:
Our thinking
Decision fatigue
That’s it.
It’s not your kids. It’s not your calendar. It’s not your lack of discipline.
It’s the mental load of constantly deciding, managing, anticipating, and holding everything together.
Here’s the important reframe:
The abundance of options in our lives is actually a privilege.
We have endless food choices, entertainment, schedules, activities, parenting philosophies, productivity tools, and opinions coming at us constantly. That abundance is a blessing — until we don’t know how to manage it.
Overwhelm happens when we don’t intentionally constrain our choices.
Why More Options = More Exhaustion
Your brain was not designed to make hundreds of decisions every day.
Every choice — even small ones — uses mental energy.
By the time evening rolls around, most moms are running on empty. That’s when we default to whatever is easiest, most comforting, or most familiar — even if it doesn’t align with what we actually want.
This is why:
You plan to work out… but don’t
You want to eat well… but grab whatever’s easiest
You know what would help… but feel too tired to do it
It’s not a lack of willpower. It’s decision fatigue.
The Goal Is Not Fewer Responsibilities — It’s Fewer Decisions
You don’t need to change your entire life.
You need systems that reduce thinking.
Let’s walk through the most effective ways to reduce overwhelm — step by step.
1. Decrease Demands
Start here. Always.
Ask yourself:
What can I delete?
Look at your calendar honestly.
Do your kids really need three activities at once?
Does everything you’re saying yes to actually matter?
Are you doing things because they serve your family — or because everyone else is doing them?
Keep asking why.
Why is this on the calendar? Why does this feel necessary? Why am I saying yes?
If you choose to keep something, make sure you like your reason.
If it’s working for your family — great. If it’s creating constant stress — this is your permission to let something go.
What can I delegate?
You don’t need to do everything yourself to be a good mom.
Ask:
Can my partner help with dishes, pickups, or groceries?
Can I outsource something small that saves mental energy?
Even one delegated task can free up more peace than you realize.
What can I simplify?
Ask this powerful question:
If this were easy, what would it look like?
Dinner doesn’t need to be complicated. Rotisserie chicken from the grocery store, frozen veggies, and rice is perfect, easy, and quick.
Simple systems are sustainable systems.
2. Reduce Decisions
Fewer decisions = more peace.
Here’s how:
Decide ahead of time
Use your higher brain — the part of you that wants long-term results — to make decisions before you’re tired.
Examples:
Decide when and where you’ll work out
Decide what meals are “default” meals (i.e. taco Tuesday, Pizza on Fridays)
Decide what you no longer debate (soda, alcohol, late-night scrolling, etc.)
When the decision is already made, there’s no negotiation.
Create defaults
Defaults remove friction.
Same breakfast Monday-Friday
Same workout days
Same grocery list
This doesn’t limit you — it supports you. It's less decisions to have to make, and more bandwidth for you.
3. Change Your Language
Language creates emotional weight.
Try this simple shift:
Instead of:
“I have to clean my house.”
Try:
“I don’t have to — I choose to.”
That small shift restores agency and reduces resentment.
4. Notice Worry
Worry feels productive — but it isn’t.
It doesn’t solve problems. It drains energy. It increases overwhelm.
Worry keeps your nervous system activated without moving you forward.
When you notice worry, gently ask:
Is this useful right now?
Then release it.
The Bigger Picture
Overwhelm isn’t something to fight.
It’s information.
It’s showing you where your life needs more support, fewer decisions, and gentler systems.
You don’t need to do more. You need to think less — on purpose.
A Final Reminder
You have far more power than you think.
You can respond to overwhelm with clarity, compassion, and confidence. And you can choose again — any moment.
Thank you for being here. You’re not behind. You’re learning how to live with more support.
And everything is figureoutable.
If you would like help applying what you learned here today, and creating systems that support your life and reduce overwhelm, allow me to help you!
! It's obligation and judgment-free, and it could be the very decision you make today that changes your life forever!
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